Wes and Toren (23 page)

J. M. Colail

every thrust was choreographed and I clung to him as my climax came early. Wesley rocked me back and forth, smearing the cum on his stomach against mine, and as he pumped, I felt my heart racing and my pulse thumping. I was hard again and as I gasped for air, I came a second time. Wesley exploded inside me and I collapsed in his arms, the strength drained from my body. I heaved in breath as if I had been underwater and my body was still trembling.

“You’re the best boyfriend ever,” I sighed.

Wes & Toren

171

IT was Wesley’s day off and somehow, he talked me into skipping my first class. We relaxed and fooled around, but I got ready to go around two. I couldn’t miss any labs and Wesley reluctantly let me go. I got to school early and settled down in the empty bio lab and read my psychology text waiting for class to begin.

“Hey, Toren. What’s going on?”

I looked up from my psychology book and Josh was smiling at me.

He was a junior, kinda cute, and my lab partner for biology.

“Not much. How are you?” I said.

“Pretty good,” he answered, sitting down on the stool next to me.

Josh had a handsome smile, dark brown eyes, and earrings in both ears. Friendly, outgoing, and confident, he reminded me of Wesley in some ways. On the first day of class, when we were picking our lab partners, he turned around and asked me to be his partner. I didn’t know anyone in class and I accepted with a smile. I thought I was going to have to wait until the professor asked if there was anyone without a partner, the way it had always happened in high school.

“So, what are you working on?” he asked.

“Oh, um, just reading for Psych.”

“Oh yeah? That’s my major. It’s Intro, right? Who do you have?”

“McFarlain.”

172

J. M. Colail

“She’s good. She’s really good. But don’t ever take Davis. That guy’s a total prick. But I guess it doesn’t matter for you. You’re a History major, right?”

I looked up and nodded. I was surprised that he remembered.

Classes started just three weeks ago and I had already failed my first math test. I really needed Wesley’s help.

“So what do you wanna do with it?”

“I think I’d like to teach.” I wasn’t sure why, but I felt bashful all of a sudden.

“Cool. I think you’d be really good at that,” he said, smiling again.

We sat and talked in the biology lab until class was about to start. I packed up my book and highlighter and took out my bio notebook and folder.

The professor started class and handed out the observation sheets along with a box of cotton swabs so we could compare plant and animal cells under the microscope.

Slides of plant material were already prepared and Josh and I took turns examining the cell structure and pattern. We wrote down our observations, and then swabbed the inside of our mouths with the swabs.

We looked at Josh’s first, at the irregular cell shape and the lack of structure or pattern. The professor discussed the differences between the two and the benefits of each. I prepared my slide, smearing the swab on the glass, and then clipping it under the microscope. I looked closer and saw tiny, little things moving around. Josh looked at the slide and saw them too.

“What are those things?” I asked, looking through the microscope again.

Josh shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Should we ask the professor?” I said, looking around the classroom. Professor Kitner was across the room.

Wes & Toren

173

“Sure,” he said, raising his hand. The professor nodded and walked over. “What are these things?” Josh asked as Professor Kitner leaned over the microscope.

Professor Kitner’s body twitched and he stood up suddenly, looking at Josh. “Whose slide is this?” he asked.

“It’s mine,” I answered, concerned by his unusual reaction.

Professor Kitner looked at me and stepped closer. “What is it?” I asked, starting to feel a little worried.

The professor leaned close and whispered, “It’s sperm.”

My body froze. My heart stopped beating. My face turned white. I was sure I was going to die of embarrassment.

“It’s nothing to worry about,” Professor Kitner said with a friendly smile. “When was the last time you ate? It’s just enzymes breaking down residual foodstuff. That’s all,” he said, patting my shoulder and walking away to another lab table.

I took a deep breath and Josh was watching me. My whole face turned bright red and I didn’t know what to do. Josh didn’t hear what the professor said, did he?

There were fifteen minutes of class left and it was the longest fifteen minutes of my life. Professor Kitner reviewed our observations and reminded us of an exam coming up next Thursday. He dismissed the class and I gathered my things together as quickly as I could. I had to keep myself from running out of the room.

“Oh, Toren, just a minute,” Professor Kitner said.

My heart sunk down into my toes. I walked up to his desk, staring at the floor, where he was leafing through the observation sheets we turned in. He didn’t say anything until the classroom was empty.

“Sorry, Toren. I just wanted to talk to you real quick,” Professor Kitner said, standing up and coming around the side of the table. He folded his arms and leaned back. I gripped my hands into fists at my sides and I felt tears welling that I desperately tried to keep hidden. “I wanted to tell you not to worry. These things happen and it’s not like I’m 174

J. M. Colail

going to hold it against you or anything. So, don’t worry about it, okay?

It’s not a big deal.”

His words were kind, but they did nothing to settle my embarrassment. I dug my fists into my thighs and nodded weakly. I still stared at the ground because I knew I would start crying if I looked up.

“Also, I wanted to let you know that there’s an LGBT club on campus. They meet Thursdays at seven o’clock in room 212 of the U-Mall. So, if you’re interested, I’d really like you to come to one of the meetings, just to see what it’s all about. I’m the faculty advisor for the club and I really think you might like it,” he said, uncrossing his arms and standing up straight.

I nodded again while still looking at the floor. It was the “gay club”

Mom had suggested I join after going to orientation. Professor Kitner stepped closer to me and smiled warmly.

“I know this must’ve been embarrassing,” he said, patting my shoulder lightly. “But, if it makes you feel any better, I’m gay. So, honestly, don’t worry about what happened today. Okay?” I glanced up at Professor Kitner’s smiling, confident face and truly, I did feel a little bit better. Since he was like me, maybe he understood it better. “Well, that’s all I wanted to say. I’ll see you in class, then,” he said and smiled again.

I nodded, whispered, “thank you,” and left as fast as I could. I did feel a little better, but it didn’t ease the mortifying embarrassment of what had happened. I just wanted to get home so I could mope without interruption.

“Hey, welcome home. How was school?” Wesley said as I walked in the front door.

I was glad to see him, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was all his fault. It was his sperm after all. I just wanted a little time to cry by myself. I dropped my book bag like it was full of lead and tears streamed down my face.

“Whoa, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Wesley asked, coming to me and wrapping his arms around my back. I sniffled and realized how glad I was that he was here.

Wes & Toren

175

“I…. I just had the worst day of my life,” I sobbed, clinging to him and burying my face in his chest.

“What happened? Are you okay?” He led me to the sofa and sat down next to me. “Take a deep breath,” he said, putting his hand on my knee. “What happened?”

I took deep breaths and my bottom lip quivered. I rubbed my eyes and stared at my lap. “I…I was in my bio lab class and we had to look at plant and animal cells under the microscope. We had to take a swab from inside our mouths and there were these…little things moving around.”

Wesley watched me and rubbed my back. The look on his face was curious, but it seemed that, maybe, he knew what I was going to say. His hand slid down my back as he asked what those little things were. I narrowed my eyes as a faint grin spread across his lips.

“It was sperm, stupid!
Your
sperm! ’Cause you made me do that right before class!” I shouted, crossing my arms and pouting. Instead of taking responsibility and sharing my embarrassment, he was laughing!

“It’s not funny!” I yelled, pushing Wesley away.

“Oh. Oh God, yes it is!” Wesley panted, trying to calm his laughter. “I’m sorry, but it really is!”

“No it’s not, stupid! Stop laughing! It’s not funny!” I shouted, crossing my arms on my chest again.

“I’m sorry, really,” he said, wrapping both arms around me. “Are you okay? If you want, I’ll take full responsibility. I’ll even go to your next class and explain that it was mine, okay?” He said it with such a serious face that I didn’t realize he was making fun of me. Tears rolled down my cheeks again and Wesley wiped them away. “I’m sorry. I won’t tease you anymore. I’m sorry. So what happened then?”

I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and took another deep breath. “Well, Professor Kitner whispered it to me, so I don’t think anyone else heard. And then he said something about enzymes or something, so that Josh wouldn’t figure it out.”

“Who’s Josh?”

176

J. M. Colail

“My lab partner. But, then, after class, Professor Kitner wanted to talk to me. He told me not to worry about it, but I can’t help it. He told me… but maybe he was just trying to help. He told me that he’s gay too and he’s also the advisor for the LGBT club on campus. He wanted me to go to one of the meetings,” I rambled.

“Well, it could’ve been a hell of a lot worse. I think he was right though, so don’t worry about it,” Wesley said. “If he told you that he was gay and about the club, I think he just wanted to make you comfortable.

So, yeah, don’t worry about it.”

Wesley ruffled my hair and I leaned into him. Maybe he was right; it was really embarrassing, but Professor Kitner did cover for me and keep it secret.

“Oh yeah. Earlier, when you said it was sperm, you emphasized that it was mine. So who else’s would it be?” he asked, narrowing his eyes playfully.

“Dummy,” I muttered. “And just so you know, I’m never doing that to you again,” I said, pinching his arm and finally smiling a little.

“Aw, no! Say you don’t mean it! I’m sorry, Tor! Honest! Please, don’t say that!”

Wes & Toren

177

I SURVIVED somehow. The humiliation and embarrassment of that day slowly became a memory. I was nervous about going to bio class, but my apprehension was laid to rest. Professor Kitner didn’t say anything about what happened and he didn’t act strangely or treat me differently. He reminded me of the LGBT club meetings each Thursday and I decided I would go to the next one. I thought that if I attended, I might gain more confidence in myself. I was comfortable with my sexuality—that wasn’t the problem—but I worried too much about what other people thought.

“Toren? You okay?”

“What?” I looked up and Josh was closing his notebook. I was thinking so hard I hadn’t even realized that class had ended. “Oh, sorry. I must’ve spaced out for a sec,” I said, clearing my mind and closing my notebook.

Professor Kitner was collecting the observation sheets and reminded us of the test on Thursday. I quickly scribbled some notes onto my observation sheet that Josh let me copy before Professor Kitner got to our lab table.

“You wanna study for the test together?” Josh asked, shouldering his book bag and leaning against the solid black tabletop.

“Yeah, that’d be great,” I said, jamming my notebook in my book bag. “Oh, but I’ve got a night class tomorrow.”

“Oh. Damn. Well, you wanna do it tonight? If you’re not busy?”

178

J. M. Colail

“Yeah, I can do that. Let’s go to the library then.” I liked studying with someone else; I always seemed to do better when I had someone to study with.

“Okay, but…I’m kinda hungry,” Josh said, placing his hand on his stomach.