What Love Has Lost (2 page)

"C'mon, I have something to show you." Nate whispered and dragged me somewhere, as we both start laughing as we were running. Nathan always surprised me. He was very unpredictable, and that was why I loved him.

Unfortunately, I didn't want our relationship to end, but it did, eventually.

During the second week of July, Nathan persuaded me for him to meet my parents, since he promised that I would meet his. I agreed, and then I talked to my parents during our supper. Sure, my parents were suspicious of me. They always asked about my personal life. It was difficult for me to carry an emotional conversation with them.

"Can I tell you both something?" I asked my parents and Ivy. They all looked at me, waiting for me to proceed. "Um, there's this boy that I've been dating...and I was wondering if he could come over..." However, my mother interrupted.

"No, and that is final." She declared. My father nodded his head, as an agreement with my own mother.

"You don't know him like I do. Just give him a chance!" I proclaimed.

"I don't want to meet him, and that is final. Drop it!" she barked. Without saying another word, I dropped my fork and ran towards my room, locking myself in and never wanting to speak to them, ever again. How could they? How could my parents force me into something that they don't want me to have?

♠♣♥♦

I was never the crier. I cried so much that night. Nathan called me so many times, as I told him that my parents didn't want anything to do with him. My parents grounded me for not leaving the house, nor using my cell phone. I was utterly pissed. Then, one day, Nathan showed up at my doorstep. Thankfully, my parents and Ivy were away.

"Hey," he said, frowning.

"Hi," I said as I closed my eyes, holding back tears.

"We need to talk..." he trailed. I bit my bottom lip. I knew where this was coming. "Look, Inna," but I intervened.

"No, there's no need to explain. I know what's best for the both of us. I completely understand." I paused as I inhaled deeply. I didn't want for us to end this way, but eventually, I thought it would be best. "We could stay as friends, and friends, only, if you're okay with it."

He nodded as an agreement. I inhaled again, trying not to let tears fall out. He leaned closer to me as he cupped his hand on my face. He whispered, "I'm so sorry..."

His voice echoed inside my head. Suddenly, he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "Bye..."

"Bye," I whispered, as I quickly shut the door before letting him see me, weeping.

Thus, this came to my conclusion: LOVE SUCKS!

Chapter Two

Nice Day for a White Wedding

No matter how many times I say to myself, I still adore weddings. In my mind, I dream of getting married in the church. Yes, I come from a religious family, since I'm from the South and live in a county. I imagine myself wearing a long wedding gown, with a train and a veil.

I imagine all my friends and family as they watch me walk down the aisle. I can picture myself, staring at the smiling faces of each loved one in each pew. The last person, who I expect to see, is the groom. However, in my mind, I can vaguely picture him.

Sometimes, I picture Nathan as the groom, standing there with his adorable smile, but I know that deep down, he doesn't want me, anymore. Other times, I can just picture a mysterious man.

No matter how many times I recap the memories I had with him, there's still a piece of him that still lingers inside me. Why do my parents have to ruin everything for me? I'm an honor's kid. I plan to have a great future, with a stable career, a husband, and family to raise, but what do they want?

It seems that my parents want to ruin my dreams!

Nathan wanted nothing, but to meet my parents and establish a good relationship with them. Is it so much to ask? Sometimes, I just want to yell at them for some reckless misunderstanding.

"So, what do you think about the dress?" my friend, Rhiannon, asks me, knowing that her voice lingers around the atmosphere. "Inna...? INNA!" she finally caught my attention.

"What?" I ask, out of daze.

"It seems like you weren't paying any attention to me, so I had to yell at you to get you to focus." Rhiannon exasperates, placing both her hands on each of her side.

I shake my head, vigorously. "I'm so sorry, Rhi. I was zoning, out, that's all."

Rhiannon steps down the pedestal and walks towards me, as she places both her hands onto my shoulders. "Inna, you're like my sister. You can tell me anything. Say, what was on your mind, anyways?" she wiggles her eyebrows. I chuckle, biting onto my lower lip.

"Today shouldn't be about me. We are gown shopping for your wedding!" I exclaim, clasping my hands together.

She just rolls her eyes. "It's obvious that you were thinking about something...or someone." She sings and prances around with the wedding gown. Lord knows that she may rip the dress, and I will be the one laughing.

"I'm not!" I squeak. Yeah, Rhi has a knack for knowing when I'm fibbing. Quickly, I clasp my hands onto my mouth, praying that she hasn't noticed.

"You're lying, Inn. I know you so well." She pauses and starts walking around me, acting like she's in those mystery movies. "Are you thinking about Nathan Hampton, again?"

I stiffly shake my head. Honestly, lying is not my expertise.

She cocks an eyebrow. "Inn, it's been four years! He dumped you."

"Actually, we broke up with each other..." I say, hoarsely. Talking about Nathan is the hardest thing I can deal. He's my first love. I haven't been dating anyone after Nathan. I'm not so positive if I ever would. Everyone has been telling me that I should see other people; however, it's not easy for me.

What if I end up hurt again, like what Nate did to me four years ago?

What if someone shows up at my doorstep and says, "I don't want you, anymore"?

Rhiannon and I sit down on those plushy, ugly looking chairs. "It's been four years, and you're still holding onto him? He probably is dating someone right now. Besides, you're nineteen and you need to go out and explore! Be that random, funny girl again!" Rhiannon cheers.

A small smile slowly forms across my face. "You're right." I sigh as I get out of my seat. "Enough about me, let's go find you a perfect dress, so your groom will be stunned."

Surprising to say, but Rhiannon and Grady are engaged. Yes, they are getting married to each other. It's funny that two of my best friends are getting married, and I'm the maid of honor. I feel like the third wheel, because they have their successful conclusions. I don't.

I'm not positive if I will ever have my happy ending. I always contemplate about my future husband. Of course, four years ago, I wish for Nathan Hampton to be my husband. I see him as my husband. He loves kids. He loves animals. He even owns a dog, Goldie.

I'm a total dog lover. I wish I can have a dog, but my parents are so strict of keeping animals in the house.

My parents are dictators in the house. For example, whatever my mother says, my father follows. It's like my mother is Adolf Hitler and my father is Eva Braun.

Ivy is highly allergic to pet fur. I guess that's another reason why we keep no pets in the house.

I also love kids. I plan having two or three kids, tops. Nathan wants to have five or six of them. I guess he's very active of us having sex all the time, after marriage. It makes me giggle to think about sex. I sound so innocent, but I already lost my virginity to someone, four years ago.

June 29, 2008

"I don't want to go back home. I want to stay here, with you." I complain, leaning onto Nate's shoulder as he and I both are enjoying the miraculous view.

Nathan presses his lips upon the top of my head. I pivot my head and look at Nate straight into his emerald eyes. They look brighter. "We don't have to rush, babe. We can stay here as long as you want."

"My parents are probably expecting me. I forgot to bring my cell phone, in case of emergencies." I scoff, shaking my head. "I probably would end up dead when I get home."

"Not when I'm around, I won't let anyone hurt you." Nathan whispered in my ear, as he kisses on my forehead.

"Promise?" I ask, gazing into his gorgeous emerald eyes. "Will you promise to never hurt me?"

Nathan stares at me for a while. He inhaled before answering. "I promise."

A smile creeps upon my face, as my pupils light up. "Thank you."

Nathan leans closer to me and gently places a kiss upon my lips. He keeps repeating those short kisses upon my lips, but he lets them linger, making me want more.

"Do you remember about that question you asked me?" I slowly remind him.

He seems complacent. "What question?"

"You know, about us having sex?" He backs away and speculates me. I frown, wanting to know whatever is on his mind. He always asks me what's on my mind.

"Do you really want to do this? We don't have to, because I don't want to force you..." I interrupt, placing cold hands onto his warm one.

"No, I think we should!" I think I came onto him too strongly. "It's perfect. Everything is perfect: the scenery, the setting, the time. It's just me and you, spending our anniversary together." I slowly bite on my lower lip, wondering what's floating inside his head.

Nathan quickens his breathing. "Are you sure?"

I don't respond. Instead, I scoot closer to him, kissing him. Heat starts building in between us. I'm sure that I'm ready to share everything with him. He rapidly responds. His hands start exploring my petite figure. It's a good thing that I run every day.

"Inn, we should take this inside." Nathan suggests. I nodded, vigorously. I keep kissing him as he slowly picks me up, bridal style. I gasp, as I let out a giggle and continue kissing him, loving him. As we went inside, he slowly places me onto the comfortable king-size bed and start proceeding to make love for the first time.

♠♣♥♦

That's how I first lost my virginity. I don't want to go into further details because I know that everyone knows about the 'birds and the bees' talk. Anyways, I sometimes think if losing my virginity to Nathan is a mistake. In conclusion, he is my first love, so I don't really think it's a mistake. Maybe bad luck because my parents don't want any part of me being with him.

I don't know. All I know is that he and I are not together, anymore.

Back to reality, Rhiannon and I finish dress shopping and decide to eat at a fancy restaurant. Of course, I insist to pay for the both of us. Rhiannon comes from a rich family, and so do I. Rhiannon tells me that her parents are not so pleased to have Grady Christopher to be in the family, since he is poor.

If Grady makes Rhiannon happy, then that's all that matters, right?

Nathan made me happy, and then I don't deserve to be happy? My life must be very twisted!

Rhiannon and I orders from the menu, as the waiter starts jotting them down onto a notepad. He smiles and takes the menus from our hands. Suddenly, Rhiannon bats her eyes, while she folds her hands horizontally, just below her chin.

"So, that waiter was definitely starring at you!" Rhiannon squeals. My eyes widen.

"Shush," I caution. "I don't want to flirt with the waiter, especially his working hours!"

"C'mon, live a little, Inn! It's not like you had sex before, am I right?"

Oh shit, I forgot to mention that to her.

I sulk downwards in my seat. I wish this seat could just swallow me whole, so Rhi won't find out about the truth. Rhiannon's laughter slowly quits. Then, her face becomes more serious. I start feeling sheepish and embarrassed. I let out a nervous chuckle.

"You didn't have sex, have you?" Rhiannon asks, curiously. What do I say next? Do I lie to her? Of course, I can't lie worth a flip!

"Uh, about that..." I stutter, trying to create a diversion so Rhiannon can skip to another subject. "Oh, look at this! They have this new desert, where they come in mini shots. I think that is so adorable!" I hope she bought it.

I smile, sheepishly. She gives me a serious look, as her eyes are giving me daggers. Ugh, why don't I just confess her the truth? I exhaled, giving her a sign that I surrender. "Fine, I lost my virginity, one summer."

Her eyes widen. "No fucking way, with who?" she exclaims.

"Um, you're going to hate me for this, but it was with Nate..."

Rhiannon always loathes Nathan. I'm not certain, but she does!

"Rhi, please don't be mad at me." I confess.

"What the fuck were you thinking, Inna?" she practically increases her volume as she continues lecturing at me. I feel ashamed for having Rhiannon around in public. She knows how to embarrass people. "You don't know what Nathan has! He could've given you STDs or something! Besides, you met him over the summer as he stayed in this town for one month! You barely know the guy!"

I want to shout at her, letting her know that she's wrong. However, I catch myself before going any further and completely embarrass ourselves in a fancy restaurant.

"Weren't you aware of what Nathan could possibly have?" Rhiannon persists, trying to prove me guilty. Obviously, this pisses Rhi off, but I don't know what a good reason is for her to hate the boy, so much. "Did you even use protection?" Rhiannon continues.

"Okay, Rhi, you're taking this way out of proportion!" I object, slamming my hands onto the wooden table. "It happened four years ago. It's already done. You don't have to go all Mother Teresa on me."

Rhiannon presses the bridge of her nose, while closing her eyes. Sighing, she adds, "If I see that bastard, I'll cut him." She finishes.

"Rhi, you're being irrational."

"Oh, am I? Well, I will. Swear it on my grave, Inna." Rhiannon gives me a serious look. I don't bother to argue further with Rhiannon. Situations like these, well, Rhiannon hates losing to an arguement. Well, so do I, but I'm the type of person who doesn't want to cave into drama. Kayla has already made my high school life a living hell. I was always her shadow. Therefore, I stopped becoming her friend, because she just adores the attention and drama. She also loved making my life a living hell.