What God Has For Me (4 page)

Giving Michael a suspicious glare, Zachary
twisted his lips. “I don’t even want to know what all you’ve
spilled during your pillow talks, but I’m warning you to stay out
of my way.” He reached for the apron off the hook labeled “His” and
grabbed the pan of ribs off the counter and headed outside.

From his post at the grill, Zachary heard the
doorbell echo throughout the house. Next, excited chatter grew
louder until a chorus of shrieks announced their arrival in Desi
and Michael’s kitchen. That’s when the fussing began. It was
comical.

Tracey ordered her sons to go outside and
play. “Take Ashanti with you and don’t let her get hurt on the
swings.

“Yes, ma’am,” the boys said in unison.

The swings that MJ wouldn’t be ready to use
for a couple of years by himself. This brother had gone crazy when
he learned that Desi was pregnant: toys, books, trust fund—his
nephew would lack nothing. The set was actually a customized play
gym with a slide, monkey bars, and a playhouse installed days after
they moved into their new house.

“Mom and I will get this kitchen in shape
while Granny Rose gets her
Mostaccioli
together,” Tracey
said.

“You got that right and you know I need a
clean place to cook.” Soon pots and pans took the punishment of
Granny Rose’s displeasure.

Zachary smiled as the back door busted open,
Tracey’s sons raced out.

“Hi, Uncle Zach.” Ashanti waved as she was
about to run toward him.

“Stay back,” he ordered them until he closed
the lid on the pit, then squatted. “I don’t want you to get burned.
Whenever there’s smoke, it means something is hot, remember?”

Ashanti nodded and then jumped down the
deck’s few steps into the yard to keep up with her cousins.
Standing, Zachary turned around and Halcyon graced the doorway. He
gave an appreciative glance. She and Ashanti wore matching denim
outfits, even Jonathan had on denim overalls and a baseball cap.
“Hey, Bridget.”

He liked calling her by her middle name. It
seemed to be softer and fit her personality versus Halcyon, similar
to her father, Harold’s name which they named her when they found
out she wasn’t a boy.

“Hi, Zach.” Halcyon was about to brush a kiss
on his cheek when he thwarted that and her lips landed on his. She
seemed unaffected.

“Nice shade of lipstick,” he complimented,
trying to tame his emotions when he wanted to pull her closer and
not let go.

She blushed. “Thanks for noticing.”

“I notice everything about you—everything.”
Zachary didn’t blink.

“Ah, okay.” She did blink. “Let me get
Jonathan situated with Momma, I’ll grab Desi’s apron, and be right
back to help you.”

“His and her chefs. Sounds like a plan.”

Minutes later, smoke spewed from the grill
when Zachary lifted the lid, almost gagging him, while Halcyon’s
perfume tickled his nose when she joined him. Once they got into a
comfortable routine, Halcyon stood nearby with a platter ready to
dip the cooked barbecue into Desi’s special sauce. “So how’s the
job going?” Zachary casually asked.

Halcyon shrugged. “All right. It provides
health care for my babies. That’s all that matters.”

“No, that’s not all that should matter,” he
softened his tone. “I want to see you happy again, excited about
life, not just going through the motions of living. You could’ve
come to me for employment. You still can and you know it.” He tried
to keep the edge out of his voice.
Stubborn woman
.

Halcyon shrugged. “I’ve applied at other
places, this one came through first. It’s only temporary. It’s not
about me. It’s about Ashanti’s and Jonathan’s needs.”

“Not once have I ever seen your babies do
without. You’re on top of your game. You make motherhood look
easy.”

“You really think so?” Frowning, Halcyon
seemed skeptical as she stared at him as if he were speaking in
another language. She sighed, then turned and took the overflowing
platter of barbecue in the house. She returned moments later with
an empty one and picked up the conversation, “Sometimes, I feel
like a failure—not finishing school when I was so close, not having
a father in my children’s lives and…”

“And what?” he prompted, stabbing the ribs a
few times to check for tenderness. “You know you can talk to me
about anything, and it will never go outside of you and me.”
Replacing the lid over the ribs, he nudged her to take a seat, then
he did the same. “Talk to me.”

Refusing to look at him, she glanced in the
direction of the children. “I can’t blame anybody for my situation.
Every day, I try to move on mentally, but it’s a never-ending cycle
of dealing with so much guilt from bad decisions. I just don’t want
Ashanti and Jonathan to suffer for my mistakes.”

Behind the pretty face and alluring smile,
Halcyon was still hurting. Zachary could tell that she was trying
to hold her tears at bay. “Listen to me,” he waited for her to give
him her undivided attention. He had to tread lightly with the Word
when it came to Halcyon, or she would shut down. “Your name was
right up there on that cross with everybody else’s where Jesus hung
for hours as His blood washed away each of our sins. Don’t take the
guilt off the cross. Bridget, as long as I’m here and your family,
we’ve got your back in prayer and whatever else you need.
Okay?”

Bowing her head, Halcyon sniffed. He couldn’t
stand to see her cry. Zachary used his thumb to guide her chin
upward until she met his eyes. “Whatever you need, ask.”

“I know… I know, but I feel like such a
failure asking for help,” she whispered. “It’s like a tiny voice
keeps reminding me this is what I get for making my bed—literally.”
She twisted her lips.

“Well, I guarantee you that voice is not
God’s,” Zachary paused, thinking about one of Granny Rose’s
sayings. “God wants to prove the devil wrong when it comes to you.
The Lord is your biggest cheerleader.”

“I guess.” Halcyon twisted her lips and
looked doubtful.

Jesus, help her not to doubt You
.
Zachary had heard a while back that before Halcyon met Scott, she
had walked with God. It wasn’t strong because as soon as Scott came
into the picture, Granny Rose said it seemed like Halcyon dropped
everything to follow his stuck-up self—her words, not his. The
guilt Halcyon grappled with was self-imposed.

“Hey, sweetie; it smells good out here,” Mrs.
Holland said, stepping out on the deck with Jonathan on her hip,
ending their soul-searching moment. “We’re ready to eat… red-skin
potato salad, Mother’s pasta, coleslaw… you know, so you and
Halcyon come on in.” She looked in the yard. “Justin and Jeffery,
get Ashanti and come wash up to eat.”

“Okay, Grandma,” the older one yelled and
started their way.

Justin mimicked his older brother and argued
with Ashanti, trying to get her to relinquish the swing. The girl
was about to protest until her cousin mentioned hot dogs. Zachary
exchanged a glance with Halcyon. They both chuckled. Hot dogs were
Ashanti’s weakness.

Two canopy-shaded tables on the deck were
covered with dishes of food. The antics of the children and baby
dominated the conversation. When the talk turned to what was the
latest on everyone’s jobs, Halcyon remained silent. Reaching under
the table, Zachary squeezed her hand, then rubbed his thumb against
her soft skin. From his peripheral vision he noticed her slight nod
before she exhaled. She had had a great positon with a good company
before they went under.

“Auntie Desi, can I play on the swing?”
Ashanti pointed.

“Again?” Halcyon groaned.

“Of course.” Desi beamed. As the only niece
in the family, it was safe to say, Ashanti was spoiled, but Halcyon
kept her grounded.

It was a group effort to restore the kitchen
to its pre-cooking, spotless condition. Granny Rose retreated to
the living room to watch her series of game shows. Letting the
ladies have possession of the deck, Michael led Zachary to a
landscaped corner of the yard that had two loungers under a young
tree that would provide shade, maybe in a decade.

Zachary stretched out and patted his stomach.
Michael searched for the app on his iPhone to listen to the St.
Louis Cardinals baseball game. Once it found it, Michael turned up
the volume. With MJ asleep in his arms, he laid back and placed his
son on his chest. Zachary envied his younger brother’s happiness.
He wanted the same thing with Halcyon.

“I’m a happy man,” Michael finally said with
one arm folded behind his head, the other one securely around the
baby. “I am truly blessed with a beautiful wife, a nice house and a
handsome son. I am rich.” He became silent, then frowned. “Yet, the
Bible says, I could gain the whole world, and still lose my
soul.”

“Mmm-hmm, Matthew 16:26.” Zachary knew that
popular Scripture. “You’re thinking about what you almost didn’t
have, including your sanctified soul because of that affair, aren’t
you?”

Michael nodded. “Yep. I was gambling with a
debt that I couldn’t pay, but Jesus paid it for me by stirring up
my wife’s love for me again. I could have lost her, man, because of
something stupid.” Closing his eyes, he mumbled, “Hallelujah.”

The baseball game provided a backdrop as they
retreated into their own thoughts. Zachary spied Halcyon, then as
second nature, looked for the children. The women seemed to be
engaged in a lively discussion, judging from the spurts of
laughter.

Suddenly, Halcyon stood with her hands on her
hips and yelled, “Ashanti, Jeffery, stop Jonathan from putting
grass in his mouth. You’re supposed to be watching him.” When she
made a motion to go after her son, Zachary got to his feet as if
summonsed.

“I got him.” He trekked over to the toddler
and scooped him up in his arms. “Hey, Jay.” He had decided on that
nickname as he was about to hug the fellow until he got a whiff of
the baby’s scent. “Whew.” He held the child back at arm’s length
and yelled, “Bridget, I need a diaper ASAP!”

Laughing at his discomfort, she was about to
head his way to relieve him, but Zachary had something to prove:
that he was a man willing to risk nausea to change foul diapers.
“No, I’ll do it. You relax.” He headed toward the house holding
Jonathan away from him as if he were contaminated. “Where’s the
diaper bag?”

Halcyon snickered as she retook her seat,
then waved for Ashanti. “Show Uncle Zach where the baby bag is in
the living room.”

Ashanti jumped from her beloved swing and
skipped toward the deck. Zachary followed her into the house. Once
he was equipped with wipes, powder and a clean Pampers, Ashanti
trailed him to the bathroom. He smirked at his little shadow.

“You don’t think I can change a diaper?”

Standing on her tippy toes to supervise,
Ashanti spilled the beans. “Mommy says I have to go when a man
changes my baby brother’s diaper to make sure nobody doesn’t hurt
him.” Ashanti’s innocent eyes held his. “But you won’t hurt him,
will you?”

Zachary’s heart sank at the request. “Never,
because I love my little prince and you, my princess.” Her request
gave him two more reasons why he didn’t want different men hanging
around the children. Thanks to sin, this was the world they lived
in until Jesus raptured the church and left unrepentant sinners to
fend for themselves. He doubted his “niece” would know what sexual
assault looked like, and he planned to protect her against that

Seemingly satisfied with his answer, Ashanti
backed down and gave him a little more space as he unfastened the
tape.

“Your Mommy is real smart,” he stated,
performing his duties.

“Mmm-hmm.” Ashanti never took her eyes off
what his hands were doing until after he discarded the soiled
diaper, and washed his hands.

“I can carry him, Uncle Zach.” She reached
for the squirming child who did not want to be carried. Jonathan
was almost fifteen months. He would have to ask Halcyon when potty
training starts. On second thought, he could ask Michael, the
walking baby Wikipedia.

“Mommy, Uncle Zach didn’t hurt my baby brother,”
Ashanti tattled as Jonathan squirmed out of her loose grip, then
made a beeline to the game of kickball as fast as his little legs
could take him.

“Thanks, sweetie.” Halcyon had explained to
her daughter to be a secret observer, not babble that she was
working undercover. Still, she smiled.

Halcyon was the sole occupant on the deck
after her nephews begged Tracey and her mother to play with them.
Desi had opted for Zachary’s vacated seat under the make-believe
shade tree to be near her husband and son. Halcyon was still in awe
of how much they loved each other despite Michael’s
indiscretions.

Zachary grabbed a seat and scooted closer to
her. Instead of reclining, he sat up and faced her. “You did right
to have Ashanti supervise me while I changed Jonathan.” He paused.
“But you do know I’ve changed his dirty diapers before, not too
many messy ones, though.” He scrunched his nose until Halcyon
giggled.

She didn’t owe him or anyone an explanation
for her actions. Those were her children and she would protect them
at all costs, which was why she walked away from Scott to recover
some of her self-respect. “Thanks, because I won’t apologize for
doing whatever I have to do to protect them.”

“And I won’t let you apologize.” Zachary
reached for her hand, then linked his fingers through hers. It was
a comforting gesture that always calmed her when Zachary knew she
was upset about something. “I’ll add an Amen to that.”

But today his touch sent a tingling sensation
that began to crawl up her arm. Maybe it was all in her mind,
playing tricks with her after her mother and sisters praised
Zachary for everything he did for the family when he didn’t have
to.

“That’s my brother-in-law,” Halcyon had joked
to her sister.