What Matters Most (3 page)

“Josh, look at me.”

Josh flinched at the touch to his cheek, not in fear, but in surprise. He hadn’t been expecting the soft caress or the compassion he heard in Evan’s voice. His eyes were burning, threatening to spill embarrassing tears onto his cheeks. Josh shook his head and swallowed noisily as he fought back the urge to cry. “How did you know?” he asked, his voice cracking.

After Evan had ripped him a new one, he and Josh had never discussed any of it again.

“Look at me,” Evan demanded, and this time Josh couldn’t help but obey. Evan’s

cheeks were streaked with tears, his big body trembling. “He was bragging, down at Mickey’s bar. It was just dumb luck that Vinnie Shaw heard him going on about how easy it was to seduce the new kid working for him. Vinnie called me the next day to warn me, once he woke up from his drunk stupor. I could have killed him for not telling me immediately. If I’d been too late…” Evan’s lips twisted into a grimace, his eyes darkening with the fury Josh could feel emanating from him.

Even after years of resentment, Josh couldn’t bear to see Evan looking so pained, so consumed with rage. “But you weren’t too late, and I never thanked you for that. I’m thanking you now.” And Josh felt something inside him snap, like a tree split by lightning.

Years of anger and hurt bled from him, seeping silently from his soul. “I got so used to being mad at you for it, even when I finally realised you were right, I didn’t know how to let go of everything, how to get passed it. I was so used to being angry, I didn’t know any other way to be with you.”

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“Josh, I never meant for you to be hurt. That’s what I was trying to prevent.” Evan dropped back into his chair, all the energy seeming to drain from him in an instant. “I was just trying to keep you safe.”

Josh nodded as he clenched his thighs again. “I know that, I do. But as a kid, I thought you’d taken away my only shot at true love. No one wants to believe they were a victim, a game to some sick fuck. And then it always seemed to be hanging over my head, this big secret you could use against me at any time. You didn’t tell Justin.”

Evan’s eyes widened as he slapped the table again. “Because he would have killed that bastard! It wouldn’t have mattered if he touched you or not, the intention was there, and that would have been enough to set Justin off!”

“Yeah,” Josh acknowledged. He could see that, now. “But I was a kid who thought he was being punished for loving someone, and the fact you never told Justin made it seem like a threat that you
would
tell him—and”—Josh hesitated, unsure if he should add the rest.
Best
to get it all out.
He hoped Evan would understand—“it made it impossible for me to talk to Justin about it, because then he’d be mad at you, too. I couldn’t, even though I thought I hated you, do something that would possibly break you two up, not when I knew the way y’all felt about each other.”

Evan was so still Josh thought he might not be breathing. The other man’s skin had lightened a few shades, his eyes widened with what Josh guessed was shock, his mouth dropped open. Evan swiped at the moisture on his cheeks as he stared at Josh. “I didn’t know I’d done that,” Evan whispered, sounding shattered. “I didn’t mean to put it between you and Justin. I only meant to keep you both safe.”

“I know, but it was another reason why I was so angry all these years.” Josh reached across the table and held Evan’s hand between both of his own. “Justin is my brother, and once I started to understand how wrong it was of Za—for an adult to do that, I wanted my brother’s shoulder, ass chewing and all, but I was afraid to say anything. I could have talked to you then—”

“No,” Evan snapped, shaking his head hard enough Josh feared he’d knock something vital loose. “I shouldn’t have kept it from Justin. I should have trusted him to show some restraint—”

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Josh cut the other man off with a loud snort. “Justin would have been in prison, and you know it. I understand why you didn’t tell him, now. Years ago, though, I was just a lost, hurt kid who couldn’t see past his own needs and desires.”

A determined expression formed on Evan’s face. “I won’t let this set between you two anymore.”

Josh let go of Evan’s hand.
Oh fuck! This would be bad!
Josh lurched from his chair the same time Evan did. “Don’t!” He sprinted around the table and tried to tackle the bigger man as Evan headed for the door. “Evan, don’t! Telling him now won’t help anything, he’ll only be angry at you for keeping it from him all this time!” And he’d be angry at Josh, but it wasn’t like Justin would break up with Josh and stop being his brother. This, though, Justin might very well see as a betrayal by his lover…one of his lovers, Josh corrected.

Fear-fuelled desperation scorched Josh as he tried to cling to Evan. “Don’t do this, it won’t make anything better. Please—” Josh grunted as Evan twisted around and pried him off his back.

Evan looked at him with so much pain in his wide eyes that Josh’s heart pinched. “No.

You should be able to talk to him about this. I fucked up, and the consequences of that are mine to deal with.” Evan gave Josh a little push backwards, enough so Josh stumbled and had to catch himself on the couch. And enough that Evan slipped out the front door before Josh could right himself.

Josh stared at the closed door and contemplated running after Evan. The sound of heavy footsteps on the pavement stopped him. There was no way he could catch the man now.

“Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck!” Josh pivoted on his heel and ran for his bedroom. Evan was making a mistake, a huge one which could cost them all someone they loved. Josh did love Evan, the man was like another brother, one that Josh hadn’t got along with, but that was his own fault. Justin’s temper could be…explosive, and he could be mean when he lost control.

Josh knew his fear that Justin would say something he’d regret was well founded. Justin loved Evan, but he also demanded honesty and trust, and both Evan and Josh had violated that by keeping their silence.

Josh was just afraid the price Evan would pay would be far greater than the man

imagined.

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Josh wasn’t exactly uncoordinated, but toss in a batch of sheer panic and evidently he became a bumbling idiot. He tripped over his work shoes and proceeded to fall halfway across the bedroom, finally landing with a bone-jarring thud. His chin smacked the floor hard enough to send shards of pain screaming along his jaw and all the way around to the back of his head. Blood pooled in his mouth and he gagged, dimly realising he’d bitten his tongue.

“Ffthuck!” Josh shoved himself up to his hands and knees. His head spun like he’d stood too quickly, and his vision swam with specks of black and grey. He’d been panicked…

“Ffthuck!” Blood and spit dribbled down his chin as the conversation with Evan slammed into his head. Forget being dizzy, he had to hurry up and stop Evan from making a huge mistake.

Josh crawled to the bed and swiped at the goop on his chin with the edge of the

blanket. The darker pink mix of blood and saliva looked kind of pretty on the hot pink material. Slapping one hand around on the floor, he found his clogs. Ugliest shoes on the planet, possibly, but damned comfortable. Josh rolled over onto his butt and slid the shoes onto his feet. He scooted up the side of the bed and stood for a long moment until he was somewhat certain his legs would hold him.

Spotting his cell phone on the nightstand, he carefully edged over and picked it up.

More blood gathered in his mouth. Josh tried not to think about it as he stumbled towards the bathroom. He set the phone on the toilet tank then clenched his fingers around the lip of the sink and stuck out his tongue, blanching when more pink tinged liquid ran down his chin.

Giving up on seeing the damage just then, Josh let go of the sink, leaning his hips against it as he turned the water on with one hand and grabbed the towel off the bar with the other. He scooped some water up and rinsed his mouth then spat the nasty mix out before repeating another two times. The coppery taste was much less discernible now. Josh stuck out his tongue and breathed a sigh of relief. The bite was small but deep. Stitches wouldn’t WHAT MATTERS MOST

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be necessary—this time. They had been when he’d tumbled off the first horse he’d ridden, and it had sucked giant toad nuts.

Josh rinsed once more then snatched up the cell phone and scurried from the

bathroom as he punched the button to call Annabelle.

“Keyths,” Josh mumbled. Where the hell had Evan put the keys? Not the table, he

would have seen them there. Josh spotted them on the slab of wafer wood setting on two milk crates that Josh called a coffee table. He grabbed them just as Annabelle, sounding satiated and drowsy, answered her phone.

“Stop Evan!” Josh shouted, rolling his eyes when it came out like ‘Schthop Ewan’

instead.

“What? Joshie, are you drunk?”

“No!” Josh opened the front door and slammed it hard enough to rattle the hinges. He ran towards the steps and hoped he’d locked the stupid door. If he hadn’t, well, any burglars better love hot pink, or else they wouldn’t be stealing much. Josh concentrated on not doing a nose dive down the cement stairs and trying to talk clearly. Too slowly for his panicking self, he got out, “Bit my thongue. Shtop Evan before he makesh a big mishtake. Wait for me, make him wait for me!”

Josh was screeching by the last sentence. Annabelle stuttered that she’d do what he asked before she cursed and informed him that whatever shit was going down, she would put a stop to it. That she didn’t grill him any more before she hung up made Josh feel a tad better. Annabelle was strong, and she could be meaner than a pms-ing badger, if those things even did pms.

Still. Josh wished he was that brave. He was so scared of the fight he was sure was coming once he reached his brother’s place that he didn’t even notice the big man in the parking lot leaning against his car until Josh almost collided with him. He stopped so suddenly he started to tip forward. Strong hands caught him and pulled him against a broad, firm chest before spinning him around and pressing his back to the car.

Josh knew those hands, that chest, the woodsy smoky scent that filled his nostrils.

And, fuckitall, now was
not
the time for this! He shoved at the broad shoulders, jabbing the point of his car key into one hard enough to draw a grunt from the bigger man.

“Let me go, athhole,” Josh snarled, thinking he sounded like a total idiot. His arms were released only long enough for the other man to grab his wrists and pin them behind his WHAT MATTERS MOST

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back. A small struggle ensued that ended with both of Josh’s wrists trapped in one of the man’s big hands. He shuddered as his legs were pinned between the bigger man’s thicker ones. God, it was like one of his favourite fantasies, except for the fact his fantasy man wasn’t a gaping asshole and Josh wasn’t on the verge of a nervous breakdown because the only family he’d ever known was, quite possibly, about to implode. Josh tried to twist, kick, wiggle, bite—that last one got him a hard slap on his ass, another fantasy but that just wasn’t working for him right now.

“Cut it out before I turn you over my knee,” the man rumbled in a deep voice that had haunted Josh since the night he’d kneed Nick in the balls at the Xxchange. His cell phone clattered to the ground when the hand gripping that wrist squeezed tight enough to grind his bones together. He tried to pull away when his chin was cupped, but it was useless. Pain spread from the tight grip, and Josh grunted as his heart pounded like a jackhammer in his chest.

“Your boyfriend knock the shit outta you?”

Josh glared up at the bigger man through slitted lids. He couldn’t make out the guy’s features, but when had he ever been able to? Nick, creature of the dark, that’s how he was going to think of the jerk from now on. Oh, and he’d tack on psycho stalker, too.

“Lemme go, dickhead,” Josh spat out, and was relieved the words were relatively

understandable. The hand holding his chin tightened and Josh couldn’t hold back a pained cry.

“What the fuck did he do to you?” Nick snapped, tilting Josh’s head back.

Was the guy stupid? Couldn’t he tell it was his freaking hand causing the pain? Josh hissed and Nick jerked his hand back only long enough to slide his thumb along Josh’s jaw.

“Answer me.”

Oh damn, that bossy tone just did it for Josh, and under any other circumstance—well, in a sexual circumstance, at least—he’d have dropped to his knees and begged to blow his partner. But this wasn’t his partner, it was Nick, who was probably Annabelle’s brother, and he was a giant, weeping asshole—

“Josh!”

“I fell!” Josh yelled, his temper burning sudden and hot. “Now get the fuck off me, you weirdo! What are you, some stalker? You have to be, watching me all the time!”

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Nick’s big body vibrated against his. Josh wasn’t sure why until he caught a flash of narrowed dark eyes and a twist of thin lips. Definitely not a happy look.

“I haven’t been watching you all the time,” Nick growled. “Some, yeah, and I bet you know why.”

Josh snorted. He doubted Nick was gay, so maybe he could scare him into letting go.

“Duh. I have a great ass, of course you’re following me.”

As far as plans went, his tanked. Nick huffed and trailed his hand down Josh’s chest, then lower to his hip where Nick followed the slight curve around to Josh’s back. Josh swallowed down a squeak as his ass cheek was kneaded then squeezed firmly.

“It is a very nice ass,” Nick concurred. “Not what I’m used to, but…”

Oh God! Not now!
Josh felt a hard lump press against his stomach and groaned.

“Please, please, I have to go! That guy who was here, he’s…” Josh thought fast and concluded he shouldn’t share too much with this man. “He helped raise me, he’s like a brother to me, and…and he’s Annabelle’s boyfriend, and unless I get to his place quick, he’s gonna blurt out something that…please! Just let me go!”