Wanted (24 page)

“You gotta tell me what happened.”

Charlie had interrupted my self-loathing. Only then did I look up to realize he had been watching me all along. His face had again become ravaged by anger. The darkness that held him wasn’t showing any restraint and Charlie was ready to do damage. Whether it was upon me or not wasn’t going to matter. I figured I had already inadvertently tried freezing to death. Maybe being killed by someone I loved was the better way to go after all. At least he would be the last thing I saw before the Nothingness caved in.

I narrowed my eyes. I wanted to be very clear about my newfound revulsion for him. “What do you care?” There wasn’t a chance I was going to give him or anyone else the satisfaction of knowing the idiocy of my plan or how I had pathetically failed.

His brow furrowed, but he remained silent, only kicking some imaginary dust at the end of his boot.

“You should have just left me there,” I whispered. Maybe this response surprised him because his head jolted up and the stare in his eyes changed yet again. I didn’t know whether or not I should be afraid. Unfortunately, as usual when I was with Charlie, my mouth did the thinking for me.

“You’re just going to kill me anyway. So what was the point in delaying the inevitable? If you changed your mind about the whole ransom thing—”

His fist slammed down on the plastic crate with such force that its lid flew open. I trembled and tried to pull myself away from the display—closed my eyes even, but Charlie wouldn’t let me escape.

“Addie, I’m sorry.” He came over and knelt beside the bed. His voice cracked with every word. “Addie?” He paused, then tried again. “Addie?”

I couldn’t look at him. I wouldn’t.

“Everything got so messed up, Addie.” He sniffled and buried his face into the mattress.

“When Yuri told me what was goin’ on, I freaked out. I said all that stuff, but it wasn’t true, Addie. I swear to God—”

No. No, I would not look at him.

“I heard you crying in here and it was tearin’ my guts out, but everybody said I did the right thing. Then when the storm started, I had to go to the steering hold. But when I got back, the place was all messed up and you were gone. We didn’t think there was no way he could get down here. I thought you’d be okay in here. I thought you’d be safe.”

He struggled to continue and instinctively I wanted to reach out and pull him closer. He seemed to be hurting so much and if I could do anything to alleviate that pain, I wanted to do it, but I knew it was a ruse. I brushed away a tear and cradled my knees to my body. I hated him for making me feel this way.

“I had everybody looking for you everywhere all night long.” All night? What time was it now?

“We searched everywhere, Addie, every crew cabin, the lifeboats, the engine room. It was only ‘round dawn that Reid was saying you went overboard.”

I scoffed. Into the ocean? Now why hadn’t I thought of that?

Then again maybe it was a good thing I hadn’t. If I had, I might have seriously considered it for a moment. Or, like an idiot, I might have attempted to take a lifeboat out by myself. Of course what I had done wasn’t a genius move, either. But I had given in to my panic and let it take over my rationale. I closed my eyes and tried to will the humiliation away.

I gave in and turned my head around to see Charlie seething. It killed me to see his hands ripping at his hair angrily, nearly taking it by the root.

I didn’t think when I reached my hand out to stop him. “No, Charlie.”

He looked up, stopped instantly.

“You promised.” It was a weak argument, but it was the only thing I had to work with.

His smile was almost enough to break me. I knew I shouldn’t have looked at him, his eyes were weary and sunken. It wasn’t difficult to believe he hadn’t slept. Every color that normally shone in his eyes was dulled by sadness and a gloss of tears that wouldn’t spill. He hadn’t shaved yet and his body seemed fatigued and obstructed by frustration.

He let me pull his hand away, but I could see instantly that he’d already caused some serious injuries. His pinky and ring fingers of his left hand were swollen, and the knuckles were bruised severely enough that I flinched at the sight.

“God, Charlie, what did you do to yourself?”

He seemed confused, but then followed my gaze to his hand. “I-I got angry.”

The image of the punched-in wall in Hold 6 came to my mind.

I put his hand down as gingerly as I could to wipe away my tears. Charlie saw them and nearly became hysterical with regret.

“I’m sorry, Addie. I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please don’t cry! I’m gonna find him and I’ll make him regret any second of his life he spent hurting you. I’ll make it up to you, okay? I promise I’ll make it right.”

I tried to find the words, tried to find the feeling. Yet everything was mush in my brain. I reached for the glass of water and chugged it in a single gulp.

“Charlie,” I pleaded. “You have to slow down. Don’t pull a Polo on me.”

He looked up and smiled. It was without question the greatest thing I had ever seen.

I ran my hand through his hair and wiped at my own tears. After a moment I started again. “I-I’m not really sure what you’re talking about, Charlie.”

He frowned again. I could sense he was worried for my mental well-being. “Wallace.”

I pulled away, coiled myself into the blankets and made myself as small as I could. I hadn’t thought about him since Charlie all but promised he wasn’t on the ship. What was it he was saying to me now?

Charlie saw my fear and reacted. “You gotta tell me what happened,” he repeated. His face went stoic again, his voice all stone.

“No.”

“Addie—”

“No.” My voice was stronger now, more resolute. “You have to tell me what happened. Are you saying that-that person is here? What? How?” The room began to close in on me and the air became nonexistent.

He stared at me with a new sort of confusion and concern mixed together. I could see by the way his brow furrowed that something deep was disturbing him, though I wasn’t entirely sure what.

“Yuri heard through some old friends that Wallace was sneaking around the dock when we left port in New York. He called Yuri ‘bout it cause it seemed strange.”

“What seemed strange?”

“Wallace was rummaging through the shipping containers. When he—when you—” He swallowed hard and hung his head. I took his face in my hands to make him look at me.

“Ben told him he wouldn’t be working with us again, but he also said he wouldn’t be getting paid, neither. Ben and Wallace ain’t never liked each other. Actually, nobody ever liked Wallace, but Wallace said he’d be getting his fair share whether we wanted him to or not.”

“What, so he might be on this ship?”

“What do you mean might?” The abrupt rising of Charlie’s voice startled me. I felt him slip from my hands as his body slumped to the floor. “How else did you get yourself in that hold?”

“I—I was trying to bide my time,” I confessed.

“You went in there by yourself?” He sounded shocked by the mere suggestion.

I nodded.

“Nobody made you?”

I shook my head. “I was trying to stay a step ahead. It’s stupid, I know, but it was the only advantage I had—”

“You were hiding?”

I nodded.

“From me.”

Charlie looked at me then. His lip wavered and his eyes were damp with new tears.

“I could never—”

“I know.”

“I couldn’t ever—”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t.” He pulled himself up, sighing, and sat on the bed. I let him, trying to deny how good it felt to have him that much closer to me. “When the storm started dying down, I came back up here.” He stifled a laugh. “I didn’t care what the guys said, I was gonna beg you to forgive me, ask you to come away with me when we made port.”

My emotions were going to betray me. I could feel them begin to give way, and it was all I could do not to throw myself into his arms and just make him hold me for the rest of my life.

“But when I got here the place was a mess, more than usual, anyways.” He produced one of his Charlie grins for me. I swear that he must have known it would undo me. “My books were all ripped up, the computer broke. I ain’t real sure what he was looking for.”

“He was here?” My heart stopped altogether. “He ruined your sketches?”

Charlie seethed. “I don’t care ‘bout that, Addie. Damn pillow case got stabbed, and the lamp looked like Polo did something to it! I thought for sure you were a goner, too.”

I looked over Charlie’s shoulder. Large pieces of paint and plaster were missing from the wall where it had been smooth and flat. I could see the smallest shards of glass and plastic that someone had missed during the clean-up. I guessed it was from the laptop, though it could have been from the light bulb of the lamp. In the lamp’s place was a work light with a high fluorescent bulb. I was grateful it was shining away from me, as my eyes still stung from my pity party.

“I still don’t understand,” I confessed. While I was grateful Charlie was safe, and that I had miraculously missed Wallace’s visit, my main priority was the throbbing ache in my chest. Why would Charlie pretend to care about me when it was so much easier to break me?

“If you didn’t mean any of those things, then why did you say them?” I shifted uncomfortably in the cocoon. Maybe this was something I didn’t want to hear. I knew I had to, though; this would keep me from being stupid in the future.

“Everybody knows who you are now,” he explained. “Even when you go home, you ain’t gonna be safe from people like Wallace. Our competitors are going to wanna know as much ‘bout us as the cops are. I figured if you hated me, then maybe you would just tell everybody whatever they wanted to know and they’d leave you alone. Hell, have a press conference.”

His eyes grew a little darker as he gripped the bed sheets. He seemed to be somewhere else in that moment, a place I couldn’t touch even if I wanted to.

“What are you saying? Are there people out there who are going to hurt me?” It had never even occurred to me before that my safety would still be in jeopardy when I got home.

“Not if I can help it.” His eyes narrowed as he stared at a point on the wall. I reached out and laid my hand against the crook of his elbow. His flesh was rosy warmth compared to my icicle fingers, and I had the strongest urge to coil my entire body around his, to smother out the fire that burned him inside.

With Charlie’s temper enflamed, I knew he could cause considerable pain to himself and others. And while I wasn’t going to be an advocate for a person who had tried to kill me, someone who would hurt Charlie if given the opportunity, I didn’t want Charlie to reveal himself either. If he gave in to that darkest piece of him and let his anger take over, he might make a move that would result in his undoing. The idea was like a fuzzy kind of terror, itching at my insides and willing me to tear it apart. I didn’t want to imagine what sort of trouble Charlie could get into if his rage had a mission, a target.

“Charlie, please—”

The sound of my voice seemed to bring him back to me. He turned and smiled sadly. It wasn’t a Charlie smile, but it would have to do.

“You have to keep your promise,” I whispered. “No matter what happens, you can’t let yourself get hurt, especially on my account.”

In the swiftest of motions, he scooped me in his arms and enclosed me there; the same strength that once held me captive was now keeping me safe.

“Listen, I don’t want to be without you.” He whispered the words in my ear, a secret just for us. “As long as I got a breath in me, I ain’t ever gonna let anybody hurt you.”

I laughed into his shoulder. “That’s very sweet, Charlie, but not very practical.”

He started untangling the ends of my hair. “Not everything in life is sensible. ‘Sides, ain’t nothing practical ‘bout being alive if you ain’t alive, too.”

“Please don’t say things like that.” I pressed my face into his chest. I didn’t want to see his expression while he said that. I was too afraid he could mean it.

A knock at the door interrupted. I could feel Charlie tense against me, his body rising to shield mine. A part of me wanted to smile at the gesture, while the remaining part of me worried at his natural response.

“What are we up to in here, kids?”

Ben Walden stood in the doorway of the cabin and cleaned his glasses with the end of shirt. It was the first time I had ever seen him dressed down. And although he still wore a collared shirt, I couldn’t help but notice it was slightly wrinkled and untucked.

Charlie only pulled away from me enough to consider Ben in the door. I shielded myself from his intentional affection though, and huddled myself back in the blankets.

“Anything?” Charlie asked him.

Ben placed his glasses back on. Every movement was slow, strategic even. “The captain has been gracious enough to lend us some stewards who are re-searching the cabins, the bow, and stern storage, but there hasn’t been anything so far, I’m afraid.”

Charlie swore under his breath and tried to clench his broken fist. He winced at the pain and I reached for him. I cradled the broken hand in mine and looked it over.

“You need to ice this.” From the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Ben Walden smiling.

Charlie brushed a piece of hair back from my eye. Though I adored his touch, I also felt self-conscious as Ben observed.

“You do know what this probably means?”

“Yeah.” Charlie never took his gaze from mine. “Yeah, I know.”

I pulled away, then, and looked directly at Ben Walden. There was still something that hadn’t been shared with me, a piece of the puzzle that I hadn’t been privy to. “Um, what does this mean?”

Ben smiled at me with a certain sort of sadness and certainty in his expression. I felt a twinge of fear. What was it that I didn’t know?

“If our dear friend stowed away on a container and we can’t find him onboard, and if he is in fact onboard, which is looking more and more likely, then he’s probably biding his time.”

“I’m gonna find him.” Charlie finally looked at Ben as he acknowledged the solution out loud. There was once again something unspoken between them, and I doubted it was anything good.

“He got that VFC between shifts?” Charlie asked.

Ben nodded grimly. “Presumably, at some point yesterday evening with all of the confusion. I imagine it’s why he used Addie as a distraction.” Briefly his gaze flickered on me, but I turned away, desperate to take the focus off me. I was far too embarrassed to admit the truth of my own self-inflicted near death experience just yet.