What She Left for Me (11 page)

Why did they have to come now? Why did they have to bother innocent people?

“Ellie girl, what are you doing up?” her father asked, coming into the kitchen.

Eleanor hadn’t even heard her folks come home. She ran to her father and jumped into his arms, wrapping her arms and legs around him. “Daddy, I’ve been so scared.”

“Stupid pigs,” her mother spewed, then turned to light a joint she’d taken from her halter top.

“Daddy, are they going to take us away? Are they going to hurt us?”

“No, sweetie. We’re safe enough. We might have to move, but so what? It’s a beautiful country and we’ll be all right.” Her father’s soothing voice and gentle touch reassured Eleanor. She clung to him nevertheless. “Where are your brothers?” he asked.

“Sleeping. I tried to sleep, but I kept hearing things. I figured they were comin’ after me.” Her voice broke despite her desire to be strong. She buried her face against her father’s neck and cried.

“It’s all right, Ellie. They aren’t going to hurt you.”

“Promise?” she asked, pulling away to look in his eyes.

He smiled. “Of course I promise.”

She relaxed her hold a bit. “Can I sleep with you and Momma tonight?”

“Sure you can.” He gave her light frame a bit of a toss in the air and then hugged her close.

That night, sandwiched between her mother and father, Eleanor finally found herself able to relax. She scooted close to her father and pulled his arm around her as if it were a blanket. They weren’t going to hurt her. Her daddy had promised, and he had never lied to her.

Ten

“Are you going to just keep dusting that dresser?” Taffy asked in a way that suggested more amusement than concern.

Eleanor pulled herself from the memories of the past and looked at the dresser. She didn’t remember even going to work on it, much less how long she’d been there. “Sorry. I guess I was a bit lost in my thoughts.”

“It happens to me all the time. Only they call it old age,” Taffy said with a laugh. “I think it’s just that when you’re my age, you have far more memories and experiences to consider.”

Eleanor said nothing. She’d lived through a lifetime of things she’d rather not have to remember. “Well, I believe we’re ready to vacuum,” she said, looking around the room.

Taffy began stripping the bed. “I’m so excited. Just think of the fun we’ll have with Jana in the house.”

Eleanor stared at her aunt for a moment. “I don’t know why you think this will be so much fun. Jana will be depressed and angry.”

“So you won’t have the corner on that market anymore,” Taffy teased.

Eleanor stiffened. “I beg your pardon?”

Taffy moved to Eleanor and took the duster from her hands. “You walk around here in a mope half the time. Maybe together the two of you can find a way to be happy.”

“Taffy, I do not go around moping. I may not be as light-hearted as you are, but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy. If you’d had to bear the sorrows and betrayals I’ve had to bear, you might very well think better of me.”

Taffy’s wrinkled expression sobered. “Child, I have never thought poorly of you. The things you’ve had to endure were heaped upon you. My sister, God rest her soul, was never able to face the responsibilities of being an adult. It was much easier to use drugs and a rebellious lifestyle to ease her misery. Your father—”

“Taffy, stop.” Eleanor shook her head. “It does no good to go over and over the details of the past. Some things are better left alone.”

“Sometimes that’s true, but I can’t help but think Jana will need to talk about what’s happened to her, and we’ll need to listen. There is a difference, you know, between dealing with a problem and simply pretending it never happened.”

Eleanor felt a sense of annoyance. “Of course I know there’s a difference. I also know it does little good to sit around talking and rambling on and on about the same old troubles.”

“Do you?” Taffy asked, eyeing her with a raised brow. “I seriously doubt that. You haven’t talked or rambled on since you first came to live with me. If I hadn’t pried information out of you, I’d still be in the dark.”

Eleanor opened her mouth to reply, but the doorbell sounded and drew Taffy’s attention away from the conversation. “Oh, she’s already here! And we haven’t even vacuumed.”

“I’ll manage it. Let’s go let her in and then you can entertain her while I finish,” Eleanor said, grateful for the distraction.

Taffy was already out the door and halfway down the hall before Eleanor could follow. Eleanor always marveled at how well the old woman got around. She suffered a bit from arthritis but otherwise was, as she often pointed out, probably in better shape than Eleanor.

But Eleanor was grateful for her aunt’s health. When Taffy had pleaded for her to come live with her, Eleanor had been certain the woman knew something devastating about her health. But as the years passed, Eleanor could see that Taffy had simply been lonely and was happy for the companionship.

The real adjustment had come on Eleanor’s part. As usual. Eleanor had been alone for most of her life. Even when raising Jana, Eleanor had allowed Jana’s father to pay for expensive boarding schools to keep the child out of her hair. Eleanor was adept at handling the solitude; it was interactions with others that stressed her out. She had never learned to find comfort in relationships. To her they were tedious and dangerous. In fact, every person she’d ever cared about had let her down in a big way—with exception to Taffy.

Taffy threw open the huge oak door, ready to receive Jana, and found Stanley Jacobs instead. Eleanor would have preferred the old man remain next door in his own home, but the eighty-two-year-old had an affection for her aunt that kept him a constant in their life.

“Taffy, darling. I thought you might want to come with me to Summerfest. It’s been going on all day, and tonight there’s even a dance.”

“Oh, Stanley, come in, come in. I can’t go to any dance tonight—my niece Jana is coming.”

“Great-niece,” Eleanor muttered.

“Yes, yes. She’s my great-niece. The only one I have and she’s due here today,” Taffy said, reaching out to take hold of Stanley. “You will have to come later and meet her. We should probably plan a party to welcome her.”

“Taffy, the circumstances hardly warrant a party. I’m sure that would only make Jana feel more conspicuous, and she can hardly want that.” Eleanor cringed inwardly at the thought of someone imposing a party in the midst of such tragedy.
I would have absolutely died on the spot had someone tried to force that upon me.

“I suppose we should give the girl time to adjust,” Taffy replied, nodding. She patted Stanley’s arm. “But you’ll see. She’s a sweet girl and she’ll fit right in. She’ll probably even go to church with us.” She turned to Eleanor and smiled. “You’re always welcome too.”

Eleanor refused to take the bait. Taffy had been after her for years to piece back together the relationship she had once had with God. “I need to get back to cleaning that room.” Eleanor headed for the stairs, determined not to give the matter another thought.

Taffy shook her head once Eleanor had disappeared from sight. “That girl has never allowed her hurts to heal.”

“Some folks can’t. They pick at it like a wound until it’s all festering and infected,” Stanley said. “So who is this great-niece you’ve got coming? Is she as pretty as you?”

Taffy laughed and pushed Stanley ever so playfully. “She’s twice as pretty and much smarter. She’d never be swayed by your sweet talk.”

Stanley grinned impishly. He had a boyish charm about him that Taffy found very endearing. Her husband, Cal, had been charming too, but his charm had won him political seats and throngs of admirers, whereas Stanley’s charm was much more down to earth. If Cal’s charm had been a gourmet meal, then Stanley’s was home-cooked fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy. Simple but filling.

Taffy leaned closer and lowered her voice. “Jana’s husband left her. He was a pastor and he ran off with his secretary while Jana was in Africa on a missions trip. I don’t know much else, but the poor girl is devastated. Apparently this was in the works for some time, and while she was abroad, her husband resigned from the church. The church hired a new pastor and
voila!
Jana has to be out of her house almost before she had time to realize what happened.”

“That’s a pity. Some fellas don’t know a good thing when they have it in their hand.”

“I’m amazed that a man of God could make such a choice. Of course, many people hide in pretenses of being saved. Perhaps he really didn’t understand what it was to accept Jesus as his Savior.”

“And maybe he did. We’re all sinners and none of us is perfect,” Stanley countered. “Just forgiven.”

Taffy knew he was right, but already she was deeply concerned about her great-niece. And about Eleanor. The prospect of her only child coming to live under the same roof had set Eleanor on her ear.

“You will keep us in your prayers, won’t you?” Taffy questioned.

“Of course,” he replied. “And we’ll continue our devotions each morning, right?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. What a wonderful way to start the day—reading the Word with a friend. I have no greater joy.”

Eleanor stacked the dusty bedding outside the bedroom door and went back into the room. Unwinding the cord on the vacuum, Eleanor realized she felt almost panicked inside. Her nerves were stretched tight, and a heated, choking sensation had laid hold of her neck and head.

She grabbed for the end of the bed and managed to sink onto the bare mattress instead of falling to the floor. She eased onto her back and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, the light fixture fairly danced in a side-to-side motion, while the rest of the ceiling seemed to swirl in a pulsating rotation.

“I don’t have time for this,” she moaned. Panic attacks were not unknown to her, but she had to admit she hadn’t had one since coming to live with Taffy.

What’s wrong with me? I should be able to handle this situation.
But even those thoughts caused her heart to beat a little harder and her breathing to accelerate. Having spent numerous years in the company of panic attacks, Eleanor knew she needed to slow her breathing and take in deeper breaths. As she did this, the tingling sensations that ran up and down her arms ceased and she started to relax.

This is all about Jana. If Jana weren’t coming here, I wouldn’t be feeling like this.
The thought made Eleanor angry.
My life has been spent in relative peace these last years. Why does she have to change all of that now? Why can’t she run to a friend?
But even as she asked herself the question, Eleanor knew the answer. She’d never taught Jana to have friends. In fact, she’d warned her daughter that whenever the moment presented itself, she should trust no one.

“You’ve done this to yourself, Eleanor. You have no one else to blame. If you hadn’t been so convinced that friendships and relationships were dangerous, then maybe you wouldn’t have insisted that Jana feel the same way.” Eleanor spoke as if there were another person in the room. It was the way she often addressed herself, scolding and rebuking as though speaking to a rebellious child.

The spell passed but left her feeling weak, spent. She sat up and pressed her fingers against her temples. “I won’t let this happen. I won’t allow Jana’s problems to completely upset my life. I need peace and order, and I will have it. Or . . . I’ll move back to New York and Jana can be Taffy’s companion.”

Eleanor forced herself to get to her feet. She put her toe to the lever on the vacuum and went to work. She felt better just knowing there was a way out. After all, she’d been happy in New York. She still went back to check on the shop four times a year. It wouldn’t be hard at all to move back. She had rented out her house there and the lease was up in two months. Perhaps she could even pay the tenants something to move early.

Her mind clicked into high speed, and with it, all feelings of helplessness passed. She had the room vacuumed and mopped in less than twenty minutes, then hauled the supplies and bedding downstairs without giving her daughter another thought.

I have a contingency plan,
she told herself.
I’ll set it in motion, and if I need it, I’ll use it. I won’t be a victim. I don’t have to be a victim anymore.

Eleven

Jana’s first glimpse of Aunt Taffy’s house brought back a surge of painful memories from the previous Christmas. She’d talked Rob into making her first and only trip to Lomara in hopes of creating a tie to the only living relatives she had. Her mother had immediately thought it a suspicious attempt to spy. Jana could hear the accusations even now.

“I suppose you’ve come to see what might be in this for you,” had been one of her mother’s first statements, followed by, “We don’t need you here, and there isn’t any chance of you and your husband getting your hands on Taffy’s wealth. Perhaps it would be best if you just gave her the gifts you’ve brought and left.”

Jana shut the engine off and stared at the house. No doubt there would be new accusations, new hurtful comments.
If there had been any other way,
she told herself,
I never would have come. No one is foolish enough to put themselves through that kind of pain for no good reason.