What God Has For Me (10 page)

Love Me and Me alone, You cannot serve two
masters, or you will be faithful to one and despise the other. My
Word is true. Matthew 6.
God’s voice seemed even more forceful,
to the point that she actually shivered.

Halcyon blinked to bring the passing scenery
from the highway into focus. She needed God’s Word right
now—desperately. Didn’t Granny Rose just tell her this morning that
‘God is our refuge, strength, and a very present help in
trouble?’

Angling her body, Halcyon watched Zachary,
who drove in silence. She could tell by the stiff set of his jaw
that he wasn’t happy either. “Why do you want to be involved in my
mess?”

He glanced at her. “What mess?”

“My mess. My babies’ daddy drama.” She hated
that phrase, but it was what it was.

“Scott is an absentee dad. I’m here because
there is no other woman I’d rather spend my time with, nor any
other children I would rather love. Next question.”

She didn’t have any more, but the craving to
read her Bible increased, so she asked Zachary for his phone.

“You need to call someone?” Zachary asked,
but handed it over.

“Yep. A 9-1-1 call to Jesus right now. Can I
read the Bible on your phone?”

Zachary nodded and smiled. “Yes, angels are
standing by. I know you like your hard copy, but remind me to
install that app on yours—in case of emergencies.”

Halcyon nodded, then got lost in reading the
passages until Zachary’s vehicle came to a stop at her front door.
The children stirred in the back seat. Getting out, Zachary
unbuckled them and with ease, he carried one on each shoulder up
the stairs. That was one sight she would never get tired of seeing;
the way he used his strength to cuddle her babies was alluring.

“Leave the bags and car seats. Get the door.
I’ll come back for those,” he advised, almost on the porch, so she
raced to get ahead of him.

Resting the children on the sofa, Zachary
went back for her things. With the task done and Ashanti and
Jonathan awake, but still in a daze, Zachary towered over her with
his hands stationed on his waist. “Are you okay, Bridget? I mean
really okay. I can stay as long as you need me to. It’s your
call.”

The way Zachary phrased it made it sound like
he wanted to make the call. “Thanks, but I need some alone time,”
she said softly to lessen the blow. “Thank you for my birthday
gifts.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and collapsed against
his chest. Zachary trapped her in a hug. Halcyon felt secure in his
embrace and wanted to linger in his cocoon, especially when she
heard his whispered prayers. Stepping back, Halcyon swept her lips
against his, and mumbled, “I love you too.”

Zachary responded with the sweetest, softest
and briefest kiss she had ever experienced.

“Uncle Zach, are you going to be my daddy
now?”

Their heads whipped around as Halcyon’s lids
fluttered open. She made a move to distance herself from Zachary,
but he wasn’t having it as he gently restrained her. Halcyon
cleared her throat. For once, Zachary had nothing to say. “Well,
ah… why do you ask, sweetie?” Halcyon finally broke free and joined
her daughter on the sofa.

“Because you kissed him and he loves us. I
want Uncle Zach to be my daddy!” She pouted, then leaped off the
sofa and ran to him.

Was it the kiss that brought this demand, or
was she acting out from seeing Scott, who didn’t even acknowledge
her? Halcyon honestly didn’t know how to handle this moment.
Standing, she walked toward Zachary to comfort her daughter, but
when she reached for Ashanti, she gripped onto him and started
crying. Zachary’s expression looked just as clueless as she
felt.

Let me talk to her
, he mouthed and sat
in the nearest chair with Ashanti on his lap. He cuddled her until
she was all cried out while Halcyon stood helpless. Zachary seemed
to be in tune with Ashanti’s mood and placated her without one
complaint.

Taking a seat next to Jonathan, Halcyon ran
her fingers through her hair.
Lord, what am I going to do?
This was the time she really needed Him to answer.

God didn’t, so Halcyon let Zachary stay
throughout dinner, then they watched a cartoon video before Ashanti
would let him go. Before he left, Zachary led them in a prayer that
catered to Ashanti’s needs and then hers. At the door, he wrapped
her in a hug and she closed her eyes. He didn’t say anything, and
neither did she. Finally, they said their goodbyes.

Are you all right? Zachary texted after he
got home.

Halcyon read the message and sighed. I’m
praying to get to all right.

I’ll be praying for you too. See you tomorrow
at church. Love you. Z.

We all love you too, Halcyon texted back.
Ashanti seemed back to her normal self as if what happened earlier
wasn’t even a memory, but she would have to talk to her daughter,
but not now. Halcyon went through the routine of baths, a bedtime
story, and goodnight kisses, but her heart was heavy.

In her own bed, Halcyon stared up at the
ceiling. She was emotionally exhausted, but she couldn’t sleep. She
had told Zachary the truth. She did need some alone time. It was a
good thing her mother and sisters weren’t at home to witness the
spectacle from earlier. Getting up, Halcyon wandered downstairs and
out to the screened-in patio in the back. She just sat there and
listened to the crickets and other night crawlers to empty her
mind.

Seeing Scott was the least of her problems at
the moment. It was her daughter’s actions that concerned her.
Ashanti was a sweet child, but the girl did have a stubborn streak,
which she inherited from her. Her daughter loved her Uncle Zach,
and Zachary loved Ashanti—and Jonathan—unconditionally. Halcyon
didn’t know whether she was relieved that Ashanti hadn’t made a
scene when she saw her father, or that Ashanti unapologetically and
indirectly demanded that Zachary marry her so he could be her
daddy. One thing was for sure, Halcyon wanted Zachary in her life
right now.

Even though Halcyon made it clear that she
would not keep the children away from Scott, she had selfishly and
immaturely hoped that Ashanti would forget about him. Yes, she knew
that was wrong, so now, it would be a waiting game to see if Scott
would have a renewed interest in seeing his children. However, she
knew based on past experience, Scott had no problem activating the
“out of sight, out of mind” mindset regarding his children.

This is your fault,
the devil taunted.
You made your bed, now lie in it
.

Halcyon couldn’t argue with that. She had
moved in with Scott, hoping it would lead to marriage. True, almost
five years and two children later, Halcyon was paying for her
sins.

Who I set free is free indeed!
God’s
voice came as thunder.
Study John 8
.

As if struck by lightning, Halcyon’s
spiritual eyes opened, and it was as if she could see the devil
laughing at her. Getting up, she walked back in the house and
glanced at the clock.
Nine-thirty
. She hoped her sister
hadn’t gone to bed already.

Halcyon checked on the children and then
returned downstairs where she sat in the recliner that Zachary had
vacated hours earlier. When Desi answered the phone, Halcyon
surprised herself by bursting into tears and the more she tried to
stop, the more she cried. “I saw Scott today…” she was able to get
out as her sister was trying to calm her down. No doubt Michael was
probably in the background, concerned.

“I thought Zachary took you out shopping for
your birthday?” Desi asked.

“He did. The children loved the outing and I
finally felt comfortable enough to let go and tell Zach, I love
him.”

“About time.” Desi huffed. She imagined her
sister probably folded her arms like she had a habit of doing when
she made a point.

“Would you let me finish,” Halcyon snapped,
but once her emotions were in check, she apologized. “One moment
I’m in utopia, the next I’m in outer space. When did you stop… how
did you get over the hurt, the pain of you know what?” She squeezed
her eyes shut, trying to bear the prick to her heart. “Even though
you and Michael were married and I wasn’t, I still feel betrayed.
He married a woman who resembles me in features. Why have a
duplicate when he had the real thing? I just don’t understand my
emotions right now.”

“Hey, hey,” Desi’s voice was soft and
soothing. “When God walked me through His forgiveness process, and
we know how long that took, that was when I truly stopped
hurting.”

Forgiveness again
. Halcyon sighed. The
devil was right; it was easy to say; Halcyon knew she had to try
and live it.

“That’s why I kept most of the details of my
drama to myself. To outsiders, the groundwork had been laid for me
to file for a divorce. And as you know, I did that, but God’s Word
kept coming back to me to forgive. And He helped me to do it.”

Halcyon was half-listening. “I thought I was
ready to move on with Zachary, but maybe I’m not if I’m going to
have a meltdown every time I see Scott. I thought I was restored
and over him…” She ranted until she ran out of steam.

“Okay, here comes some tough love talk. Get
your act together, Halcyon Bridget Holland. You’ve got more going
for you than you ever had. Stop punishing yourself for past
mistakes. Jesus isn’t, so get over it. Unless Scott relocates to
Mars, and as long as you have Jonathan and Ashanti, you are bound
to see him. God will numb those feelings and so will Zachary, if
you let him,” Desi said, then she heard Michael mumble something
before her sister handed the phone over to him.

“Sister-in-law, I don’t know what went down
or what you’ve told my wife, but I did hear my big brother’s name
mentioned. Zachary is the real deal. As far as you’re concerned, he
always will be,” Michael said.

Now on speaker, Halcyon wasn’t surprised when
her sister and Michael began to pray for her. Every poignant word
and petition they put before God on her behalf kept tears parading
down her cheeks.

By the time they said, “Amen,” Halcyon was
drained. After a chorus of ‘I love yous,’ they disconnected. Taking
a deep breath, Halcyon got up and seemed to drag her body up the
stairs to the bathroom where she blew her nose.

Repenting had been the easy part, now it was
the post-sin life that seemed challenging. Desi was right to call
her out in the prayer. She needed to forgive Scott, whether he
asked for it or not.

That’s easier said than done,
the
devil was back.

“Shut up in the name of Jesus,” she rebuked
him and went to bed.

Zachary was concerned when Halcyon skipped church and
wouldn’t take his calls. He wanted to stop by and check on her, but
decided against it. His mission would be to pray and fast, so that
God would completely mend her heart and they could have a future
together.

Still, he was mad at the devil, causing
Halcyon to miss out on a sermon she really needed to hear: Mark
4:5-17, the different types of ground where faith seeds could land.
Satan had stolen the joy she had received. But Zachary was
determined to stick it out with Halcyon until the Word of God was
rooted so deep within her that whenever she encountered Scott, she
wouldn’t be so shaken.

Although Halcyon led people to believe she
was okay, yesterday was proof that her wound was deep and needed a
daily spiritual dressing until she was completely healed. He sent
her a text with words of encouragement and included the Scriptures
from the sermon. Hopefully, she would read his text message and be
soothed by the Word. When she hadn’t responded to his text after a
few hours, Zachary did what a man had to do. He used her daughter
to get through to her mother. He called to speak with Ashanti.

“Hi, Uncle Zach, Mommy didn’t feel like
comin’ to church today, but I read my Bible. Do you know the story
of Noah?” She switched subjects every few sentences so that he had
to concentrate to stay with her. “Mommy says I have to get ready
for bed now. I don’t want to go to bed.” He imagined she was
pouting. He smiled—cute.

“But you’re my princess, and all princesses
have to get their beauty rest, so you do what your mother says,
okay?” he coaxed her to comply.

“Okay. I love you, Uncle Zach.”

“I love you too.” He smiled.

“I still want you to be my daddy. Bye.” She
rushed off the call, disconnecting without Halcyon coming on the
line.

I want to be your daddy, too,
he said
to himself.

The next morning, Zachary was relieved when
Halcyon strutted through the showroom, wearing the blue top he had
bought her. Zachary held back from approaching her as he normally
would have. Watching her, he tried to read her body language.

When Ashanti spotted him, his cover was blown
and she made a beeline toward him. Squatting, he braced for impact.
The hard kiss she landed on his cheek and death lock grip around
his neck made him laugh as he stood and lifted her in the air.

Halcyon was rooted in place, watching him as
he headed her way. “Good morning.” He smiled and she gave him her
own—weak—but still her lips curved upward. “Sleep well?”

“I tried,” she answered and walked away.

The black circles that her makeup couldn’t
hide confirmed it, but there was no way he was going to say
anything about it. Trailing her inside her office, Zachary closed
the door. The children ran immediately to their play area. When
Halcyon made a step toward her desk, Zachary wrapped an arm around
her waist.

Surprisingly, she didn’t protest as she
collapsed against his chest. “Thank you for the Scripture
yesterday. I read it and felt ashamed that I had let God down, and
probably you too,” she looked up at him with soulful eyes.