Wellington Cross (Wellington Cross Series) (26 page)

“Of course I don’t mind,” his mood brightened again.  “As
you say, it’ll be nice to have company, nice to have my little sis around again,
just like old times.”  Yes, I thought, except Ethan wouldn’t be there in
the midst of us.

Jonas helped me carry the trunk upstairs.  I picked my old
room to sleep in.  It was exactly as I had kept it before I married, a
4-poster bed with mauve bed coverings, a highboy chest, one window with a view
of the big old oak tree and the river, and I had the balcony that ran along the
river-side of the manor.  The wardrobe I used to have in the corner was
gone, as it had to be used for firewood during wartime.  I knew I would be
marrying Ethan after the war, so I didn’t mind sacrificing it so much. 
Ethan…how would I ever get him out of my mind?

Since I arrived unexpectedly, the bed had no linens save for the
bedspread, and there was none to be found in the house, since we used those
during the war for bandages.  Since it was very warm, I would just sleep
on top of the spread.  I tried not to think about the crisp white sheets
over at Wellington in Ethan’s bedchamber.  I consoled myself with the fact
that at least Elizabeth didn’t get to sleep on them.

I tried going to sleep, pushing up the window and opening the
balcony door a little to listen to the crickets and allow a cool breeze, but
thoughts of Ethan kept pushing their way into my mind.  I longed to be
with him, to feel his arms around me once more.  It was so very hard to
stay away from the person you loved more than life itself.  This must be
similar to how Ethan felt when I was gone.  It was even worse for him, not
knowing where I was or what had happened to me, thinking that I had died, that
he could never be with me again.  He must have felt miserable without me,
the same as I feel now.  I could see how he would feel like he couldn’t go
on.  I could commiserate with his pain now.  Surely I would feel even
worse than I do now if I’d thought he was dead. 

I could understand how I might feel if, for example, he had not
returned from the war.  I would have thought him dead.  Would I have
eventually sought comfort in another’s arms, the way Ethan did with Elizabeth? 
Would I have sought someone to take my mind off the pain, take my mind off the
one I pined for, the same way Lizzie Rowland pined for her beau who didn’t
return?  Would I have married Jefferson if I had thought Ethan died in the
war?  I didn’t know the answers to those questions, but I could be a
little more understanding with Ethan about the situation than I had been
before. 

Sleep finally found me when I came to the realization that at
least Ethan was not dead, was not lost, and I knew where he was and that he was
safe.  And that gave me some measure of comfort that he did not have for a
whole year.

The next day, and I began to think of things to do to help me
take my mind off of Ethan.  I could help take care of Lillie, of course,
do some gardening and let her help me, go for strolls – I would have to ask
Clarissa to bring the baby carriage over on pretty days.  I could help
Jonas in the fields and could help him repair the carriage house and anything
else that needed repairing if he would let me.  There should be plenty of
ways to distract me.

I certainly wouldn’t be taking care of servants or sharecroppers
at Wellington, like Ethan had wanted.  I supposed he would handle them
now.  The realization of that made me sad.  He had truly wanted to include
me in running the plantation before Elizabeth’s accident.  I couldn’t
think about that right now.  I was supposed to be thinking of things to
distract me from thoughts like that.

I remembered that there used to be an arbor covered with grapes
on the other side of the laundry house.  I would have to get over there
and see if any of the grapes were still intact.  If not, I could redo the
whole thing.  Grapes would be fine for eating and perhaps making
wine.  I could also ask Clarissa for small cuttings of their roses and
lilies, and then I could add a flower garden beside the grapes and call it
Lillie’s garden.  There also used to be short boxwood bushes lining a path
between the grape arbor and the laundry house.

I could also start an herb garden out there next to the laundry
house.  Some lavender would be good for adding to the clothes to make them
smell fresh.  I’d have to ask Clarissa for some of that, as well. 
Perhaps Jonas would go to the marketplace with me so that we could trade
something for some other herbs and seeds.  If I was successful, I could
take it to market and sell it for profit.  I didn’t think Jonas should
have to take care of me, and I certainly wasn’t going to depend on Ethan to
take care of me when he was married to Elizabeth.  I needed to do
something for myself.  I could also make more cotton blankets if Clarissa
could give me some of their cotton, and I could give them a portion of the
profits I made.

Jonas could use a housekeeper around here, too.  I could
clean the house for him and cook.  I could learn a few things from Cora
since she was close by.  I had not cooked that much in the past, neither
with my mother because we had slaves up until the war, nor at the Washington’s,
for they had Cora.  Instead I had cleaned house and worked outside in the
gardens and fields.  I did learn how to make corn cakes during the war,
but man could not live on corn cakes alone.

Jonas and I lost all our slaves during the war at Emancipation,
which was after our mother died and Clarissa came here with Fanny.  Rumor
was that the slaves left and joined a commune of other ex-slaves down in the
Great Dismal Swamp.  Jonas had been back from the war for a year, and yet
he still didn’t have anybody helping him out here on this plantation.  No
servants, no hired help.  I didn’t know how he was making it on his
own.  Consequently, the house was not in as good shape as Wellington was,
where there was more help.

I asked him about it over breakfast.  I produced some
boiled eggs Cora had given me in a basket before leaving Wellington Cross,
along with some Sally Lunn bread, a jar of strawberry jam, and some
blackberries.  The blackberries brought back memories of Ethan when he
told me his decision to stay with Elizabeth, but I would have to get over that. 
I couldn’t avoid blackberries forever.

“Well, now that you mention it,” Jonas said, after I’d asked him
about getting help.  “I was planning to hire some help.  I normally
have hired help during harvest time anyway.  In fact, I had already
planned to drive up to the Court House and put up a post for help wanted for
the fall.  We could probably use a housemaid, as well, huh?  You
don’t want to do all the housework around here, do you?  You’ll be taking
care of Lillie.”

“I can manage myself for now.  You can hire the help you
need for the field work, and if we feel like we need a housemaid later on, we
can hire one.”  I also asked him about the grapes and about adding flowers
and herbs. 

“There are a few grapes left, but nothing like what it used to
be,” he said.  “I haven’t had time for any of that.  You’re certainly
welcome to do those things.  I did start a small garden of vegetables on
the other side of the grapes, and I reinforced the root cellar over near the
pump house to store vegetables and such.  I haven’t had the resources for
ice, so the ice house has been empty.  There’s really nothing in the
storage house, either, as I haven’t replaced what was destroyed during the
war.  What little bit of farm equipment I have left is out in the
stable.  I haven’t come by any pigs to use in the smokehouse,
either.  I honestly haven’t used half the buildings since coming back from
the war, actually since you left home.  I barely even eat or wash my
clothes.  I usually take my clothes down to the river rather than using
that laundry house.  I know it’s perhaps not the most decent way of
cleaning them.” 

“No wonder you don’t have yourself a girl,” I teased. 
“Don’t worry.  I’ll take care of them for you from now on.”

“That’s an awful lot to take on, Madeline.  Are you sure
you’re up to it?”

“I have to have something to do around here, Jonas, or else I’ll
go crazy thinking about Ethan.”

“I understand.  Speaking of Ethan, before you appeared on
the doorstep last evening, I was going to ask you and Ethan if you wanted to go
down to the Court House with me today so you could sign those papers declaring
that you are indeed alive, like you had wanted me to.  I know the reason
for this has changed, but you still need to get that done.”

“You’re right.  I do need to get that done.”  For
myself, not for Ethan.  “We won’t need Ethan to go to the Court House,
too, will we?”

“I’m afraid so, since he was the one who declared you dead.”

We got ready and drove the carriage down to Wellington to see if
Ethan would be able to join us.  Jonas went inside while I waited in the
carriage.  Clarissa came out with Lillie to say hello.  Seeing
Lillie’s cherub face again was soothing to my soul.  I held her and told
Clarissa what I was going to be doing, that I may not be able to take Lillie
today because of having to travel to the Court House.

Ethan was dressed as though he had been out in the fields, no
stock and no waist coat.  I tried not to look at his bare neck at the open
collar of his thin white shirt or think about kissing it, but failed.  His
eyes were on me in a heartbeat, and I felt my heart beat faster, despite my
determination not to reveal that I was actually happy to see him.

He agreed to go with us to the Court House and quickly went
inside to change.  I continued to hold Lillie and talk to Clarissa and
Jonas while waiting.  Clarissa said she was happy that Jonas was finally
getting some needed help at the plantation, after we told her our other plans
for the morning.

“You’ve been over there by yourself for too long, Jonas,”
Clarissa said.

“Yes, ma’am, you’re right.  I’m happy to have Madeline with
me to help get it all organized and fixed up.”

Ethan came out shortly looking as handsome as ever, and I handed
Lillie back to Clarissa as the three of us headed out.  Ethan sat in the
back seat with me while Jonas sat in the front and drove the horses.  I
was hesitant about sitting next to Ethan and wished he had chosen to sit up
front with Jonas or that I had, but since I had already been sitting in the
back when Ethan sat next to me, it would have been rude for me to move to the
front seat. 

It felt awkward to be so close to him after all we’d been
through yesterday.  It felt too soon, my heart felt raw and vulnerable,
but I didn’t have a choice.  Getting declared that I was alive needed to
be done, and Ethan had to be there.  I was lucky Elizabeth didn’t invent a
reason for him not to go today.

I thought I may as well try to make amends with him, so I was
the first to break the silence.  “I’m sorry I was so harsh yesterday
before leaving.  I didn’t mean what I said about Jefferson.  He means
nothing to me.  It was a childish thing to say in anger.” 

I knew Jonas would probably hear our whole conversation, as he
was right in front of us, but that couldn’t be helped.  I needed to talk
to Ethan.

Ethan smiled lightly.  “I accept your apology.  I do
admit it perplexed me for quite some time after you left, as to whether you
meant it or not.  I understand your anger and disappointment.”

“Thank you.  I promise to try and be more civil,” I said,
returning his smile.  I turned away from him to look out the window.
 The less I looked at him, the less it would hurt, I thought. 
Although, I had noticed that he had dark circles under his eyes and looked
tired.  I wondered if he slept much last night and almost felt guilty that
I was able to sleep, that I had come to some resolve about our situation,
enough to be able to sleep, when obviously he hadn’t.

We were silent for a moment.  I told him about wanting to
redo the grapes on the arbor as well as plant some flowers.  “Would it
possible for me to have some cuttings of the roses and lilies from Wellington?”

“Flowers are really mother’s area of expertise, but I shall be
happy to ask her.  I’m sure she won’t mind sharing with you.”

“I want to teach Lillie Rose how to garden and about nature so
we can spend time out there.  Remember how we used to play under the grape
arbor?  I think she would enjoy that, as well.”

“Yes, I remember.  It was beautiful.  That all sounds
nice.”  He looked at me longingly.  I wondered if he remembered our
first kiss was there under the grape arbor.  If not, surely he’d remember
that he proposed to me there.  I had to look away again.

We were silent again.  I was having a hard time keeping my
eyes off of him.  We’d only been apart for half a day, but it felt like
forever since I was in his arms.  I had to stop thinking about him in that
way.  He wasn’t mine anymore.

In a short time, we were at Charles City County Court House
where we all signed some papers, and I was declared being alive and well
again.  That’s when I realized, and the judge made clear, that our
marriage had already ended when I was first declared dead, and since Ethan was
married to Elizabeth, my marriage to him was null and void.  It was like
going to a funeral.  My heart felt dead inside. 

While Ethan was there, he had the papers torn up of his
annulment process that he had begun with Elizabeth since he was staying married
to her.  If Elizabeth knew he was going to do that at the Court House
today, then perhaps that was the reason she approved of him accompanying
us.