Warrior from the Shadowland (12 page)

“Maybe.” 
Abel agreed, softly.  Then, because the ends really did justify the means, he
lowered himself to ask, “What does it do?”

Water,
then, is the most beautiful element.  It is rich in usefulness, and

purifies
from all filth.  Not only from the filth of the body but from

that of
the soul.

John of
Damascus- “An Exact Exposition of the Orthodox Faith”

Instead of fine tuning the jail break
plan for her poor incarcerated family, Nia focused most of her attention on a
far bigger problem:  How to get her Match to hold her hand.  It was incredibly
irresponsible of her, since Ty, Uriel and Tharsis could be in real trouble, but
Nia just couldn’t help it.  Cross was keeping his distance from her and Nia
didn’t like it.

It
wasn’t that he was angry at her about their brief argument.  Nia could’ve
handled him pouting.  In fact, the idea of a pouty Cross struck her as sort of
cute.  Unfortunately, she could tell by the way Cross was acting that it was
deeper than that.

This
was about the Shadows.

Cross
held so much power that it scared him.  He could do things that Nia had never
heard of another Phase even attempting.  Cross was trying to put distance
between them because he thought that he was dangerous.

It
was ridiculous and completely unacceptable.  Nia hadn’t waited over two hundred
and fifty years to find her Match just to have him pretend that she wasn’t
there.

She
shot Cross a sideways look, frowning at the two feet of air he’d place between
them.  There was exactly enough space for him to reach her easily if someone
attacked, but too much for any part of her body to accidently brush his.  He
kept her shielded as they walked down the street, every massive inch of him
standing between her and the rest of the world.  His mercury gaze continually
swept their surroundings, searching for danger.  He was protective and solid… and
he hadn’t said anything in twenty minutes.

The
walk to the police station had been almost entirely silent.  Cross had stopped
playing the speed dating game.  He looked like he was lost in his own dark
thoughts.

Nia
sighed and glanced around the collection of Caribbean colored buildings that
passed for Mayport Beach’s downtown.  She
wanted
to be mad at Cross for
staying so remote.  She had a right to feel a little miffed.  He’d apparently
known she’d existed for the past two years and he’d completely ignored her.

That
wasn’t particularly flattering.

Still,
Nia just couldn’t find it in her to hold a grudge against him.  There didn’t
seem much of a point.  Whatever accusations Nia might’ve thrown at him, she
could just look at Cross and see that he was already thinking far worse things
about himself.

He
didn’t like meeting her eyes, even when she knew she had his full attention. 
He bled for no reason and dismissed the pain like it was an embarrassment.  He
held so much energy that it charged the air around him, but he wasn’t sharing
it with her like he supposed to.

Her
Match wasn’t broken.

Her
Match wasn’t wrong.

But,
her Match was hurting.

Nia
was the oldest member of her House.  All her life, even before the Fall, she’d
been a protector.  She would never,
ever
,
allow Cross to hurt
without a damn good fight.  And since the big, stubborn idiot clearly wasn’t
going to be building any bridges, Nia guessed she’d just have to forge the two
foot gap of silence between them herself.

She
stopped walking.

Cross
kept going for an extra step and then noticed that she’d fallen behind.  He
quickly backtracked.  “What happened?  Are you alright?”

And
voilà! 
Just like that she’d gotten five whole words out of him.  Nia gave herself a
mental pat on the back.  “I’m fine.”  She deliberately reached out and took
hold of his palm, which was twice the size of hers.  Nia’s fingers slid between
his, admiring the contrast between her iridescent blue nail polish and the
calluses on his broad hand.  He didn’t squeeze her palm back, but he didn’t
yank away, either.

Nia
took it as a good sign.

Cross
stared down at their entwined fingers for a second and the absolute beauty of
the man, made Nia sigh.  His profile should have been on a coin or something. 
He glanced at her through the impossible length of his lashes.  “That’s not a
good idea.”  His voice had that wonderful rumble of Shadows.  “It’s just…not.”

“I
understand.”  Nia gave a solemn nod.  “Holding hands can be deadly.  I think
I’m willing to risk it, though.  Just this once.”  A slow grin spread across
her face as Cross continued watching their joined palms like he expected some
kind of trap.  “Look, just try not to take my clothes off again and we’ll be
fine.  Well, at least, don’t do it when we’re in public.”  She winked.

Cross’s
gaze snapped up to hers and actually held for a moment.  He almost,
almost
,
smiled.  Nia could tell.

There
was an electricity to his touch that Nia knew was part of Phazing.  The zing of
it in the air, the
proof
that this man was hers, combined with the
unexpected sweetness of his almost smile had Nia moving closer to him and
pressing for answers.  “Cross.”  He enjoyed the way she said his name for some
reason.  She could tell by the way his pupils dilated.  Nia tried to do it a
lot, since it was the only thing she’d found that he liked about her, so far. 
“You have to try.”  Her free hand came up to touch his cheek.  “Why can’t you
just try?”

“I
am.”  He whispered, but she could see that he knew exactly what she meant.

“No,
you’re fighting.”  Nia insisted.  “You don’t want to let me in, at all.  How
can we Phaze like this?  Just tell me what’s bothering you and I can help.”  If
he didn’t open up to her, how would they get to know one another?  How could
they trust and connect?  Matches had to accept each other for all their
strength and weaknesses.  Had to understand the Phase they were committing
themselves to spend forever with.

Nia
wanted
more
than just a Phase-Match.  She wanted love and she wanted
Cross to give it to her.

Cross’
eyes slid away from hers.  “Let’s just go bail out your family and worry about
our Match later.”  He wasn’t going to budge.  There was an inflexible set to
his jaw that pretty much told her that Cross planned to keep that two feet of
air between them forever.

Nia
let her hand drop from his face.  “You don’t want me for a Phase-Match.”  His
gaze slashed back to hers and she nodded.  “You don’t.  I can tell.  But,
that’s just too bad.  I’m keeping you and if you try to renounce me, I’ll fight
it.  Understand?  You’re stuck with me, so you’d better just deal with it.”

Cross
actually laughed.  It wasn’t a particularly happy laugh.  In fact, it had a
jagged edge of menace to it, but at least it was a genuine response.  “You
think I don’t fucking
want
you?”  He challenged, harshly.  “No,
actually, you’re right.  I don’t
want
you.  You’re the only thing in the
universe I give a shit about and just the
idea
of you has kept me alive
for the past two years.  So no.”  He shook his head.  “It’s not want, Nia. 
It’s fucking
need
.  I need you so badly that there’ve been times I’ve wished
that I never felt you at all, because then I could’ve just let go!  I could’ve
just ended it after the Fall!”

It
was hard to say which of them looked more stunned by that outburst.

Nia
stared up at him, speechless.  Reading between the lines of that, she saw
something terrible.  Cross had wanted to die.  Panic spread through Nia.  She’d
just found him.  If he left her, she would be alone again.

Cross’
jaw sagged for a second as if he couldn’t believe what he’d said.  Then, his
mouth snapped shut again, so hard his teeth clinked together.

“I’m
sorry.”  Cross yanked his hand back from hers.  “I’m…
Shit.
”  He pressed
a hand to his forehead and turned swiftly.  “Hang on.”  Blood was coming out of
his nose this time.  “God.”  He curved in on himself as if battling some
invisible demon.

“Cross!” 
Nia closed the distance between them and grabbed his face between her palms. 
“It’s okay.  Calm down.”  She felt the tension leave his body when she touched
him, like a horrible pressure had been released.  “You’re okay.  It’s okay.” 
She was chanting that more for herself than for him as she petted his cheek.

The
bleeding stopped and Cross wiped a wrist under his nose in an absent gesture
that spoke of long habit.  He started down at the red stain and his mouth tightened. 
“I’m always coming to you with blood on me.”  He murmured, wearily.  “Selfish
bastard.”

“It’ll
be okay.”  Nia insisted.  “Just so you’re not sick, you’ll be okay.”  Phases
hadn’t bled like that during the Fall, but Nia had lost so much that it left
her traumatized.  Even with his assurance that Freya had checked him out, Nia
couldn’t get the image of some illness stealing Cross away out of her mind. 
“Please, don’t be sick.”  Her voice caught at the idea.

To
Nia’s surprise, Cross sighed and rested his head against her shoulder.  “I’m
not sick, baby.  But, I’m not okay, either.”  Cross was so much bigger than Nia
that he had to bend almost in half to hold onto her, but he still didn’t let
go.  “I told you, I’m broken.”  He swore, softly.  “I never meant to yell at
you.  I’m sorry.”

Nia
could’ve cried at the sadness in his tone.  “We’re Matched, Cross.  We’re
allowed to yell at each other.  But, we are
never
allowed to let go. 
Are you listening to me?  Don’t you ever end
anything
and leave me
behind.”

“If
I ended everything, Nia, you’d come with me.”  There was a dull note in his
voice.  “That’s always been the problem.”

“Yeah? 
Good
.”  She certainly wasn’t going to apologize if she’d screwed up his
suicide plans.  “Jackass.”  She muttered and tilted her head so her face rested
in his thick, dark hair.  “Matches need each other, you know.  It’s not just
you in this.  I need you, too.  I need you here.”

He
snorted as if that statement was a prime candidate for the “stupidest thing
ever said” award.

“Cross,
why do you have these headaches?”  Nia demanded, when he didn’t seem to be
offering anything else to the conversation.  “Did Freya tell you why?”

A
long pause then, “The Shadows are heavy.”

Nia
couldn’t imagine the power it took to support an entire House.  It had to be
the worst pressure in the world, times three.  She should have known that it
would hurt him.  What kind of Match was she that she hadn’t guessed that he was
suffering?  “You’re in pain a lot?”

An
even longer pause.  “Sometimes.”

Nia
hadn’t spent two years arguing with the rest of the Council to easily admit
defeat.  “When are you
not
in pain?”

No
answer at all this time.

“Cross?” 
She prompted.  “When are you not in pain?”

He
straightened away from her and met her gaze dead on.  “When I touch you, the
headaches go away.”

“Ah-ha!” 
Nia beamed, despite the circumstances.  “Well, my medical opinion on
that
is that we should do a lot of touching then, Match.”  She arched a brow, trying
to lighten his mood.  “You’re cured.  You so owe me.”

He
didn’t seem amused.  “I know that I do.  If I were a better man, I’d pay you
back by letting you go.  You shouldn’t be with me.”

Nia’s
smile faded.  “Cross, are you going to try and renounce me?”  She demanded.

“No.”

The
simple finality of the word sent a shaft of pleasure into Nia.  “Then, I think
you need to adapt.”  She made sure that she kept her hand on his arm.  “You
have to be my Match.”

His
gaze stayed locked on hers.  “It’s not that I don’t want to be your Match,
Nia.  It’s that I
can’t
.  Not the way you need me to be.  That’s the
problem.  I’m
wrong
.”

“No,
you’re not wrong!”  She insisted.  “Stop saying that.”  Nia suddenly and completely
understood Ty’s refusal to Phaze with Parald.  Her cousin had always said he’d
felt “wrong” and now that made perfect sense to Nia.  Matches could
feel
each other on so many levels.  You’d be able to tell instantly if he was a
monster.  You’d
know
if he was wrong.  “Cross, if you would just…”

“If
I share my energy with you, the way we’re supposed to in Phazing, you will be
crushed.”  Cross interrupted, seeing where she was going next.  “It will hurt
like a nail gun to your eyes.  And I won’t do that to you.  Not if you ask me a
thousand times.  Not when my own instincts are screaming at me to just let it
happen.  Not even when the Shadows pound at my head wanting to touch you.  So,
don’t waste time trying to talk me into it.”

“We
can’t Phaze properly unless you let go, Cross.  You know that.  It won’t work.”

He
glanced away.  “You can renounce me, then.”  His tone was devoid of all
emotion.

Nia
pursed her lips.  He was
really
not looking at her now, his eyes
studying the shapeless clouds in the September sky.  “Renounce you, huh?  You’d
be okay with that?”