Wanderlust (23 page)

May I stay here until tonight? he asked her in French, and she had the odd feeling that he had been there before. And his next words confirmed that suspicion. I can hide in the meat cellar, as before. He looked pleadingly at her and she could see loops of gold embroidery on his fur cap. His jacket was more ornate than most she had seen as well, although with the blood stains he looked somewhat disheveled. She remembered his words again now, and thought to question him before she agreed to let him stay. She could not let him put the children in danger.

You are a general you said?

I am general of my province, and loyal to the Nationalist Army. He was one of Chiang Kai-shek's followers then, and had obviously been fighting the Communists somewhere. She wondered what province he meant, but he explained as she watched him. I am from Baruun Urta, across the Khingan Mountains. We came to meet with some of General Chiang Kai-shek's men, but we met with Japanese troops. I have three men waiting for me in the church. If you will not let me stay, they will help me. Do not fear. He was oddly polite, and his French was far more fluent than hers, which seemed odd for a Mongolian general. The sisters have let me stay here before. I have been here twice when we came this way, but I do not wish to endanger you or the children. If you wish me to go, I shall. He attempted to stand erect, but she saw him wince and he seemed to stumble from the pain in his shoulder.

Did anyone see you come here? She was trying to decide what to do, as Shin Yu came down the stairs and stood just behind her. She was startled to realize that it wasn't Ling Hwei, and Shin Yu attempted to say something to her, but Audrey waved her upstairs as she attempted to concentrate on what the Mongolian general was saying.

I do not believe we were observed, mademoiselle. He looked weak, and she could see that the shoulder was bleeding profusely. We will not trouble you. We need only a place to rest until nightfall. We are traveling on foot, and we must return to our people. Whatever their mission had been, it was accomplished. But she was afraid to let them stay. What if it brought them reprisal from the Japanese? So far no one had bothered them and she was anxious to keep it that way for the sake of the children, but the man was obviously wounded and wouldn't make it very far without shelter and respite.

Put down your arms.

Pardon? He sounded startled and acted as though he didn't understand, as Shin Yu came down the stairs again and Audrey waved her back upstairs. I said put down your arms, your pistol and your bullets and your sword. I will not let you stay otherwise. He thought about it for a moment looking long and hard at her with an unreadable face. And do you propose to defend me? I do not know who you are. I cannot let you hurt these children.

We will bring them no harm. My men will hide in the shed outside, and I will stay here in the meat cellar if you will let me. I am the general of my province, mademoiselle. I am a man of honor. He spoke with such civility that the incongruousness of the situation struck her with full force, but she could not relax her guard. She had only his word as to who he was. For all she knew he could have been a bandit, and perhaps they would have had no qualms about attacking her and the children. You have my word. You and the children are safe. I need only a few hours to recover my strength. And then, looking at her, he knew that he would not win the battle. He removed the pistol from his belt, the sword from its scabbard, and with more difficulty slipped the strap of bullets off his shoulder. What she did not know was that he had another pistol concealed beneath his jacket and a razor-sharp knife hidden in his sleeve, but he had no intention of using them on her. Nor would he have been foolish enough to leave himself unarmed. He knew better than that, and had she thought about it for any length of time, she would have suspected that he had other weapons.

How do I know you will not hurt the children? You have my word, mademoiselle. We will not harm you.

What about your men? She was remembering the beheaded nuns in the church when she and Charles had first come here.

I will speak to my men, and they will conceal themselves quickly. No one will see them. I promise you. And then he smiled at her. He had an odd, interesting face, with narrow eyes and high cheekbones, he looked entirely different from the Chinese around Harbin, or the others she had seen in Nanking or Peking or Shanghai. We are adept at this. Not too adept, though, she thought, or he wouldn't have been wounded.

Do you need clean dressings for your wound? She still stood cautiously by the stairs, and had told him to back away from his weapons. He sidled along the wall to the other side of the kitchen, and keeping her pistol pointed at him, she collected his gun and his sword, and then retreated back to the foot of the stairs as she heard Shin Yu call her again. The child was obviously frightened by the commotion. She called to her that she would be right there and turned her attention to the Mongol general again.

If you have some clean rags ' he began hesitantly, but I think this will do ' . He motioned to the blood-soaked strips of blanket covering the wound then, and Audrey turned her gaze to it as she held the candle high. She saw then that he was not an unattractive man, but she wasn't sure she could trust him. Yet there was something honest and straightforward about his gaze. I have children of my own, and I told you, mademoiselle. I have been here before. The sisters knew me well. I was educated in Grenoble as a young man. It seemed remarkable that he had, and had yet returned to this primitive and uncomfortable part of the world, but something told her that he was telling her the truth.

I will give you some clean rags for your wound, and some food. But you must leave tonight. She looked at him firmly, and spoke to him as she would have to one of the children.

You have my word. I shall speak to my men now. Before she could say another word, he disappeared, and she could see only a shadow darting to a shed standing between the orphanage and the chapel. She took the opportunity to cut two towels into strips, pour out a bowl of water, and slice some cheese and bread and dried meat, and when he returned she pointed to all of it standing on the kitchen table. She was boiling some water for green tea, and he seemed weak as he sat down on the kitchen bench, and looked gratefully up at her. Thank you He hastily ate the meat and cheese, and looked too tired to change the dressings, but Audrey was too frightened to do it for him, until she saw him untie the strips of blanket and reveal the ugly wound. He had obviously been struck by a sword, and the gash it had left was red and raw and angry. He had some powder in a small tin in his pocket which he shook into it after she handed him some of the strips of towel soaked in water, and together they cleaned it, and she quietly bound the wound up again as he watched her. You are a brave woman to trust me. How did you come here if you are not a nun?

She explained to him about the nuns who had been killed, and told him that she had been visiting Harbin. She did not tell him about Charles having come here with her. And she kept her eyes on the bandages as she worked. She was aware of a certain rugged beauty about the man, and a virility that she had never felt before from anyone. It was almost as though he exuded manly powers, and she was torn between fear and admiration of him. In some ways, he was a frightening man, one sensed that he would have leapt like a tiger and killed with one swift move, and yet, as he talked to her, he seemed very gentle. He had powerful hands and an interesting face, and she watched him as he made his way quickly to the meat cellar. He had told her the truth. He knew exactly where it was and how to get into it. He looked at her for one last time, and then closed the door quietly behind him, descending into the darkness as she stood alone in the kitchen with the bowl of blood-soaked water and rags the only reminder that he had been there. She swiftly poured the water into the snow outside the kitchen, and covered the red stain with more snow, burying the rags along with it. It would be spring before anyone discovered the bandages he had used, and he would be long, long gone by then. She went back into the house, and Shin Yu was waiting for her, frantic now, with huge eyes filled with fear.

It is Ling Hwei, she explained, it is the time. Her baby from God is coming now ' she is very sick ' oh, very, very sick, Miss Audrey ' . Audrey ran up the stairs in her nightgown, still carrying her weapon and the general's, she dumped them all under her bed, and covered them with a spare blanket, and ran to the room where Ling Hwei slept, only to find the other children still asleep, and the young girl, clinging to her thin blanket in pain, her teeth clenched and her eyes wide with agony and terror. Audrey ran a gentle hand across her forehead, and the girl made no sound, but she writhed as though in terrible pain, her hands suddenly grabbing Audrey's.

It's all right ' it's all right ' I'm going to take you to my room. She swept the girl into her arms, and went quickly to her own room, asking Shin Yu to stay with the other children. She was afraid for her sister and she wanted to go along, but Audrey knew that it was best if she did not observe what Ling Hwei would go through. For months she had stared at those narrow hips and feared that the birth would not be easy for her. She had wanted to call one of the Russian doctors to the girl when the time came, but she knew, from her earlier experience, that they wouldn't care about this Chinese girl. She was no more special than anyone else, and babies were born at home with the help of mothers and sisters and cousins. But this girl had only Audrey to help her, with no experience at all. She had never even seen a baby born, and she sat holding her hand as she wrestled with the contractions in silence. Never did she make any sound, and Audrey wished that she would have. When the other children began waking up, Audrey asked Shin Yu to watch them and prepare their breakfast. She prayed that the general would not emerge from his hiding place, and she had no reason to think that he would, except that she was nervous about it all morning. But she could not leave Ling Hwei, the girl was obviously in terrible pain, and now in spite of herself she was moaning hoarsely and she seemed to be delirious, as she rolled and shrieked, grabbing at Audrey's arms and begging her to help her.

At last in the late afternoon, thinking that it was taking an unusually long time, she forced Ling Hwei to let her look to see if the baby was coming. The girl cried pathetically like a little child, and Audrey was suddenly reminded of the sobs of Shih Hwa before he died, but Ling Hwei wasn't dying, she was giving birth to the baby she had conceived with the young Japanese soldier the year before, and Audrey was sure that as she lay in agony she bitterly regretted what she had done, but it was too late now and there was no sign at all of the baby's head when she looked, even though Ling Hwei had been in labor for more than twelve hours.

Shin Yu put the children to bed for Audrey that night, after caring for them all day. She would come and check with Audrey from time to time, and get instructions and check on her sister, but Audrey would not let her see her. She had eaten nothing herself all day long, and Ling Hwei had refused even tea. All she would accept once in a while were tiny sips of water, but now she was crying pathetically most of the time, and Audrey was so distraught that she did not even hear the footsteps behind her in the room, as the general entered it on silent feet at midnight. She jumped with a stifled scream as she saw his shadow on the wall, and it was too late to reach for the pistol she had concealed beneath the bed. She leapt to her feet and wheeled to face him, but his face was peaceful when she did.

Don't be afraid. His eyes went swiftly to the struggling girl and then back to Audrey. One of the children?

Audrey nodded, as the girl cried. It had gone on for nineteen hours now, and there was still no progress. She was raped by the Japanese. She didn't want to tell him the truth, that she had willingly slept with one of them, for fear that he would hurt her.

Animals. He spoke softly in the stuffy room.

The room was pungent with Ling Hwei's sweat and hard work through the long day and night, and she looked at him now with unseeing eyes. The pains never seemed to relent anymore, and for the last hour, Audrey had been crying with her. She had never felt so helpless in her entire life, and she glanced at the general now as he watched Ling Hwei for a moment. She works hard. He looked as though he knew what it was about, and Audrey turned to him hesitantly. She still wasn't sure if she could trust him, although he had kept his word through the day, keeping to his hiding place in the cellar. She wondered if he was perhaps as honest as he seemed and if he could help the girl struggling with her baby.

She's been in labor since last night, when you arrived. Almost twenty-four hours now. Audrey felt despair creep into her voice. She was frightened for Ling Hwei, and she herself knew nothing of what to do for her, other than to hold her hand and wait for the baby to be born. But she had no idea how to relieve the agony that the girl was in, or even if one could have.

Can you see the child's head? Audrey shook her head, and he nodded. She will die then. He spoke gently, but without surprise. In his forty years he had seen a great deal of life, birth and death, and war and despair and starvation. His shoulder no longer hurt quite so much, and he looked more rested than he had the night before, but Audrey looked anguished by what he had just said to her.

How do you know? she whispered.

It is written on her face. My firstborn took three days to come. A son. His eyes and mouth remained serious. But she grows weak, and she is young. I can see it. His eyes narrowed as he watched, and then glanced at the American woman.

We should have a doctor.

He shook his head. They will not come. And they cannot help her. They can save the child, but no one will want a Japanese bastard.

What do you mean? She wondered if he would have let her die as she looked from General Chang to Ling Hwei. Can something be done? Audrey knew nothing of the procedures of delivering a baby and was sorry she hadn't listened at greater length to her sister's tales. But Annabelle had had an easy time, it seemed, and they had given her chloroform during the delivery. There was nothing like that here, and she turned to the Mongolian general now, thinking that he was precisely what her image would have been of a warlord. He seemed to be considering the situation, weighing matters that Audrey could not know, and then his eyes met hers. You can cut her. It sounded horrible to Audrey and she wasn't sure what he meant as he went on. With a clean sword. It should be done by a woman, or a holy man, but you do not know how, I can see that.