Wanderlust (24 page)

Do you?

I have seen it done. They cut my wife once. With my second son.

And she survived? That was all Audrey wanted, to save this girl, and to relieve her of the child who was causing her so much pain. Shin Yu knocked softly on the door and Audrey sent her away with muffled words. She didn't want her to see the general there, or for her to see her anguished sister.

Yes. He nodded in answer to her question. She survived. As did the child. Perhaps this girl will, too, if we do it quickly. First, you must press the child down. Without ceremony, but with gentle hands, he went to Ling Hwei, said only a few words to her, and then looked down at the small mountain of her belly. He felt where it began, and then suddenly, without warning, as she began the next pain, he crushed his full weight down on her as she screamed, pushing the child down so that it would come out. She objected violently, but he did it two more times, as she fought him, and Audrey feared that he would kill her with the pressure of his powerful body, but this time when he bid Audrey to look, she could see a small spot of the baby's head, there was a tiny bit of black hair and she grinned up at General Chang with relief. I can see the baby. He said nothing, but applied pressure two more times, and the circle of the child's head grew, and then he stepped back and looked at Audrey.

You will need clean towels, sheets, rags. She took that to mean that the baby was coming, and when she returned with her arms full, she jumped as she saw him make a single gesture and flick a long-bladed knife out of his sleeve and pass it through the candle's flame again and again until she could only imagine how hot it was, but this would make it clean, when he made the incision. She realized then that the weapons he had given her had not been all he carried, but she said nothing now. He had been true to his word so far and if he helped her with Ling Hwei she would owe him a debt forever. He held the blade aloft now, and Audrey was not entirely sure where he would apply it. See if you can see more of the baby's head now, he instructed her, but the spot had not grown since he had stopped pressing on Ling Hwei's belly, and the poor girl was crying hideously in ever greater pain as the baby fought to come out and got nowhere. Hold her legs. He spoke in a firm, hard voice, and for a moment, Audrey was frightened. She was trusting this man, and she had no reason to other than the fact that she seemed to have no choice. There was no one else to help her.

What will you do to her? Audrey was afraid but something in his eyes reassured her.

I will try to make an opening large enough for the baby's head to pass through. Hurry, we can't let the blade get cold. Audrey hesitated for only an instant, and then with soothing words, she sat down next to Ling Hwei, with her back to the girl's head, and held her legs back as hard as she could. But Ling Hwei presented little resistance. She had no strength left with which to fight them, and as Audrey watched him work, his hand moved deftly with the blade. There was no blood at first, and then suddenly a great gush of it rushed into the towels he had told her to place there. And now, in a strained voice he told Audrey to press on her stomach as he had, and when she was too gentle he shouted at her, caught up in the urgency of it now, too. God only knew how many people this man had killed, and yet he was fighting for one life now, with Audrey. Audrey held her breath and pressed as hard as she could, as he heated the blade again and cut even farther, and then with horrible moans coming from Ling Hwei, the top of the baby's head appeared, and then slowly its forehead, two tiny little ears, a nose and mouth, the entire head was free as Audrey watched in amazement and he ordered her to continue pushing. There was silence from Ling Hwei now, she had lost quantities of blood and the pain had finally become too great. She was unconscious as her little girl came into the world, and the general held her victoriously aloft, as though he had conceived her himself, smiling broadly at Audrey. They wrapped her swiftly in a blanket and cleaned her off with one of the clean towels as she whimpered and then cried and Audrey felt the tears course down her cheeks. She was amazed to see fingers of light streaking in through the window. They had been working together since midnight, and General Chang had saved Ling Hwei and her baby. But his eyes were serious now as he observed the girl, and then examined the wound he had made with his knife. He looked at Audrey and did not tell her what he feared. But she had bled terribly and he doubted that she would live now. Only the baby would survive, unless the young girl was very, very lucky.

You must sew her, he told her quietly. Audrey swiftly fetched the only needle she had and strong white thread, and passed the tip of the needle into the fire as he had done with his knife, before sewing up the incision. It was the most difficult thing she had ever done, and with every stitch her hand shook and she prayed for the girl. It would be so unfair if she died. It couldn't be. The tears burned Audrey's eyes and it seemed to take a long time to make the necessary repairs, and then gently she cleaned her with cool water and a clean rag. She cleaned her whole body, and then wrapped her in blankets as the general held the sleeping child as though she were his own. Neither of them seemed to remember that she was half Japanese, and neither of them cared. She was a new life, their child, the life they had saved in a night of hard work together. You did very well. His voice was gentle as he watched Audrey with the unconscious girl. Ling Hwei was a pale gray as they watched her and Audrey turned her eyes to his, with frightened questions.

She looks so pale.

She has lost a great deal of blood. So had he with his shoulder, but he was a man, and he had lost blood before. Women in childbed were a different matter. His brother had lost two wives that way, but he had two sons. He looked down at the baby then, remembering his own when they were born, and the first time he had held them. It seemed so long ago now, his youngest was eighteen and was in the mountains with Chiang Kai-shek's army, but the feeling was still the same, the feeling of awe that such a thing could occur at all, a new life erupting out of an old one.

Will she be all right? Audrey's voice was soft as the candle sputtered and she let it go out. The light of the dawn was enough for them to watch her.

I don't know. And then he looked down at the baby. She must have milk if she cannot have her mother. And when Shin Yu came to the door a little later, she asked her to have one of the children milk their cows, but General Chang thought that the goat's milk would be easier for her to take, so Audrey had them bring both and then she looked at him in dismay. They had no bottle with which to feed her. By miracle they found a leather glove that one of the nuns had worn, and after Audrey made them boil it on the kitchen stove, they were able to pour the goat's milk into it and the baby suckled it happily and then went back to sleep. But Ling Hwei had not woken up yet, and as Audrey watched her she knew that she would not survive the ordeal she had suffered with the birth of the baby. The general returned to the meat cellar for the day. It was too late for him to leave now, and only Shin Yu knew that he was there. And when he came back after nightfall, Audrey was still at her post, feeding the baby every few hours and nursing Ling Hwei, who barely seemed to be breathing and had never regained consciousness since the birth of the baby. Chang held the infant that night, and nursed her with the glove as Audrey silently held Ling Hwei in her arms, and watched her right until she uttered a soft sigh and died as Audrey held her. Audrey kept her there that way for a long time after that, thinking of what a sweet child she had been, and of the pain of the child who now had no mother. The thought of it hurt her to the core, as she thought of her own mother and the lonely existence waiting for Ling Hwei's baby, growing up in a world with no one to love her, condemned by Japanese and Chinese alike, in a society where girls were sold for rice or beans or flour. The tears ran down Audrey's face, as she covered Ling Hwei, and clung to her tiny baby. Chang went downstairs and made tea for them and when the dawn came, she woke Shin Yu and told her, and the girl cried and hid her eyes and clung to Audrey, and Audrey felt her pain, remembering how Annabelle had been when their parents died. And General Chang watched them. He had been there for two nights now, and each time he planned to go, something had happened to detain him. He spoke to Audrey briefly before disappearing again for the day, and looked at her urgently this time.

I must go at nightfall. My men will be impatient. She had been leaving food for them in the shed near the church, but she had never seem them. He had been true to his word so far, and she no longer feared him. Not after what they had done together. There was a bond between them now, which neither would ever forget. And it created something special between them.

Thank you for your help Her eyes looked deep into his, and expressed her gratitude and something more.

What will you do with the child? He looked at her strangely, curious about her now. She was an unusual woman in many ways, and he still did not understand how she had come there. She had come from so far away, and she was so serious about her responsibility to her charges. Will you keep her?

It seemed a strange question and Audrey searched his eyes. I suppose she'll be one of the children here, in the orphanage. She's no different than they are.

And you? Are you not different now? Is she not a little bit yours after you saw her born? He searched her eyes and slowly Audrey nodded. He was right. She had felt differently since the baby had been born, as though a part of her had been fulfilled. But she had been so upset about Ling Hwei that she hadn't rejoiced in the baby as she otherwise might have.

Perhaps you will take her with you one day, and give her a better life. He said it as though he hoped she would, as though the baby was something they had shared and he didn't want Audrey to leave her behind when she left China.

She sighed, knowing the impossibility of that. I would like to take them all home with me when I go. But I can't. When the nuns come, I must go. Her eyes begged him to understand, yet she felt as though she were letting him and the children down.

You will condemn her to a life of starvation and ignorance here, mademoiselle? She will be fortunate if you take her with you. His eyes were so intense and she felt strangely drawn to him, as though he were someone she had known for a long, long time, as though he were part of a familiar world. Not a Mongol warlord. Or was this the only world familiar to her now, she wondered as he looked at her with wise eyes. I was fortunate to have been sent to Grenoble. He smiled sadly at her. I would like to see something like that happen to this baby. He knew too well the life she would lead if Audrey didn't save her.

And yet you came back?

It was my obligation. But this baby has no one here, and no one will want her if she is half Japanese. He could see the difference in her even at birth. She did not look pure Chinese, and of course she wasn't. Perhaps one day they will kill her for that. Save her, mademoiselle. When you go, take her with you. It irked her that he should press her. She didn't even want to think of that now. Ling Hwei had just died and she had all the others to think of, too, not just the baby.

And the others?

You will leave them as you found them, but she was not here when you came. Perhaps she is yours now. It was as though he were fighting for this small life, the life he hadn't even wanted to save at first, but now she was theirs. And as Audrey held her to her breast all that day, she kept remembering his words, and she found herself clinging to the tiny baby. They had to report Ling Hwei's death to the local officials, but she was afraid to with Chang and his men there. Instead she wrapped her in blankets, and put her in one of the sheds outside. She would report it the next day when they were gone. And in the meantime, she had her hands full with Shin Yu's grief, and the other children to care for, and now the baby. It even distracted her from thoughts of General Chang all that day, which was just as well, because all her thoughts of him seemed to confuse her. And that night, when the children were in bed, Chang came to her door and knocked softly. He reclaimed his pistol and his sword and looked at her for a long time. He had respect for this woman and wondered if they would meet again. She was more beautiful than the women he had met in Grenoble, and in those days, in his youth, he had pined for his own kind. But now she reminded him of a time long gone, and he reached out and touched her cheek with his hand, and she had never felt a more gentle touch or seen kinder eyes. She realized now at last that she had had nothing to fear from him all along. She realized also how attracted to him she was, but they both knew that nothing would come of it.

Au revoir, mademoiselle. Perhaps we shall meet again one day. He would have liked nothing better, but he had another life to return to, a life where there was no place at all for her, and never would be.

Where will you go now? There was worry in her eyes, and concern, and admiration and affection.

Back across the mountains to Baruun Urta. We will come back this way again sometime, but you will be gone by then, back to your country. Their eyes met and held for a long time, and she had a longing for him that almost frightened her it was so strong, but she had never known anyone quite like him. Even the memory of Charles seemed dim at that very moment.

Take care of your shoulder, General. He smiled at her, and looked down at the baby in her arms. The little girl slept there, content and warm, like a little angel.

Take care of our baby, he whispered to her, and touched her face gently with his hand, caressing her with his eyes, and a moment later he was gone, and she heard only a faint crunching in the snow, and then nothing, as she lay in her bed, with the baby held to her bosom, keeping her warm in the freezing air, and remembering all that he had said to her ' take care of our baby ' our baby ' and as she thought of it, she felt a love in her surge up inside as it never had before, a love for the sleeping child in her arms, and the memory of the Mongol general who had saved her. Audrey lay back against her pillows and slept ' dreaming confused dreams of her grandfather, and the baby, and Charles ' and the general.