What She Left for Me (41 page)

Jana struggled to the edge of her seat. “But I’m not having contractions.”

“Those are contractions. At least that’s my guess. I had back labor with you, and that’s exactly how it was. Are you feeling any pressure?”

Jana’s panic was evident in her expression. “Of course, but I’ve been feeling increasing pressure since the baby started dropping. What do we do?”

“We’ll call the doctor first and see what he says.”

They tried three times to reach the doctor and finally got through to his answering service. The doctor was tied up with some emergency. Eleanor then called 9–1-1 and wasn’t at all encouraged to hear a recording stating that there was a multi-car accident on the interstate, and the emergency team and all available medical personnel had responded. That was the trouble with living in such a small town.

Eleanor tried to figure out what to do next. They didn’t have a lot of options. She left a message that her daughter was in labor and they needed someone as soon as possible. She had barely hung up the phone before deciding she’d have to drive Jana to Missoula herself.

“I think we should get your bag and head to Missoula. The ambulance is tied up, and we probably can’t afford to wait.”

“I’m not sure that’s wise,” Taffy said, shaking her head. “What if the baby comes when you’re halfway there?”

Eleanor knew she had nothing to offer Jana. None of them was trained in childbirth.

That’s when it hit her. In a rush of waves that threatened to drown her where she stood, Eleanor realized she had been trained quite thoroughly in childbirth. Her father had given her a great deal of instruction in such matters, and she had assisted him numerous times. She fought against the idea. She wanted nothing of her father—no part of him. But she needed his training and wisdom now more than ever. She had no choice. It wasn’t much, but it was all they had.

“I know what to do,” Eleanor said, looking first to Jana and then to Taffy. “My father taught me.”

“Then it would be best to stay here,” Taffy said with authority. “We can set her up here and watch her. That way if she has to deliver, we won’t be on the road, and if the ambulance is freed up and can get here, then we’ll have that extra help.”

Jana looked at her oddly. “I think that’s . . .” She doubled over, her words lost in a cry of pain.

“I suppose you’re right,” Eleanor said to her aunt. “It would be good at least to check and see how far along she is.”

“I trust you.” Jana’s upper lip was dotted with perspiration. “What do we do?”

Eleanor and Taffy made Jana comfortable in her bed. “I’ll need a few things,” Eleanor told Taffy. Eleanor verbally listed everything she could think of.

“You know, I have some magazines that talk about childbirth,” Taffy offered. “I found the articles quite insightful. They’re written for nurses.”

Eleanor shook her head and laughed. “You get a nurses’ magazine?”

“Well, why not? You never know when you’ll need to know something. Like now.”

“Get them,” Eleanor said. “I’m going to examine Jana and see where she’s at.”

Eleanor helped Jana onto her back. “This won’t be very comfortable. I need to see how far dilated you are. That will give us an idea of how much time we have.”

It was impossible not to gasp in surprise, however, as Eleanor realized the baby’s head was already crowning. She instantly realized her expression must have told it all.

“Something’s wrong, isn’t it?” Jana questioned.

“No, not really. It’s just that . . . well . . . Jana, do you feel a need to push—to bear down?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Well, you’d know it if you did. When did your water break?”

“Water break? I don’t know. I had to go to the bathroom earlier—it was kind of different. I didn’t think about it.” Jana sounded more frantic by the minute.

Eleanor knew she needed to keep calm herself or she’d never be able to calm her daughter. “Well, I think the baby is very close to being born. I can’t believe you haven’t felt worse than you have, but my own mother didn’t realize she was in labor with Deliverance or Spirit, so I guess it happens.” She smiled and shrugged, trying to act nonchalant about the whole thing.

Eleanor forced her mind to go back in time—to sit at her father’s side and recall the things he’d told her. She remembered something about the cord and making sure the baby didn’t strangle coming out. It was all about the control of the mother pushing and the doctor being astute enough to recognize any signs of trouble. Eleanor wasn’t convinced she’d be that capable. After all, today’s doctors had all sorts of equipment and means to recognize problems before they happened.

Oh, God,
she prayed,
I need your help. Please don’t let my lack of knowledge cause any harm to my grandchild.

“Here’s the magazines and towels,” Taffy announced as she came in. “I did have a thought, however. What if I call the hospital in Missoula and have them send a helicopter?”

“You can try, but this baby is coming quickly. Besides, they’ll probably be airlifting the accident victims,” Eleanor said. She took the magazines from Taffy and thumbed through them. There wasn’t time, however.

Jana cried out in pain. “I think something’s happening. I feel . . . oooh.” She grabbed her stomach. “I just don’t feel right.”

Eleanor tossed the magazines aside. “Taffy, did you get the other things I asked for?”

The older woman began pulling things from the pockets of her apron. “Here’s the sewing scissors. They’re newly sharpened—just had it done last week.”

“I have rubbing alcohol in the bathroom. Take the basin and pour the alcohol over the scissors and sterilize them as best we can.”

Eleanor did her best to explain to Jana what was about to take place. “I know you’re afraid,” she said softly, “but I feel confident we can do this.”

Jana seemed to calm. “I’ve never known you not to accomplish what you put your mind to.” Her face contorted. “Oh, I have to push. You’re right.” She moaned and gasped for breath. “There’s no disguising this.”

Eleanor smiled. “Well, let’s get on with it then.”

Taffy returned and began to pray for them as Eleanor laid out towels. As Taffy concluded, Eleanor suddenly thought about the growing chill in the room. “Taffy, do we still have that nice electric space heater?”

“Yes. It’s in the hall closet. I was thinking about getting it out last night.”

“Get it and put it in here—close to the crib. Once the baby comes, we need to make sure he or she stays warm enough—until the rescue team can get here or until we can get her to the hospital. Maybe even get some of those receiving blankets warmed up for me. I don’t think we have much time.”

Taffy flew into action like a woman sixty years her junior.

“Well, let’s do this,” Eleanor said to Jana. “Let’s get my grandbaby born.”

****

Jana sighed in relief to be done with the pain. Drenched in sweat and tears, Jana offered God a silent prayer of thanks for seeing them through the birth. She still couldn’t believe it was over.

“Here’s your daughter,” Eleanor said, bringing the baby to Jana.

Taking the bundle in hand, Jana pulled the squalling baby girl close. “She’s beautiful.” The baby’s ruddy complexion seemed even redder against the pale blond hair that crowned her head.

“Another generation of women for our family,” Taffy announced. “I think that very fitting.”

Jana saw the tears streaming down her mother’s cheeks. “Thank you, Mom. Thank you for what you’ve done for me—for her.”

Taffy put her arm around Eleanor. “What a blessed day this is. Eleanor, you did a wonderful job. You brought a new life to us, safe and sound.”

Eleanor shook her head. “No, God brought new life here today—to all of us.”

Jana met her mother’s eyes. “Yes,” she whispered. “To all of us.”

Thirty-six

Eleanor watched as the pastor held her granddaughter up before the congregation. “We’re here today to dedicate Meira McGuire to the Lord.” He handed the baby back to Jana and picked up his Bible. “Meira means light in Hebrew, and Jana has decided it a very fitting name for her baby. Meira has brought a new light into the lives of her mother, grandmother, and great-great-aunt. May the light that she reveals be that of the saving grace of Jesus Christ, and may that light always guide her in times of darkness.”

Eleanor heard the words and took them to heart. For the first time in so very long, she had hope again. Hope that God really could take charge of her problems and bring her through without destruction. For once, the true peace of Christ had given Eleanor the ability to look forward to the days to come instead of dreading them.

“I want to share the words of a song.” With a grin, he added, “I won’t sing them, however, as most of you have heard my voice and know I’m not gifted in that area.” There were chuckles throughout the congregation as he continued. “As we dedicate Meira, I believe this a very appropriate choice.”

Eleanor watched Jana cuddle the baby to her breast. Meira seemed interested only in sleeping, but the way Jana constantly watched her child—touched the tiny infant—made Eleanor smile.

“Lord, bless this little child, you love her too;

Given, yet here we stand, to give her back to you,

to give her back to you.

Lord, bless this little child, guard her we pray;

Safe only in your hands, secure while in your way,

secure while in your way.

Lord, bless this little child, cause now to bud deep

in her tiny heart

A longing for her God, a longing for her God.”

Kevin looked out upon the congregation. “The life of a child is an awesome responsibility. One that will require the strength and love of many, but particularly of her mother and father. Meira’s father died last summer, and that leaves Jana with a bigger job—a job to bring Meira up in the ways of the Lord, to teach her the Word and what God desires for her life. To turn from wrong . . . to forgive . . . to love.”

Eleanor couldn’t help but take the words to heart. How very different things might have been if she’d turned to God for help when she found herself pregnant with Jana. How different her life might have been if she’d learned to forgive her father. The thought sparked something deep in her heart. Could she forgive him? Forgive him for the irresponsible life he’d lived and thrust upon his children? Forgive him for stealing her innocence? There had been a time when she’d loved him more than anyone on earth. Now, thirty-some years later, could she somehow forgive him the wrong he’d done her—the wrong that had set her on such a bitter path?

Could she forgive her mother for not protecting her? For choosing to take her own life rather than deal with the situation and care for her children?

Could she also forgive Cal for his drunken rape—forgive him for the complete destruction of her ability to trust?

In forgiving,
she remembered Taffy saying,
will come true freedom.
Tears came to her eyes. She so wanted to be free.

“Who brings this baby to be dedicated to the Lord?” the pastor asked.

Jana stepped to the center and stood directly in front of Kevin. “I do,” she said softly.

Eleanor and Taffy joined hands and stood directly behind Jana. “I do,” Eleanor said clearly.

“I do,” Taffy’s more lyrical voice called out.

Jana turned and met Eleanor’s tear-streaked face. They said nothing, but the look that passed between them crossed years and years of distance and barriers. It was then Eleanor knew for certain that everything would be different.

“Ladies, would you please turn and face the congregation,” Kevin said in a barely audible voice.

They turned in unison to face the group of a hundred or so people. “And who will stand with these women—who will support them in godly love and guidance as they raise this child?”

Eleanor was amazed at the compassion she felt flow through the room. The congregation rose to their feet. “We will,” they called together.

Jana heard the voices cry out in unison—offering their love, their support. She couldn’t contain the tears that spilled down her face and dripped against her daughter’s cheek. The moment was bittersweet; Rob should have been a part of this celebration, but he was dead.
There are worse things than death,
Jana thought,
but those things will not steal my joy and destroy my child’s life. Not if I can help it.
And obviously not if the people around her had any say.