We Shouldn't and Yet... (2 page)

Hal cringes and runs a hand over his clean-shaven jaw. I do the same thing and while my face is more rugged, more rough, it’s uncanny to see the same move on someone else. It’s that kind of little thing that makes me realize that he’s my son, as fucking silly and weird as it sounds.

“It’s her story to tell and to be honest I don’t know much. She never wants to talk about it and I hate to see her sad so…you know, I distract her.’’

I nod, knowing all too well what it’s like to be consumed by pain and sadness. You never want to visit that place and yet you’re always drawn to it. I use many things to distract myself and while not much of what I do is healthy, I can only be proud that my son is sticking by her to change her mind in the right kind of way. He is a good guy and I have nothing to do with it. That’s probably why he’s such a good guy. His mother did a stellar job with him and even though she’s not here anymore to see him, I’ll make damn sure that he stays on the path she’s put him on.

“How did you meet her? Were you in the same class or something?’’

“Not at all. We were at the same party one night and I wasn’t in the mood you know. She was alone and watching the others with an odd look on her face and we just talked. I immediately picked up on that she wasn’t in the mood to hook up so I dropped it and we became friends.’’ He shrugs and glances at the clock again.

I bite back my smirk and start to tease him again when a flash of headlights brightens the living room before it goes back to the soft light provided by the couple of lamps on either side of the couch. Hal jumps to his feet and freezes, probably wondering if he should walk out to welcome her or wait for her to knock. I shake my head behind his back. He’s got it so bad. I hope this girl isn’t going to stomp on his heart.

I sigh and stand up, stretching softly and feeling my back crack. I groan and softly massage my left shoulder, still painful after all these months. I glance around my small house that has been my bachelor pad for a long time.

“Thank you again for letting her crash here.’’

I glance back to my son and pat his back. “Don’t mention it. If she means something to you, she’s welcome here.’’

He shoots me a bright smile just when a knock at the door makes him tense. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be so impatient to see a woman. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt that way, really. It’s awful to say, but Hal’s mother and I, we never even dated. We were friends in high school and she wanted me to pop her cherry. Back in the days I thought I was the shit at sixteen, openly not a virgin anymore and all that shit. I never even realized that the condom broke and that she was in fact crushing on me. She just disappeared a month or so later without a word.

I remember asking around and heard that her father got a promotion in another city and I left it at that. Little did I know that in fact she was pregnant and told her parents who decided to up and leave with the news. Hal’s mother never told them who was Hal’s father and Hal only heard about me ten months ago when she passed away and wanted him to know the truth.

Hal finally moves again and it brings me back to the present. I’d lie if I said that I’m not curious to see the girl who has my son in such a twist. I don’t know what type of girls he likes for that matter.

In a few strides he’s at the door and yanks it open. Before I can see her, he has her wrapped in his arms in a bear hug. Only her brown hair mixed with sun-kissed strands is visible.

“It’s good to see you,’’ Hal mumbles, his voice suddenly rougher.

I keep my eyes on their embrace and a foreign pang hits me. I can’t remember the last time I had such an embrace. My mother left my father when I was just a boy and he died a few years ago from a heart attack. And my relationships with women are never about comfort; it’s about lust and scratching an itch. That and it’s also because I often need an escape and fucking is, as far as I know, healthier than drinking until I can’t see straight.

“It’s good to see you too, Hal.’’

Her voice is soft, calm. Just like a balm. I frown at my own thoughts and glance at the whiskey bottle still on the kitchen counter. No, the bottle isn’t empty so alcohol can’t explain my sappy train of thought. I glance back at Hal and the girl named Aideen just as they break apart from their hug. I tilt my head to one side when my son steps back to let her in. As soon as the soft lights brightening the living room hit her, I lock eyes with her. She freezes just shy of the door, one hand clutching her huge white purse and the other one in her low rise washed out jean pocket. Her soft brown eyes, big and bright are encased with long and thick eyelashes. Her dark eyebrows complete her gaze, giving it a strength and a striking maturity. Slowly, I start taking in the rest of her, like her mouth with her bottom lip slightly fuller than the top one, her button nose with a few freckles dashing her pale skin and her high cheekbones giving her face a sophistication she doesn’t try to play out with heavy makeup. My eyes slowly dart lower, noticing her average height, her feminine soft curves and her perfectly toned midriff uncovered by her short top, perfectly smooth and fucking appetizing. I clear my throat, grit my teeth and put my hands in my jean’s pockets. Suddenly, all I want is to go back to my bottle and ignore that flash, that sudden dark attraction that makes my heart beat a notch faster and my damn cock twitch.

She blinks a couple of times and musters a small smile for my benefit, her eyes quickly taking me in. “You must be Jensen, the prodigal father.’’ She chuckles softly, the sound both cute and enticing. “Thank you so much for letting me stay here for a few days.’’

I shrug nonchalantly, faking it. I feel… No, I don’t know how I feel if I’m being honest. It’s very disturbing how this girl, this very
young
woman has me almost tongue tied. “Hal’s friends are welcome here and I’m glad to meet the girl my son’s been talking about.’’

Hal’s nervous chuckle tears my attention away from Aideen and the tension in my shoulders disappears. “You’re my best friend so of course I talk about you!’’ He slips a hard glare my way and I discreetly shake my head.

Too bad we don’t know each other better as a son and a father should or else he’d understand what I’m trying to tell him with my eyes alone.
Chill or you’re going to blow this.

Aideen’s eyes go back and forth between Hal and me and I have to fight the urge to fidget like a fucking teenager. What is it about her? Whenever her eyes land on me, I feel a charge going through my body like electricity. It’s both thrilling in a way it shouldn’t, and unnerving that a young woman I don’t know and who is close to my son has such an effect on me.

I shake myself off and gesture to the wooden staircase leading to the three bedrooms upstairs. “Hal will show you to your room. You’ll be sharing a bathroom, though.’’

“That’s fine. Thank you again.’’

I nod and fish out my bike keys from my pocket. I focus on the little piece of metal in my large palm and run a hand along my unshaven jaw. I can’t stay here. I feel like I’m suffocating. Maybe it’s the sexual tension coming off Hal, maybe it’s this strange girl in my house, I don’t know. I just need a fucking breather.

“Listen, I’m going out, but I’m sure you both don’t need me around to settle down. I’ll be back late.’’

Hal frowns at me, his head tilted. “Where’re you going? Is everything okay?’’

I nod and walk to the bench next to the front door where I always put my black helmet. I feel their gaze on me, but for the life of me I can’t tell which one is weighing the most, which one is scalding the nape of my neck. “I’m fine, I just have something to do. See you tomorrow.’’

I don’t turn around and stomp outside. It’s only when my bike rumbles and I feel the vibration of the engine under me that I relax. And for once, I don’t fucking know why I’m so restless. I push my bike harder.

***

AIDEEN

“No, there wasn’t much traffic. I’m pretty knackered now, though.’’ I let my eyes wander around the guest bedroom, quite bare and generic with the light yellow paint, the off-white covers on the bed and the wooden dresser and small closet next to the big window currently hidden by heavy green curtains.

“I’m sure, Baby Bear.’’

I groan in the cell as I take my phone’s charger from my purse. “Dad, not that nickname again. I’m too old for that.’’

He laughs softly in the receiver, his soft voice calming my worries a little, but not enough to not wonder why it’s not my mother who answered the call.

“You’re my daughter and I prefer to remember you as a kid or else I’d realize how old I’m getting.’’

I smile and close my eyes, oddly attacked by nostalgia. I’m glad to be away from home and the mess that is life there, but my parents are my security net and it’s frightening to finally realize that I’m in fact an adult. I can’t screw up my life and think that there won’t be consequences. I gulp and redirect my thoughts to my mother.

“How is Mom?’’

He sighs and I hear him sip something, probably a cold beer like he often does after a hot day of work. “She’s still not taking your decision all that well, but don’t you think about it. I’m here for her.’’

“Dad…’’

“Baby Bear, you have a life, you’re young and you went through enough. Damn, you’re stronger than us all put together, but you have to think of yourself so don’t worry. She’ll call you tomorrow.’’

A knock at the bedroom door cuts me off before I answer my father. “Come in!’’ I call out and when Hal opens the door with an ever present small smile tugging his soft lips upward, I say more quietly, “Dad, listen Hal’s here probably to discuss the house rules. I’ll call back tomorrow and kiss Mom for me.’’

“Alright, Baby Bear. Love you.’’

“Love you, too.’’

I hang up and let myself fall on my back on the bed, my legs dangling on the side, my feet barely touching the floor.

“House rules? Do you really think Jensen has house rules?’’ Hal laughs and sits next to me. His weight dips the bed and I have to adjust myself so as not to end up plastered against his side.

Jensen. I’ve known Hal only for the past year or so, but when he told me everything about his father I never expected that man to be like the one I saw earlier. Raw and rough are the best words I can think of, at least appropriate ones. What I thought downstairs when I had my first glimpse at him was something else; magnetic. With his dark soulful eyes that seemed to have seen everything, the crooked twist of his lips giving him a dangerous allure and his body…his body can’t be dismissed with how built he is and how he holds himself as if the world is his and yet, the tension in his shoulders lets on a certain weight he is carrying around; all of this makes it difficult not to be affected. In fact, downstairs when we locked eyes it was like he reached inside me, twisted something and left me weak in the knees. I can’t possibly explain it.

“He doesn’t look like the father type, huh?’’ I turn my head to the side when I feel Hal laying down next to me, his shoulder bumping into mine. “The guy is the perfect bachelor. In a way, I prefer it that way.’’

“What do you mean?’’

He shrugs, his arm now flush against mine. He doesn’t move and I don’t either. I’ve always been comfortable around Hal. He’s one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever met and he knows a lot about my past so we’re on the same page. I don’t have to fear any move on his part.

“Imagine if when I called him he was happily married with a little one running around. I would have messed up the balance. Now, there’s not much to mess up.’’

I look at the ceiling, the fan turned off and immobile over our heads. “How is it between the two of you? You’ve been here for the last few weeks. I bet it’s different from the odd phone calls every other week.’’

“It’s like I have a brother or a good friend. It’s definitely not like we’re father and son, you know?”

“Does that bother you?’’

He mulls over my question, probably weighing the good and the bad before answering me. If there’s one thing to say about Hal, it’s that he almost always ponders everything he says first. Sometimes it’s a little maddening to see him not trusting his spontaneous side. I didn’t know him before his mother died so maybe he used to be different, but either way, it saddens me and also frustrates me.

“A little, but I like the dynamic we have right now. We’re trying to get to know each other and so far the guy is great.’’

I yawn, hiding it behind my hand. My arm seems to weigh a ton. “It’s nice of him to let me stay for a few days. That job offer threw me off, but I’m not complaining.’’

“Isn’t it weird to start a new job? I mean a real one, not like the waitressing job you had in college. It makes me feel…’’

“Older.’’

“Yeah.’’

We’re silent for a few minutes until I yawn again and Hal stands up, stretching like a cat when he’s back on his feet. He extends a hand to help me up and I let him do all the work. Once I’m back to a standing position, I have to blink to stop the room from spinning.

“You look tired.’’

“Over six hours spent in a car with crappy A/C does that to you,’’ I reply and laugh before quickly hugging him and leading him back out of the bedroom. I don’t think I can keep my eyes open for much longer.

“Goodnight, Aideen.’’

“Night, Hal. And thank you for helping me out. If you see your father, thank him too.’’