Want & Need (9 page)

Chapter Sixteen

His car filled with a pressurising discomfort while he drove me home. I stared out the window, my body turned away from him. I was seething with anger, my nails digging into the soft flesh of my palm as I struggled to contain my emotions.

He pulled up in my driveway, and I threw my seatbelt off and jumped out before he’d even stopped the car. I unlocked my door in record time and slammed it shut before hiding myself in sleep.

Sunday was a total write off. I woke with a splitting headache, which evolved into a killer of a migraine. I buried myself in my bed, stuffing my phone in my sock drawer. By the time Monday morning came around, I felt no better. The thought of facing a day at work and him only ensured I called in sick. I spoke to Molly, batting off her offers of coming to see me at lunch.

I fell back asleep after swallowing a mountain of pills. Sometime later, an incessant banging on my front door disturbed my peaceful slumber. I sighed and heaved myself out of bed, cursing Molly for not listening to me when I told her to leave me be.

I opened the front door and froze when I saw Paul stood there. I scowled at him before shutting the door in his face. Unfortunately, he stuck his foot in the door, pushing his way inside.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I clutched at my head and backed away from him. “Leave me alone, Paul.”

He closed the door behind him, walking towards me with a hand outstretched to me. “I was worried about you.”

I gazed into those soulful blue eyes of his, losing myself for a moment. That was all it took for him to touch me and before I knew it, I was succumbing to his gentle touch on my cheek.

“Get off me.” I pushed his hand away, my head only hurting more as tears threatened to flood me again. “Don’t touch me.”

He backed away a couple of steps, concern written all over his handsome face. “I thought you were avoiding me.”

“Please. Don’t flatter yourself that my world revolves around you.”

I padded into the kitchen, searching out more tablets. A pounding thud resounded through my head and I clasped at it with a painful groan.

His arms scooped around my waist as my knees buckled. “Are you okay?”

I fought him off me. “Do I look okay to you?”

He pursed his lips before he backed away a couple of steps. “Do you need anything?”

“I thought I made my feelings about where we stood perfectly clear.”

“I want to help you—”

“Then disappear.”

Silence fell between us for a moment. “You didn’t reply to any of my texts.”

“Well, considering I spent all day yesterday like this, I wasn’t really in the mood for anything, let alone dealing with you.”

“I’m sorry, Kyra. I never wanted any of this to happen. I just…I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Since when does company policy require a director to come to an employee’s house when she calls in sick anyway?”

He dropped his eye contact, looking at the floor as he nodded. “Okay. I’ll go.”

I didn’t even bother to dignify him with a response. I just crawled back to bed. I didn’t move from my bed at all for the rest of the day. Calling in sick again on Tuesday, I prayed to God he wouldn’t make an appearance today as well. My prayers were answered—in part. Bombarding me with texts instead was as much of a headache as having him appear randomly on my doorstep.

Ash called me late in the afternoon. When I told him what had gone on, he nearly exploded with excitement in his car.

“I’m coming round. I’ll bring food.”

I sighed as he burst through my front door a couple of hours later. The delicious smell of fish and chips came in with him, easing my low mood to a degree. I was famished considering I’d not eaten for two days.

He grinned, lifting up the bag. “Hungry?”

“I could eat a scabby cat.” I frowned when he served our food on the dining table. “What are you doing back anyway?”

“We decided to live up here in my house.” He took a bite of his fish. “Anyway, less of that. Paul. Wow, do I have some news for you.”

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

A beaming smile folded over his lips. “Well, when you told me about what happened, it suddenly clicked. When I first met him, I knew I’d seen him somewhere before but I couldn’t remember where. Then when you said about his parents and the business, it dawned on me.”

He jumped from his chair, retrieving my laptop from the other side of the room. He tapped away for a few seconds before spinning the screen round.

“Is that his dad?” Ash asked.

I looked at the screen, almost choking on my own breath when I saw Roger’s rugged face staring back at me from the homepage of a website. A stunning blonde accompanied him in the picture. I guessed she was Paul’s mum.

“What the hell is this?”

“His parents own the biggest swingers’ club in the country. They own a string of night clubs up and down the country for straights, gays, bis—anything goes. They are the bees knees when it comes to fulfilling your greatest desires. Then they have an exclusive level club, which is where all the really wild stuff happens. It’s called The Triple C. You have to be accepted into this circle—you can’t just join. There are certain…parameters you must meet.”

“What? Are you actually being serious?”

He nodded. “Read it.”

I browsed through the website, reading the long list of locations for their nightclubs which included The Tiger’s Eye. Nearly every major city had one of their clubs. I was stunned into silence as I dared to click on the link for The Triple C. It refused me access, inviting me to set up an account to view further information.

I spun the laptop back round. “It won’t let me in. What is it?”

He grinned. “It’s basically a club for couples who want to indulge their fantasies with other couples. They do allow singles in but not many. You have to be something exceptional. Being good looking is a must for getting in there. Apparently they keep files on everyone—they ask your deepest darkest fantasies, what you do and don’t like, and match you to similar minded people. Basically, they’re sex match makers.”

“That’s…weird.”

“But genius if you think about it. How many marriages fall apart because one of them isn’t getting their fantasies fulfilled so they go off and pay some hooker or escort to do it with them? This is a way for couples to accept each other’s fantasies and let them be acted out safely, properly, and with no lies, sneaking around, or anything else. They’ve apparently saved a lot of relationships.”

“From letting wives see other women sleep with their husbands? I just don’t get it, Ash. It’s wrong on so many levels.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “It works both ways. A lot of men get off watching their wife with someone else. It’s just human nature. We’re all different.”

“What does Triple C stand for?”

He grinned. “Crave, Choose, Come.”

“Ewww!”

He laughed at my reaction as he continued eating his food.

“So what is your point of telling me all this?”

“To try to make you see it’s not some seedy gig like you’re thinking. It’s just adults who are free with themselves and comfortable with letting their partners be with other people. There is a massive difference between having sex with someone and being with someone in a relationship. For these people, it’s just a simple division, as easy as that.”

“How do you know so much about all of this anyway?”

“A gay friend of mine got into The Triple C with his partner.”

I suddenly remembered how Paul had noticed straight away that Ash was gay. That was how he knew—he was around all sorts all of the time.

“This is just too much. What am I supposed to do with this information?”

“Make an informed decision.”

“About what exactly?”

“I don’t know. Paul…whether you fancy trying it out or not.”

“You are kidding me right? Please tell me you are kidding?” I was beyond mortified my brother was even suggesting this to me.

“No, not at all. What have you got to lose? You’ll be in an exclusive club with direct links to the owners, not to mention sleeping with one of them. Not only that, you’ll be surrounded by other hot people who just want to have fun. You are freaked out about settling down, Paul doesn’t do relationships, so what’s the issue?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Did he put you up to this?”

“Who? Paul? No. I’m just looking at it from a different point of view, Kyra. What’s wrong in having some fun whilst you wait for Mr. Right to come along?”

I glared at him and stared down at the table. I didn’t know what to say because in all honesty, I couldn’t really argue against his point. I was single. If I was married or with a partner and being presented with all of this, then my reaction would be totally justified. But why was I freaking out about indulging myself with some gorgeous people with no strings attached?

“It just feels wrong. I’d just feel like a complete slag.”

He laughed. “I wouldn’t worry, Ky. You and I both know of a certain someone who has had more pricks than a second hand dartboard and she still walks around with her head held high. There’s no way you’ll work your way past her number.”

“Ash. Stop it.”

“Right, anyway. Time for me to go. My programme starts in ten minutes and you need to go back to bed. You look like death warmed up.”

I rolled my eyes and we said our goodbyes. I found myself pondering over his words. Maybe I could make sense of all this with a clear head after a decent sleep.

Chapter Seventeen

I went into work the next morning, still very much in the same mind set as I had been since Saturday evening. I wanted nothing to do with it despite Ash’s little talk. The second I stepped through the door, Mr. Andrews commandeered me, steering me into his office before giving me a twenty-minute talk on his entire client database, which he wanted redone.

He was halfway through his monotone drone when I heard the office door click shut and Mr. Harris walking across the floor.

“Is Kyra still off?” he asked.

A second voice answered that stilled my heart in an instant—Paul. “I don’t know.”

“Can you call her, please, Paul? She should be ringing in sick every day she’s off and speaking to one of us, not her friend downstairs.”

“If she calls before we’re in, there isn’t a lot she can do except leave a message, is there?”

Harris went silent for a moment before he snapped at Paul. “Just call her.”

“You are not my boss, Harris. Get one of the admin girls to call her.”

I heard Paul’s office door slam shut and moments later, Harris’ followed suit.

Struggling to contain a smirk, I finished listening to Mr. Andrews before heading back out to my desk. Making my ritual cup of tea, I sat at my desk, quietly humming away to myself as I worked through his client files.

“Kyra?”

I lifted my gaze to see Paul standing in front of my desk. My breath caught in my throat when I looked at those beautiful blue eyes. I wanted to melt at his feet. Using every last ounce of strength in me, I focused my attention back down to my work, not even dignifying him with an answer.

“Can we talk, please?”

My heart started racing at the thought of being alone with him again. I could feel my body responding to his presence already. I refused to look up at him but gave him an answer. “What about?”

“You know what.”

“If it’s not work related, then no, we can’t talk.”

“Is that it? You’re not even going to hear me out?”

“Hear you out about what?” I took a deep breath, only to be met with his pained expression. “You have your life and I have mine. That’s it. Simple.”

He sighed and ran his tongue over his lips. My mind began betraying me, showing me memories of what that tongue could do to me. I pushed the thoughts away, my heart continuing to race.

He took a step closer, his eyes imploring for my sympathy. “Just five minutes?”

I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest. “Fine.”

I walked into his office and marched to the other side of the room before turning to face him.

He started coming towards me, arms outstretched.

“Don’t.” I held my hand up to stop him. “You can talk from there.”

“Okay.”

A long silence fell between us whilst I waited for him to speak. I glared at him, secretly enjoying watching him squirm. “Well, you have three minutes left.”

“Look, I know what it looks like but I didn’t start something with you in order to get you involved in all of that.”

“At the moment, Paul, that is the least of my worries. I’m more concerned with the fact you’ve been sleeping with other people whilst sleeping with me.”

“I haven’t.”

I snorted at him. “Please. I didn’t fall from the Christmas tree yesterday.”

“I’m telling you the truth. I have no need to lie.”

“Yes, you do if you think you’re going to involve me in all of that…stuff.”

“Look, I know it’s weird to most people but it’s how I was brought up. I don’t know any different. You can’t miss what you never had.”

“So you’ve never had a normal relationship?”

He faltered for a second before answering me. “One. When I was younger. It was a long time ago now, though.”

“What happened?”

He cleared his throat. “She went off with someone else.”

“Oh.” Something inside of me softened but I ignored it. “How old were you?”

“I was sixteen. We both were.”

“Oh. So what is this, then? Your way of dealing with the fact you got cheated on?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “It’s all I know. I just kind of fell into it after her and that’s all I’ve known since. I’ve spent nearly twenty years like this. The year I had with her doesn’t really compare. The way I see it, there are no jealousy issues, no complex dealings of relationships, no expectations, no arguments. It’s just all easy and I can pick and choose as I please to an extent.”

I raised my eyebrows. “All just easy and picking and choosing as you please? Are you being serious right now? You talk about it like they’re pieces of meat.”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry, that came out wrong. What I meant was that my life is easy. I am just
me
. I don’t have to worry about anyone else or anything else that goes with it. When it comes to sex, I have what I know.”

I shook my head, chuckling. “Wow. And I thought I was screwed up.”

“I’m not screwed up, Kyra. It’s just how my life is. Just because it’s different to yours it doesn’t make me wrong.”

“It makes you wrong to
me.
”

“Why?”

“It’s dirty, it’s wrong. What happened to the sanctity of marriage?”

“You’ll be surprised how many relationships this has saved. We provide a place for people to have their fantasies but still have their partners too. It’s a win-win.”

“How exactly? I know for a fact if I was married, I wouldn’t want my husband acting out his fantasies with some other woman, I’d want him to act them out with me.”

“But not everyone is like that. Some women only like sex once a week, once a month, not at all. Or they only want it in certain positions. Or they won’t play and experiment. Would you deny your husband the experience of trying something out just because you didn’t like the thought of it?”

“If that involved being intimate with another woman, then yes.”

“Coming from the woman who won’t commit? Yet you speak about it like you’re experienced in the area.”

My jaw clenched as I hardened my stare on him. “You pompous bastard. How dare you.”

I stomped towards the door, my anger boiling once more. As I passed him, he grabbed my arm.

“Ky…”

Before I knew what I was doing, my hand reached out, slapping him across the face with a hell of a crack. His grip loosened and I shook his touch from me, reaching for the door handle.

“Ky, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just trying to make you see it’s not like you think it is.”

“Why is that so important to you?”

“Because I liked the time we spent together.”

My heart flipped upside down at his confession. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. A deep ache began to grow in my chest as I thought of his touch, his kiss, his skin against mine. That one simple sentence made me question my own beliefs, the whole point of my being mad at him.

I opened my eyes to see him stood within arm’s reach, his eyes sweeping me up in their captivating gaze once again. “I…”

“We had fun, right? We enjoyed our time together? Why should my parents’ business stop us enjoying each other?”

My arguments melted into oblivion and I became lost in a hazy ocean between his twinkling eyes and his silk laden voice. “I…I’ll think about it.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Okay.” He grinned before giving me a cheeky wink. “I’ll give you a week.”

I narrowed my eyes at his reference to our conversation on Saturday. Snorting at him, I strode out of the door, muttering various curses under my breath as I headed for the bathroom. Locking the door behind me, my mind wandered back to what happened in here a mere few days ago.

A deep yearning grumbled in my gut as I struggled between my head and my heart. I knew I didn’t need his complications in my life but my God, I did want him.