War on Whimsy (22 page)

“If I were to paint this woman,” said Henry, “I would give her the head of a viper.”

“I'm so sick of her! Let's just throw her out of the tower window!” said a Volcomanian war protester who had been imprisoned in the camp, and was obviously still not very happy about it.

The room erupted as everyone argued over the best thing to do next.

And then the only person in the room with any power over Mrs. Mania spoke up.

“Mother,” said Marty Mania.

He spoke quietly and forcefully. His soft, plump face became hard. He seemed twenty years older.

“That is enough. You are embarrassing me. You are embarrassing the planet of Volcomania.”

“Marty, you don't understand.” Mrs. Mania squirmed in her chair.

“No, Mother, I don't! I never understood the point of this war, anyway! What has Whimsy ever done to us?”

“It's simple geography! Whimsy is not its own planet. It's a
suburb
of Volcomania. Why should they get all this beauty to themselves? Look at all that fertile soil out there!” Mrs. Mania jerked her head out the window at the velvet green soil. “They don't do anything with it, except lie around making up their pathetic poems. Then they come whining to us when they run out of food. We could farm that land! We would make something of this place. If we had Whimsy, Volcomania would be the most successful planet in the galaxy! Don't you see, Marty, I'm doing this for Volcomania!”

“But it's not what the Whimsian people want!” said Marty.

“Who cares about them?! They're annoying! So impractical, so . . .
whimsical
.”

“I think we should work
with
the Whimsian people,” said Marty. “I have some ideas about how we could help them and they could help us.”

Henry Sweet nodded at Marty. “I'd like to hear those ideas, young man!”

“Well, my dear son, if you were in charge of Volcomania then you could be as chummy as you wanted with Mr. Sweet,” said Mrs. Mania. “However—”

“That's the thing, Mother,” said Marty. “I was talking to one of the United Aunts, the one representing Earth.”

Nicola's great-aunt Annie gave a cheery wiggle of her fingers.

“And she said that according to the
United Aunts Intergalactic Convention for Sensible Governance of Planets
, if a planet's leader is seen to act in a way that is deemed to be foolish, bad-mannered, or violent, then a close family member may apply to the United Aunts to automatically take over the leadership.”

“What in the world are you telling me this for?” said Mrs. Mania.

“I put in an application to take over the leadership,” said Marty. “The United Aunts approved it.”

Nicola's great-aunt Annie held up an application form with a huge APPROVED stamp across it. Nicola had never been prouder of her aunt.

“So you're no longer president of Volcomania,” said Marty. “I am.”

“I beg your pardon?” said Mrs. Mania. Her voice had become quite hoarse.

“You heard me, Mother. I'm the new president. And my first act as president will be to honor the commitment you made. We lost the battle. So we will now formally recognize Whimsy as an independent planet, withdraw our troops, and promise never to declare war on Whimsy again. If someone wouldn't mind untying me, I'll make an announcement.”

Sean leaped forward to cut the ropes around Marty with the penknife he'd taken from the guard. Marty stood up, stretched, and shook Sean's hand.

“But—I—Marty—this—you—we—how—why . . .” Mrs. Mania's voice drifted away. Her face seemed to collapse inward. A lock of her hair fell in her eyes.

She was a broken woman. Nicola could hardly bear to look at her.

Marty patted his mother on the shoulder. “It's okay, Mom,” he said softly. Then he turned to Henry. “Will you join me on the balcony? We can tell our people together that the war is over.”

“Certainly,” said Henry. “But first, there are some people I need to thank.” He turned to the Space Brigade first. “I am overwhelmed with gratitude,” he said, solemnly clasping each of their hands in both of his. “The people of Whimsy will never forget. Our children's children will hear songs and stories and poems about the glorious, heroic Space Brigade!”

When he got to Nicola, he shook his head in wonder. “I have learned so much about leadership from you! In the future, whenever I face a difficult problem, I will ask myself, ‘What would the president of Earth do?' ”

“Nicola isn't the
president
of
Earth
!” exploded Greta.

“Oh, isn't she? Sorry, I just assumed . . .” said Henry, while Nicola blushed furiously. “You're just so confident.”

Gosh. It was lucky Henry didn't know what was
really
going on inside her head.

Sure is lucky,
laughed Shimlara's voice in Nicola's head.

Henry turned to Georgio, Mully, and Squid next.

“Where would we be without people like you! People unafraid to stand up and say, ‘
This is wrong!
' I'm overcome!”

Tears rolled down Henry's face as he craned his head to look up at Georgio and Mully. Squid, who was the same height as Henry, solemnly patted him on the head.

“It's our pleasure,” said Georgio and Mully together.

Next Henry hugged every single one of the United Aunts.

“Ahem,” said Marty with meaning. “Maybe we could . . .”

“What? Oh! Yes, of course!”

Henry and Marty stepped out onto the balcony.

A few minutes later there was a tremendous roar of applause. Stunning fireworks lit up Whimsy's night sky in a frenzy of celebratory color. Nicola turned to the other members of the Space Brigade and smiled. “I think our work here is done.”

“Careful!” Katie called out to Sean.

He was bouncing on his toes on the edge of an enormous diving board with his arms outstretched. Sean looked down at Katie and gave her a strange, almost confused look.

“Thank you!” he called out. Then he dived gracefully into the pool with barely a splash.

“Outstanding dive!” called out Georgio. Squid, who was sitting on his dad's shoulders, clapped.

The Space Brigade, Princess Petronella, and the Gorgioskios were all enjoying a swim in the pool on the Royal Spaceship. The princess had offered to give the Earthlings a lift back to Earth, and although Tyler was sorry not to have the chance to use the Mini Easy-Ride Spaceship again, they hadn't been able to resist the chance to use all the Spaceship's incredible facilities as it flew through space.

There were huge windows all along the side of the swimming pool and Nicola could see the Planets of Volcomania and Whimsy silently floating in space, joined by the cylinder that was the Underground Sea. From this height, Volcomania's erupting volcanoes were like tiny matchstick flames.

“It looks so peaceful from up here,” commented Mully. She, like the rest of them, was wearing a jewel-encrusted swimsuit from the Royal Spaceship wardrobe.

“Hopefully it will be peaceful from now on,” said Nicola.

“Thanks to us!” said Princess Petronella, lazing back on a floating inflatable throne.

“You never told us how you and the aunts managed to infiltrate the enemy lines,” said Nicola to Mully. “What was your secret weapon?”

“Age,” said Mully.

“Pardon?” said Nicola.

“When you get to a certain age,” said Mully,“you become invisible to young people.The aunts and I just walked on past those soldiers, saying things like, ‘Excuse me, young fellow.' None of them took the slightest notice of us.”

“And how did you sabotage their tanks?” asked Tyler. “Did you use some special technique from your army days?”

Mully smiled. “We threw away the keys. It's the simplest solutions that are the most effective.”

“I always knew I'd married a genius,” said Georgio.

When they had left the Planet of Whimsy, Henry Sweet and Marty Mania were deep in discussion. Henry had already agreed that the Volcomanians could grow crops on Whimsy's lands, as long as there were still plenty of meadows left for lying around staring at the sky.

The United Aunts had stayed behind to help ensure the peace process continued peacefully. “I'll see you back at Grammy's birthday party,” Great-aunt Annie had told Nicola and Sean. Then she winked. “Maybe you won't call me Crazy Great-Aunt Annie in the future, eh?”

At the mention of Grammy's birthday party, Katie had remembered that they'd promised to bring something pink back for Nicola's little cousin Jessie. One of the Whimsians had given them the most beautiful handmade doll wearing an exquisite pink ball gown. “I actually wouldn't mind keeping it myself,” Katie had admitted to Nicola.

The Volcomanian soldiers hadn't gone home yet. An enormous dance party was underway with some of Whimsy's best rock bands playing. Volcomanian soldiers had already proposed marriage to Poppy the waitress/actress and Rosie the beautiful preschool teacher.

Mrs. Mania had been untied from her chair, but was refusing to budge. “All this
niceness
is making me nauseous,” she said, but Nicola noticed a spark of pride in her eyes as she watched her son transformed from toad to president. The United Aunts were arguing among themselves about the best punishment for Mrs. Mania, given that she had ordered the invasion of an innocent planet and the kidnapping of the United Aunts. Some of them (like Nicola's great-aunt Annie) were arguing she should be exiled on the Planet of Arth for her actions. Other, cuddlier-looking aunts were saying, “Oh, let's just insist she
apologizes
.”

The prison camp guards had also been released from their chairs in the food hall and were following Marty's orders to pull down the camp. It had been especially satisfying to see the guard who reminded Nicola and Sean of the school bully sweating and swearing as he pulled down the barbed wire fence he'd ordered the prisoners to polish.

They hadn't needed their scuba diving suits again. Marty Mania had arranged for them to travel back through the Underground Sea in comfortable Volcomanian submarines.

When they got back to Volcomania, Shimlara had proudly showed off her bus driving skills to her parents and brother, and driven them back to the stone hut where the Globagaskarian secret agent JJ-11 had been waiting for them.

“I hear you not only achieved your mission but you actually helped the Whimsians win the war!” said JJ-11. “I eat my words. When I first met you at the bottom of that pile of volcanic ash, I thought you were giggling fools, but you really did live up to the Space Brigade's reputation!”

As Nicola dived beneath the water of the Royal Spaceship pool, her hand went to her neck where her limited edition gold button had once been, and she thought about how close the Space Brigade had been to
losing
their reputation.

She swam to the surface.

“Hey!” she called out to the others. “Did anyone use their gold buttons to fix a mistake?”

The rest of the Space Brigade swam over to her.

“I've still got mine.” Tyler held up the button still hanging around his neck.

“I used mine,” admitted Katie. “I made a
terrible
mistake that would have lost us the battle. I was too soft on my music platoon. I didn't make them practice enough. It was so embarrassing. The drums didn't sound anything like hooves! The Volcomanians burst out laughing. They were on to us right away. I'm so relieved I got a second chance to fix that mistake!”

Nicola remembered how she'd been surprised at Katie's sternness with her platoon.

“I used my button, too,” said Greta. “My mistake was the opposite. I was too mean to my platoon. Nicola told me I should encourage them and that sort of . . . irritated me. So I did the opposite. Next thing, all the writers and poets had walked off in a huff and convinced all the other Whimsians to pull out of the battle. It was terrible!” She paused. “Although I still think they were big crybabies and we shouldn't have had to coddle them like that.”

“Aha!” Nicola pointed at Greta. “I knew it was strange when you were so nice to me!”

Greta narrowed her eyes at Nicola. “Wait a minute. What about that time you hugged me outside the food hall. That was so weird! I bet you'd come back in time to fix a mistake, right?”

Nicola admitted she was right and told them what had happened.

“Wow,” said Shimlara.“And all along I thought my mistake must have been the worst. You made some doozies! All I did was drive the school bus off the crater of a volcano.”

“You
didn't
!” said Tyler. “When?”

“It was when we came back to Volcomania after we'd won the battle,” said Shimlara. “I was in such a good mood, showing off, driving too fast, and next thing you know, we were sailing through the air into a live volcano. You were all screaming, ‘
Unbutton your mistake!
' So I did, just before we hit the lava.”

“I'm glad I have no memory of that,” said Katie. “That must have been terrifying.”

Nicola looked at Sean and saw that his button was missing from around his neck, too.

“Ha! You messed up, too! Confess!”

Sean looked embarrassed.

“I used it about thirty seconds ago,” he said.

“What? You made a mistake while we were swimming in the pool?” said Greta.

“It was when I was on the diving board,” admitted Sean. “Katie said, ‘Be careful' so I did an extra big bounce. The diving board is made for Globagaskarians and it's extra bouncy. I hit the spaceship roof headfirst and when I landed I hit my chin against the side of the pool. I think I broke my arm and my mouth was full of broken teeth and blood. It was the worst pain I'd ever experienced. So, yeah, I was pretty happy to unbutton that mistake.”