War Torn Love (8 page)

             
Momma thought I was quite a passionate soul, but a little crazy, though she was not about to make me discontinue my efforts either, she knew darn well how stubborn I was, once my mind was set on something. I told her that things always have a way of working themselves out, if you have a little faith.

             
She began to cry, “I’m so proud of you my daughter!”

             
I smiled, “Oh Momma, please don’t cry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

             
“Oh trust me my child I’m not crying because I’m sad.  I’m so happy, and your father and I are so proud, what you’re been doing is such a wonderful thing - so unselfish of such a little girl.”

             
I think I had understood what Momma had meant, because I was nearly eight and three quarter’s year old at the time. I was old for my years - yet still young in nature - at least that’s what my Rabbi had said to me, once I had confided in him.

             
God finally heard my prayers. Not in the way that I had anticipated my prayers to be heard, but rather he showed me my answers in his own way, he also showed me that to solve my problem, I needed to help the very person I was once so mad at, a women I once considered my enemy.
My efforts
started paying
off for me. A month after I had started my efforts, I got a spelling test turned back and it was a resounding A, written in red ink. There was even a little note at the top of the paper, saying, “You did a good job - and by the way, thanks for all the kind things you and your friends have done for me, and my family. I guess I really misjudged you. I’m so sorry for my actions against you and the other
students
.
There’s
no excuse for my actions, not one that could actually justify my previous misbehavior. If you could find it in your heart to forgive me, I would be ever grateful.” I smiled as I read this - she smiled back. Each of the Jewish kids were given a nice note, but she figured it out, that I was the ring leader.

             
Then from that day, for the rest of the school year Mrs. Kaczmarek started treating us just a bit nicer. I think that she was able to finally see that there was still good in this world, and that others still cared about her. Then once the school year was up, we got her a job at dad’s store. She was finally able to feed her children, and I was able to learn that she was an actually a good person under her rough exterior, the life slowly started coming back in her. See she had been heartbroken with the loss of her husband. I became friends with her children. And I learned a wonderful lesson. That love and faith are the greatest gift that we all can be blessed with. That it’s important to always treat others as you would have done to thy self. I learned that, that goes without saying.

CHAPTER FOUR

                       
       
“THIRTEEN”

             
When I was twelve years of age. I became (Na’ arah) - in the Jewish religion known as a maiden:  a girl during the first six months after her twelfth birthday. Something extraordinary and wonderful began to happen to me, starting out of the blue. My young female body was going through the changes all girls experience eventually - physically, mentally, spiritually. The kind when a tomboy turns into a woman. I like to think of it as what happens to a butterfly. I was a bit scared of these changes taken place, that I would discover I had no control over. Part of me wanted to change, another part of me wanted to stay that young girl forever. To be candid, I was quite scared of these new changes.

             
My once none existent boy breasts - at least that is what I thought of them – began to change. They were starting to suddenly growing, which hurt. So much so, Momma made me start to wear a brassiere, truthfully, I was not so keen to wear one.  I feel so constricted with the brassiere on. Then the looks started coming my way, I started catching the eyes of boys staring at me. In addition to my
chest,
I experienced my very first period. I underwent the (Niddah) the Jewish ritual status of a menstruating woman. Momma tried playing it up like it was such a wonderful event. I didn’t like it not at all, as far
as I could tell there was nothing wonderful about it; I think it’s something women say in order to make it easier. It made me feel horrible. I suddenly got moody, what was so great about that?

             
Momma sat down after I had come to her, informing her of what had happened, and she had a talk with
me. She
said, “You would be experiencing one of these, once a month.” Upon hearing this tragic news, I did not take it so well; In fact, I began crying
inconsolably
for a good solid hour. My hormones made me extremely moody.  I would cry at the drop of a hat. I guess with these recent changes taking place that I was not comfortable with my body. I noticed that Abram did not like hanging around me during this time each month. My hips were becoming curvier and I had hair growing in places I never had before now. I was no longer such the tomboy any longer. As much as I may have wanted to remain that dear sweat little girl that thinks more like a boy than a girl and run about, climb trees, getting dirty, catch frogs ect. I cannot even begin to tell you on how happy my mother was about this development. I was at that awkward, in-between, uncomfortable, embarrassing stage in my life - not comfortable in either world. I was very uncomfortable with my body these days and with the acne on my face, everything seemed like a constant battle.

             
Trying to make me feel somewhat improved, Momma said, “You are now a moth, which is now transforming into a beautiful butterfly.” Right, of course. My body had been going through a miraculous transformation, that at the moment felt odd, and foreign,
but by the time I was transformed into a butterfly, it would all make sense to me, at least that’s what I was hoping, because right now I had more questions than answers.

             
So, I went through this - little did I know just how much that would transform my once simple uncomplicated life. Momma as well as Sissy tried to play these changes as a positive. I did not quite see it the same way they did, not seeing what the upside to all this could possibly be.

             
There was a cost that was coming with these said changes I have been experiencing. Abram and I had somewhat now had less in common than we once had - drifting apart since I was becoming less, interested in the things I was once into - the things that we had in common. As much as I tried to be interested in these things - the same stuff that once entertained me - I just could not help myself, and I was becoming an emotional wreck.  But I wasn’t the only one going through such noticeable changes, or showing interest in new things. Abram was turning into a teenager, going through changes of his own.

             
I was starting to see the world around me differently. Abram and I weren’t spending as much time with one another
any
more. And I began seeing him in an entirely new - I might add much unexpectedly exciting - light.

             
Speaking of my dearest friend, over the last year, he too had been experiencing quite a growth spurt.  I was once slightly taller than he was, by a good two inches, now he was at least four inches taller than I was. His voice was changing and his voice would crack.  He had certain
awkwardness about him, though he was taller, his body had not filled in. And of course, he was clumsy – all teenage boys seem to go through a phase of falling over their feet, as if their brain still thinks they are as they were. Like baby calves, finding their feet for the first time. I was drawn to the rapidly reshaping boy - my friend who
kno
ws nearly all my secrets – as I know his. He was becoming a slight, handsome stranger, though neither of us were currently sharing certain secrets.

             
My interests were broadly shifting apart - I was starting to identify with, and
turned out
to be similar to what my
older sister had meant four years earlier - when I was around eight, and she was thirteen, she had acted snobbish towards me.  I had wanted her to play children games with me, but she had rejected me, or so I had thought. She clearly declared, “She no longer had time for such childish games.” I remember that, because
that is
when she completely stopped playing with me altogether. It was scary, but I was starting to morph into my sister - I was on the road to becoming a young woman like her. Now I was realizing that wasn’t such a bad thing, if I was to just let nature take over, and see were exactly it would take us - stop fighting it, since there was no way of stopping it.

             
Reaching out, I began making all new female friends. As a tomboy, I had not been even remotely interested in the general things that girls my own age had been interested. Therefore,
to
suddenly be making girlfriends was proving new, quite exciting, and so foreign. It was easier talking about girl things, with girls of my own age. Things I would not dare think of talking about with
Abram, since it was mostly about him anyways, or the changes I was going through – I knew my girlfriends were going through the same things.

             
Yes, just in case you were wondering, Abram and I were the most excellent of friends, if
a bit
distant sometimes. However that being said, during the summer, before the launch into the introduction of the eighth grade. I found myself surprisingly starting to develop strong romantic feeling for my best friend. It felt odd to be experience these new feelings for him - I had never really thought of him in this manner before now, I found myself daydreaming about him. The last time we had gone to the swimming hole, I could not but help myself from looking at his physique. Suddenly, I liked looking at his half-naked wet body and strange new feelings came over me - a warm tingling feeling, and some interesting dreams, later that night. To be honest I could not stop myself from thinking about him afterwards. Oh, I guess I had always hoped that he and I would end up being together one day, all girls’ fantasize about their knight and shining armor - I think we were
predestined to be
together – as it always had been since that very first day he moved in next door to me. 

             
I can still remember that gorgeous smile as he glanced up at me while I was in the
tree house
-looking down on him as we first met. I was not sure, because I had in no way felt like this before, but I think I was falling in love with my very best friend, I worried about how this may, or may not affect our friendship in the long- run.

             
Confused about these out of the ordinary, new feelings and rather than going to Momma to talk, I went
ahead to talk
to Sissy. She smiled when I did. And then
informed me, “Hana dear I can see the way you’re always looking at him, you’re in - love with Abram I wasn’t even remotely surprised to find out you would fall in love with him, you have been following him around like a puppy dog for years now, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I have always known that Abram, and you would one day end up being together, I think that you may be the only one surprised.”

             
Momma had the similar reaction to the news; in fact, she was blissfully happy for me.