Want & Need (12 page)
Authors: CJ Laurence
Emotions running high, I went to the one place I could relax and absorb myself in my thoughts—the riverbank where Scotch and I had our last ride. Edging quiet country lanes with ruins of an old monastery in the background, it was the one place where he and I could truly lose ourselves. In the summer, I would often pack a sandwich and a bunch of carrots, ride down to the quiet spot under the shade of the picturesque old bridge here, and sit and have lunch with him munching happily next to me.
I parked my car on the grass verge, climbing my way up the steep embankment barefoot. Leaning back against the cool grey bricks of the bridge, I closed my eyes, revelling in the heat from the afternoon sun. Nothing but the sounds of buzzing insects surrounded me—it was sheer bliss. I gazed out over the still, green waters, watching a pair of swans gliding through the water in all their grace.
Thoughts of my father began to surface, guilt nibbling at me once again for not visiting his grave more often. I had never been able to visit it without thinking of a rotting skeleton beneath my feet. The morbid silence that hung over the entire cemetery sent chills down my spine. Scotch had been my living memory of him in a way, my small sliver of reality that really, he was still around.
I sighed, resting my head back against the rough surface. Losing myself in thoughts, I didn’t even register the fact my body was slowly coaxing me into a deep sleep. My mind embraced the darkness, shutting off the jumbled mix of emotions tumbling around inside me…
“Kyra. Kyra. Kyra.”
I startled awake, opening my eyes to see Ash stood over me. A vibrant night sky littered with stars served as a background for his looming figure, jumping me to my feet.
“What the…?”
He chuckled. “You’ve been asleep. And err…” He pointed at my face before picking bits of grass from my cheek.
I rubbed at my face, looking down to see an imprint of my body in the long grass where I must have slid onto my side at some point. I blushed.
“You okay?” he asked.
I nodded. “What you doing here?”
“Your charming boss rang me. He was worried about you.”
A dawning realisation hit me square in the face. “Oh shit…”
“Yeah, he told me about your lovers’ tiff.”
“It wasn’t a lovers’ tiff, Ash. He was being a first class dickhead.”
“Well, he told me to tell you he won’t be accepting your resignation.”
I snorted. “About right. I can’t even do what I want to do.”
He raised an eyebrow at me. “Really? And just how are you going to survive without a job?”
I glared at him, narrowing my eyes. “Shut up. Just let me have my moment.”
He chuckled as he picked up my shoes, taking my hand to help me back down the riverbank. “Can I trust you to get home okay or do I need to escort you?”
“I’m fine.”
As I sat in the driver’s seat, he knelt down next to me, his eyes filling with concern. “I know you’re emotional, Ky, but I am worried about you lately. You sure you’re okay?”
“Yes. Honestly, I’m fine. Stop fussing.”
He fell silent for a few seconds. “You know he went everywhere looking for you—Paul. He does care.”
I reached for my car door. “Good night, Ash.”
He grinned and walked away, melting into the depths of the night.
***
I woke the next morning, my stomach churning as I made my way to work. When I pushed open the office door, Paul was sat on the edge of my desk. He broke out into a huge smile, his eyes gleaming. “Are you okay?”
I walked straight past him, putting my bag down on my desk with a definitive slam. “Fine, thank you.”
“Listen, I’m sorry about yesterday—”
“I don’t want to hear it.” I stole a glance at his handsome face as I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Okay.”
“Is that all?”
“Yes. I mean, no.” He paused and scratched his head. “Well, yes, I suppose, seeing as you don’t want to hear what I have to say.”
“Okay.”
“Can I take you out tonight as an apology?”
“No.”
“Oh. What about tomorrow?”
“No.”
“Next week?”
“No.”
“Is any day I ask for going to be a no?”
“Yes.”
A strained silence fell between us for a minute or two before he switched tactics.
“I’ve had your warning taken off your record and I’ve told Tate it was my fault. I’ve told him to back off with you.”
“Okay.”
He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m trying here, Kyra. Work with me. Please.”
“Why should I? All you caused me yesterday was a shitty afternoon and a hell of a headache.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I acted like a complete dick.”
I snorted. “Yeah. You can say that again.”
He pouted, batting his eyelashes. “Forgive me? Please?”
My body betrayed me as I looked into those dangerous sapphire eyes of his. Before I could even think, my head was nodding, agreeing to his demands. I was utterly useless when it came to resisting him. He surged forwards, scooping me up in his strong arms and planting a delicious kiss on my reddening cheek.
“So can I take you out tonight?”
I shook my head.
“Why not?”
“You think because you apologised I’m going to let you off that easy?”
He was silent.
I rolled my eyes. “Figured as much.”
“Have you got plans?”
“And what if I have?”
He scanned across my face for a few seconds before admitting defeat and retreating back into his office. As much as I wanted to jump at his offer of dinner, my stubborn side refused to allow it. He needed to learn a lesson.
Paul hibernated in his office for the rest of the day. Just before lunch I received a text from Scott, asking me if I would like to have dinner with him tonight. I smiled, texting my acceptance before even thinking of Paul. I spent all afternoon repeating his words about relationships to myself. I had to focus on the fact that no matter how much I wanted him, I couldn’t have him how I wanted. I had now accepted my want for a proper family life and I sure as hell needed it.
As I readied myself later that evening for my date with Scott, I pushed Paul from my mind. I had to think of my future, not right now. Paul couldn’t, and wouldn’t, ever offer me anything more than sex. However, guys like Scott potentially could.
Right on time, Scott knocked on my front door. My heart started pounding in an instant, nerves grabbing me once again. I opened the door, taking great delight in the handsome man smiling back at me. His bronzed skin held a subtle glow under the dying sunlight. The white cotton shirt stretching over his chest clung to him like a second skin, showing off his body underneath.
He smiled, offering me a single red rose. “Wow. You look amazing.”
I blushed, paying him a compliment back.
“I hope you don’t mind but I thought I would cook for you instead of taking you out.”
Gobsmacked, I shook my head. “Not at all. Sounds really nice.”
“Don’t worry. I trained as a chef in my younger days. It’ll be more than beans on toast.”
I grinned, hitching my soft pink dress up to seat myself in his Mercedes Coupe. Conversation flowed easily on the short drive over to Molly’s. He assured me that Molly and Chris had gone out for the evening to give us some privacy. My stomach churned at the thought of being alone with him in a house. The temptation to peek beneath his clothes was already there.
Once we arrived at the house, he led me through the kitchen and out into the back garden. I gasped, and very nearly choked up at the marvellous sight laid out before me. Molly’s huge dark green marquee stood proud in the centre of the grass. The front opening had been draped back to show off the beautiful candle lit table for two inside. Fairy lights hung all around the insides, bathing the scene in a romantic setting.
“Wow, just wow. I really don’t know what to say. It’s incredible.” I lifted a hand to push back a stray piece of hair, only now realizing I was in fact shaking.
He brushed a hand over my lower back and led me inside. He gave me the full gentleman treatment by pulling my chair out for me, pushing me in, and then pouring me some wine. He excused himself as he went to fetch the starters and I couldn’t help but grin at this unexpected treat. This was, hands down, the best first date I’d ever had.
He returned after a couple of minutes with two plates. “How adventurous are you feeling?”
“Depends on what sort of adventure you’re talking about.”
He chuckled as he produced a red silk blindfold with a cheeky grin. “For the food.”
I nodded, more than eager to accept his little game. This was such a novel, thoughtful idea, I wanted to play it to its fullest. He scooted around behind me, his hands brushing against my head as he tied the smooth fabric over my eyes.
“Okay. Open wide.”
I giggled but did as I was told. Within seconds, a small amount of hot food settled on my tongue. Delicious flavours spread throughout my mouth, my taste buds jumping for joy at the glorious mix of zesty food.
“What do you taste?”
I chewed, definitely tasting meat but I couldn’t quite place what. Apple puree was a definite along with some walnuts and something else. I gave him my known answers, asking for more to decide on the rest.
A minute or so later, he pulled the blindfold from me, showing me an empty plate. I blushed as I wondered just how much I’d eaten.
“That was fantastic. What was it?”
“Seared Scottish scallops with apple puree, walnut, and chicory.”
“Chicory. Of course it was.” I rolled my eyes at myself. “It was absolutely delicious. Thank you.”
He nodded before leaving with two empty plates. I presumed he must have eaten his whilst I was busy chewing. Returning with two more plates, he lifted up the blindfold, my grin returning as I nodded.
We played the same game, my senses on high alert as I concentrated on the amazing food he served me. After getting lost at fish and potatoes, he removed the blindfold to allow me to see my food.
“Poached seabass with seaweed and confit new potatoes.”
I looked at him, my eyes widened in surprise. “It’s fantastic. You should be a chef.”
“Thanks, but I would be like a hippo if I was a chef.”
I laughed, totally understanding.
After that mouth-watering course, he gifted me with dessert—lemon soufflé topped with a dollop of cream and sliced strawberries. I was floating on cloud nine with this exquisite treatment. What a guy and what a way to impress me for sure. He definitely ticked all the right boxes so far.
We chatted constantly after the meal. He was so easy to get along with and his eyes so easy to become lost in. He left me breathless with his chivalrous manners. Driving me home, he kept looking over at me, flashing me heart stopping smiles. Like a teenage girl, I could do nothing but giggle and blush as my heart raced to new dimensions. My mind wandered off into unknown futures, imagining us together.
As he pulled into my drive, he hopped out of the driver’s door, making his way to my door to help me out of his low car. His warm hand grasped mine before he escorted me to my front door.
“I’ve had a lovely time tonight,” he said, closing the gap between us. “I hope I could see you again?”
My cheeks burned as I nodded, too excited for words.
“Can I call you tomorrow?”
“Sure.”
His hazelnut eyes lingered over my face for a brief second before he came in for the kill. He melted his rosy red lips to mine, his thumb stroking my hand as he deepened his kiss. Teasing my lips open with his tongue, he entwined us together in a slow embrace. When he broke his hold on me, he bid me good night before leaving me stupefied, and somewhat stunned.
Saturday morning, I found myself round Molly’s after she rang me at an ungodly hour wanting all the gossip from last night.
“He’s so romantic, isn’t he?”
I nodded, a stupid grin spreading across my face as I thought of the previous evening.
“Are you going to see him again?”
“If he wants to see me again, then yes.”
An ear piercing shriek erupted from her before she threw her arms around my neck, squeezing the life from me. Her excited state led to her chatting about the wedding for the next hour or so as she informed me of the colour choice, which, thankfully, wasn’t anything exuberant.
We wandered outside to settle ourselves under the midday sun and enjoy a few of the heated rays. Chris and Scott were out suit shopping and wouldn’t be back until late according to Molly. I pulled my vest top up to just under my bra so I could brown my midriff along with my legs, which were all out in my shorts.
We must have both dozed off as the first thing I knew of anything was when a soft hand took mine. “Hey, sleepy head.”
I opened my eyes to see Scott sat next to me, his brown eyes dancing with amusement. I blushed as I realised my state of near undress and yanked my top down.
“I’m guessing this is why you’ve not texted me back?”
“I don’t even know where it is,” I said, glancing around for my phone.
“No worries. How are you fixed for this evening”?
I bit my lip to curb my growing smile. “Possibly drowning in after sun.”
He chuckled. “Would you like to stay for tea? I think we’re getting a takeaway and having a film night.”
“Sounds good to me.”
He lifted my hand to his mouth, brushing his lips across the back of it. My heart jumped as I sat staring at him, totally bewitched. How could two guys have the same effect on me? Or was it now that I had accepted my deepest feelings, I was allowing myself to see things a little differently?
Molly gave a little squeal from next to me. “Come on,” she said, taking both of our hands and dragging us up. “Let’s get tea ordered.”
Two hours later, with bellies full of Chinese food, we were starting film number two—an exceptionally gory horror film that Chris chose. From the outset, blood splattered all over the screen, causing both me and Molly to huddle into the cushions whilst both men chuckled at us.
As I hid my face into the velvet cushion, an arm snaked around my shoulders, pulling me into a strong, sturdy body. A pair of lips kissed the side of my head, sending my heart into overdrive. Thoughts of Paul appeared from nowhere, wondering why he couldn’t do this with me. I liked Scott but he didn’t quite captivate me in the same way Paul did. I forced myself to remember that this would be something I would never have with Paul.
I lay there for the next couple of hours, in Scott’s embrace, enjoying the warmth he comforted me with. My mind kept trying to betray me but I refused to allow it. I had to focus on the future I wanted despite any other feelings I had for Paul.
The final movie drew to a close, and I announced it was my time to leave considering it was one o’clock in the morning. Molly jumped up in an instant, her green eyes flashing with mischief.
“Why don’t you stay?” she asked, her tongue in her cheek.
“No, Molly. I think its best I go home for the evening.”
She pouted as I chuckled at her.
Scott declared he would walk me out to my car after I hugged Molly good night. Stepping outside, the cool night air sent a chill down my spine, covering my body in goosebumps. Before I knew it, a thick suede coat was laid around my shoulders hosted by a smiling Scott.
He led me to my car, coating us in the peace and quiet of just the two of us. Like the true gent he was, he opened my car door for me. “It was lovely to see you again.”
“You too.”
My heart began doing gymnastics inside my chest. Anticipation and expectation rushed through me as I remembered how his lips felt on mine.
“I’ll text you?”
I nodded.
He drifted a hand to my cheek, laying a gentle touch on me, and closing the distance between us. He placed a tender kiss on my lips, my grip on reality evaporating in an instant as he sunk me into heaven unknown. Our tongues tangled together in a slow dance, and I began to silently beg him to wander his hands across my body. I wanted to feel his touch, I wanted to know what he felt like.
All too soon, he broke our kiss, allowing me to drive home not only in a daze but torn between my heart and my head.
