Wanted: Parents for a Baby! (9 page)

For not loving her enough.

For not noticing her addiction.

For not being home when she and his son had needed him.

He shook off the sobering thoughts with an effort. Ryan knew he'd need to find a way to keep his distance from Cassie. A task far easier said than done.

As he drove to the park, she lifted her face
to the sky as if enjoying the wind against her skin. “This is fabulous!” she exclaimed. “You must love this car.”

“It's just a car,” he said mildly, enjoying the rapture on her face. “But I'm glad you're having fun.”

He parked at the base of the walking path that would lead up the bluff, looking over Lake Michigan. “Come on, let's take a walk.”

She climbed out of the car. “Okay, but I think we can safely assume that the woman we're trying to find wouldn't try to walk up this path with her cane.”

He shrugged, refusing to admit that this part of the day was strictly for the two of them. “I know, but we can head into town to search for her after you see the view. It's amazing.”

“Lead the way,” she said with a smile.

Dark clouds swirled overhead and he hoped the rain would hold off, at least for a while. Cassie didn't say much as they climbed up the bluff, but he didn't find her silence awkward or strained.

She was an easy person to be with. Beautiful, compelling and nurturing, an intoxicating combination.

“Wow, you were right,” she whispered
once they reached the top. “This view is incredible.”

He nodded, although his attention was focused more on Cassie than the view. He didn't deserve her, but he wanted Cassie so much he ached. “I knew you'd like it. I'm surprised other people aren't up here, although maybe the rainclouds scared them away.”

“Could be,” she said, glancing up. “The weather report said the rain wouldn't come until two this afternoon, but those clouds look ominous.”

“We'd better head back down,” he murmured, hating to cut their time short. “Before the clouds let loose.”

He caught her hand in his as they started their descent. Going down was faster than going up, and soon they were back in the convertible. “I'll put the top up,” he said, reaching for the controls.

“Please, don't, it's not raining yet,” she said, putting her hand on his arm.

Every nerve in his body went on alert at her touch. And at that moment he couldn't deny her anything. “All right, let's hope we don't get drenched. The car has to be in park before the mechanism will work to put the top up.”

“We'll be fine,” she assured him.

He fought with his chaotic emotions during the short ride back into town. A couple of sprinkles showered them as he parked. He closed up the car and slid out from behind the wheel. “Let's head over to Main Street.”

“We'd better hurry.” Cassie cast a glance up at the clouds just as a rumble of thunder echoed above them. “Run!”

This time Cassie grabbed his hand as they ran down the road toward Main Street. They reached the safety of the canopy over the window of the ice-cream parlor just as a heavy sheet of rain poured from the sky.

Cassie laughed, not at all upset about the raindrops dampening her hair and skin. “We made it,” she said breathlessly.

She was so beautiful, so warm and full of life that he couldn't help himself. He tugged her close, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. A proper kiss. Delving deep into the sweet recesses of her mouth.

Kissing Cassie felt like nothing he'd experienced before. Like coming home.

And this time he didn't want to ever let her go.

* * *

Cassie gasped when Ryan pulled her in for a scorching kiss. She knew she should push him
away, but her muscles melted against him, reveling in the desire that flared instantly between them.

This time he didn't settle for a chaste kiss, but angled his head and teased her lips until she opened for him, allowing him to deepen the intimacy.

His heady taste went straight to her brain, far more potent than whiskey or wine. He kissed her with a single-minded intensity that she'd never experienced before. Everything around them vanished. She was only aware of the smoldering heat of his mouth and the firmness and strength of his muscles beneath her exploring fingertips.

She wanted to stay in his arms, forever.

“Is that Dr. Ryan Murphy?” a woman nearby asked in a shocked voice. “Who is he kissing?”

It took a moment for the comment to register through the fiery heat, but once she realized people were talking about them, she pulled back, gulping in deep breaths of air. “We shouldn't be doing this,” she whispered, resting her forehead on his broad chest. “People are watching.”

The thundering beat of his heart gave her confidence that the impact of their kiss
wasn't one-sided. “I'm sorry,” he murmured, smoothing his hand down her back, which only made her regret the fact that they were wearing clothes. “Not for kissing you, but for dragging you into the Cedar Bluff gossip mill.”

Despite feeling embarrassed, she couldn't help but let out a chuckle. She lifted her head and stepped back, despite the way she longed for him to sweep her back into his arms. “Maybe I'm the one who dragged you into the gossip mill,” she said wryly. “After all, I'm the new kid in town.”

He cupped her cheek with his hand and she leaned into his caress. “You have no idea how much I wish I had more to offer you, Cassandra,” he said, regret shimmering from his eyes. “But I don't.”

Her heart twisted at the seriousness of his tone and she knew he was reminding her about how his last relationship hadn't worked out. Was he still grieving his dead wife? Probably.

“I know,” she said simply. She forced herself to take another step back, immediately missing his warmth. “It's probably better this way,” she added. “Especially since we work together.”

Ryan looked as if he wanted to say something more, but she didn't want to hear any platitudes. Or, worse, find herself begging for anything he was willing to give.

Just remembering the devastation she'd gone through after suffering her second miscarriage and then listening as Evan had told his lover how glad he was that she'd lost the baby was enough to bring her to her senses. She hadn't been good enough for Evan, who was to say Ryan wouldn't get tired of her, too? Besides, Ryan didn't know about her inability to have children. Would he look at her differently once he knew the truth? The very thought was enough to convince her to put Ryan back into the friend category before things spiraled out of control.

Who was she kidding? They'd already spun out of control.

“How about we get some ice cream while we wait out the storm?” she suggested, hoping her desperation wasn't too obvious.

“Sure,” he agreed.

They ducked out from beneath the awning over the window to head inside the ice-cream parlor. There were a few other customers inside and she could feel their curious gazes
boring into her as they reviewed the ice-cream selections.

“I'll have double-chocolate fudge,” she said, striving to sound normal. After that toe-curling kiss, and Ryan's emotional withdrawal, she was tempted to wallow in an entire vat of chocolate.

“Make that two,” he told the woman behind the counter.

Once they had their dishes of ice cream, Cassie wanted nothing more than to leave. “I think the rain is lightening up,” she said, gesturing toward the window. “Why don't we run over to the coffee shop next door?”

“Sounds good,” Ryan agreed. She tried to ignore his closeness as they darted over to the coffee shop.

She noticed the cane woman seated in the booth farthest in the back right away. Grabbing the distraction with both hands, she headed straight toward her with steely determination.

“Hi, my name is Cassie Jordan. Do you remember meeting me outside the neonatal ICU?”

She looked shocked but recovered quickly. “Yes, of course.”

“Do you mind telling me your name?”
Cassie pressed, sensing Ryan coming up to stand supportively beside her. “Do you know Emma's mother?”

“My name is Lydia and, no, I don't know anyone named Emma.” The woman couldn't hold Cassie's gaze and she suspected the woman was lying. But why?

“Lydia, please know that I care about Emma, very much. And having some sort of medical history on Emma's mother would help us take better care of the baby. Do you understand? Emma's mother isn't in any trouble, we just want to ask her a few questions, that's all.”

For a moment Cassie thought she'd gotten through to the woman, whose indecision was clearly reflected in her eyes, but Lydia abruptly shook her head and leaned hard on the table, pushing herself to her feet. She grabbed her cane. “I'm sorry, but I don't know anything. I can't help you.”

Cassie glanced up at Ryan, feeling helpless. They were so close, but the woman wasn't talking.

“Ms. Lydia, please know that we are taking very good care of Emma. She's had a few setbacks, but I assure you I plan to do everything possible to help Emma get better.”

Cassie thought she saw a flash of gratitude in Lydia's eyes before she moved past them to head for the door, obviously intending to leave, despite the rain.

And Cassie couldn't think of a way to stop her.

R
YAN SCOWLED WITH
frustration as Lydia left the coffee shop. He knew she was connected to Emma in some way, most likely by blood. He was convinced she was either Emma's grandmother or her great-aunt, despite her denials to the contrary.

But there wasn't much he could do, considering they were pushing Lydia for information she legally didn't have to give.

“She knows something,” Cassie murmured, dropping down into a chair and staring morosely at her melting ice cream. “But for some reason she doesn't trust us.”

He nodded, remaining on his feet because he didn't trust himself, not around Cassie. The memory of holding her in his arms and kissing her was still too fresh in his mind. The double-chocolate fudge ice cream was a poor substitute for her sweet taste.

“And she didn't give us her last name either,” Cassie continued. “Which makes me think that she's related to Emma's mother closely enough that we might be able to figure out the connection if she'd told us.”

“Good point,” he agreed. Reluctantly, he took the seat across from Cassie, trying not to show his reaction to her nearness. His heart rate still hadn't returned to normal after their kiss and her warm vanilla scent was embedded in his mind.

He tried to think of something to say that would make her feel better, but his brain cells were foggy with desire.

Cassie only ate about half of her ice cream before pushing her container aside. “Well, I guess our plan didn't work out after all, although it was worth a try.” Her tone was offhand, but she didn't meet his gaze as she stood. “I think I'll head home. Thanks for the ice cream.”

He shot to his feet, desperate to keep her with him. “Wait, you can't walk in the rain, I'll drive you home.”

“Actually, I'd rather walk,” she said, finally meeting his gaze, her eyes filled with steely determination. “It's warm outside, I
won't melt. And I'd like to be alone. Take care, Ryan, see you around.”

Panic hit hard and he reached out a hand to stop her but she shook him off and hurried to the door. Helplessly, he watched her leave, wishing for the millionth time that things could be different.

Sinking down in his seat, he sighed and dropped his head into his hands. His body craved her warmth, but his brain knew that letting Cassie go was the right thing to do. She deserved the best.

Someone far better than him. He'd never told a single soul about how he'd planned to file for divorce from Victoria. But then she'd announced she was pregnant and he'd shoved aside the idea of divorcing her. For one thing, he loved kids and had been thrilled at the thought of having a child. Plus, he'd come from a broken home and couldn't bear the idea of his child growing up under the same circumstances. So he'd decided there had to be a way to make things work out between them.

Five months later, he'd come home late one night to find Victoria sitting behind the wheel of the car, her skin cold and gray. The moment
he'd touched the roundness of her abdomen he'd known she'd been dead for several hours.

Taking their son with her.

It wasn't until he'd found the empty prescription bottle in the cup holder next to her that he'd realized she'd still been taking oxycodone. Her surgery had been several months before she'd become pregnant, so finding them had been a terrible shock.

The police had right away assumed the worst, thinking that he'd either forced her to take the pills or had abused her to the point she'd needed to take them. The thought of suicide hit hard, but then he discovered the doctor's name on the pill bottle wasn't the same as her orthopedic surgeon's. The police had agreed to look into it. But the doctor's name was Oliver Stevenson and the address had turned out to be a vacant building.

Leaving no leads for Detective Trammel to follow.

He sighed and pulled himself together, taking the time to throw away their unfinished dishes of ice cream before heading outside. The rain had slowed to a steady drizzle, so logically he knew Cassie would be fine.

But he followed the path to her apartment
building anyway, frowning when he didn't see her walking along the sidewalk.

Where had she gone? He reached for his phone and called her, but she didn't answer. He scowled and listened to her voice-mail greeting.

“Hi, you've reached Cassie. Leave a message and I'll call you back. Thanks!”

“Cassie, this is Ryan. Please call me back and let me know you've made it home safely. Thank you.”

He scowled and shoved the phone back into his pocket, before making a U-turn and heading home.