What Love Has Lost (17 page)

"Uh, I guess?" I murmured.

"Well, you two should get on with that speech! I can't wait to hear it for our special night!" Grady sang, while galloping away from our sight. Nathan and I scoffed. Was this a new chapter of ours? We fight; and then we make up? This was surreal. Life was surely weird at times.

"So, we should probably..." Nathan continued, but I stopped him.

"Uh, Rhiannon invited me to go shopping with her. Maybe we should write the speech, when I come back?" I asked. He shook his head, robustly. My mouth formed an 'O' shape, notifying that I understood what he was intending.

"Well, I guess I should see you at the dinner rehearsal?" I asked, again.

He nodded. "Yeah, I'll see you there. And I'll save you a seat."

I smiled. In some form of our bonding, I was happy, for once. He actually made me smile. There was no argument. There was no right diverting from wrong. There was no war between us, just serenity. There was peace. There was negotiation. However, I enjoyed this moment. Now, I knew that many people expected to see two people, kissing in the end, but this wasn't one of those times.

While waiting for Rhiannon to finish getting ready, she grabbed the car keys and said, "Ready?"

♠♣♥♦

"You and Nathan finally getting along?" she questioned. We finished our shopping, so we decided to stop and eat. We discussed about the dinner rehearsal (well, I've tried, but Rhiannon tried to distract the concept). Actually, she wanted to focus the attention to me, since she insisted because she'll be receiving lots of focus for tonight.

This was something that I truly missed. I missed girl time with Rhiannon. It's been a month since I've had something released.

"Strangely, yes, but I like it." I smiled, reassuring her.

"Are you happy?" she asked, while she twirled her straw. Gazing into her brown eyes, I stiffly nodded. "You sound unsure, Inn. What's the real truth?"

"It's not that I'm not happy... It's just..." then she cut me off.

"It's that you're in love with him, but you don't want to be the first one to tell him because he'll think that you're devastated or desperate, whichever is less painful." She filled in. I stared at her for a couple of minutes. No, I wasn't angered. I wasn't annoyed. I wasn't ignorant. I was shocked, really. I was astonished that she, out of all people, realized the truth.

I stuttered. "Ever since the day he took us to that secluded area, I've always wondered what was bothering him. Ever since the day we went to that karaoke bar, he kissed me in front of the crowd. He kissed me in front of Hattie, when Hattie kissed Nathan, but that was a forceful kiss, and..." I looked up, watching Rhiannon getting all teary eyed.

"Go to him!" it wasn't a choice - it was a commandment.

"Are you crazy? I can't just leave you here." I strained. She just rolled her eyes.

"Woman, I'm getting married and I know what love truly is. What love has lost between you and Nathan - it's there, honey. Trust me, you guys still have those same feelings; those same emotions; everything. Whatever happened that summer, it's real. You two are stubborn to realize." She clarified.

Repeating those words that escaped Rhiannon's mouth, I realized that she could be right. What if Nathan still loved me, but I was too stubborn to accept it. Maybe I still had those same emotions towards him, but I was too ignorant to let them show. Now, I swallowed guilt and pride.

"Rhiannon, I'll tell him," I paused. "I'll tell him tonight."

♠♣♥♦

Tonight was the night of Rhiannon and Grady's dinner rehearsal. It was the day before the wedding. I couldn't believe it myself, but I was proud that they were getting married. All I wanted for the both of them was happiness. I wanted them to enjoy their company as they continued to share their lives, together. I wouldn't be surprised that they would start a family, soon.

"Oh my god," Rhiannon squealed. "I just got a call from the caterer, and he said that he forgot to order the lobster! The dinner rehearsal is going to start in an hour, and they didn't even bother getting the fucking lobster!"

"Calm down, honey." Grady soothed, grasping his hands onto her shoulders.

"Why should I? Oh god, my parents are coming from their third home in China. Grady's mother will be there. Oh, this woman from my work will be there, which she's a total bitch. My boss might show up. Oh, I hope she shows up! I think all my cousins will be there. Grady's family will be there. Oh, the best man and the maid of honor will announce their speech!" she continued.

"Rhiannon, chill," I stopped her from going any further. Honestly, I couldn't watch my best friend go all 'freak-out' mode. "Everything will be fine. You have everything in handled. I'll call another caterer to order the lobster. You just need to take care of yourself. It's your night."

"Ahem," Grady clears his throat, forcefully.

"Yeah, it's yours too, but not everything revolves around you!"

"You're mean," Grady grumbled.

Ignoring him, I paced towards my bedroom. I watched Nate, staring at his reflection while he was tying his tie. I leaned against the door pane. "How long have you been standing there?" he asked, not looking at me.

"Not long," I grinned. I watched him finished as he started walking towards me. The same heat between us started burning brighter. I wanted to wither it away, but it was tempting to let those feelings dissipate. I wanted those feelings to linger, no matter how tough it was for me to refrain.

Slowly, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. "You should knock."

"Hmm, but the door was open." I chuckled. My eyes wondered from my room to his eyes. His emerald eyes glowed. The colour was different. I haven't seen this side of him in years. It was comforting. However, Nathan was a million things: complicated, witty, egotistic, sweet, caring, and so much more. I wanted to see the real him, which was everything. Honestly, he completed me. I wasn't so sure, if that could happen again.

Silence broke in between us. "We should finish writing the speech." I whispered.

"Actually, I just finished it." Nathan smirked. My eyes widened.

"You did, without me?" I questioned. "Oh god, let me see it!"

"Relax," Nathan soothed. "You'll love it, trust me."

How could I trust you? Well, he could be right. Everything would be fine.

♠♣♥♦

Clink. Clink. Clink.

The noise silenced the atmosphere, where everyone focused his or her attention to the person. The ballroom was elegant. It had lights surrounding the room. It had white, round tables, filling most of the floors. It had those wooden stairs, which separated the room. It complimented the room, too.

Rhiannon looked so gorgeous with her champagne dress. She had her hair all up in tight curls. Some of the pieces of her hair were loose in the front, but she still looked a superstar. She deserved to make this night perfect.

Her family was here. I saw Mr. and Mrs. Evers. They looked clean and ravishing as well. I saw Grady's mother, Stephanie. She looked gorgeous, even though she was in her late forties. It was sad that his father couldn't appear on the night of his big event. I saw some relatives, who attended as I never saw them before. I was pleased to see them tonight.

Nathan stood up, in front of the crowd. I was there, sitting next to him.

Before he started on his speech, he cleared his throat as he unfolded a piece of paper. Reading the black font, he proceeded. "Welcome, everyone. We invite you to celebrate the newlyweds. Actually, the future newlyweds." He inserted as everyone chuckled.

"Love and happiness: it's what everyone wants in the world, but what they don't know is how love and happiness works. Love works in the mysterious ways. It sometimes frustrates you. It can make you feel important. It can make you feel secure. It can also drive you crazy." They all laughed as he winked at me.

Where was he going with this?

"Love is important to us. It expresses everything. It's part of emotion and life. It's powerful. We shouldn't mess with love. Love can hurt you as well." The room became more silent. He glanced at my direction. "Love cannot come without happiness. Happiness isn't forever, but if you have love, faith, and other things into it, then love will be there forever. Love is eternal. What I want to share with you, ladies and gentlemen, is that love and happiness - you should cherish it."

The room became still. It became quiet as his words became meaningful. Suddenly, he wadded the paper and tossed it to the side. "I fell in love, with an amazing girl. Honestly, she was my first love. I knew that I made the worst mistake when I showed up at her doorstep." He whispered, not making eye contact to the audience. Slowly, he glanced up.

"I was wrong. I thought that letting her go would solve everything, but I was angry. I wasn't angry at her. I was angry at myself. She didn't do any harm. It was my fault, and I should take the blame. She made life more meaningful. She was funny and smart. She was free and spirited. She was an amazing girl, with beautiful brown eyes."

I watched the audience sat there with small smiles plastered across their faces.

"Four years ago, I've met her at a football game. Yes, we were crazy kids, but we were crazy kids in love." He paused and looked at me. What the fuck?

"Aw," the audience chimed.

"I'm sorry for all the pain that I caused you. I'm sorry for everything that you've been through. I'm sorry that I messed everything up. However, I understand that you can never forgive me. I don't expect for you to forgive me." He whispered the last sentence.

"Yes, love can be very mysterious. Love also can hurt you. You can lose a loved one: a soul mate or a relative. However, you shouldn't mess with love. You should cherish it, while you still have it. You don't want to lose it. I certainly lost my chance whenever I screwed everything up. I didn't lose my love towards Inna, but I've lost the love of being myself." He paused. Everything in the room fell silent. "To the bride and groom." He proposed, raising his glass.

"To the bride and groom," the audience repeated.

Suddenly, I watch Nathan exiting the room. Somehow, I followed him.

My short legs tried catching up to him. It was too bad that he was six feet tall, and I was only five feet and five inches. "Nate," I called. He ignored me. Giving up with the fast pace, I took my shoes off and ran towards him. "Nate!" I repeated, but I called his name louder than the last time.

He slowly turned around. "What do you want?" he asked, calmly.

"Your speech... Why?"

He shook his head. "I can't believe that the first thing that came out of your mouth was, 'Why?'."

Crossing my arms across my chest, I've waited.

"You know that I poured my heart into that speech."

"And you had to remind me. Remind me of everything I've been through." I cried.

He exhaled, being exasperated. "Forget about the pain that I gave you! None of those memories mattered because I still love you!"

He... what?

Chapter Sixteen

Run Away With Me

Is this my imagination? Does Nathan really say that he loves me? What shall I say? Numerous of questions shackles through my mind, but honestly, I'm not sure if I want to say those three words to him. Do I still love him? My heart starts to ache, wondering what I shall say next.

"Inna," he asks. I stare at him, not responding. "Run away with me. We'll start a life together. I want you to be with me." He breathes, coming closer to me. Heat starts to increase as my eyes flicker to his. Our eyes burn into passion, but mine seems to be confused.

"I want us to start a family. Marry me, Inna." He states.

Is he dead serious?

"I know that I'm asking for much, but I'm not making the same mistakes, not anymore. I don't care if your parents doesn't approve much of me. I still love you. I want to be with you. I want to grow old with you, see our children grow up as they start developing family of their own. I want us to raise grandchildren. I know that you and I discussed about sharing a life together, but I want to keep this promise." He presses his lips together. I stand there, waiting for him to proceed.

"Inna," he whispers, inching closer as our bodies almost touches each other. He places his hand, gently, onto my chin. "Please, will you accept these offers I am asking you?"

Inching closer to my face, my face reddens. Trying to swallow everything that he has said tonight, this is all surreal. It's too much for me to handle. What will I say? I don't know if I shall say 'yes' to him. What if he breaks his promise and hurts me again? I'm too afraid to deal with his shit again. I'm tired of crying about him.

I inhale. "Nate, I don't know. This is too much." I pause. Looking into his eyes, he seems lost.

"What are you saying? Are you denying my offer?" he asks. I shake my head.

"I'm confused. You've hurt me before. Chances are that you can do it again."

He interrupts. "I promise in my heart, I will try my best not to hurt you, ever again."

"But," I chew onto my lower lip. "Actions speak louder than words. You cared so much about what my parents think of you. My parents are nothing compared to me. They aren't the ones who make the decision to fall in love with you. I'm the one who fell in love with you. Yet, family is very important. You're family seems wonderful. I love Alyce, as my own sister." I pause.

Nathan stands before me, waiting patiently. "Come with me." He commands.

Absentmindedly, he grabs my hand as I follow him. We stop in front of a motorcycle. A small smile forms across my face. What is he up to now? "Why are we stopping in front of a motorcycle?" I ask, gazing into Nate's emerald eyes.

Nathan doesn't reply, but he kisses me. It's just a simple, passionate kiss on the lips. His peppermint scene lingers onto my lips. I taste him. I reminisce the moment, his scene, and everything about him. Truthfully, I want to tell him that I love him as well. For God knows, Nathan is the only person whom I still care and love. Yes, I am in love with Nathan Leo Hampton.