We Were Us (19 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

A week had gone by and Michelle had recovered enough to be released to go home with a twenty-four hour nurse. I’d seen her on the day she left the hospital and helped her pack up her room, but I hadn’t been to the house since she’d been home. Mayor Banks had refused to leave the house or sign the divorce papers so, Mrs. Banks was in the process of getting a restraining order against him.

I’d contemplated leaving town for days, but I couldn’t leave without seeing Michelle again. I didn’t want to leave again without saying goodbye, not like last time

Josh hadn’t come by like he’d said he would, which didn’t surprise me. I was hurt and I didn’t know whom to turn to. I didn’t want to spill everything to Andrew just yet. My only other two friends I could talk to about my problems were Josh and Michelle I couldn’t really talk to Josh about this because it was about him, and Michelle had her own set of problems to deal with and didn’t need mine thrown in the mix.

I was currently packing and sorting through things, when I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I almost jumped out of my skin.

“What the hell, Josh,” I screamed.

“Sorry. You didn’t hear me knock on the front door so I let myself in. You shouldn’t leave your doors unlocked.”

“What do you want?” I asked.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been by,” he said. He really did look sorry. I should probably give him a second chance.

That whole day when I first saw Michelle was so overwhelming. I hadn’t even given him a chance to explain himself. I had done some rational thinking and realized that Josh was only trying to protect Michelle and me. He thought he was doing what was best, and after the mayor had told me to stay away as well, he must have felt like he was doing the right thing as well. I’d decided not to be mad at him anymore just for the sake of leaving on good terms. Besides, I really did love him and we’d shared an intimate, meaningful summer. I owed him that.

“Jenna, I’m going to stay with Michelle. She needs me right now,” Josh blurted out interrupting my thoughts.

I locked eyes with him as I stood, rooted to the spot in the middle of my room. I was lost for words. I was about to burst with sadness. I’d opened myself up to him this summer like I never had to anyone before. He had reached in and held my heart. Now, he was slowly crushing it with every word he spoke. I had just reconciled with him in my head and now he was ruining everything.

“What?” I finally said.

“I’m sorry Jenna.”

I had always known we wouldn’t make it past the summer, but there was still that small part of me that held on to hope. Hope that we could work it out and wait for each other, but his lies had prevented that, and now this. After everything we’d shared these past few months, heck, our whole lives, now he was backing out on me again? And this time it was his own decision. His mom wasn’t forcing him to break up with me, no peer pressure from his friends. Josh had come to the conclusion on his own that for some reason Michelle needed him and he was going to leave me for her.

“Jenna, I’m sorry. I feel responsible for what happened to her,” he said.

“How? Were you driving the car?”

“Well, no. But--”

“No. Just no,” I interrupted.

I pushed past him on my way out the door. I couldn’t stand to be in the same room as him any longer. I didn’t even want to argue with him anymore. I ran as fast as I could not caring where I was going. I passed house after house until there were no more houses to pass. I stopped and looked around. I was at the playground. The same playground where I’d first met Michelle. I walked up to the swing I’d been sitting on that day. The chains were rusty, but the seat was intact. I tested it out with my knee before I turned around to sit. It held my weight so I started swinging. Not fast, just enough to feel the wind on my face then I leaned forward and dragged my feet on the ground.

White sandaled feet entered my field of vision. Her toes were hot pink and glittery.

“Michelle, what are you doing out here?” I asked, surprised

“My mom is smothering me, I needed to get out of the house.”

I laughed. So did she. She sat in the swing next to me and swung a little before stopping to talk again.

“So what are you doing out here?” Michelle asked.

I looked up at her. She wore white shorts and a pale pink collared shirt. Her red hair was pulled back low on her neck and she squinted in the early afternoon sun.

“Josh and I had an argument.”

“Oh really?” She seemed genuinely surprised. “What about?”

“You.”

“Me? What about me?”

I wondered in that moment how much Michelle knew about Josh and me and what we’d been doing all summer.

“What has Josh told you about us?”

“About you two? He told me that you kept him company and that you made him watch Disney Princess movies. Which is awesome by the way because he never let me watch what I wanted.”

“And that’s all he told you?”

Her face scrunched up so she looked like a squirrel. Yep, that was it, Josh had totally not told her anything. God that sucked. It hurt too. My already crumbling heart was losing even more pieces. How was Michelle going to take it when I told her Josh and I had had sex? How would my heart take it? I’d just gotten her back and now I’d probably lose her again.

“Michelle,” I said and looked right at her. “Josh and I did more than just watch movies all summer. He was at my house like every day. He took me out. We had sex.” I wanted to look away from her, but I kept my eyes on her. She looked out across the playground. She was trying to keep her face steady, but her eye twitched and filled with tears and her chin quivered.

She stood up from the swings and started off across the park toward her house.

“Michelle! Michelle wait!”

“No! How could you do this to me? I loved him, I was in love with him!”

“Michelle, I had no idea. I didn’t even know you were still in town! Besides he told me you weren’t even together anymore”

“Yeah well you should have made sure!”

“I was going to but your dad cornered me at Miller’s and threatened me, and then Josh told me not to contact you, and when you didn’t either I just assumed you weren’t around anymore or just didn’t want to talk to me.”

“I couldn’t contact you, I was lying in a hospital bed unconscious!”

“But I didn’t know that!”

“This is so messed up!” Michelle crashed to the ground on her knees sobbing. I knelt beside her, not sure if I should touch her or leave her.

“I am so sorry. You have to know that I would never hurt you. Never. That’s not who I am.”

Michelle didn’t respond, she just stayed on the ground, her body shuddered and shook with her tears. I couldn’t keep mine in anymore and I let them spill down my cheeks in silence.

“Jenna.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What?”

She looked over at me, her eyes were red and puffy, and she could use a tissue.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend to you when you were here.”

“Michelle, you were the best friend I ever had. How can you say that?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well I’m sorry for sleeping with Josh.”

“Do you love him?” she asked.

“I thought I did. But now I’m not so sure. He’s not who I thought he was.”

“Jenna, Josh and I had broken up before you were sent away to live with your dad. We weren’t working out. Not because he wasn’t a good guy, but because he wanted to stay here and I wanted to leave. I wanted you and me to go off to college together and have adventures and leave this small town behind us.”

“Oh wow.”

“Yeah. And that day you left, the day of my accident, I was coming to find you to tell you my plan. It had nothing to do with my parents. Well maybe a little. I wanted to get away from them. I wanted to be with you. I didn’t want you to forget me.”

“Oh Michelle, I never would have forgotten you!”

We were both crying at that point.

“So what happened?” I asked.

“I honestly really don’t know Jenna. My parents, the doctors, and the police have all asked me but I just don’t remember.”

“An animal maybe? Did you swerve to miss one?”

“Maybe? Believe me I’ve thought about it for hours and hours but there’s nothing there. I remember wanting to go see you, and then I remember hearing Josh’s voice telling me you were back in town.”

“Oh wow. That’s crazy. That must have been scary.”

“Yeah. I couldn’t move or speak, only listen. I mean, I had some sense of what was going on like I just knew what was happening, but not why it was happening.”

“That’s weird.”

We were silent for a while and just sat on the ground next to each other, our legs stretched out in front of us on the rough grass. The sun hit our legs, she was white and pale from lack of exposure, and I on the other hand had a nice tan going.

“Josh really isn’t a bad guy you know,” she said.

“Oh Michelle. I know. I know. He’s just misguided and confused. I think he’s at my house right now.”

 “Really.”

 
“Yeah. He pissed me off so I ran.”

 
“You ran here? Away from Josh?”

 
“Yeah.” It sounded silly when she said it out loud. I laughed.

 
“What are you going to do about him?” she asked.

 
“We’re done. I’m done. Done with this town. There’s nothing left for me here Michelle.”

 
“I’m here.” She looked over at me, her eyes narrowed because of the sun.                      

 
“I know.”

 
“I want to come with you.”

 
“What do you mean?”

 
“To Brookhaven, to college. My plan. We should do my plan!”

 
“Oh Michelle, what about your mom and your head? You’ve been in a coma for over a year and just woke up. Are you sure you’re ready for that? Is your mom ready to let you go?”

 
“I don’t care. I missed all that time. I don’t want to miss anything else. We can figure something out.”

 
“I would like that.”

 
“We could get an apartment together. Or I could secretly live in your dorm or something.”

 
“Well I do have a roommate. We weren’t sure if we were going to live on or off campus this year.”

 
“Oh. Well if you already have plans with someone else.” She looked down at her hands.

 
“Michelle, we can all live together.”

 
“Really?” She looked back up at me.

 
“Yeah! Stefanie is really awesome. You’ll love her.”

 
“Are there any cute boys in Brookhaven?”

 
“Oh yes. You’ll have to meet Andrew.”

 
“Oh! Who’s Andrew?”

 
“You have to see him to believe him. Tall, dark, handsome, gorgeous.”

 
“The total opposite of someone we know.”

 
I laughed at this. Michelle seemed to be as over Josh as I was. And I was not at all jealous of her reaction to Andrew. I think I needed a break from boys. Josh had consumed my mind for far too long.

 
“I better get back or my mom will have a conniption fit.”

 
I watched Michelle walk away back down the road toward her house. I longed to follow her. Her mom would probably bake her cookies, or brownies or something and they’d sit and talk for hours about nothing. Jealousy rang through me. All I ever wanted was a relationship that wasn’t broken, someone on my side who I could depend on.

I shuffled down the road to my house slowly. I had no idea if Josh was still there. I wanted him to be and at the same time, I didn’t. Michelle was right, Josh was a good guy, and even if lying to me was a crappy move on his part, he was just trying to protect her, and me for that matter. Now I was armed with the truth as to why she’d been on the road that night. She was coming to see me. I guess if I dwelled on it long enough I could make the accident my fault, but really, it was just an accident.

When I’d turned on to the street that led to my house, I saw Josh’s truck. He was still there. I stopped walking and watched my house. Josh paced back and forth between his truck and the porch. He opened the truck door then slammed it shut again. The sound resonated back to me. I closed my eyes and prepared myself for the conversation we’d have. I mean, I had no clue what I was going to say, but something needed to be said. Something.

Josh just wasn’t the same boy I’d fallen for when we were kids. And all the ‘what ifs’ I’d thought about us were now irrelevant. We were just a summer fling and nothing more could come of it. He’d made that clear when he decided to be with Michelle. Again.