What Brings Me to You (32 page)
Read What Brings Me to You Online
Authors: Loralee Abercrombie
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Charley
Teddy had said yes, he’d be there without hesitation. He even said how honored he was that I’d asked him to join, but really I was honored that he agreed. I didn’t know Teddy all that well, but I knew he did whatever he could to avoid situations like these; anything that could lead to potential drama. It was a testament to how deeply he cared for me, I knew that. Truthfully, I coulnd’t have anyone else with me but him. He knew the whole story, had seen everything, but more than that, I wanted to see the good man I knew Teddy to be in the same room as the horrible man that I had made my father out to be. I was the one who walked away from Teddy every time, not the other way around. Every man, even at that moment, Jaime, had walked out on me. Abandoned me. Teddy was different and that realization was comforting. I knew that we could make it work. That when I saw him, I’d run to him and tell him, finally tell him that I loved him.
I love him. I love him. I love him.
I said it over and over again to myself and tested the words out on my tongue. He’d accused me of being afraid to say it because I was afraid to let him in. The trouble was he was already in and I already felt it, I just couldn’t get past what it would mean once I broke the seal. After the time apart I realized, more than anything, that I wanted the levy of intimacy to break with him. Loving him made me better; made me feel whole. I knew that Teddy standing beside me would make me strong and give me the fortitude to introduce myself to my father as his daughter. I knew with Teddy beside me, he’d be proud.
I checked my watch every few seconds and compared it with the analog clock next to the door. It was 7:15.
Just relax, Charley, he’s probably stuck in traffic,
I thought.
Or he’s standing your ugly ass up
, snipped Adam’s voice from the back of my mind. I blocked it out and focused on my father polishing the mouthpiece of his trumpet, casually conversing with his band mates. He wasn’t an altogether bad looking man. He was tall and reedy. Age, and I’m sure squalor, left his chest bird like and concave. He was a very dark black. The planes of his skin shone a bluish-grey in the light of the stage. The hair sticking out of his faded Kangol was greying, but not grey, he wore a small gold hoop in his right ear.
You have his high cheek bones
I thought,
and his hands
. I watched him make light conversation with people in the bar who I assumed were regulars. He never once looked in my direction.
Maybe he knows,
I thought.
Maybe he knows who you are.
Of course it was silly, but between seeing him up close for the first time and worrying about Teddy I had no choice; my mind went to an irrational place.
Where the hell is he?
The band began their set at eight. Teddy still hadn’t shown up. I listened to the jazz music. which was good, but too energetic to calm my nerves. It was nearing 8:30 and the band (Jim Beezy and the Jazz Cats, as I learned they were called) were slowing down. They began a soft sweet ballad that I recognized. My father used the trumpet as the voice instead of a singer. I closed my eyes against the tears that were forming from the irony of words of the song.
I’ll be seeing you in all the old familiar places…
Every limb in my body became heavy. Every second that went by I felt more and more crushed.Then, the door swung open and there he was.
Jaime.
I had no idea why he was there, I assumed he was with another girl but he was frantically searching the dimly lit bar from someone. Maybe he was meeting someone. I tried to make myself disappear but, besides my dad, I was the only black person in a sea of Wonder Bread looking folks. It was hard to miss me. It didn’t take him long to find me and I cursed under my breath as he purposefully walked to my side.
“Hey,”
“Hi…umm…what are you doing here?”
“It’s kind of a long story, but the person you were supposed to meet can’t make it.” He had such a look of consternation on his face at my appearance and where I was. It should’ve been obvious to anyone that I was expecting to be on a date but it’s like he couldn’t really believe it. The way he said “The person you’re supposed to meet” made me think maybe he didn’t know.
.
“Oh. Do you know why?”
“No.”
“Oh, okay, why are you here, though?”
“Your mom was on campus.”
“My mom? You met her?”
And I wasn’t there?
“Said she was at some function across the street at the museum and hoped you hadn’t left yet. She was going to come all the way down here when we ran into each other.”
.
“You ran into each other? You’ve never seen her…”
“There was an older, really nicely dressed lady leaving your dorm looking lost and distraught. I asked if everything was okay and she said she was looking for Charley. I told her I knew you and she told me she knew me.”
Dammit.
“Oh.”
“She told me that she needed to pick you up but she had obligations across the way so I volunteered.”
“Oh.”
“You look really nice, Charley.”
“Thanks. What were you doing outside my dorm?”
“I was leaving the gym,” he answered without making eye contact.
“Oh.”
“Who were you here to meet?” I didn’t have an answer. I couldn’t tell him it was to meet another man. To meet
the
Teddy Holmes. Local, celebrity billion-heir. So I pointed to where the small ensemble band was setting up, instead.
“He’s my dad,” I said barely above a whisper. The audience gently applauded the end of the song and the band started in on another slow one that I instantly recognized.
And still those little things remain
That bring me happiness or pain….
Jaime snapped his head in the direction of the stage then back to me, then back again to the stage. I’d told him a watered down version of the story of my life. He knew Paul wasn’t my father, that my mother and my real dad weren’t together but he didn’t know the extent to which I’d suffered because of it all. He didn’t know that this man had never laid eyes on me; at least not ever knowing that I was his daughter and he didn’t care to. That, just like Paul, I didn’t exist to him. That every man in my life had let me down. Had hurt me. Watching him play the ballad with an expression of beatitude, an expression that he’d never wear looking at or thinking about me, the tears stung my eyes and I started to shake.
“Are you okay, Charley?” Jaime asked looking even more concerned. I wasn’t focused on him I was focused on the song. On the wailing of the trumpet my father played. Of the words of the song I remembered:
These foolish things remind me of you…
Jamie’s hand on my shoulder and the warmth emanating from it was my undoing. I clutched at his chest and sobbed into his shirt. I didn’t care I was making a scene, I just wanted to cry. To release everything I’d been holding in for so long. He enveloped me in his arms and let me ruin his shirt with my tears. I was still crying when he wrapped one arm around me and hustled me out of the bar to his Rover. We drove in silence back to the campus as my sobbing ebbed to a hitch in my breath. He pulled right up to the front of the dorm, not caring that he was illegally parked, rounded the hood as I remained curled into a semi-fetal position against the passenger door. He opened my door and scooped me into his arms. I went willingly with my head easily resting in the crook of his shoulder, arms draped around his neck. Everyone in the dorm knew him and knew that we were sort of together so they didn’t really question him as he carried me up to my room. As we were approaching the door, Kelsey was leaving. Seeing us she simply held the door open for him to enter and left, presumably, to gossip about what could possibly be wrong with me to Colin.
He placed me easily onto my bed, sure to keep his hand behind my head. I rolled, instinctively to my side toward the wall. I just wanted to shut everyone and everything out. He wouldn’t let me shut everything out. Instead of slipping out of the room, he folded his massive body in behind me and protectively wrapped me up in his arms, like he could ward off the sadness with his proximity. I can’t say that it worked one hundred percent but it did help marginally. After I’d been stood up by someone who I had been so willing to let in, Jaime had my back. Literally, the feel of his broad, warm body pressed up against mine made it hurt less. Made me feel like maybe I hadn’t been abandoned by everyone. We stayed like that in my tiny twin bed silent except for my cries which were just a dull whimper.
In the morning my entire body ached from sleeping in the same position in my pants and heels. My head pounded from dehydrating myself crying. I rolled onto my back and realized I was alone.
Jaime was gone.
I wanted to cry again but I had nothing left. So I shut my eyes tight against the glow of the morning light and wallowed in self-pity.
Why wasn’t he there? Why didn’t he come?
There just had to be an explanation, I hoped that he wasn’t injured. I rolled over and picked the laptop up off the floor and turned it on. There had to be an explanation. Goddamnit I needed to get a phone! Maybe that would’ve saved me the heartache. I just knew there’d be an email from him with a plausible excuse.
There was no email. When Kelsey came bounding in, her hair wet from the shower I asked if there were any messages for me last night. She said no with a look of worry across her face. I hadn’t looked in the mirror yet and knew I probably looked haggard. I know she was worried about a repeat panic episode. She probably wanted to ask me about Jaime but I waved her off. I didn’t want to think about Jaime and how he’d left me last night when all I could focus on was Teddy. I needed someone who would know the answers. I needed my mother. I emailed her to meet me for lunch that afternoon. Since she could get emails on her fancy phone it didn’t take her long to respond. She said she’d be at our usual place after her morning tennis game.
*****
“Honey, he called me and told me he wouldn’t be there. I’m so sorry.”
“Why?” The knot in my stomach was tensing up. There was a delicious summer salad with spinach and strawberries in front of me, but I couldn’t even think about eating without wanting to puke.
“Honey,” she said, wringing her hands in her lap. I knew that tic. She had something really uncomfortable to tell me.
“Oh God, mom, is he okay?”
“Yes. Yes, honey he’s fine it’s just…”
“What?”
“I really don’t want to be the bearer of bad news…”
“What?”
“Don’t shoot the messenger…”
“Mother! Out with it!” I realized I was shrieking when several surrounding patrons stopped what they were doing to look at me.
“He was with the Cramers last night,” she breathed.
“He…he…what?”
“I was at the country club with Claire and Brooke just this morning. Honey, Claire wouldn’t stop talking about how he and Lacey had rekindled their relationship.”
“No. There has to be some kind of mistake.”
“That’s what I thought too, knowing all the things he’s said to you, but Brooke corroborated. Apparently, she saw them kissing.”
