we were one once book 2: "A Dark Romance" (14 page)

35

He came for us?! Gigi? Simon came for us! Please. Please, just go with him!

We can’t, Grace….Don’t you know that? He’d be fucked…

I only know that I’m scared. And I’m alone in here. Please! Please, don’t leave me alone in here! Please don’t leave me alone with Miles again!

Shh…I’m here. Shh…You’re not alone, I promise…and I won’t ever let Miles hurt you again. I promise. You’re safe, Grace. Just stay calm…okay?

I get only silence in return.

And a feeling of despair and fear that threatens to overwhelm. A black yawning expanse of pure emptiness pushes back against the light in the corners of the stage. I know the feeling well. I know there will be others to give themselves up to me again, unless I act fast.

But Simon did come for us. I knew those pictures of him were lies. I could see the look on his face, through the haze of liquor and drugs…I saw how his fingers curled while around those girls. I saw how he stopped himself from really touching them. I knew he still felt me, us, in his heart. I knew he still wanted me. I saw the sadness in his eyes.

And he’s here now. Kissing me, lifting me, wanting me.

Oh, God. Simon! But I can’t let you be a part of this.

I push against him, but too late. Our fate is sealed.

36

I knew what I’d find before I even entered the room. I heard it all; their twisted reunion, so sad and sweet, came loud and clear over the bracelet’s application.

But seeing how Lamb clutches at her, how her eyes look up to him to be her savior…it’s a rage that I haven’t felt since the night I came home to find her missing three years ago. It’s more than that rage, because this is thrice the betrayal now. She means to run from me again and with him this time.

I take two deep breaths to still the impulse to hit him where he stands. It won’t do to lose my temper now. I’ll have my security detain him and rough him up then before the police arrive. I smile with this plan.

“
Gillian
. Our guests will be arriving soon. You need to change, my love.” I’m impressed at how still and calm I can sound when inside I’m boiling with rage.

Gillian only laughs one gasp of air out, but she twists to get away and obey me. Lamb finally lowers her feet back to the floor.

“She’s not going anywhere with you, Miles.” He sounds like he’s failing to get control of his own rage, pulling my Gillian into his arm and holding her against his side. I know she’s not Gillian. Not yet. Her eyes blaze at me. But that doesn’t matter. I know my Gillian is inside there. And I know she’ll obey me. As she always has.

“She’s my wife. And she’ll go where I tell her to. Won’t you, Gilli?”

I can see the look of surprise on Lamb’s face. He glances down at her hands and quickly up at her eyes. She only shrugs slightly in his hold against the obvious question on his face.

His jaw is set when he looks back to me, “I don’t care if you did trick her into marrying you. She’s leaving here with me. Get out of our way.”

I smile, still amazingly calm in the face of this infuriating conversation, “I fail to see how she’ll leave with you. When you, Mr. Lamb, will be leaving with the police.” I pull my phone from my pocket with a wider smile.

My smile falters though when I see that Lamb has pulled a gun. I look from him to Gillian and see her shock as well. She pushes away from him, but he doesn’t let up his hold on her.

“Drop the phone, Miles. And kick it over here.” Lamb sounds a lot calmer now. I suppose holding the upper hand will do that for a man.

I laugh though, because he’s still clueless about the real power exchange here. I drop my phone with a bouncing thud on the thick carpet and easily kick it towards Gillian, not taking my eyes off of her. “
Gilli
, my love, I’ll give you two seconds to tell this man that he’s wrong about you. That you don’t want to leave with him at all.”

Simon laughs this time, but the gun doesn’t even dip in his loose grip. The gun doesn’t move even when Gillian pushes harder against him to free herself.

37

Grace. It’s time.

I don’t want to. Please…

Sorry. I don’t like it either, but we can’t let him win... We can’t let him hurt Simon...

I won’t do it.

38

Red laughs once with a snort as she pushes herself to standing with my arm only loosely around her. I don’t take my eyes off Miles, but I can feel her shaking with more crazed laughter that threatens to become unbottled quickly.

I put as much authority as I can into my voice, one I hope she’ll respond to. One I know Grace and the others do anyway, “Take it easy, Red. We’ll be out of here soon, sweetheart.”

The satisfying initial look of shock and fear on Miles’ face is gone, but her laughter has him frowning.

“Gilli as you call her…She won’t be doing anything that you tell her to ever again, Miles.” Damn, but her strong, husky voice shoots my dick straight up. I have to smile when I see that it has the opposite effect on Miles.

He looks from me to her quickly, but he seems to completely ignore the fact that I’m aiming a gun only a few feet from him and manages to sound in control, addressing only her. “I’ll give you to the count of two to get yourself under control,
Gillian
. One…”

I laugh at this, but Red answers him, no laughter in her voice, almost a sadness, “It’s no use, Miles. You’ll never have what you want. I won’t let you. But because I know that her love for you will always be something that I’ll have to live with…I’ll let you have a goodbye. It’s more than you deserve…but it’s not for you.”

And I feel her change. I keep my eyes on Miles, but I don’t need to look at her to know that Grace is leaning against me now.

39

I watch as my sweet Gillian moves out his arm. She stands only feet from me, blinking, with her soft stillness adding an odd ethereal quality to this surreal scene. Two men, one gun, and one girl. One messed up girl.

I know now that Lamb does know about her personality issues. He didn’t blink an eye at her little speech or at the obvious change in her. But that doesn’t matter. He may know this much about her, but he doesn’t really know her. Like I do. He’s still clueless.

I smile and put my hand out for Gillian to take. And she reaches for me. But Lamb grabs her arm and commands her, “Stay where you are, Grace. I may have to shoot him, baby, and I wouldn’t want you to get in the way.” His lips sneer with his threat. But I can see that he’s serious. He intends to shoot me if he thinks he needs to.

The thought sends a thin wave of fear through my body, but surprisingly doesn’t register as more than a small threat. Because the real threat is his hand on Gillian’s arm. And her obedience to his command.

My voice dark and low, “Gillian. Tell Mr. Lamb to get his hand off you. Tell him who you belong to.”

Tears slip beautifully down her cheeks and make her dark eyes shine even more. “I’m sorry, Miles. Please don’t be angry with me.” Her voice is soft and almost child-like, shaking. Not her usual pleading voice, but I like it.  She moves one foot toward me and Lamb squeezes her arm harder, stopping her other foot from following.

She turns her eyes up to him and he looks down for one blink before refocusing on me. “I’m sorry, Simon. You shouldn’t be here. You should leave. I can’t go with you. I told you before, I belong to Miles.”

I smile warmly at the blood draining from Lamb’s face. But he recovers quickly, “No. You don’t, Grace. Fuck.” He doesn’t lower the gun, but he turns his head more to look at her. “I don’t know what this sick fuck did to you. But I can guess it has a lot to do with how you are. And I’m not leaving you with him.”

“She already told you to leave. Now, I’m telling you to leave, Mr. Lamb.” I take a step toward her. “Gilli, pick up my phone and press 2 for our security.”

I think he’s in such shock that he actually lets her slip out of his hand and bend down for the phone. But she hesitates, staring at it, her look clouded and frowning as if in pain. “Don’t do it, Grace. I’ll get us out of here, but you need to trust me.”

“I’m the only man that she trusts, Mr. Lamb.” I laugh as he appears uncertain of his next move, frowning at her, but not moving to grab her again. “Isn’t that right, my love?” Her eyes lift up to me, but she’s still unfocused, dazed like when I stopped hitting her with her own wrists earlier. “I’m the only one who understands you, who knows what you need to feel safe and loved.” I take another step towards her, but she stays motionless, a deer in my headlights.

I know I have her again.

40

Her body responds as it always did. Grace gives in to it as she always did.

I know Baby hid behind her helpless need for innocence. It made dealing with life’s horrors easier for her if she could crawl away from it and only have the quiet mornings to play by herself. She didn’t have to see Mother. Or Miles. Or all the other men and women that made our lives Hell during the first seven years. The pain of our lives never touched her that way and her laughter never died.

I know Jill hid behind her ugly need for destruction. She would throw her tantrums when no one watched and feel a sense of calm after seeing how she could destroy something, even if she couldn’t destroy someone. It made the next seven years easier to bear when Mother became more focused and singular in her sickness. Pain became anger. And her will to not give in never died.

I know Lilly hid behind her thirsty need for knowledge. It became a distraction against the violence and made all the years leading up to this one easier to fade into memories that were trumped by learning something new. Pain became secondary. And her reach to be more never died.

And I know I hid behind my hungry need for pleasure. Taking what was painful and making it mine. It was the only control I had and I grasped it from the beginning. Taking pleasure from being able to transcend the physical while not giving in to what I couldn’t control. It’s the only thing that saved us through the worst of times. Pain became desire. And my passion never died.

But Grace has always hid behind her simple need for love. She’s never even tried to not submit to it. Pain became the reason to hide. And her fears never died.

I hated her for that. I laughed at her for it. I pitied her for it.

Now I can only watch as she does what she must, I can feel my non-existent tears as they slide down my non-existent cheeks, matching the real ones shed by her. I don’t know if I cry for her or me. Or Them.

I was good at staying in control; I only ever lost a little when I tried to get something more than just pleasure. When I let myself foolishly believe that Miles wanted more than absolute control. I thought I could love him and he’d love me. Love doesn’t work like that though. I know that now.

But Grace never learned that lesson. And she never will. Her heart can’t be broken, because she refuses to let it. She takes whatever is offered as love, even the sick and twisted version that Miles insists in devoting to her.

And she can’t help but submit to him now. Even as fear is trembling through her body, her feet move to take his still outstretched hand.

41

“Grace. Don’t.”

I stop, uncertain of what to do. I can see Simon move his hand as if to take my arm again in it. And I can see Miles narrow his eyes, his fingers twitching in agitation for me to take them.

“I love you, Gilli. Haven’t I always taken care of you?” Miles’ voice is soft, but his eyes are hard and only getting darker. I shrink with the fear I know he wants me to feel.

“Yes.” Even to my own ears, my voice is far away and soft.

He smiles at me, his lips soft and relaxed. And I move another foot toward him. “And haven’t I always protected you?”

I only nod, fixed on his lips that still smile, slightly parted. I know I’m pleasing him, doing what he wants. I bring my left hand up, but hesitate at seeing blood on it and darkness spreading at my wrist.

“Gillian.” I lift my eyes back to his lips quickly. “Didn’t I make sure that your Mother never hurt you again?” I nod once more. “And you gave yourself to me. You promised to always be mine and mine alone. Didn’t you?”

I nod once more and move toward him again.

I gasp with the grasp on my arm from behind and shock of my body slamming against Simon’s in one movement that has me off my feet for a moment. I’m pinned against his side, with his arm around my stomach and my toes barely touching. I can’t breathe and gasp more until he slowly lets me go enough to stand on my feet again.

“That’s enough, Miles.”

“Let her go, Lamb. She’s not yours. And she knows it even if you don’t.” He laughs. “Look at her. Look at how she tries to get free to come to me even now.” And I am pushing against Simon’s arm with all my might, not getting him to budge at all. “You can walk out of here and I’ll forget all about this mess. I’ll let you go and live your life and trap whatever girl you want next. I don’t care. But Gillian stays. She belongs to me.”

42

I don’t know what the fuck is going on here. Why Grace is willingly walking to this asshole, but I don’t care either.

I’ll deal with her fucked up mind when we’re away from here. And away from the fuck that obviously did more than hurt her physically.

I look down and see Grace still struggling in my arm, but it’s her tears on my hand that I feel.

I’ve trained a lot of women. I’ve broken them down and rebuilt them. But I’ve taken a certain pride in leaving just enough of their own self in place to be what any man would want; what my clients don’t even know that they really want when they come to me looking for a product.

I give my clients exactly what they demand as far as specific fetishes and likes or dislikes. But I leave enough of a woman’s heart and soul intact to be a willing and intelligent participant in all things pleasurable, painful and not. I’ve never broken a woman down so deeply that she’s nothing but a shell, nothing but a bundle of nerves that recede from pain and leap to anything close to comfort.

I see now that this is what Grace is. This is why she’s been the perfect submissive to me. She’s responded to me in every way exactly as she thought I wanted, with little thought to what would be her own desires or needs.

I feel my stomach churn with the realization that I’ve hurt her the same as Miles has, even if I didn’t know it before. I thought she gave herself to me out of a deeper understanding of what we share; that she understood what I needed from her was the softness that she offered. That I needed how she didn’t judge me for any of the darkness inside me.

“She doesn’t belong
to
you, asshole. She belongs
with
me. And you step one more fucking toe near her and I’ll blow your Goddamn kneecap off before I put a bullet between your eyes to end your miserable ass life.”

I have the satisfaction of seeing his face blanch and his hand fall to his side. Grace also calms against me.

But in an instant, I know it’s not Grace anymore. It’s Red again. And thank fucking God, because she’s at least on board with getting away from here. I think.

And I can suppress the guilt I feel over Grace a little longer. Because I don’t have this guilt with Red. She is my match, of that I’m certain.

Miles laughs, “You fire that gun and I’m at least going to die with the knowledge that you’ll spend the rest of
your
“miserable ass life,” as you so crudely put it, Mr. Lamb, behind bars because my security will be up here before you can reach the landing.” His sarcasm and smug smile have me itching to pull the trigger. But his words make me take stock of the situation.

I need to get her out of here without calling attention to us. Fuck. How exactly am I going to do that with a houseful of guards and servants and this fuck in the way?

Some plan, jackass.

Grandfather’s words of caution against my impulsiveness have me itching to shoot something again.