Waters Fall (22 page)

27

The next morning, she awoke to a pressure between
her temples that pulsed against the backs of her eyes. She sat up groggily, her head weighing a thousand pounds.

She had the morning to herself while Jake and the kids were at church, so she took another shower, hoping the steam would open her sinuses and
wake her up, but it didn’t help much. She poured herself a glass of cold soda water, afraid to even try coffee, and took some pills to combat her headache. She couldn’t remember what the plan was this afternoon, but the way she felt, it wouldn’t matter. Whatever they did would be torture for her.

After locking up, she fumbled in her purse to find her shades, the sun like daggers in her eyes. She sat in the car for a few minutes, actually considering calling Jake and telling him she couldn
’t make it, but after the way things had ended last night, her guilt overrode her misery. Surely the medicine would kick in soon.

Jake was out in the garage when she arrived, fiddling with the lawn mower. He glanced up as she pulled up in front of the house, acknowledged her with a wave, and bent over his task again. She was greatly relieved when he didn
’t rush out to meet her; all she wanted to do was lie down again. There was a bomb ticking away inside her head, and she felt flushed and chilled at the same time. She hoped the kids were in the back yard, or at least uncharacteristically calm.

She dropped her purse on the coffee table and curled up into the corner of the sofa, dragging the throw from the back of the couch around her shoulders. Several minutes went by before she heard the front door open and close, and Jake
’s footsteps approaching.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” she replied, not opening her eyes.

“What’s up with you?” It wasn’t kindness in his voice, but at least he wasn’t ignoring her.

“I think my head is going to explode. Not feeling so well today.” She cracked one eye open and peered up at him, unable to read his expression.

He stood looking down at her for such a long time that she finally closed her eye again and pulled the throw up over her face. She heard him walk away and sighed heavily, wishing for
all the world that things were different.

“Nora?” He was back with a glass of water in one hand and something cupped in the other. “I brought you some medicine.”

“Thanks.” She didn’t know how much time had passed since she’d taken the pills at the cottage, and she murmured from under the blanket. “Just put them on the end table.”

He sat down on the coffee table in front of her and waited until she poked her head out to look at him again.  Apparently, he wanted to talk, so she pulled herself a little more upright, bringing her feet to the floor for balance.

“Mmm,” she moaned quietly. She was feeling worse by the minute, not better.

“I’m sorry about last night.” Jake spoke without preamble, straightforward, and to the point. “I was out of line trying to pressure you to stay here, but I still want you to consider going to see Pastor Rob with me. Will you think about it?”

“I have thought about it, Jake. I think you should go to him yourself for now. I’m just not ready. I don’t care what you tell him. You can tell him everything and anything. I mean it. I’m not interested in hiding anything; I just don’t feel like talking about it myself.” She leaned her head back on the cushions behind her and closed her eyes again. “If you think he can help you sort some things out, then I absolutely encourage you to go.”

Jake didn
’t speak. She could sense his physical closeness even with her eyes closed, and she drew her legs back up on the couch, tucking them under her. She wasn’t put off by him; she just didn’t want to be touched by anyone right now. Her skin felt like every nerve ending had worked itself to the surface and was just waiting to be stimulated, to cause her discomfort.

“I think I need to go back to bed,” she muttered. “Where are the kids?”

“They’re next door at the Buckners. Their grandkids came home from church with them, so I let Leslie and Felix go over there to play until lunch. Do you want me to call them?”

“No, that’s all right. I think I should just go back to my place and rest some more.” She sat forward, trying to work up the energy to stand. “Can you tell them I’m not feeling well and that I’ll be back tonight?”

“Sure, but you look pretty awful. Are you okay to drive?” Jake stood and offered her his hand. She took it, finding momentary comfort in the way her hand felt so familiar in his, and pulled herself upright. He didn’t resist when she pulled away.

“I’ll be okay. I just need to go get some more sleep.” She found her sunglasses in the top of her purse and slipped them on as he followed her out the front door to her car. “I’ll call you when I wake up. Stop worrying,” she said when she saw his look of concern. “I’ll be fine.”

Jake stood on the curb watching as she pulled away, but she didn’t pay too much attention. She needed all her efforts focused on the road in front of her.

She barely made it in the front door and raced to her bathroom where she vomited what little there was in her stomach. She hated throwing up. She hated the uncontrollable violence of it, the way her body felt like it was going to turn inside out, and especially the way it seemed to increase the pressure in her head. What was wrong with her?

Nora exchanged her jeans for baggy sweats, slipping a pair of thick socks on her feet. June was as hot as ever in the middle of the day, but a fever was making her teeth chatter and her skin goose-bump. She burrowed beneath the covers of her bed and waited to get warm.

Her throat hurt, but she wasn
’t sure if it was from the fever or from vomiting. Every inch of her body was hypersensitive to touch; even the sheets rubbed against her painfully when she moved, and every single muscle group ached inside of her.

“I’m so sick,” she whispered pitifully. There was no one to hear or care. She was truly alone in her quiet little sanctuary.

~ ~ ~

Jake sat at the kitchen table, his coffee cup empty
before him, staring at the wood grain beneath his fingertips. He’d been sitting there for almost an hour, listening to the silence of the house around him. The kids would be back soon for lunch, but he couldn’t stop thinking about his wife.

If he didn
’t know any better, Jake would have thought she looked hung over. Nora had her favorite wines, but she never drank more than a glass or two in a sitting. She didn’t like not having control, and inebriation to her was the epitome of no control. She hated throwing up—he’d learned that with her first pregnancy when he’d found her in the bathroom one night, weeping and clutching her stomach, desperate to keep from vomiting.

But if she wasn
’t hung over, then Nora really was sick. And if the suffering on her face this morning was any indication, then she was
really
sick, indeed.

Should he call her? Should he offer to help?

His initial desire was to go to her and take care of her. He could make her hot tea, chicken broth, make sure she drank her water and took her pills. But why? Why should he do
anything
to help her feel better? She should suffer, and suffer, and suffer some more, until everything inside of her was torn to shreds. Why was he even considering it? Besides, she hated being rescued and she’d told him so many, many times. Oh, she didn’t use those words. No, she called him clingy, and smothering, and suffocating, but all he’d ever wanted was to make her happy.

“Ah. Let her rot over there in her little hovel,” he growled, shoving his chair back as he stood. “She doesn’t need a knight in shining armor. She needs a poison apple.” He wrenched open the refrigerator door and began pulling out ingredients for the dishes he’d planned on cooking for their Sunday lunch together, then slammed it with even more vehemence, as he laughed scornfully at himself. On the counter was everything necessary for her favorite
Italian meal. He’d even taken the kids to Panelli’s Market Saturday morning for some authentic Calabrian sausage and another bottle of Moscato. Maybe he should just get the gun out again. Maybe he should use it on himself. What a
fool
he was!

In fact, she probably wasn
’t even sick today! She was so good at faking things, maybe she was faking that, too. His mind reeled, spinning out of control. Maybe she was going to see Tristan. Oh God, no. Oh please, no.

Jake had to lean against the counter for support, the thoughts coming at him like flying fists. How could he survive? How could he endure yet another day with this much pain? This morning, he sat in church listening to Pastor Rob speaking from John 15 about what it meant to lay down your life for your friends. He explained that laying down one
’s life was not about being acknowledged, it was not about expecting a life in return, but about loving unconditionally. Yet, it all seemed so unrealistic to him. Sure, he’d heard this message before. He’d even taught on it during their Bible Study. In fact, up until now, he always thought he lived out what it meant to love unconditionally. But he never really considered how things might change if Nora didn’t love him unconditionally back.

What was she doing right this very moment? Was she with him? Was he there with her? He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes, desperate to squeeze out the images behind his lids. He couldn
’t take it another moment. He picked up the phone, and when the neighbor answered, he made things up on the spot.

“Hi, Mrs. Buckner.
I have a huge favor to ask. Nora is at work today, but she isn’t feeling well and needs me to bring her some medicine. Can I leave Leslie and Felix with you just a little longer? I shouldn’t be gone too long.”

Edie Buckner agreed readily.
“In fact, why don’t you take her some lunch and I’ll keep Les and Felix here. The kids are making hopeful plans for a picnic as we speak, so I know they’ll be thrilled.”

Jake thanked her and shoved everything haphazardly back into the refrigerator.

He didn’t care that she’d given him strict instructions to call first, that he wasn’t allowed to simply show up at her cottage unannounced. He was going over there to find out what she was up to. In fact, once the decision was made, he found the idea rather invigorating. Suddenly, he wanted more than anything to meet this Tristan. He wanted to see first-hand what he was up against.

By the time he pulled up outside her little place, Jake had worked himself into a rage. He burst out of his truck, slamming the door behind him, and charged up to her front patio. He
’d already used his fist to pound on the door, before it occurred to him that hers was the only other car there. It didn’t slow him down too much, though. She probably picked the guy up and brought him home with her.

“Nora! Open up!” He thumped a few more times before trying the door, and was surprised to find it unlocked. He
threw it open so that it banged against the wall behind it, and stepped inside her secret lovers’ hideaway.

It was shadowy and cool inside with all the blinds drawn and the lights off, and it took a few moments for his eyes to adjust. He
’d only been in here two other times before, both during the week she’d moved, because she needed his truck and manpower to move her furniture. He’d left everything in a pile in the middle of the floor, so the artfully arranged room made him pause as he looked around at all her stuff. Everything here was uniquely Nora; her trinkets, the artwork she loved, the fabrics, the colors. And the fragrance. There was that erotic fragrance again.

“Jake? What is it?” Her voice, quiet and shaky, came from behind the two-paneled divider separating her sleeping area from the rest of the room.
“The…the kids?”

He heard the pain in her voice, and he stood, suddenly uncertain, suddenly deflated.

Suddenly wrong.

“Jake? Is something wrong?”

Peering through the space between the divider’s panels, he could see the outline of her form huddled beneath the blankets on her bed.

“I… I came to check on you, Nora.” He cursed himself inside for where his mind had taken him, and now for having to lie about it. “You looked terrible when you left. I was worried.”

She didn’t say anything in response, and he added lamely, “Sorry I didn’t call first.”

When she still didn
’t respond, he began to feel defensive. “Come on, Nor. Don’t give me the silent treatment. I was just worried about you, okay? Geez.”

Then he heard the sniffle. She was crying. He
’d blown it again. Jake turned around and walked out, pulling the cottage door closed quietly behind him.

He crossed her little river rock patio and gazed down into the water, wishing it would wash away the last half hour. She really was sick. And he really was ridiculous, as Nora so often
said, charging over here like a bull in a china shop, barging in on her like that, making all kinds of false accusations. Even though he hadn’t verbalized them, he was pretty sure she’d heard his thoughts in the way he knocked on the door and hollered for her. She knew him well enough to know that he wasn’t over here checking up on her out of concern for her well-being, and he knew her well enough that he
should
have known she wasn’t faking the dark circles under her eyes and the bright pink fever splotches on her cheeks.