Authors: Ruth J. Hartman
“I know. I’ve thought of that.”
“Do you know what you might want to study?”
“No, but I thought maybe if I took several classes, something might appeal to me. Then I could pursue whatever it was.”
“I think that sounds like a good plan. Not everyone knows exactly what they want to do for a living right off the bat.”
I glanced to the floor and back to the drink in my hand.
“Is there something else?”
I glanced back up at her. “I was thinking that maybe… Addy and I could…”
She watched me and waited. Did she know what I was thinking? She hadn’t seemed surprised about anything else I’d said.
“Here’s the thing, I love her. I want to… be with her. But I don’t want to, uh…” I lifted my hand, not sure how to say it without
saying
it.
Mom placed her hand over mine. “For lack of a better term, you want to make an honest woman of her?”
I felt heat creep up my neck. I didn’t usually have this kind of conversation with my parents, with
anyone
for that matter. But my mom already seemed to know. “Yeah. That’s it exactly.”
“So, you’re thinking of maybe getting married? Maybe sometime soon?”
I stared at her. “Either you’re a mind reader or you’re just very smart.”
She chuckled and stood up. “I’ll take that as a compliment.” She picked up the potato and knife again. “Graham, if you’re sure this is the right person for you, I am totally behind you.” She pointed the knife in the direction of my bedroom. “Now go call the girl and stop bothering me.”
I laughed and headed upstairs.
Addy
My first week
of classes was interesting. My English Lit professor had a sense of humor, so I knew that would help with keeping the class interesting. Biology would be okay, too, but I couldn’t wait until I could take the science classes that were specifically geared toward my major.
Calculus was the big worry, of course, since I never understood much of it. That had always been hard for me. Too bad Graham wasn’t here to help me study. Although if he were here, we probably wouldn’t get a lot of studying done. I smiled, remembering his kisses and hugs, the way his hands roamed over my stomach and chest. Then my smile fell. It hurt so bad to not be able to see him, be with him. Phone conversations just weren’t cutting it.
I stepped onto the elevator and checked my phone for the millionth time since this morning. I had hoped Graham would call today. We’d had a great talk last night, though. Not about anything specific, but I sensed some kind of excitement from him. All week long I’d had that feeling. He wouldn’t say what was going on, but it was almost like he had something really great to tell me.
I climbed the two flights of stairs and got to the room. The door was open and Amber was sitting on her bed, crying.
“Amber, what happened?” I dropped my purse and books on my desk and hurried over to her.
She wiped her eyes with a tissue. “Oh Addy. You’re going to hate me.”
“Don’t be silly. Why would I—”
“I can’t stay.”
“What do you mean? You want to change rooms?” Did she not want to be my roommate anymore?
She shook her head, her ponytail whipping from side to side. “I c-can’t stay here. At college.”
I blinked. “But we just got here.”
She grabbed my hand. “I’m so sorry. It isn’t you. You’re wonderful. I just… it’s too hard, being away from home and my parents. And being away from…”
“Your boyfriend?”
“Yeah.”
I squeezed her hand. “Are you sure? I mean, maybe if you gave it a little more time.”
“No. I’ve thought about it. If I leave now, I can drop my classes and my parents won’t have to pay the full amount for them. They said they’d still pay my room for the semester, though.”
“Oh.” I hadn’t thought about that. I didn’t like the idea of having to pay for a room all by myself. Maybe I could get another roommate, although by now, that was doubtful.
“They insisted. Said it wouldn’t be fair to you to have to pay it all.”
I was stunned. “That’s… really nice of them.”
“Addy, are you upset with me?”
I looked up at her. Red eyes from crying. Crumpled tissue in her hand and several more on the bed behind her. An expression of sadness that I’d only seen when I looked in the mirror. “No. I’m not mad. Believe me, I get it.”
She threw her arms around my neck and squeezed me tight. “I hope… I really want to stay in touch with you, Addy.”
“I’d like that.” I sat back. “When do you think you’ll go?”
“My parents are on their way.”
“Now? Oh, wow.”
“But if you’d rather I—”
“No. If that’s what you need to do, then you should go.” A huge part of me wished I could go home too. I envied her.
I let out a sigh and glanced across the room. It was then I noticed her suitcases and boxes stacked by the door. When I’d come in I was so intent on finding out what was wrong that I hadn’t even seen them.
Amber acted relieved after talking to me and went to the restroom to try to do something to repair her makeup. I walked to the window by my bed. I hadn’t known her very long, but I would miss her. In the short time we’d shared a room, we’d hit it off.
The roommate I really wanted was Graham. Wouldn’t that be something… to share a home? A bed? A life? I truly did envy Amber. Had I made the wrong decision in coming to college too? It shocked me that I was having thoughts of wanting to live with Graham, just because I’d never had the desire to do that with anyone before. But then, until I met him, I hadn’t met the right person.
A knock at the door caught my attention. Amber’s mom and dad? They had already left the day my parents had dropped me off. I opened the door to find a middle-aged couple who reminded me of my parents, though they looked nothing alike. “Hi, I’m Addy. You must be Amber’s parents.”
With murmurs of hello, they stepped into the room. Amber returned just then and raced into her father’s arms. Tears flowed again. Poor girl. Yet I understood.
It had taken no time at all for short goodbyes and loading Amber’s things into their car. What a whirlwind that was. Matched as roommates by the college. Talked on the phone. Met the first day in our room. Gone a week later. I sighed and dug my phone from my purse.
No call from Graham. But I really needed to talk to him, tell him what was going on. Hear his voice. I shut the door to our room,
my
room now, and sprawled out on my bed. I dialed his number and waited. I know he was probably working, but I hoped—
“Hello?”
I let out a sigh, so grateful he’d answered.
“Addy? Is that you?”
Oops.
“Uh, sorry. Forget to say anything.”
He chuckled and then lowered his voice. “Is everything all right?”
“Not… not really. But if you’re busy…”
“No. I’m good. I’m sitting in my truck taking a break.”
The truck… better not think about all the fun we had there. That would only make being apart worse. “Oh, well, um… Had sort of a situation here.”
“Situation? Like…”
“My roommate? Amber?”
“Yeah…”
“She isn’t my roommate anymore.”
He hesitated. Was he frowning, wondering what happened? “Oh. I’m sorry. Did you have a fight or something?”
“No. She just got homesick. For her family. And… her…”
Something scratched against the phone. Had he pressed it closer to his ear? “What, honey? What happened?”
“She misses her boyfriend back home. She couldn’t bear it.” I ran my hand along the edge of my quilt. “Sometimes, I think I…” A sudden burst of tears overtook me. I hadn’t even known it was coming.
“Addy, oh honey. Do you need me to come and see you?”
“You… you would do that?” I had wanted him to, of course, but hadn’t wanted to ask. He did have a job, after all.
“Of course.”
I took in a deep breath, starting to relax. “When do you think you could come?”Now that he’d offered, I couldn’t think of anything else.
“I have a couple of hours of work to finish up and then I’ll take a shower, change and be up there, say, seven o’clock tonight? Does that work?”
“Yes. Thank you. Graham, I can’t wait to see you.”
“Me, too. See you soon.”
I disconnected the call and glanced around at my half-empty room. Now I’d be even lonelier when I thought about not being with Graham. I’d never been one to have a ton of friends, usually I had a few, but mostly was a loner. Until Graham. I didn’t want to be apart from him. It was an odd concept for me, wanting to be with someone that much. Growing up, I’d kind of felt like an only child since the others were so much older than me and left for college when I was still pretty young.
But Graham… What would it be like to live with him? Get to see him every day? Lie next to him at night? Share everything? Make love?
A shiver ran through me.
Make love
. I wanted to, so bad. Part of me was nervous, though. Graham had never said so, but I assumed he’d slept with at least Darlene, since they dated for so long and he was older when they broke up. What if we did make love and I was a disappointment to him? He acted like he really wanted me now, but there was still the excitement of the unknown. I wanted to give my whole self to him, but once I did, would it be not what he thought? Not what
I
thought?
For the next couple of hours, I did my homework. Then I took a shower and fixed my hair and put on some light make-up. It seemed like an eternity since I’d seen him. I’d just tidied up the room when there was a knock on the door.
I ran so fast to the door, I’m not even sure my bare feet touched the floor. Grabbing the knob and swinging open the door, I waited very impatiently as Graham walked in. Then I closed and locked the door.
His denim shirt appeared to be a favorite. Washed so many times the blue had faded to nearly white. His jeans, too, were well-worn. Let’s face it, the man looked good in anything.
I jumped up and threw my arms around his necked. “I missed you!” I could hardly catch my breath as I kissed him, hard. My heart slammed against my ribs. Why did it feel like a year since I’d said goodbye?
He ended the kiss and lowered me to the ground. Without saying a word, he took my hand and led me to sit on the bed. I climbed onto his lap, facing him, wrapping my legs around his waist.
“Addy,” he cupped my chin. “Are you all right?”
“I am now.”
“You sounded awful on the phone.”
A single tear that I didn’t expect, slid down my cheek. I wiped it away. “That’s ’cause my heart was breaking.”
“Aww. Because of Amber?”
“Because of you.”
He pulled away slightly, surprise in his eyes. “Me? I’m right here.”
“But you weren’t then. I can’t explain it very well, but there’s a need inside of me to be with you, to see you, touch you. And when we’re apart…” I swallowed hard and glanced away.
Graham put his finger beneath my chin, turning my face back toward his. “I get it.”
“You do? I thought I sounded like a lunatic.”
“Well…” He smirked.
I giggled and smacked him on the shoulder.
Graham pressed his forehead to mine. “No really. I get it. I feel exactly the same way. It feels like you’ve been gone from me for such a long time.”
He really did get it.
“So, Addy, what can I do to make you feel better now?”
“Just love me.”
“You know I do.” His glance fell to my lips.
I closed my eyes and waited for his kiss. When his lips met mine, I sighed. This was what I’d needed, craved. I couldn’t get enough of him. I’d never felt this bottomless want for anyone before. It was like I had just let go of the edge of the cliff and was falling, but never landed.
Falling… in love.
Graham ran his hands down my back. “Is this… will we get in trouble? In your room like this?”
“Guys are allowed on the floor until midnight.”
“What happens after midnight? You turn into a pumpkin?”
I smiled. “I hope not. I don’t look good in orange.”
He chuckled. “You’d look good in anything.”
“After midnight,
you’re
supposed to leave the dorm.”
“Okay…”
“So, you’d either stay and I might get caught and get in trouble or—”
“We leave the dorm together?”
I nodded. “As long as we’re together, I don’t care where we are.”
“Same here.”
I pulled closer to him, my lap now directly positioned over his. The hard knot under me told me he was feeling the same thing I was. Want. Need. Love.
I pulled his face to mine and tilted my head a little. As my lips connected with his, I opened my mouth and ran my tongue over his lips.
He groaned. “Addy you taste so good.”
“Mmm.” As I kissed him again, I ran my hand through the back of his hair. He shivered but didn’t stop me. Even though he’d done it before, I shuddered when he began to run his tongue over my neck and collarbone. I whispered, “You sir, are irresistible.”
“Then we really are a good match, ’cause so are you.”
His tongue was hot and moist against my skin. I was so glad I had never done more than just hug and kiss other boys, because I would have hated to miss all these firsts with Graham.
Graham tried not to smile as he eyed Fuzzy, who sat on the end of the bed, and then me. “I hate to say this, but your bear is, uh, staring at us. He seems a little
too
interested.”
“Fuzzy is interested in
everything
. I caught him trying on my pink underwear last night.”
Graham gave a mock frown in the bear’s direction. “Dude, you’re weird.”
I laughed and unbuttoned a few buttons on his shirt, running my hands over his chest. I loved the feeling of his skin beneath my palm. A spark ignited down deep.
“Addy, I honestly can’t get enough of you.”
“I feel the same about you. It’s crazy.” I kissed his shoulder.
“No. It’s love. And I’m in deep.”
I sighed. “Yeah. Me too.”
Graham lay down on the bed, pulling me with him. He flipped us over so I was under him. He moved to one side and just stared at me.
“What?”
“You are so beautiful.”
I blinked. “Thank you.”
“I’m not finished.”