Wanderlust (19 page)

The two nuns lay with their clothes torn off, they had obviously been raped, and after that they had been beheaded. Audrey felt instantly faint as she looked at the pool of blood, and was grateful for the strong arm she felt behind her to support her as she gagged and wretched. She turned to see Charlie's pale face and tightened lips, and he growled at her and physically pushed her and the girl back the way they had come, and away from the hideous sight that had met them.

Get out of here, both of you. I'll get someone to help. Audrey quickly grabbed the girl's arm and propelled her back outside the church, but now the girl pulled her toward the other building. And Audrey was even less prepared for what she saw here. The moment the door opened, she was instantly surrounded by sweet little Chinese faces, anxiously turned up at her, all of them solemn, and a few of them crying softly. Most of them seemed to be four or five years old, only a few appeared to be around six or seven, and there were at least half a dozen who were barely more than toddlers. Audrey looked at them in amazement, wondering what would happen to them now. The fourteen-year-old and her sister couldn't possibly take care of them all, and now that the nuns were gone, there was no one to help them except a Methodist minister from town who was out in the distant countryside for several weeks. She turned to the girl who had flagged them down on the road, and asked her whom they could call to help, only to be met with enormous frightened eyes and a shake of the head. In halting French once again, she explained that there was no one.

But there has to be, she insisted in the voice she had used to run her grandfather's house for almost twenty years. The girl repeated the same answer, explaining that the two new nuns would come the following month. Novembre, she kept insisting, Novembre. And until then? The girl turned up empty hands and then turned to look at the children around her, nineteen of them excluding herself and her sister. And then, almost mechanically, Audrey found herself wondering if they had eaten. She wasn't sure when the nuns had been killed, and none of the children were old enough to fend for themselves, except the one who spoke French to her and her sister. And when she inquired, she discovered that none of them had eaten since the day before. Considering that, it was remarkable that none of them were complaining. Where is the kitchen? The girl led the way, and Audrey found a neat, orderly little kitchen with primitive facilities, but a small adequate stove, and a cold room. They had two cows of their own for milk, a goat, and numerous chickens, a huge store of rice, and some dried fruits from the summer before. There was a small supply of meat that had been carefully preserved, and the nuns had done some canning in the fall. In as little time as possible, Audrey made them all eggs, toasted a thin slice of bread for each one, and gave each one a sliver of goat cheese and some dried apricots. It was the richest meal they'd been served in a long, long time, and they looked at her with wide eyes, as she matter-of-factly served them and stood back to observe the scene. She was wearing the apron the nuns had worn, and they stared at her with wide eyes as she prepared the meal, and poured each one a small glass of milk. Only the two older girls held back. They were the ones who had found the two dead nuns, and it was obvious that they were badly shaken. Audrey encouraged them both to eat and at last, reluctantly they took a small plate of eggs and some of the goat cheese, chattering to each other and watching Audrey.

She was cleaning up in the kitchen when Charles came in. He was wearing a grim look and his hands and trousers were bloodstained. We wrapped them in some sacks, and put them in a shed out back. The driver is going to bring some officials out later and they'll take them away. All contact the French Consul in Harbin when we go back. He looked exhausted and upset by the horror of what he had just dealt with, and Audrey quietly handed him a plate with some bread and goat cheese. She was brewing a pot of tea for him as well, but he was sorry she had nothing stronger. He could have used a strong drink at that point, or at least some brandy.

They'll have to send someone to take care of the children. There's no one here, Charles. Apparently, there were two other nuns who went to Japan last month, and two others were coming to replace them in November. But now, there won't be anyone here to take care of the children.

He gestured discreetly to the two older girls. They can handle it for a while.

Are you kidding? They're fourteen and eleven. They can't take care of nineteen children. They hadn't even eaten since yesterday. Charlie looked at her pointedly with sudden fear. What exactly are you saying, Audrey?

She stared right back at him, and there was something hard in her eyes. I'm saying that someone has to come here to take care of these children.

I got that. That much is clear. And in the meantime?

You go into town and talk to the Consul, and tell them to send someone out. She said it in measured tones and he didn't like the sound of her voice. He had an uneasy feeling that he wasn't going to like what she was going to do. And he was right, he discovered a moment later.

Where are you going to be while I'm talking to the Consul?

Here, with them. We can't just leave them here, Charlie. You just can't do that. Look at them, most of them are two or three years old.

Oh for God's sake, he slammed his plate down and stalked across the room. I thought that's what you were saying. Look, dammit. There's a war on here, or damn near anyway. The Japanese are in occupation, the Communists are raising hell. You are an American, and I am a British subject, we have absolutely nothing to do with what goes on here, and if two goddamn French nuns got themselves killed by some bandits it's not our goddamn problem. We should never have come here in the first place. If you had any damn sense we'd be in Shanghai by now, and heading west by tomorrow morning.

Well, that isn't what we did, dammit, Charlie, and whether you like it or not, we're in Harbin, and there are twenty-one children here, abandoned orphans without a goddamn living soul to take care of them. And I'm not leaving them until someone else shows up. For God's sake, they'll die here, Charlie. They don't even know enough to feed themselves.

Who the hell appointed you as their keeper?

Who? I don't know. God! What am I going to do, just get back in the car and forget them?

Maybe. I told you, there are children starving to death all over China. They're dropping like flies in India, Tibet, Persia ' what are you going to do, Audrey? Save them all?

No. She spoke to him through clenched teeth. But she had seen enough of those children in the past few weeks and felt desperate each time she did. She was helpless to help them, but this time she was not turning her back. She couldn't. She was staying with these children until someone else arrived. It was a side of her he had never seen, and it was driving him crazy. I'm going to stay right here, until someone comes to help, so get your ass back to Harbin and talk to the Consul.

While he was gone, Audrey put half a dozen of the children down for naps, fed more food to some of the others, straightened up the kitchen again, and watched two of the children milk the cows. Everything seemed to be in good order, and she was pleased to see Charles return at six o'clock, but he didn't look happy as he stepped out of the car, and she wondered what the Consul had told him. She didn't have long to wait to find out. He slammed the door as he walked into the house, and his lips were a long, thin, taut line as he confronted Audrey.

Well? He could already tell that she wasn't giving an inch and he wanted to shake her. He had had a hideous afternoon, beginning with the removal of the nuns, and ending with his battle with the Consul.

He says that he has no control over the Catholic Church, and no responsibility for these nuns. Apparently they've been giving him a hard time for years, and he told them to get out two years ago. He will send someone for their bodies tomorrow or the day after, but he will not take responsibility for the orphans. As far as he's concerned, the orphanage should be 'disbanded.

Disbanded? What the hell does that mean? Just push them out in the snow to starve? She had never been so angry at him.

Maybe. I don't know. Give them to the locals. What are you going to do? Adopt them?

Don't be so damn unreasonable for chrissake, Charlie. I can't just walk out on these children.

Why the hell not? He was screaming at her in total frustration. You have to dammit, Audrey. You have to! We have to go home. I've got my articles to write, you have to get back to the States ' what are you doing in Harbin with twenty-one orphans? He sounded so desperate that she smiled at him and for the first time all day she leaned over and kissed him, her anger suddenly vanishing. She was just so worried about the children at the orphanage.

I love you, Charles Parker-Scott, and I'm sorry I got us into this, but I just can't leave now. We have to get these children settled. We have to. We'll have to ask the people at the hotel if we can find homes for them among the local people. But if they could have, the nuns would have long ago, and it was obvious that they hadn't. And the children stared at them as they argued.

Charles was almost at a loss for words as she stood watching him over their heads. He had never seen her look so independent and stubborn. It was a side of her he had never seen before, and it was beginning to unnerve him. Do you propose to spend the night here? He looked increasingly dismayed. He couldn't imagine how to unravel this tangle they were in, and the afternoon he had spent with the French authorities had been fruitless.

What do you suggest I do, Charles?

I have an idea. Let's find another church and leave them there. There have to be other churches in Harbin. He was desperate to end their dilemma and get back to Shanghai. More and more he had the feeling that they never should have come, but she looked amenable to his suggestion as the children clamored around them.

That's a wonderful idea. You go and I'll wait here. If you can bring someone back with you, then we can leave. Otherwise we can ferry them to the other church in the taxi. Taxi was a euphemistic word to describe the ancient car that had driven them to the church in the first place. And Charles almost groaned at her suggestion. It was up to him now to find a church where they would be willing to take in twenty-one orphans. It would have been a difficult feat in downtown Philadelphia, and in Harbin it was hopeless. He cursed the day he had ever agreed to come to Harbin, and after a quick cup of green tea, he left to find the driver again, and began his search for a church willing to play host to the foundlings.

While he was gone, Audrey changed countless diapers, made them all bowls of rice with some dried meat and broth for their dinner, and attempted to make order in the tidy house that was their home. There was only a slight feeling of chaos since the murder of the nuns the day before, and amazingly the two older girls had taken excellent care of their young charges, except for the absence of meals, which they seemed somehow to have forgotten. The oldest child attempted to explain to her in French all that had happened, how the Communists came down from the hills from time to time and tried to hide in the church, how some of the local Manchurians had tried to take refuge there when the Japanese came two years before, how bandits were everywhere, and killed many people. Ling Hwei, as she was called, explained to Audrey in her halting French, how the Japanese had killed her parents and her three brothers. She and her sister, Shin Yu, were the only members of her family to survive, and the nuns had taken them in, along with the other younger children, some of whom had been orphaned by the cholera epidemic the year before. Periodically, large groups of the children would be moved to the order's mother house in Lyon, or another orphanage they ran in Belgium. They had an orphanage in southern China as well, but Ling Hwei and Shin Yu hadn't wanted to leave Harbin and the nuns had let them stay because they were so helpful.

Are there other churches where your nuns have friends here in Harbin? Audrey asked her in French and the girl shook her head, explaining that they were the only nuns in Harbin. Most of the churches in town were Russian Orthodox and run by very old men, Ling Hwei said, and Audrey knew then what she would hear from Charlie when he returned from his mission.

She wasn't far wrong. He came back late that night, and all of the children were in bed, save the two older girls who were whispering quietly in a corner. Charlie looked exhausted, and he met Audrey's eyes with a look of total defeat.

There's no one, Aud. I went to every church in town. I asked the couple where we're staying. These nuns seem to have led a totally separate life from everyone else, and no one is willing to shoulder their burdens. Food is scarce, people are afraid of the Japanese, and the Communists. Everyone wants to mind their own business. No one is willing to come out here to take care of these kids, or take them in, even one by one or in groups. I tried everything, everywhere. The Russian priest told us just to leave them, that they would find their way alone. He looked miserably at Audrey knowing in advance what she would think of that, and she growled at him in confirmation of his worst fears. He was beginning to wonder if he would ever get her to leave now. He said that there are urchins everywhere in China. The strong survive. Even to Charles, it seemed a desperately cruel thing to say, and they had noticed the misery of the street urchins everywhere, but now Audrey was incensed as she railed at him in the orphanage's simple kitchen.

What do you suggest? Pushing them out in the snow? Just how well do you think a two-year-old would do as an urchin? Most of these children are barely older than that. Although they had both seen three-and four-year-olds begging in the streets of Shanghai, Charlie had no more desire to see that happen than she did. He just didn't know how to escape this fate that had befallen them in this far-off place, and he looked sadly at Audrey. He was frozen and exhausted and he hadn't eaten all day.

I don't know what to say, Aud. He sank onto a wooden bench and looked at her as her face softened and she gently took his hand.