Wanted (7 page)

He scoffed. “Ash. Really?” His gaze flicked to me and back forward. “I am not a liar. I’ve been honest with you from the start.” I opened my mouth. “Okay,” he corrected. “I left some important information out in the heat of the moment, but everything I’ve said to you has been truth.”

Yeah, yeah. He was right, if I actually thought about it. He hadn’t lied. I sat back and sighed. Fine, so I could believe him.

He pulled into a forest preserve parking lot. We sat in the car, facing the darkening forest, the dimming sunset filling the car with semi-darkness. It felt intimate and romantic.

I swallowed and stared out my window, avoiding looking at him. He was beautiful, smart, amazing, and apparently, he wanted me. Whether for me or just for what I could give him remained to be seen.

“I want to be honest with you, Ashlinn,” he said, bringing my attention to him.

I unbuckled and leaned against my door, so I could see him better, and put some distance between us. This was all getting so cheesy for me, like some clichéd movie script.

“Look at it from my perspective.” I found my voice, and focused on his earlobe. If I didn’t look at his eyes, I could remain firm. “I’m a vamp nobody. My best friends are vamps, but I don’t really go to any vamp functions. They’re really the only vamps I hang out with.” I played with the zipper on my hoodie.

He was rapt with attention, letting me gather my thoughts and get them all out. “I’m totally crushing on, like, the king vamp kid in school, hot, popular, rich, yadda, yadda.”

Blushing, I glanced out the windshield as he grinned. Even hot guys liked to hear they were hot. I cleared my throat and refocused, meeting his eyes this time. Yay, me. “As far as I know, he has no idea that I even exist. Best friend Matt, who is also friends with hot guy, keeps telling me to give it up. But he won’t even offer to introduce me, or invite me to any parties. Oh yeah, and said hot vamp boy has gorgeous vamp girlfriend, so I really have zero chance.” I paused. How much did I tell him? He hadn’t really given me anything; he’d tried to bite me and was trying to win my trust back. Dare I bare my soul to him now, give him more power over me?

“You have a chance,” he cut in. “You had a chance before you walked into me this week. You’re not invisible, Ashlinn. Saturday night, I...wanted to kiss you. Yes, I wanted to bite you, but more than that, I wanted to keep kissing you. I screwed it all up, and it suckes I have to start from scratch because I’ve wasted a lot of kissing time.” He stared ahead as he talked, hands flexing on the steering wheel, the lingering shadows playing on the contours of his face.

A small bloom of warmth ignited in my center and began to radiate outward. I pressed my lips together to keep from smiling like an idiot, even as they burned with the memory of his kiss. I entwined my fingers in my lap and took a deep breath. That had been totally honest from him. I could give him something deeper, as well.

The next part was totally honest and revealing, more than I’d ever told Cora even. “He’s everywhere,” I continued. My voice dropped to just above a whisper, but Conor would have no trouble hearing me. “In my dreams at night, in my daydreams, all I can think about some days. He shows up everywhere. I’m kinda obsessed, and I can’t do anything about it. I’m just drawn to him. I feel like…”

I glanced back into the woods, now almost completely dark. Looking back at Conor, I could see his eyes almost glowing. I foraged on.

“I feel like we’re connected somehow. Weird, crazy, I know. Cora thinks I’m crazy, Matt thinks I’m crazy. Yet, I can’t help how I feel.” I stopped and took a breath.

He was frozen, watching me, like he was afraid if he moved, I would run. His lips curved up a little, his only movement. I waited. Waited for him to laugh, to confirm I was crazy. To tell me to forget the whole thing because I was definitely loony. He just sat there, mouth shut. I pulled my zipper up and down, and blew out a breath. “So imagine my reaction when said hot boy corners me in his library and proceeds to seduce me.” I grinned wryly.

He leaned away in shock. “Seduce you?”

I rolled my eyes. “Please! Poetry?” I scoffed. “Like you didn’t have that planned?”

His laughter filled the car. I couldn’t help but join in.

“Truth?” he asked when he’d sobered a little. I nodded.

“I was nervous. I had no idea how to start a conversation when I found you, let alone ask you what I wanted to. I thought it would break the ice a little. But—” It was his turn to look away. “I told you, I really wanted to kiss you. I just got caught up in the moment, and—well, you know—” He shrugged and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel.

I did know. “Um. Yeah. Well, imagine how I felt when I realized you meant to bite me, without asking me first. I thought…I thought you were just using me, kissing me to soften me up so you could get what you wanted. That’s when I panicked. I was scared and angry.” I couldn’t look at him now, remembering the first wave of humiliation.

“I know,” he whispered. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” He’d already apologized so many times. I had to move on. I knew he felt bad.

“I know,” I repeated his words. “I just felt stupid. And then I found out my best friend had told you I liked you. It was just…embarrassing.” I raised a shoulder and tilted my head, hoping he understood my predicament.

He reached across the console and took my hand. The cold vampire thing was all bunk, because his touch warmed me. “Which is why I want to start over with you. Can we do that?”

My immediate reaction was just to say yes, to give into his pleading eyes. I hesitated, studying him. His mouth turned down at the corners, forehead creased in concern. “What do you want from me, Conor?”

He looked taken aback, eyes widening, but recovered quickly. “A chance to be friends, to earn your trust, and the possibility you might eventually find me worthy of having you as my familiar. In return, I can protect you. I can give you friendship and trust. All the same I’m asking of you, I’ll give you.”

I nodded slowly as I digested his words, ignoring the twinge in my gut. He hadn’t said he wanted to date me. Was it just an omission, or did he really just want to be friends? I could be just friends with Conor, really. “Okay.” I covered up my disappointment with a small smile. “We can start over.”

His face relaxed into a grin and he gave my hand a squeeze before letting go to start the car. “Great. Can I take you to dinner? You must be starving by now.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Dinner? Like dinner out?”

He laughed with me. “Yeah, dinner. You know, pizza, talk, get to know each other.”

“Yeah, sure. I just have to call my mom.”

She picked up on the second ring. “Ashlinn? You missed dinner.”

I closed my eyes in resignation. My mom wasn’t much for pretense. “I know. I’m sorry. Um, actually, Conor wants to take me to dinner. Is that all right?”

Her hesitation was obvious, followed by a heavy sigh. “Fine. Ashlinn, be home before ten.”

The glowing numbers on the dashboard clock said 7:45 “I will, way before. Promise.”

“Be careful,” she said before hanging up.

We went to a little pizzeria. We talked. Conor was just a normal guy, like Matt, although full of major hotness. Once I was caught up in eating, I had no problem making conversation with him. He didn’t seem to want to run out on dinner, so he must have liked hanging out with me as well.

On the walk back to his car after dinner, he looked down at me, lips pursed, eyebrows dipping low.

“School’s going to be a little different for you now,” he commented.

My nose scrunched in confusion. “Why? Because I smell good to vamps?”

His lips twisted in amusement. “Somewhat, yes. Every time you use your power, you get stronger. And since you used it last night, you’ll show up on some vamps’ radar more now.”

“Great. So am I going to be accosted by guys all day like you did last night?” I mused.

“Are you going to get past that soon? I can only apologize so many times.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” I laughed. “I just have to give you a hard time.”

“To answer your question, no, I doubt they will try to bite you in the hallways.” He looked at the moon, a bright, curved slash in the night sky, as he opened the car door for me. “I honestly don’t know if you are as appealing to everyone as you are to me. Sorry.”

I waited until he was in and had started the car before replying. “No need to apologize. Pretty sure there are a lot worse guys who could be lusting after me than you,” I teased him.

He shook his head. “Not exactly lusting.” He glanced at me sideways. “Okay, well, maybe a little,” he admitted with a crooked grin.

I tried not to smile too big, my stomach fluttered. I had meant lusting after my power. I wondered briefly how he meant it. When he pulled into my driveway, he looked at me again, his clear green eyes shining in the dark of the car.

“Thank you.” His voice was low, seductive. “For tonight.” A nervous tension suddenly hung between us, filling the small space. I felt like I should kiss him goodnight, like it was what was supposed to happen. However, we weren’t dating, we were barely friends. I saw his fists clench and unclench on the steering wheel.

“Thank you for being so honest.” My voice was just above a whisper.

“Anytime.” I opened the car door and made to get out. “Ashlinn.”

I froze, waiting.

He hesitated, staring out the windshield, before turning to me, resigned. “See you tomorrow.”

I let out the breath I’d been holding. “See you tomorrow, Conor.” I got out and shut the door, feeling strangely unfulfilled.

I had never been so aware of everyone around me as I was Monday morning at school. Vampires, witches, and humans used to all look the same to me. But that morning, I noticed each and every vamp on my way to my locker. Our school had a small witch population. I idly wondered, not for the first time, why I wasn’t friends with more witches. It sure would have saved me some drama. Fate had brought me Matt and Cora, and I wouldn’t trade my friends for anything. I found Matt waiting for me near my locker. As I approached, he avoided my eyes. I spun my lock. “This is what you meant when you said you had to obey?” I glanced at him.

He leaned on the locker next to me, staring across the hall like there was some great mystery on the wall he had to figure out. “I knew you wouldn’t agree to becoming a familiar. But I had to tell you. It has to be done,” he said as though telling me someone close to me had died. He turned to me, eyes boring into mine.

“I can do it, Ash,” he said then with quiet, steely conviction. “We’re best friends anyway. It’s not like we can’t stand each other. And friends last longer than boyfriends anyway.” He held a hand out. “What if… What if Conor decides someday he doesn’t want to be with you anymore? Then you’re stuck in a bond with someone who wants out, but you can’t really get out without you dying.”

It wasn’t like I hadn’t thought about that fun little scenario already. Once a familiar stopped sharing blood, the whole live-longer benefit wore off. I shrugged off my doubt. “I suppose the promise of my power will be enough to keep him around. Since that’s why he’s interested in the first place. It should only get stronger, right?”

I looked down the hallway, away from his too serious gaze. I was afraid of the implications of his stare and where this conversation was going. I so did not want to go there. Not with Matt. Not today. Not ever.

Matt blew out a short breath. “It’s not just your power, Ash. He told you. You are…” He stopped, face reddening. My stomach sank. Oh, shit. His eyes softened while mine widened. I did. Not. Want. To. Do. This.

He cleared his throat and looked away. “He really does like you, is all,” he finished in a rough voice. His fingers came up to my cheek in a featherlight touch, accompanied by a smile I’d never seen from him. “It’s not your power that makes you special, Ash.”

My heart raced and stomach clenched.
Oh, Matt.
His hand fell to his side and he gave me his, “I was just joking. No big deal,” smile. A line had been crossed, though, and it was a big deal. I did not want to lose what I had with Matt because I rejected him as a protector.

“I know you’ve had a thing for him for a long time,” he said softly, “I know. And now…now he likes you back.”

I took a breath. “Matt. You are my best friend.” I looked him in the eye, willing him to see all the love I did have for him, all the
platonic
love. “I love you. I don’t want to lose you. You make me feel…safe. Maybe that makes me selfish or whatever, but I already consider you my protector. I don’t want to lose that because I hurt you.”

I needed Matt in my life, I really did. Just not in the way he apparently wanted me to need him.

He smiled again, a little sadly. “I know. I’ll be here…for whatever you need, okay? I promise.”

I nodded and tried to smile through the pain of hurting him. “Thank you.”

“And if Conor hurts you, I’ll stake him myself.” He grinned wickedly.

I swatted his arm and laughed, tension broken. “You’d only piss him off.”

“Well, yeah, it wouldn’t really hurt him, but it would make me feel better.”

I rolled my eyes and shut my locker. “He’s your friend. You guys should be getting along.”

I didn’t know where Cora was, so we started to class without her. Matt shrugged, all Joe Cool. “Yeah. Just so you know, if he hurts you…you know…”

I did. Matt would defend me against anyone, even Conor.

“I don’t think it’s going to be a problem, Matty. At least, I hope not.”

“You hope not what?” Conor appeared at my side, making me jump.

“Um… I hope you don’t hurt me,” I responded, taking in his green eyes, tight polo shirt, and jeans. His gaze flicked to Matt before settling on me.

“I don’t plan on it.”

“See, Matt?” I chucked him on the shoulder. “It’s all good for now.”

His gaze remained locked on Conor over my head as we walked through the hall.

“For now,” he repeated, dryly.

I sighed. Would things ever go back to normal now? Where was the fun, joking Matt I loved?