Wanted (20 page)

The highlights of my life seemed duller to me now. I didn’t care if my books were alphabetized or my grade point average was a 4.0. As I massaged the soap from my hair, I laughed as I realized how very little it all really mattered. Yes, I had been abducted, threatened, and even assaulted, but I had also fallen in love. It sounded so brutal by comparison to my feelings for Charlie, and yet if this was Stockholm Syndrome, then I decided that everyone should have it at least once if it made them as happy as it was making me.

Charlie had said repeatedly that he wasn’t a good person, and it was true that I couldn’t condone some of the things he had done. Still, his remorse had to count for something, right? While he could never make up for the things he had done, he couldn’t fool me, either. I had seen him in those moments with his friends, his dedication to his art, and that compassion for me that led to my feelings for him. If I could understand that he was so much more than a thief, then why couldn’t he?

In the cabin I pretended to be annoyed and covered my flaming cheeks with my cold, wet hair. It was a minimal but welcome relief against the heat of the blush. I crossed my legs over each other and sat down on the bed while Charlie continued to stare me down and sketch. The day’s activities had hit me and I was overwhelmed by my own tiredness; my body feeling the weight of it all. Charlie smiled at my yawn and sat down next to me.

“I should let you sleep.”

“No!” I hadn’t meant to sound so desperate, but I pulled him by the arm before he had the chance to get up and leave. I wanted to soak up every moment with him I could, integrate him into my bloodstream. There was a wave of separation anxiety dropping into me at the mere thought of him leaving. My organs felt as though they would shrivel when it happened; I would simply die.

“Will you stay?” I pleaded. His eyebrows nearly hit the ceiling and a grin spread across his face at the suggestion. “Just until I fall asleep?”

He nodded and kicked off his boots, taking his time to lie out on the bed with his back against the wall.

“Here you go gettin’ a guy’s hopes up…”

I hit him lightly in the chest and lay out next to him. Since the bed was only a twin, we were basically on top of each other, on our sides so we could face one another. We shared the only pillow, but neither of us complained. I reached out and played my fingers over the serpent on his neck as though it were a keyboard—it was becoming increasing difficult not to imagine playing other parts of his body.

Charlie must have felt it too because he clasped my hand in his to prevent it from going any further.

“Th-that probably ain’t such a good idea.”

I was hurt by the instant rejection. The horrible idea came to my mind that maybe I had been completely wrong about his reaction toward me. Maybe he had only been showing me kindness out of the goodness of his heart, a way of keeping things civil between us. And could our kiss have been a moment of pity?

“I’m sorry if I’m being a nuisance.”

He scoffed, propped himself up on his elbow, and looked me over. “Can I tell you something?”

I was almost afraid to hear the answer. “I guess.”

“That blush of yours is ‘bout the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

I groaned into the pillow while he laughed. “No! Come on, I was covering it so well!”

He gushed with laughter. “If you say so.”

We laughed together until he pulled me forward by the chin, our faces only inches apart.

“You gotta be the greatest thing I ever stole.”

Once more our lips collided and sent me gliding across the surf. It started out simple and tender, but the current took us both within a matter of seconds and we became like two desperate swimmers, reaching out for more.

Abruptly he pulled, almost shoved, me away. “Stop.” He was breathless and flushed, barely able to get the word out.

I closed my eyes to keep the room from spinning. “Why?”

“‘Cause I’m a real bad man, but I can’t do that, Addie.”

The confusion was beginning to beat me down. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve done a lot of bad things in my day. But if we do this…if I took that away from you, I’d roast in hell for sure. You’re too good to be here with me, Addie. You gotta get yourself somethin’ a lot better than me—”

I put my finger over his lips to silence him. “Being here with you has been the greatest moment of my life. There is nothing better than this.”

Pulling me as close as our two bodies could be, Charlie rested his mouth against my ear and laughed when I shivered against him.

“I wish I could keep you.”

I slept the deep, dreamless sleep of lovers who carry no worries—waking only occasionally to remind myself that Charlie was still with me, and to snuggle up more closely against him. As we drifted off into a world of sleep and stars, I felt his arms reaffirming their hold on me with a gentle tug. At some point during our unconsciousness, our legs entangled and snaked around each other as if the natural need to be together grew to be too much for them.

The sound of his soft snoring in my ear soothed me in a trance of my own. I could hardly picture doing this with anyone else during my lifetime. What had Charlie intended when he said I should get something better? Now I was confident that he wanted me as much as I wanted him, but there was still something holding him back, keeping his happiness at bay, and I would be damned if I didn’t discover its origins and obliterate it completely.

Without any clocks around, it was difficult to tell what time of day it was. Judging, however, by the lack of anyone in the corridors, I guessed that it was mid-morning to early afternoon. I laughed a little as I jogged up the stairwell—only days ago not knowing the exact time (or at least not having access to it) would have made me freak out. Today it felt like the guess was good enough.

I was cautious about going into the galley by myself. If Charlie wasn’t there, then it would probably be pretty awkward. Luckily, he was already sitting at the cafeteria table—freshly showered and everything.

I spent a few minutes watching him through the bay windows of the galley doors. He and Yuri were laughing heartily about some jockey and a horse that seemed to cause them a great deal of amusement. Meanwhile, Polo was trying to find an alternative for coffee filters while simultaneously rummaging through the drawers and cupboards for some he swore he had.

Charlie and Yuri tossed the filters back and forth to each other while Polo’s back was turned. If I hadn’t known him up until that moment, I would have said he was an average man with the same amount of struggle as anyone else who was just enjoying the moment. His immature humor made him seem familiarly brilliant, casting a bright hue over him I couldn’t take my eyes off of. If I didn’t know any better, I may have guessed he was a newly freed man, basking in the carelessness that came with that epiphany.

I pushed open the door and ambushed the group, managing to grab the coffee filters in mid-air as they were being tossed back to Yuri.

“Here, Polo, look what I found!”

I looked down on the laughing duo and shushed them. “Really? Shame on you two.”

Charlie snorted. “You really want that boy havin’ caffeine in his system?”

I looked at the filters as I considered his argument. “That is a good point…”

“Addie! Addie! You found them! Oh man, I’ve been looking everywhere for those things! Where did you get them?” Polo rushed over and hugged me gratefully.

I was already beginning to regret my kindness.

Yuri laughed at my expression. “Let’s see if he can’t burn it again, ah?”

I cursed myself over their laughter and took a seat beside Charlie. While I was tempted to wrap myself up in him, the need for public decency won out over basic desire. Still, I felt a light squeeze of Charlie’s hand on mine when they met under the table—an inconspicuous lover’s greeting.

I wanted to stay in my daze, to remain wrapped in those few moments we were sharing, but the loud clamoring of falling objects took us away from each other.

“Polo!” Yuri bellowed. “What the hell you doing over there?”

The red top of Polo’s head appeared over the top of a counter. “I can’t find that one frying pan for making sandwiches! It’s the best one! If I don’t have it, the grilled cheeses won’t taste the same.”

I rested my hand against my chin and looked at the mess over Yuri’s shoulder. “I put it back in the pantry above the stove, Polo…where I found it.” I rolled my eyes at Charlie and laughed.

“Ain’t no point trying to clean up Polo’s messes,” he said and grinned at me.

“I wasn’t. Rather, I was cleaning up after myself after we made breakfast.”

Yuri leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “You made those omelets yesterday?”

Charlie nodded slowly, but I looked back at Polo, who was struggling to carry about ten different things in his arms at once. “Well, I just helped—”

Yuri laughed. “Right.”

I jumped as something else crashed to the floor. “I got it! I got it!” Polo called.

“Well maybe you can go help him again before we all starve?”

Charlie laughed. “You think he’s gonna kill himself in here or down in the engine room?”

Yuri frowned as he glanced from Charlie to me. Apparently he didn’t realize I knew about the knockers. It made the atmosphere tense enough for me to know that maybe I needed to disappear for a while.

Reluctantly, I let go of Charlie’s hand and walked over to the kitchen nook. “Hey there, Polo—need some help?”

Almost as soon as my back was turned, I heard swearing and hushed whispers. It made me uneasy immediately. Even though I tried to ignore it and muddle through the tasks of slicing tomatoes and chopping lettuce, it was difficult to discount the underlying anger that boiled in Charlie’s voice.

Polo leaned over me to collect the loaves of bread I had put aside. His sudden action, combined with my lack of attention, nearly caused the surgical removal of his pinky finger.

“Oh God, Polo, I’m so sorry!” I dropped the knife and stepped away from the cutting board. My lack of ability to keep myself out of harm’s way was one thing, but I didn’t think I would be capable of forgiving myself if my clumsy actions caused someone else to get seriously injured, too.

He just shrugged it off, becoming, like I, more interested in the growing argument at the table.

“What do you think they’re talking about over there?” I whispered.

Polo laughed his Polo laugh, unnerving me more. “You, Addie! Duh!”

I cringed and turned back around to the storage space where I thought I might pretend to look for something. I had very few options but to look away and just try to make-believe I didn’t know what was going on—although I suppose that wasn’t entirely untrue. It seemed like Charlie was trying to stand up for me. Yuri was clearly very angry. But hadn’t he and the other guys come to realize by now that I would never speak a word against them if it meant hurting Charlie?

Didn’t they understand by now I would do everything I could to keep them from the trouble of the law? I blamed myself. I simply hadn’t been clear about my intended loyalty. From outside the pantry, both Charlie’s and Yuri’s voices rose to new octaves. I cringed at the thought of them coming to blows.