What about us? (27 page)

I told her I’d only ever been a
visitor in her time and I wasn’t sure why I’d been there, because the early
twenty-first century wasn’t really my area of interest.  Anyway, for reasons
that I couldn’t explain, to myself or to anyone else, while I was there I broke
one of the primary rules.  I intervened; meddled even, and saved her life.

“Not only that Grace, I fell in
love with you and I’m sure that even if I hadn’t lost my memory, I couldn’t
have let you walk away.  Having broken one rule, I’m sure I would have broken
others and done everything possible to stay with you.” I told her, once again
reaching for her hand.

This time she didn’t try to
pull away and let it lay in mine.  She was still trembling, but less so.

I then told her how we’d
eventually been traced by the agency I’d worked for.  She’d been right; the
watch was the key.  We’d taken money and clothes from what I now knew to be a
safe house, but we didn’t take anything else.  My watch had never been
reactivated, so the last record of me was in Lewisham in 1888.  We’d left no
clues there and I’d left no clues at the safe house in 2000 either.

“There are implants in my head
that enable me to understand and speak so many languages, as well as record the
historical events I’m sent to observe.  We also use them to communicate our
findings with each other once we’re back in our own time.  They got damaged in
the accident and were what had shown up as abnormal bone growth on the hospital
scans.  Because they were malfunctioning, it wasn’t easy for them to scan time
for me or contact me.  I’d received a few messages, but hadn’t understood what
they were.  In fact they sent more; they just never got through.  So they were
left with no choice; they had to look for me the old fashioned way and London
in any time is a big place.”

That Saturday morning in
Brighton, only the previous day for her, they found me, more by luck than
anything else.  Of course they hadn’t realised that she was as out of place in
1889 as I was, so by taking me back they marooned her.

At first I had no idea where or
when I was.  The journey back and my immediate surroundings didn’t help me
remember anything and of course I was frantic with worry.  There were check-ups
and an inquiry of course, then months of treatment while I recovered my
memories and my identity, followed by a reintegration programme.  After that
there was The Board.  During all those months, no one would listen to me or
help me find Grace.  My mind was in turmoil, imagining all the terrible things
that could happen to her; how she must be feeling, how disappointed in me she
must be and how sure she must have been that all the promises I’d ever made to
her were worthless.  There was no way of reaching her and I felt totally
impotent.

The Board decided that only the
first rule had been infringed intentionally; the one where I saved her.  The
other infringements hadn’t been deliberate, as without my memory I hadn’t known
they’d existed.  Nevertheless, I had broken the rules and couldn’t deny it, so
I was grounded and moved to the analysis team.

In their wisdom, The Board decided
that Grace could do more harm in 2001 than she could in 1889.  This was because
in order to return her to her own time, she would have to be given some sort of
explanation and knowledge of something from the future.  Of course by doing so,
they would break one of their own rules.  So they proposed to leave her there,
alone.

I lived those years as best I
could, always trying to find a way to get back to her, all the time pretending
that the life I had was more than I could ever have hoped for, but all the time
I missed her.  Deep inside me was a hole that could not be filled.

Of course technically, by the
thirtieth century she’d been dead a long time, having lived whatever life she
could by her own wits and with the money from the safe house.  Because I knew where
and when I could find her, I couldn’t mourn her, but neither could I get back
to her.  We were apart for much longer than we were together, but I could never
be with someone else, while so much of me still wanted to be with her and only her.

One day, I was summoned to the
office of the elite unit I’d originally worked for and asked to reinvestigate
an event in our own recent past.  We’d all lived through it and several
historians had witnessed it a second time, but no one could agree on why it had
come about.

The technician who kitted me
out was a young man who knew nothing of my past and saw no reason not to
furnish me with a fully functioning timepiece.  After all, by then I was a
departmental head; in charge of the analysis section.  Of course I went
straight back to Grace in 1889.

After hearing me out, she asked
a simple question, one that said everything and made my heart lurch.

“What about us Jack?”

“There is no ‘us’ Grace, not
anymore.” I told her gently.

“Because you don’t love me anymore,
or because there is someone else?” she asked quietly.

I couldn’t lie to her and even
if I’d tried, she would have seen straight through it.

“No, it’s because I do love you. 
There never has been, nor can there ever be anyone else.”

She sighed.  “That makes less
sense than anything you’ve told me so far.  I love you, you love me.  Ok,
you’re a bit older than yesterday, well, a lot older in fact, but that doesn’t
matter,” she said, her eyes lighting up.  “We’ve still got time...”

I looked at her lovely face,
the face I’d missed so much and now would never have the chance to watch grow
old by my side.  I had to say the hardest thing I’d ever said and I had to say
it right.  No tears, no sadness.

“No Grace, time is the one
thing we don’t have.  You have a whole life ahead of you, but mine is already
behind me.  We can’t be together and you can’t be here; it’s wrong.  You have
to go back to your own time.”

“Well if that’s all you’ve got
to say, then I’ll spend whatever’s left of my life right here thank you very
much.  I prefer it here and at least you’ll know where to find me when you
finally see some sense.  And then we can have even less time together!” she
said crossly, glaring at me with her arms folded across her chest.

I was appalled at the idea of her
being alone in this time, with so many dangers just waiting for her.  During
her lifetime, if she managed to live that long, two world wars would happen and
the second one would bring the blitz; Napier Street would be destroyed.

“Even if I thought it was a
good idea, which I don’t, I wouldn’t be allowed to come back and find you.  We
have to live in our own time.  To have knowledge before its time is a dangerous
thing.  If I stay, they will only come looking for me again and quite soon I
imagine.”

I wasn’t explaining anything
very well, but as always she went straight to the heart of the matter anyway.

“Jack, listen to me.  Either we
run, or you leave me right here.” she said, her voice still firm.

“No!” I shouted, making her
jump in alarm.

I took a deep breath before
going on, trying to make my voice calmer.  “You can’t be serious and anyway,
what would you do?”

That was the wrong thing to
say, like waving a red rag in front of an already angry bull.

“I’ll go and nurse the poor
soldier boys in the Boer War, then when that’s done, as long I don’t get shot
for no good reason, I’ll join the suffragettes.  Don’t you worry.  While you’re
sitting in the equivalent of an old people’s home in your own time, feeling
sorry for yourself and waiting to die, I’ll be busy.  Go on, off you go, you’re
clearly done here.”

I shook my head slowly.  “No
Grace, I’m not done here yet.” I said sadly.

She looked puzzled at my words
and was about to disagree when she realised there was still another question to
ask.

“So why have you come back
then?”

“I’m going to take you home;
back to before I met you, so that you can live your life the way you were
supposed to, with the person you were supposed to live it with.”

She jumped up as if an electric
current had passed through her.  The cold tea cups went flying, spilling their
contents as they rolled slowly towards the edge of the table.  Neither of us stopped
them and one fell to the floor, breaking into pieces, but we ignored it.

“You’re going to do what?” she
screamed at me.

I stood up.  “Grace you must
see, it’s the only thing that makes any sense.” I replied, trying to sound
composed.

“See? Why must I see something
that is clearly the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard?”

She flew across the room at me
and pummelled her fists against my chest, calling me all sorts of names, most
of which I deserved.  I let her get the anger out; we couldn’t talk sense while
it consumed her.

Eventually she fell onto the
chair and put her head on the table, sobbing.  This was the second time in my
life I’d felt completely and utterly useless.  I didn’t know what to do and
this time I couldn’t ask for Winnie’s advice; I had to find my own way.

She slowly regained her
composure.

“Do you regret this life with
me Jack?”

I shook my head.  “No, not a
moment of it.”

“Then why do you think I would
want to forget you, to forget us and the life we’ve had together.  Why would
you want to take that away from me?” she asked, in a small and troubled voice.

“Because it’s not fair.” I told
her.

“Can’t I be the judge of that?
There isn’t a lot in life that’s fair, ’specially not in this particular age,
but don’t you see? That’s what makes those special moments, or in our case,
special months, in fact almost two years, even more important.  I won’t let you
take them away from me, not unless you want to un-live them for your own
reasons.  Is that what you really want?” she asked, coming to my side and
staring at me.

“No,” I said miserably, “But
what else can we do?”

“We can use our brains for
starters,” she said, gently tapping the side of my head.  “And we could
probably both do with a nice hot cup of tea.”

She bustled around the little
kitchen, clearing up the mess and making a fresh pot of tea.  She put clean cups
down and was pouring it with her usual confidence when an idea seemed to strike
her.  “Anyway, you can’t just take me back.  That car would’ve killed me.” she
said smugly, pulling a chair round and sitting next to me.

“Maybe I just got in the way
and actually prevented the right person from saving you.” I countered.

“Ah yes, because as I recall
there was a stampede of handsome young men fighting amongst themselves to give
up their lives to save mine.” she said, wagging her finger at me.  “Jack, only
you were there to save me, as well you know.”

She looked triumphant and I
couldn’t think of anything to say.

She took my silence for
agreement, which I suppose it was.  The thought of Grace being allowed to die
was not something I could even consider.  Even if she was not mine, she had to
be in the world, I was sure of that.

“So... as I see it, we have a
couple of options.” she continued.

“Options?” I asked, looking
sideways at her.

“Yes.  Number one: you pop back
here in say, fifty years and we spend our old age together in, now let me
see...” she did a quick calculation and said, “...1939 as it will be, but
there’ll be a war going on by then, or we could go back to 2001, which might be
more comfortable for our old bones.  It’s up to you, I don’t mind either way.  We’ll
have had the early years and will have missed the middle, but at least that way
we’ll get the end.”

“Hmm...” I murmured.

I could see a lot of problems
with that idea.  For one, she’d be living her whole life waiting for me and
there’d be no guarantee that she’d survive.  Anything could happen to her and I
wouldn’t be there to protect her.

She took one look at my face
and moved on to option two.

“Or... we both go back to your
time and plead our case.  They might let me stay with you if we can make them
understand...”

“No Grace,” I interrupted,
“Time travel only works to the past.  The past exists; it’s real.  The future
doesn’t, because it hasn’t happened yet.  You can’t come to my present because
for you it’s the future and you can’t exist in it.”

“Oh.” she said.

She thought about it for a
moment or two, then nodded slightly, to show that she understood.

“Well then, that only leaves
option three.” she said, picking up my hand.

“Which is what...?” I asked
hesitantly.

“Well... it’s more of an
‘either or’ option really.” she said, as I pulled a face at her.

“Well Jack, either we just stay
as we are for as long as we’ve got and live life on the run, or you think of
something else.”

“That’s two options in one.” I
said accusingly.

She smiled that lovely slow
smile of hers and shrugged.  “And anyway, I know you didn’t mean it, so there’s
no need to apologise.” she said, with an air of self-satisfaction.