What He's Been Missing (16 page)

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Authors: Grace Octavia

BOOK: What He's Been Missing
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When it had become obvious that no one in the room knew what to do next and no one was going to clap for my speech on their own, Krista stood up at the receiver and started one of those slow “you made your first and only home run” claps that brings everyone to tears at the end of baseball movies.
First only Scarlet's parents joined in—and I think it was because they wanted to go upstairs. Next was Mrs. Dupree and her flashing camera. Then everyone else slowly caught on.
“Some speech, Rach,” Xavier said, after having walked over to me when people started getting up to head upstairs to get dressed for the evening's festivities.
“Thank you,” I said.
“Great speech, Rachel,” Jennifer said, coming over to get the scoop and be beside Xavier.
He kissed me on the cheek and walked away without hardly looking at her.
“Very—personal,” Jennifer went on. “It reminded me of this one time at—”
Ian's father had pulled Ian and Scarlet into the corner with Pastor Thomas. Ian kept looking over at me and I wanted to wave for him to come and talk to me, but Jennifer was all in my face talking about love and how it can make people feel confused sometimes.
“Jennifer,” I called to stop her from chattering. “I am not confused.”
“You're not? But your speech—”
“You read into it what you wanted to hear,” I said.
“Well, I heard that you are a little infatuated with my friend's future husband—as in tomorrow,” Jennifer snarled in a whisper.
“That's what you heard?”
“Isn't that what you meant?”
“I meant what I meant to say,” I answered.
“So, Rachel,” the matron of honor jumped in, stopping what could've turned ugly—unlike Jennifer, she was clearly already drunk, “you coming out with us later? Bachelorette party! Whoooaaa!”
More people were beginning to leave the room.
Pastor Thomas had taken Ian and Scarlet out into the hallway.
Krista was helping the staff get things in order in the room. In the morning, it would serve as a holding room for VIP guests before the wedding.
“It's going to be a blast. We have six strippers riding with us on the party bus. It's about to be dicks and tricks all night!” She gave icy Jennifer a high five.
“Wow—‘dicks and tricks'?” I said. “You guys sure Scarlet is going to like that? Doesn't exactly sound like her speed.”
“Speed?” she said, laughing. “Oh, you obviously have a lot more to learn. Scar—she's the one who requested the busload of strippers. So, are you down, Rachel?”
“You know, I wish I could, but I have so much work to do tonight.”
“Owwww,” she sighed in fake sadness. Jennifer just rolled her eyes. There was no way they wanted me to come along for the party.
“Yeah, sorry. Krista and I have so many things to get squared away by sunup. I can't leave her on her own.”
When my interrogators left to go up to their rooms to get ready to party, I ran outside to see if I could find Ian, but he was gone.
 
“This is it, Kris. It's over. I've lost.” I was sitting on the second queen-sized bed in Krista's hotel room. I'd lied to the interrogators; Krista didn't need my help. We did have a few last-minute things to handle, but Krista was capable of folding the twenty-two silk handkerchiefs we'd had embroidered with Swarovski crystals in the pattern of my company logo on one end and the Dupree family crest on the other as gifts for the wedding party.
“You can't lose what's meant for you,” Krista said, tossing a folded handkerchief into the basket on the floor between the beds.
“Guess I was wrong, then. Guess Ian isn't meant for me,” I said, tossing another handkerchief into the basket. “It was my last chance at fate. Maybe my real fate is to be alone—always planning a wedding . . . never a bride.”
“Rachel, you'll find someone. I don't care what that old myth says about wedding planners. The man—your dream man—is out there. He'll find you. You're a wonderful woman,” Krista said, and I know she was only trying to comfort me; but due to the present circumstances, it sounded like a bunch of baloney people tell you when you're the last person to cross the finish line.
“There are only so many more times I can stomach hearing that from someone when I'm still single,” I said. “If I'm such a wonderful woman, why aren't I getting married? Why hasn't my dream man come? If I'm so wonderful, why am I all alone? Sitting here in a hotel room talking to you?”
“I didn't think I was such bad company,” Krista said sarcastically.
“If I'm so freaking wonderful why won't the entire universe get behind and support me, even fucking conspire for once in my whole damn life to give me the one thing I want? The one thing I ask for? True love?” I said and tossed the handkerchief I was folding onto the bed beside Krista.
The hotel-room phone rang loudly and boldly on the nightstand. And it wasn't odd for it to ring. The hotel staff was always calling our rooms the night before weddings with final questions and suggestions. Still, for some reason, Krista and I looked at it as if we'd never seen a phone before. Neither one of us moved until the third ring.
“It's probably just the manager,” Krista said, rolling over on her bed to get the phone. “Some of Scarlet's relatives are coming in tonight from Miami. I wanted to make sure they were escorted to dinner.” She picked up the receiver. “Hello?” She nodded. “Yeah. It's me.” She looked at me like it was President Obama on the other line. “No problem. She's right here. Hold on.”
“What? Who is it?” I whispered.
She took the phone from her ear and held her hand over the receiver. “It's Ian. He wants to talk to you.”
“What?” I mouthed.
Krista held the phone out to me as I returned her wide-eyed stare.
“Hello?” I kicked up my voice a few notches, trying not to sound as depressed and dramatic as I had seconds earlier.
“Hey, Rach. What's up? You're not answering your phone.”
“It's on,” I said, walking over to my purse. “Did you call? Need anything?” I pulled the phone from my purse and saw that it was on silent. I'd turned the ringer off at the rehearsal dinner. I had two missed calls and three texts from Ian.
Krista followed me around the room, trying to lean her head into the phone to hear what Ian was saying.
“I want to see you. Tonight. Before I go out with the guys.”
“Tonight?” I repeated, making faces at Krista.
“Yeah, I just want to talk about some stuff that's been on my mind. Some things about us.”
“Us?”
Krista mimicked my wide mouth.
“Yeah. Can you meet meet me?”
“Meet you?” I asked.
“Yeah. At the Pier.”
“Meet you at the Pier?”
“Yeah. At 9:00
PM
.”
“At 9:00
PM
?”
“Work?”
“Works.” If I'd had any urine in my bladder it would've trickled down my leg and hit the floor. I handed Krista the phone and stepped back from her, covering my mouth. I couldn't believe what I'd just heard.
“What was that?” Krista asked after hanging up the phone.
“He wants to talk to me.”
“About what? How did he sound?”
“I don't know. It sounded important,” I said. “It sounds like he wants to talk about us.”
“Really?”
“Well, that's what he said. He wants to talk about us. Something he's been thinking about.” I looked up at the ceiling. “Oh my God! Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Jesus! Finally you conspire to make things go my way.”
“You're going to meet him at the Pier?” Krista asked.
“Yes. He wants to see me before he goes out with the guys.”
“Wow. That's serious.”
“I know! I know! This is it, Krista. I can feel it. He's going to ask me to help him call off the wedding. He's going to say he wants to be with me.”
“Slow it down a little, Rachel. Don't you think you're—”
I cut Krista off. “No. See, you don't understand. You don't know our history. This is just how it goes. How it's always been. We get each other out of trouble. That's why Ian's coming to me. I'm sure. There's no way he can stop this on his own. He needs me.”
“Well, I can't tell you what you already know,” Krista pointed out. “But I can say this: take your time. Remember what Journey told you—you can't go telling Ian how you feel about him until you're sure how he feels about you. You have to listen. You have to wait. Wait until you're sure.”
 
The pier was alive at sunset. A crowd of tourists had gathered around a small street corner band. They were dancing and marching, tossing dollars into the open instrument cases as the music took hold of their souls, blessing them with freedom for a little while. The best of New Orleans was always in the street. Most people called it a party town, but that wasn't what it was about. It was a place to be yourself. To forget your trouble and pain. To be a toddler again. A human spirit in a wasting vessel unfettered by what was expected and accepted. The tools to get you there were dance and liquor and music and magic.
I walked around the crowd looking for Ian, but I couldn't find him.
I kept passing the same homeless lady rattling coins in the same old tin cup.
“Hey! You're here.”
I turned to see Ian about to tap me on the shoulder.
“Of course. I came right away,” I said.
“I'm sorry if I disturbed you guys. I was just thinking about some things and I wanted to see you. Kind of like to talk to you.”
“It's no problem. You're fine. Krista's quite capable of handling everything else.”
“I know. That's why I was wondering why you didn't go out with the other girls.”
“Not exactly my cup of tea. And I'm sure Scarlet wasn't too upset I stayed behind. She probably didn't want me peeking over her shoulder all night.”
“True. Well, the invitation is still open. You can come kick it with me and the fellas if you want.”
“Really?” I squinted my eyes at him and laughed.
“OK, maybe not,” Ian admitted.
“Yeah, my presence alone would kind of ruin the entire concept of it being a bachelor party. For some reason the men find it hard to objectify women when women they know are around.”
Ian took my hand and we walked to the back of the crowd where there were a few benches and it was less noisy.
“So this is it. My last night of freedom,” Ian said, pointing out a bench for us to sit on. “Tomorrow, I'll be someone's husband.”
“Woo-hoo. “I shook an imaginary pompon in my hand and sat down beside him.
“And it's funny because with all this future talk going on, all I can think about is my past.”
“What about it?”
“Just old times. About us.”
“What?” I asked. “What about us?”
“I don't know. My mom was kind of getting into my head at the rehearsal. All that talk about you and me making the perfect couple.”
“She was just saying that to be mean to Scarlet.”
“I know, but that didn't make it false,” Ian said. “You ever wonder why we didn't ever get together?”
“Yeah. All the time.”
“We're just alike—you and me. When I'm with you, it's like I'm all alone.”
“Um . . . is that supposed to be a compliment?” I asked, rolling my eyes.
“Yes, crazy. I mean, like I don't have to work to be around you. I'm just chilling. I know what you need. You know what I need. There's no mystery.”
“Yeah. That's how I feel, too.”
“Shit can get difficult with Scarlet sometimes. She's so young acting. It's like we don't connect. I love her, but sometimes I feel like she might wear me out before I can wear her down. I don't have to worry about that with you. You're my equal,” he said and all I could think of was what Journey had said online about the right time. “Rachel, there's something I want to say to you. And I don't know how. Really how to find the right words.”
“Don't marry her, Ian.”
“What?”
“Don't marry Scarlet. I know what you're about to say and I want to say that I feel the same way. I love you, too. You're the man of my dreams. The man who loves music and art. The man who respects the spirit world. And I don't want to lose you. I don't want you to marry Scarlet tomorrow. Because I love you and I want you to marry me.“

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