Wasting Time on the Internet (22 page)

   
 70.   Take as many pictures of the room you are in as possible. Upload the pictures to social media. Consider new ways to capture a space to re-create it elsewhere.

   
 71.   Pick a genre of music you don't usually listen to or that you dislike. Listen to five minutes of it without doing anything else. Once you pick a song, you have to listen to the whole thing. Don't touch the computer as you listen. After the five minutes, write about what you felt/were thinking about. How did it feel to do nothing but listen to something you don't like?

   
 72.   Charge fifteen people publicly on Venmo for $0.01–$3,000 for reasons you make up.

   
 73.   Exchange phones with a partner and text someone from that phone whatever you feel like.

   
 74.   In a group, choose one person to be the “gimp,” so to speak. This person must have every avenue (social media, e-mail, different chat programs such as Skype, Google Chat, Canvas, etc.) Flood this person with as much spam as possible. Do what you will. The victim must copy and paste every message into a Word document.

   
 75.   Give your Facebook password to a partner and have them delete your account.

   
 76.   Open three video chat platforms at once and talk to three separate people.

   
 77.   Skype a buddy during one class for the whole class. Have the video chat muted but talk to them through text the entire class.

   
 78.   Sit down in the middle of a crowded walkway and open your laptop to surf the Internet.

   
 79.   Click on a spam advertisement and try to claim whatever promotion it's offering. Get yourself that iPhone for $20 or a free $100 Walmart gift card.

   
 80.   Look through your Facebook messages and go back as far as you can. Find the oldest message to which you never responded. Write back. Make the responses really long and detailed. Make it super awkward. Don't explain why you're writing back now or apologize for not writing back earlier.

   
 81.   Open an image on a screen and use as many devices as you can to iteratively take a picture of that image. Use as many people and as many cameras as you can, but plan it so that it takes the shortest amount of time for the image to travel from the first screen to the last. Configure the cameras and screen in physical space cleverly to do this.

   
 82.   Send as many people as you can lyrics from a song. Keep sending them even if people ask you to stop.

   
 83.   Using TV Trope, describe the people around you as tropes from the website.

   
 84.   Graffiti the Facebook wall of the person to your left. Post anything you want and everything you want. Vandalize it. Make it so their grandmas on Facebook call them asking what's wrong.

   
 85.   As a group, choose a popular album of music. Find the worst possible versions of each song on the web, be it a terrible cover on YouTube, a bad quality download, a virus-laden download, a misheard lyrics version, or a horrible remix. Reconstruct the album out of these new versions.

   
 86.   Choose a partner and flood their social media accounts with the phrase “I love you” as many times and in as many specific places as possible. The partner must respond to each instance with the phrase “I love you too” as quickly as they can. Repeat with “I hate you.”

   
 87.   Go onto ChatRoulette or Omegle and try to get people to tell you a secret. Post it to YouTube.

   
 88.   Find an interesting person in a different country and completely re-create their social media profile through your own Facebook. Proceed to comment on ten posts on your newsfeed only in that person's native language. If you don't know their language, that's even better: use Google Translate.

   
 89.   Join a chat room anonymously and admit as many secrets as you can.

   
 90.   Ask everyone around you to send you a picture of themselves they haven't posted online.

   
 91.   In a group, have everyone put their addresses in a bowl in the middle and each person draws one at random. Go on eBay and buy that person a present for less than one dollar.

   
 92.   In a public place, record the noise you hear with your
phone. Then go to a silent private place and listen to it. Send the noise to a partner and ask them where they think it is from.

   
 93.   Using Google Patent Search, find schematics of interesting devices. Post them to Instagram with a description in which you hashtag every other word.

   
 94.   In a group, select a person to take notes on the emotions, facial tics, and affects of a group of users surfing the Internet.

   
 95.   Find a niche piece of media that you love and find a place on the Internet where people are discussing it as recently as a month ago.

   
 96.   Delete a photo from the phone of a partner and do not tell them which you deleted.

   
 97.   Do a background check on the person to your left. Find every detail about them: addresses, schools, e-mail, hobbies, groups, publications, work, criminal record, family members, etc. Find everything you can by any means necessary. Hack into their accounts if necessary. Save what you find in a document. Send it to them.

   
 98.   For fifteen minutes, see who can tally the largest dollar amount by putting things in their Amazon shopping cart. The one with the most at the end of the time wins. Delete everything in your cart. Or don't.

   
 99.   Delete any document on your partner's computer. Don't tell them which one you erased. Then give them your laptop and have them do the same to you.

   
100.  Make a website and fill it with spam.

   
101.  Make a BuzzFeed account and post lists of how you waste time on the Internet.

Compiled by Chase Harrow. Contributors: Alan Chelak, Nina Friend, Chase Harrow, Bree Jackson, Melissa Kantrowitz, Justin Sheen, Parker Stakoff, Zoe Stoller, Patrick del Valle, John Vella, and Feimei Zeng.

Portions of these chapters appeared in Ausgabe, the
Los Angeles Review of Books
, the
New Yorker
, the Poetry Foundation, Rhizome, Schwa Fire, and the
Wire
. In addition, sections of this book were presented live or excerpted from publications at the following venues: Fachhochschule Nordwestschweiz FHNW Basel, Transmediale, Kunsthaus Graz, LABOR, the Liverpool Biennial, MaMa Zagreb, Museum of Contemporary Art Barcelona, the Museum of Modern Art, the Institute of Fine Arts–NYU, Ràdio Web MACBA, the RISD Museum, the University of Cincinnati, and the Wattis Institute. I wish to thank the editors and the institutions for their support.

To my reader, critic, advisor, and lifelong companion, Cheryl Donegan, without whom this book would not exist. Special thanks to my agent, Paul Bresnick, and to my editors at HarperCollins, Barry Harbaugh and Eric Meyers as well as to Paula Cooper Hughes for her thoughtful insights on this book. I'd also like to thank Laura Beiles, Vicki Bennett, Claire Bishop, the Center for Programs in Contemporary Writing at the University of Pennsylvania, Roc Jiménez de Cisneros, Kathleen Donegan, Pamela Echeverria, Frenchie Ferenczi, Al Filreis, Henriette Gallus, Rainer Ganahl, Da
vid Haglund, Pablo Helguera, Sheila Heti, Katia Huemer, Jean Boite Éditions, Grant Jenkins, Shea Matthew Kennisher, Marcell Mars, Chus Martinez, Tomislav Medak, Ingo Niermann, Peter Pakesch, Lucrecia Palacios, Anna Ramos, Mingo Reynolds, Marisol Rodriguez, Agustin Pérez Rubio, Dubravka Sekulić, Arjan Singh, Caleb Smith, Danny Snelson, Sasha Weiss, Terry Winters, and Wendy Woon. And finally a huge shoutout to the students of UPenn's ENG 165 who tested, challenged, confirmed, and refined many of the ideas in this book.

The pagination of this electronic edition does not match the edition from which it was made. To locate a specific passage, please use the search feature on your e-book reader.

INTRODUCTION: LET'S GET LOST

1
  
      “nuclear deal with Iran”:
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/15/opinion/thomas-friedman-obama-makes-his-case-on-iran-nuclear-deal.html,
August 17, 2015.

5
  
      “talking cure”:
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/27/opinion/sunday/stop-googling-lets-talk.html,
October 12, 2015.

8
  
      “books are vanishing”:
http://www.slate.com/blogs/behold/2015/01/09/reinier_gerritsen_photographs_readers_on_the_subway_in_his_series_the_last.html,
March 15, 2016.

8
  
      “the vested interests”: Excerpt from: Marshall McLuhan,
Understanding Media
(New York: McGraw-Hill, 1965), unpaginated, iBooks.

14
  
    “I don't have a lot of time” : Michael Barbaro and Steve Eder. “Under Oath, Donald Trump Shows His Raw Side.”
New York Times
, July 28, 2015, p. A1.

15
  
    “the content of writing”: McLuhan,
Understanding Media
.

15
  
    “merely the sum of my posts”:
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/12/travel/going-off-the-grid-on-a-swedish-island.html,
July 12, 2015.

18
  
    “a security blanket”:
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/12/sunday-review/addicted-to-your-phone-theres-help-for-that.html,
July 12, 2015.

18
  
    “and yet in psychoanalytic theory”: https://thinkingthoughtsdotorg.wordpress.com/2013/05/14/d-w-winnicott-on-transitional-object-and-transitional-space/, July 12, 2015.

24
  
    “a tissue of quotations”:
http://www.ubu.com/aspen/aspen5and6/threeEssays.html#barthes,
January 14, 2016.

CHAPTER 1: THE SOCIAL NETWORK

29
  
    “we spend our lives in front of screens”: https://
www.english.upenn.edu/courses/undergraduate/2015/spring/engl111.301,
January 17, 2016.

40
  
    “the figure of the ghost”:
http://www.theguardian.com/books/booksblog/2011/jun/17/hauntology-critical,
December 31, 2015.

CHAPTER 2: THE WALKING DEAD

50
  
    “they are such a pervasive and insistent part of daily life”:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/business/technology/supreme-court-cellphone-ruling-hints-at-broader-curbs-on-surveillance/2014/06/25/2732b532-fc9b-11e3–8176-f2c941cf35f1_story.html,
October 13, 2015.

51
  
    “I believe in the future resolution”:
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/bio/andre-breton,
January 17, 2016.

51
  
    “every day they want to spend”: Ruth Brandon.
Surreal Lives
. New York: Grove Press, 1999, 201.

52
  
    “when will we have sleeping logicians”: André Breton.
Manifestos of Surrealism
. Ann Arbor: University of Michigan Press, 1969, 12.

55
  
    “walking, then, is an act of reading”: Michel de Certeau.
The Practice of Everyday Life
. Berkeley: University of California, 1984.

57
  
    “I'm struggling with my picture”: Mark Stevens and Annalyn Swan.
De Kooning: An American Master
. New York: A. A. Knopf, 2004.

60
  
    “search for encrypted”:
http://www.adweek.com/socialtimes/social-media-newsfeed-edward-snowden-on-social-media-twitter-isis-threats/206133,
October 13, 2015.

65
  
    “the warmth of a seat”:
http://www.dada-companion.com/duchamp/archive/duchamp_walking_on_infrathin_ice.pdf,
October 29, 2015.

65
  
    “optimistic, futuristic”:
http://www.sfgate.com/default/article/Q-and-A-With-Brian-Eno-2979740.php,
July 25, 2015.

69
  
    “look at those images objectively”:
http://www.wired.com/2012/04/an-essay-on-the-new-aesthetic/,
October 13, 2015.

72
  
    “odd gestures of any kind”: Paul Auster. “Fogg in the Park” in
Central Park: An Anthology
. Ed. Andrew Blauner. New York: Bloomsbury, 2012, 101–2.

72
  
    “in big cities, beneath the roar of traffic”:
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/26/nyregion/pope-francis-visits-new-york-city.html,
October 29, 2015.

CHAPTER 3: OUR BROWSER HISTORY IS THE NEW MEMOIR

78
  
    “I do a lot of exercises”: William Burroughs and Brion Gysin.
The Third Mind
. New York: Seaver Books/Viking, 1978, 1.

82
  
    “mindfulness in its original Buddhist tradition”:
http://op-talk.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/06/30/the-mindfulness-backlash/?_r=0,
August 14, 2015.

83
  
    “it's not that what is past casts its light”: Walter Benjamin.
The Arcades Project
. Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1999, 462, N2a,3.

84
  
    “to compress all the possibilities”: Raoul Hausmann. “Manifesto of PREsentism” in
Manifesto: A Century of ISMs
. Ed. Mary Ann Caws. Lincoln: University of Nebraska Press, 2001, 164.

84
  
    “memory is not an instrument for exploring”: Walter Benjamin.
Selected Writings
. Cambridge, Mass.: Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, 2004, 661.

86
  
    “studies show that most people happily use the web”: https://kasperskycontenthub.com/usa/files/2015/06/Digital-Amnesia-Report.pdf, September 7, 2015.

88
  
    “there is a definite relationship between inertia”: John Armitage. “From Modernism to Hypermodernism and Beyond: An Interview with Paul Virilio.”
Theory Culture and Society
16 (1999): 40.

CHAPTER 4: ARCHIVING IS THE NEW FOLK ART

90
  
    “if that's real”: Deborah Bright. “Shopping the Leftovers:
Warhol's Collecting Strategies in
Raid the Icebox
” in
Art History
24 (2001): 2.

93
  
    “the grid announces”: Rosalind E. Krauss.
The Originality of the Avant-garde and Other Modernist Myths
. Cambridge, Mass: MIT Press, 1986, 9.

95
  
    “boyhood bug collection”:
http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/apr/05/pinterest-interview-ben-silbermann-social-media,
January 5, 2015.

96
  
    “among children, collecting is only one process of renewal”: Walter Benjamin. “Unpacking My Library” in
Walter Benjamin: Selected Writings. 1931–1934. Vol. 2. Pt. 2.
Cambridge: Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, 2004, 488.

96
  
    “catalog of ideas”:
http://phys.org/news/2015–07-pinterest-ceo-site-future-ideas.html,
January 8, 2015.

96
  
    “if there is a counterpart”: Benjamin, “Unpacking My Library,” 487.

97
  
    “adults and children”: John Berger.
Ways of Seeing
. London: Penguin Books, 1972, 30.

98
  
    “like everything else [curating] has been democratized”: “Hans Ulrich Obrist interviews STEWART BRAND.” Undated. Unpublished. E-mailed to author by Obrist, June 15, 2015.

99
  
    “you have read all these books”: Benjamin,
Selected Writings
, 71.

99
  
    “even if all knowledge”: Ann M. Blair.
Too Much to Know: Managing Scholarly Information before the Modern Age
. New Haven: Yale University Press, 2010, 5.

99
  
    “sheer cognitive exhaustion”: Ibid., 5.

100
  
“$10 billion”:
http://www.slate.com/articles/technology/technology/2013/01/aaron_swartz_jstor_mit_can_honor_the_internet_activist_by_fighting_to_make.html,
February 17, 2013.

101
  
“range of arcane subjects”:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/11/philip-parker-books_n_2648820.html,
October 22, 2015.

102
  
“Iraq War alone”: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WikiLeaks, July 22, 2013.

102
  
 “United States diplomatic cable leaks”: https://en.wikipedia.
org/wiki/United_States_diplomatic_cables_leak, July 22, 2013.

102
  
“there's a principle that says”:
http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2010/11/28/has_wikileaks_finally_gone_too_far,
July 22, 2013.

103
  
“and with every new leak”:
http://www.newsweek.com/how-much-did-snowden-take-not-even-nsa-really-knows-253940,
October 23, 2015.

103
  
“if recorded”:
http://www.davidzwirner.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/2009-OK-DZ-press-release.pdf,
August 29, 2015.

104
  
“Philosophical Transactions”:
http://pirateproxy.ca/torrent/6554331,
July 22, 2013.

106
  
“it feels like the end”: Darren Wershler. E-mail to author, February 24, 2013.

108
  
“LABOR, UbuWeb, and Kenneth Goldsmith”:
http://printingtheInternet.tumblr.com/post/54177453547/proposal,
September 10, 2013.

109
  
“please don't print the Internet”:
http://www.change.org/petitions/please-don't-print-the-Internet,
September 10, 2013.

109
  
“Know Your Meme”:
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/events/printing-out-the-Internet,
August 30, 2015.

111
  
“the composition of vast books”: Jorge Luis Borges.
Ficciones
. New York: Grove Press, 1962, 15.

112
  
“THE ARTIST MAY CONSTRUCT”:
http://ubu.com/papers/weiner_statements.html,
September 17, 2013.

112
  
“in conceptual art the idea or concept”:
http://emerald.tufts.edu/programs/mma/fah188/sol_lewitt/paragraphs%20on%20conceptual%20art.htm,
September 17, 2013.

113
  
“do not forget that a poem”: Ludwig Wittgenstein.
Zettel
. Ed. G. E. M. Anscombe and G. H. von Wright, Berkeley: University of California Press, 1967, sec. 160.

CHAPTER 5: DREAM MACHINES AND ETERNIDAYS

116
  
“a kind of curator of culture”: Deborah Solomon.
Utopia Park
way: The Life and Work of Joseph Cornell
. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1997, 359.

117
  
“three thousand books”: Lynda Roscoe Hartigan. “Joseph Cornell's Dance with Duality” in
Joseph Cornell: Shadowplay Eterniday
. New York and London: Thames and Hudson, 2003, 15.

120
  
“everybody should have two television sets”: Joseph Gelmis. “Andy Warhol” in
I'll Be Your Mirror
. Ed. Kenneth Goldsmith. New York: Carroll and Graf, 2004, 166.

121
  
“the distracted person is not just absent”:
http://quod.lib.umich.edu/cgi/t/text/text-idx?cc=mqr;c=mqr;c=mqrarchive;idno=act2080.0048.410;rgn=main;view=text;xc=1;g=mqrg,
September 21, 2015.

122
  
“this extension of [Narcissus]”: McLuhan,
Understanding Media
. unpaginated iBooks.

127
  
“I am the first to be surprised and often terrified”: https://
www.moma.org/learn/moma_learning/1168–2,
January 19, 2016.

129
  
“today, no exhibition is complete”: Claire Bishop. “Digital Divide.”
Artforum
, September 2010, 436.

129
  
“noticed his hands”: Solomon,
Utopia Parkway
, 244.

131
  
“Harry Jay Knowles is sprawled on the edge of his bed”:
http://www.nytimes.com/1997/11/16/magazine/the-two-hollywoods-harry-knowles-is-always-listening.html?pagewanted=all,
August 3, 2015.