Wanted (13 page)

“I saw Katie, Brandon,” Holly blurted the moment Brandon woke up from his nap. “She finally went to that general store I told you about.”

It took her brother a few moments to focus on her. More time passed before he spoke. “What happened?”

“I talked to her.”

“A-a…and?”

He looked worse. As she pressed the remote control button so he could sit up, Holly used the time to school her features. The nurses had warned her he was having a bad day. His sluggish words and dark marks around his eyes showed they hadn't exaggerated.

“Hol?”

Taking a deep breath, she mentally attempted to moderate her feelings. The last thing Brandon needed was to
see her stress. “Oh, well, at first I couldn't believe that it was actually Katie. She was standing with two little girls and all dressed in Amish clothes.”

“Two girls? Is she married?”

“No, I later found out that she's just watching them.”

“How did she look?”

“Different. Her dress was a violet-blue. It was pretty, but hung loose. Some kind of black apron was pinned over that. Her hair was all twisted and pinned up under a sheer white little hat.”

Brandon shook his head. “No. How did she
look
, Holly?”

He still cared so much
. “She looked different. But, pretty, too. She looked happy. Well, she did until she saw me.” In a cross between a chuckle from the memory and a sob that threatened to erupt from seeing the condition her brother was in, Holly tried to find the words to describe Katie's face when she saw her.

Maybe a cross between utter dread and complete surprise? “Anyway, we talked. She…apologized, Brandon.”

“She feels guilty.”

“I imagine she does. And she's got a ton to feel guilty about, too. I know you really liked her, Brandon.”

“I loved her.” Closing his eyes for a moment, he added, “Maybe I still do, in a way.”

“I told her you wanted to see her.”

He stared at her again. “What did she say?”

“She said she would visit you.” She clasped his hand when hope entered his expression. “She promised.”

“When?”

“I don't know. I guess when she can get a driver.”

“Why a driver?”

Showcasing her knowledge, Holly explained. “The Amish don't drive, Brandon. Most don't even own cars. But they're not against using vehicles as transportation—just as having them as conveniences. So they hire people to take them places.”

“You…you should have,” he said weakly.

“I know I should've.” A better person would have thought to offer. But she hadn't. In truth, she'd been so overwhelmed with emotion that she hadn't even given it a thought. All she could think of was that she'd missed Katie, and that she could have used her friendship and support over the last year. Clearing her throat, “Anyway, I'm thinking maybe she'll be here on Monday or Tuesday.”

“Maybe.” As if the conversation was too much, he closed his eyes again.

“She'll show up,” she said with more confidence than she felt. But Katie had to show up. It was Brandon's dying wish.

She'd promised. Holly hoped Katie had finally started keeping some promises.

 

Late that night, long after the girls were fast asleep and Jonathan had gone back to the
daadi haus
, Katie pulled out her memory box again from under the bed.

After carefully setting the container on top of the pale lavender quilt, she gingerly opened the cardboard top. Oh, it wasn't a fragile thing. One the contrary, it only contained
fragile memories. Ones she was both afraid to abandon completely and wary about confronting again.

As she set the lid to the box on the floor, once again the scent of another life burst into the air.

But this time, instead of only recalling the things she'd done wrong, Katie started recalling the good times she'd had. Remembering the laughter she'd shared with Holly. Her first impression of a shopping mall. The sense of freedom she'd felt, just by spending a Saturday doing nothing except watching episodes of
The Brady Bunch
on Holly's television.

Oh, how she'd enjoyed that show.

Finally, she recalled how torn up she'd been inside, wondering what God planned for her future. Wondering what the right path was to take. She'd been so confused, she'd sought out Henry, though he hadn't been in the best spirits, either. Rachel had left him for an
Englischer
just weeks before.

She'd found him in his workroom, supposedly sanding an old trunk they'd found in the attic. In actuality, all he'd been doing was sitting with his dog, Jess.

“Henry, are you ever going to smile again?”

He'd looked at her and scowled. “Leave me alone, Katie.”

“I truly am sorry about Rachel.”

He shrugged. “It's not your worry.”

“But it is. Don't you know how I worry about you?” She'd swallowed hard. What she'd really wanted was for him to see how she still needed him. She still needed him to worry about her, to offer her guidance.

But Henry was so good. He would never understand her willfulness. Her dreamy nature. Her impulsiveness. He'd never understand her ever even thinking about living among the English.

Absently, Henry rubbed Jess's side. “I'm glad you care. If I was to admit the truth, I'd guess I'd tell you that I'm sorry Rachel wanted someone else. Wanted a different way of life.”

“Did she ever tell you why?”

“Why?”
He paused to consider her question. “I don't rightly know. I don't think Rachel was running from me in particular, though maybe she was. Maybe she wasn't even running from anything.” Picking up his sandpaper, he rubbed it against the side of the trunk once. Twice. “More likely, I think Rachel was running to something else. To another man.”

Reaching down, he rubbed Jess's neck. The dog thumped his tail in bliss. “Rachel was in love. I can't fault that, you know? When a person is in love, there isn't much choice. If you don't follow your heart, then the rest of the world isn't as right. It's like everything is off-kilter.”

Katie had been mesmerized by his words. Henry had sounded so wise. And he'd spoken directly to her heart.

And that's when she'd known the truth—she didn't love Brandon.

That conversation had spurred her decision, but had also fueled her regrets. Katie imagined anyone would feel as she did—it was hard to not love someone when they wanted you to. Sometimes, no matter how much you wanted to love someone, those feelings just never surfaced.

Now that time had gone by, Katie knew she'd made the right decision. Yes, she could have handled things far better. But if she had to go back and live her life again, she knew she wouldn't choose Brandon over Jonathan. She wouldn't choose to live a different way.

She had the Lord and His watchful ways to thank for that.

He certainly had guided her through many rough patches. Now she needed His guidance once again. She needed to make things right with Holly. To ask for Brandon's forgiveness. To move forward. To run to something. To run to the path that was meant just for her.

Closing her eyes, Katie said a prayer from Psalm 105 that had always brought her comfort.
Seek the Lord, and his strength; seek his face evermore
. “Help me, Jesus. Help me know what to do, help me know what the right thing to do would be.”

With bated breath, she waited for a sign that He heard her words. Waited to feel a new sense of peace. But nothing came.

The wind picked up, blowing branches, which in turn scraped against the outside walls of her bedroom. Quickly, Katie closed the box again and pushed it back under her bed. After blowing out the candle, she burrowed down into the covers and listened to the wind, closed her eyes, and prayed with all her heart. In the dark room, she finally confessed to all of her sins. Confessed to all of her transgressions, asked for forgiveness and guidance. Holly's reappearance in her life had made one thing painfully clear.

She couldn't make decisions alone anymore. She would
ask God's help and finally do what He wanted her to. Only then would she ever find peace.

 

The following morning, Katie knew what she had to do. She had to go see Brandon. There really was no other decision to make. He was sick, he had asked for her, and poor Holly had gone out of her way to find her.

The moment Mary and Hannah left for school, Katie donned her favorite blue dress, then quickly slipped on her black cape, hitched up Blacky, and rode to the Dutchman Inn. There were phones there as well as a place to board Blacky for a few hours. Once she arrived at the inn, she could either ask if there was a driver available, or she could contact one of the people she knew who made a living out of doing such work.

Luckily, Katie didn't come in contact with much traffic on the small, winding roads that led to the inn. The few cars that did pass her waved before slowly making their way around her buggy. She waved back and used the time on her hands to think about Brandon. It was hard to think of him being in so much pain and facing the end of his life.

She shouldn't have pretended she'd never known him. She should have been mature enough to at least try to remain friends instead of blocking all memories of their relationship away, hoping they'd never surface again.

All too soon, she pulled up to the side entrance to the Dutchman Inn, settled Blacky, then approached the manager.

“I'm needing a driver today, Mr. Pruitt,” she said as soon
as she saw the forty-year-old manager working at one of the back tables. Terry was the original owner's son, and he had taken over the management of the popular restaurant when his parents were tired of the day-to-day grind. “Any chance you know of someone here who could help me?”

“Where you going, Katie?”

She pulled out the sheet of paper that Holly had given her. “Adams Community Hospital. Do you know of it?”

“I do. Amy delivered all four of our kids there.” He looked at her over a pair of half-moon reading glasses. “Everything okay?”

“Yes. I'm just paying a call on an old friend of mine.” Thinking that he might be wondering why Henry or her parents weren't accompanying her, she added, “It's kind of a sudden visit.”

“How long do you need to go for?”

“Not long. Maybe an hour or two?”

Terry nodded. “I can take you. Give me five minutes and then we'll be on our way, okay?”

Thirty minutes later, she walked into the main reception area. Terry had dropped her off, promising to return in one hour.

Now she was on her own.

“Excuse me, I am looking for Brandon Norris. May I pay him a visit?”

The dark-haired lady looked on her computer then directed her to the fifth floor. When Katie arrived at the nurses' station, she was met with a trio of interested stares. “Brandon Norris, please?”

“You Amish?”

“I am.” When they all kept staring, she cleared her throat. “I came to pay him a visit?”

“Oh. Sure.” A nurse came around the bright turquoise desk, motioning down the hall. “He's in room 505. Have you been to see him before?”

“No.”

“Oh. Well, some days are better than others. His sister, Holly, is sure he can hear everything you say, so if he doesn't open his eyes, don't be shy about talking.” She stopped at the door. “We've been keeping visits to about twenty minutes. All right?”

She left before Katie could reply. But Katie was glad. She felt so nervous and worried; she didn't want another person there to witness her struggles. Slowly, she turned the doorknob and stepped inside.

And then quickly wiped tears as she saw him.

Oh, Brandon
.

When she'd first met him, he'd always seemed so infallible. So bright and strong. The complete opposite of the man in the bed in the dim room. The Brandon she'd remembered had an easy smile, sparkling hazel eyes. An infectious laugh.

The man in the hospital bed looked at least thirty pounds lighter. His skin was sallow and pale. An IV tube was attached to his left arm. The brown hair she'd admired so much was cut short.

His eyes were closed.

She stepped closer. Recalling how the nurse had said she
should talk, she did her best. Surely an apology was the right way to start? “Brandon? It's me. Katie. Katie Brenneman. I…” She swallowed. “I heard you had wanted to see me.” Only the machines clicked in reply.

Steeling her nerves, she continued. “Listen. I'm…I'm sorry. I'm very sorry about what I did. I'm sorry for lying to you.”

He didn't move.

She approached and sat down in the cushioned vinyl chair next to him. What to say next? “I…I saw Holly yesterday. She told me you were under the weather. I…I didn't know.”

Slowly his eyes flickered open. Katie inhaled sharply. Now those were the eyes she remembered. Lovely, multicolored, perceptive. When they focused on her, she tried to smile. “Hi, Brandon.”

“You came.”

Oh, there was such pleasure in his voice, Katie was sure she was about to burst into tears. “I…did.
Jah
.”

“Jah?”

“I'm sorry. When I get nervous, I start thinkin' in
Deutsche
.” She shook her head. “Oops. I mean, I think in Pennsylvania Dutch.”

“Are you nervous?”

“Yes.” Steeling herself, she leaned forward. “Brandon, I'm verra glad you wanted to see me. This gives me a chance to say that I'm sorry. You know, for causing you pain. For lying about who I was.”

“Why did you?”

“I don't know.” With a shake of her head, she forced herself to speak more slowly. To choose her words with more care. Brandon deserved that much. “That's not true. I…I think it was because I wasn't sure what I wanted. Back when we first met, I was feeling trapped. Restless. I wanted something new. Wanted a chance to be someone else.” She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, then confessed the rest. “But…only for a little while.”