Chad takes my breath away as he stands in front of me wearing the same clothes from earlier today with his sincere face, boyish disheveled blonde hair and sultry eyes. He should stop talking about my eyes; his are just as amazing.
“Come in,” I say, clearing my throat nervously and unable to take my eyes away from him.
“Thanks,” he replies, smiling sweetly as I let him pass by me carrying a large, black camera bag and a couple of backdrops.
He smells good too, masculine and spicy. I shake my head, close the door and shove my hands into my pockets when he turns to face me.
“Sorry, I forgot. I was about to take a bath.”
“Well, don’t let me stop you. Just go ahead and continue what you were doing,” he says with a mischievous wink.
“Funny.” I laugh. Walking past him, I gently nudge him in the ribs. “Can I get you anything?”
“Water is fine,” he answers and sets his bag and backdrops onto the couch. He follows me into the kitchen and leans against the island. The kitchen is a good size, complete with a long counter against the wall, housing plenty of cabinets, stainless steel sink, granite countertops and all black appliances. There is a small table against the wall with two chairs facing each other under a small window that looks out over a small backyard.
“Here you go,” I say, handing him a bottled water from the fridge. “So, what do you have in mind for your photos?” I ask propping myself on the counter with my arms at my side.
“We can do some face shots and then maybe some full body shots.” he says, raising an eyebrow temptingly.
“Ha. Ha.” I laugh softly. “Should I wear something in particular?”
“I think what you’re wearing would be perfect, for now,” he says as he adjusts top, his fingers brushing my skin. He drops his hand and gives me a shy smile before he pulls away.
What does that mean? Does he feel that, too?
“Thank you.” It comes out a strangled whisper as we continue to gaze at each other. My eyes see how attractive he is, and now my body is sensing something, too. I blush, averting my eyes to my feet before lowering myself to the floor. “Do you need help with anything?” I gaze up at him cautiously. His nearness is comforting and dangerous.
“I’ll take care of everything. You just look...” He stops talking and steps to me, brushing the hair off my shoulder. “Just like you do now.” He smiles, the skin around his hypnotizing eyes crinkling.
I break his gaze again for a moment, overwhelmed by what I see in his eyes. I get these primitive carnal urges just to take everything that is made available to me. I no longer want to play it safe. But why am I what’s stopping me? Just me. I shouldn’t feel regret for anything I do. I need to live for me and nobody else.
“Right there,” Chad whispers. Leaning his face down to mine, he lifts my chin. “I love the look in your eyes right now.”
I draw in a deep breath and smile as my eyes flick down to his lips. His eyes follow mine, and he leans in to kiss me sweetly and tenderly. It lasts only a few seconds, but I can feel the intense blush flood my cheeks and his breathing quicken when our lips touch.
“I’m sorry,” he sputters, rubbing the back of his neck as he pulls away.
“It’s okay.” I look away, seeking refuge from his penetrating eyes. “It doesn’t make me uncomfortable,” I reply, speaking truthfully. For once, I didn’t let fear stifle my first instinct. I feel so far away from everything at the moment, in my own place with my own rules, that nothing from the outside invading and overwhelming my every emotion.
He gives me the most genuine smile and kisses my cheek. “Ready?”
“Ready.”
That one word takes on so many meanings to me tonight and moving forward.
After about an hour of taking pictures and a couple of wardrobe changes, Chad is almost at the end of his film and asks me to do a few shots on the bed. I have to say I’m a little uncomfortable about the whole thing, but I relent. I rummage through my closet and drawers I look for something that’s not too revealing as Chad sets up his camera.
“Just pretend you’re wearing your bathing suit,” he says from the bedroom.
“Easy for you to say.” I laugh as I slip on a pair of black Victoria’s Secret cheekies and matching black lace bra.
It’s a bathing suit. You’re taking pictures and helping him out.
I try to shove my breasts back into my demi bra, but that’s futile since the bra’s job is to make your breasts runneth over.
“I’ve seen it all before.”
“Is that why you took up photography? To get women in the bedroom?” I say mockingly from the bathroom.
“I keep business separate from pleasure, and I don’t need my photography to get anyone in my bedroom,” he teases, lifting his pristine blue eyes from behind the lens of the camera. “
Sometimes
...” He swallows as he watches me shyly walk out of the bathroom towards the bed.
“Is this bathing suit good enough?” I ask.
“I would...say so,” he stammers, trying to adjust the focus on his camera and failing miserably.
“So, what do you want me to do?” I laugh nervously and twist my hair as I stand over the bed.
He steps away from the camera and makes his way toward me confidently. It makes me less nervous knowing that he’s done this a million times. I try to picture myself as a Victoria’s Secret model and laugh out loud.
“What’s so funny?”
“I’m just trying to get into character.”
“You’ll do just fine,” he says as he pushes my hair behind my neck and his eyes connect with mine. “I want you to lie across the bed. Face me with your hand behind your head and play with your hair. I will focus on the waist up for the first couple of shots, and the other shots will be your full body and then we should be done.” He drops his eyes. “Unfortunately.”
“Perv.” I laugh as I gently poke a finger in his chest. He grabs my wrist and steps closer to me. His shirt gently brushes against my skin.
“These pictures are going to be stunning. My best work to date, and it’s all because of you,” he murmurs. His breath and hand touching my skin make the blood in my veins run warmer, and my body tenses with want. I can’t want. I can’t be greedy.
“What do I get in return?” I tease, feeling at ease with him.
“Well...” He pauses. “I had a few things in mind, but I’m going to keep it clean.”
“Hey!” I slap him on the shoulder.
“Yeah, I know.” He shakes his head and rubs his face with his hand in mock frustration. “I’m trying hard not to let my mind stray, but I kind of knew this would happen.”
“Great.”
“Music helps. Do you have a radio?” He quirks an eyebrow while glancing around the room.
“Yes, right behind you on my dresser,” I tell him.
“Okay,” he says as he turns on the radio. “Let’s roll,” he exclaims, positioning himself behind the camera.
I lie across the bed with Chad’s eyes focused on me as I maneuver around and position myself just like he suggested. At one point, he stops to pose me on the bed as I hear the door slam and the sound of Tyler’s voice calling my name over the music. Chad looks over at me, unable to rise fast enough from the edge of the bed where his hand is resting on my calf.
This just looks bad all the way around. As I lift my eyes toward the door, I notice Tyler standing in the entryway looking pissed. I sit up and throw a pillow in front of my body as Chad rises from his crouching position and slips his hand from my leg. Sign of guilt? Maybe? No. Just a knee-jerk reaction?
“What the fuck is going on?” He stalks toward Chad and that’s when I jump from the bed and come between them.
“I’m helping him.”
“Helping him get a hard-on?” Tyler fumes. Grabbing my hand, he yanks me up from the bed. I pull away from his grasp and look up at him. His eyes burrow into Chad’s face.
“Chad is a photographer. I’m helping him with an assignment.”
“Sorry. I didn’t know,” Chad replies, scratching his forehead in confusion. His shiny, blonde hair falls across his forehead.
“Know what?” I ask, peeking at Chad.
“That you had a boyfriend.”
“I don’t,” I reply. I hate hearing those words come out of my mouth. Something in Tyler’s face and body language changes. I feel awful, like I’ve betrayed him.
“Shit, yeah, I’m not. That’s right,” he huffs. “Why don’t you continue what you were doing here?” He’s livid. As he turns to leave, I grab his arm and tug him back.
“Tyler, stop,” I whisper harshly. His breathing slows considerably, and his body gradually relaxes as he glances down at me, but I still sense his tension
“I’m done. I have enough pictures,” Chad says as he picks up his backdrops and camera. “Thanks, Elle.” He glances between Tyler and me as he places the camera around his neck.
“You’re welcome.”
“I’ll let you know when the pictures are ready.” He smiles meekly.
Grabbing the sheet off the bed to cover myself, I follow Chad out of my bedroom and turn to Tyler, pointing for him to stay put. He creases his brow and looks away in frustration, his perfect mouth a tight straight line. Five minutes after Chad leaves, I compose myself and return to the bedroom. Tyler is now sitting on the edge of the bed with his head down, raking his hands through his thick, brown hair.
“Okay,” I reply as I fold the sheet and put it on the dresser. Tyler lifts his head, and his eyes soak each inch of me before he connects with my eyes. “Little jealous, are we?”
“What are you doing wearing that in front of another guy?” he replies incredulously, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.
“Why, you don’t like it?”
“Here we go with the stupid questions,” he replies, trying to fight back a smile. “Lately something has been different about you, Elle.”
“Yeah...” I smile flirtatiously, stepping closer so that I’m standing in front of him. “Is that a bad thing?”
He lifts his chin, biting the inside of his mouth as he reaches for my waist. “You’re beautiful,” he whispers, pulling me down onto his lap.
“And you’re still sappy and overprotective,” I giggle, running my fingers through his hair.
“Sappy? That doesn’t sound attractive.”
“Sexy?” I whisper, tilting my head to the side.
“Better,” he replies, leaning closer to me. His hands slips down my waist to my hip.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I glance down at his hand and place mine on top of his.
“I get carried away when I’m around you already, but when you’re dressed like this...”
“What?” I reply innocently.
“Lots of inappropriate thoughts,” he whispers, grazing his nose across my cheek.
“Was this why you stopped over?” I breathe, smelling his cologne and his crisp, minty breath.
“No...yes...I forgot.” He inhales deeply, and his lips hover over mine. I pull in closer as his hand slides down to my thigh. “I wanted to take you for a ride on my bike, but we can stay here if you want.”
I revel in the look in his eyes. Rising from his lap, I playfully push him onto the bed and stand between his legs with my hands on my hips.
“You know how I feel about your bike.”
“Hey. Hey, I’m good either way,” he answers. Grabbing my hand, he pulls me on top of him. “I think I like you better on top of me rather than sitting behind me.”
I giggle as Tyler wraps his arms around me. I need my friend right now. Is that what we are? I don’t know exactly what we are anymore. There are brief moments when I question what I’m doing with him. Am I looking for a temporary escape from my pain, or do I truly want more with Tyler?
I tried to make an attempt to reach out to Reed, but he disappointed me. I put myself out there again only to be disillusioned. In the back of my mind, I still believe everything he told me. The last thing I want to do is use or hurt Tyler because I am still heartbroken over Reed. The feelings for Tyler are there, but I’m unsure if they are for all the right reasons. I squeeze Tyler back, resting my head against his chest and feeling his heart thrumming against my cheek. I don’t want to break his heart as I’m trying to mend mine.
“Ya know what?” I say.
“What?” He looks down at me and brushes the hair away from my face.
“Let’s go out.”
“Aww...” He frowns. “I was really enjoying this.”
“I’m sure you were,” I reply, rolling over and leaning on my elbow. “Let’s take the bike for a spin and go have a beer.”
“Are you sure about that? I mean, you said you didn’t like my bike before.” He smiles mischievously, throwing his hand behind his head.
“You’re relentless,” I say, jabbing him lightly in the chest before I rise from the bed. “You can’t make up your mind about anything, can you?”
“Well... just one thing,” he answers with a wink.
I wake up starving the next morning. I could go for anything. I just hope we have something. I check the cupboards and find a box of Bisquick and Lucky Charms. I’m not in the mood for either one, but a man has to eat. I laugh as soon as I open the door to the fridge. I have none of the ingredients to make pancakes or even milk for a bowl of those damn Lucky Charms. There’s nothing but a couple of beers, a stick of butter and a loaf of moldy bread. I haven’t had to buy groceries since I’ve been back. I’ve survived until now on take-out and the basics, but I think it’s a good time to restock.