What the Heart Knows (12 page)

“Because right before Alice died, she started throwing things and breaking them when she was angry, which was a lot at the end. Terry remembers.”

Her throat constricted around the words she wanted to say. Jared's pain was always there just under the surface, ready to reveal itself on a moment's notice.

“I explained again that Mark wasn't able to control his actions. He seemed to accept that, but he asked about his mother and why she did those things.”

She placed her hand over her heart as though that would stop its quick thumping. “What did you say?”

“That his mother couldn't control her behavior, either. That she had an illness that made her do things she normally wouldn't have.”

Kathleen finished dishing up the food, her hands trembling as she held the plates. Even though Mark and Alice had two different illnesses, the effect on the family was similar. Again she wondered if Jared was trying to atone for his wife through her son. She
knew that wasn't really possible. What would happen when Jared realized that?

 

“For a small hospital it's well equipped.” Kathleen stepped onto the elevator and punched the down button.

Jared leaned back against the wall. “We're quite proud of the facility, especially since it serves the smaller communities in the surrounding area as well as Crystal Springs.”

No one else was on the elevator, and she felt as though they were in their own small world, the atmosphere charged. “So many rural areas lack hospitals and even doctors.”

He laughed. “I wouldn't call Crystal Springs rural, exactly. It has thirty-five thousand people.”

“You would think you were born here.”

“Transplanted but perfectly content with the town.”

“Don't you mean bustling metropolis?” His very presence heightened her senses. His scent teased her nostrils. His casual attire of tan slacks and white golf shirt underscored his relaxed aura, making her aware of how Jared was at home in many different environments.

“Next you're going to swear you saw Superman flying over.” The doors swished open and he signaled that she exit first. “I do believe, Mrs. Somers, you're making fun of me.”

She smiled back at him, enjoying the repartee. “Only with the best intentions.” Stopping halfway down the corridor, she faced Jared. Their gazes con
nected, forming an instant bond between them, which was happening a lot lately. Suddenly her mouth went dry. “You said something about an office with a view of the garden,” she finally murmured, her words raspy as though she wasn't used to talking.

He severed eye contact, the moment of connection evaporating. “There's an office next to mine that's vacant. Since I'm head of pediatrics, which doesn't mean a whole lot since there are only five pediatricians in Crystal Springs, I spend probably half my time here and the other half at my office on Fifth Street.” He thrust open a door and stepped aside. “What do you think?”

Kathleen moved past Jared into the small room. “A desk, a phone, a file cabinet and a window. What more could a gal ask for?”

“I know you can barely turn around in here, but it's private and quiet.”

“You're fattening the deal with each word you speak. Will I get a chair?”

The lines at the corners of his eyes crinkled while merriment danced in his expression. “I thought you could use the desk for that.”

“I suppose I could. It would give me more room to move around in here if I didn't have a chair,” she said in a deadly serious voice. She hopped up onto the wooden top, crossing her legs and leaning back, her arms propping her up.

His gaze trekked from her head to her toes. “I'll make sure there's a chair here by this afternoon.”

His laughter was rich and full. Kathleen responded to it, a warmth suffusing her face at the interest she
saw in his expression. “Such service. I'm impressed.”

“Anything to get you to stay. I'm just glad I could con—I mean, persuade you to take the position, especially since it's unpaid.”

“But I like the hours.” Sliding off the desk, Kathleen walked to the window and peered at the garden below. Numerous colors—from pinks to yellows to blues—greeted her inspection. The sun-drenched trees swayed in the breeze. A cardinal flew from a branch to the ground, bright red against a sea of green. “And you can't beat this view.”

Jared came up behind her. She shivered even though the sun cloaked her. Again his spicy lime scent engulfed her, seemingly shrinking the size of the room even more.

“I can't argue with you. I enjoy looking out my window when I have a moment to rest.”

She twisted about slightly, his face only inches from hers. She coated her still dry throat and said, “Rest? You're allowed to rest?”

“Not much with school starting. Everyone forgets to the last minute about the shots their children need, not to mention all the supplies Hannah and Terry need. I have to thank you again for taking them to get their school clothes. That was a big help.”

She flattened her back against the windowpane, his nearness unraveling her composure. “I'm just returning the favor. Mark's in school today partly because of you.”

He leaned into her, eroding what little space was
between them. “I'm glad we could help each other out.”

The husky appeal in his voice melted her insides. She gripped the window ledge to keep herself upright. He brushed his finger along her jawline, the caress feather-soft. His eyes darkened, his attention completely centered on her. In that moment she felt very special and totally feminine. Slowly he lowered his head toward her and whispered his lips across hers. Her fingernails dug into the wooden ledge.

“I hope we continue to help each other out,” he murmured, right before kissing her.

Lost in the wonderful sensations his kiss produced, Kathleen sagged against him. He gripped her shoulders and held her pressed to him. An eternity later, he released her and moved back.

With their gazes bound, she took a deep, composing breath, blowing it out slowly. This was their second kiss and she felt as weak-kneed as she had after the first one. He was the only man other than her husband who had kissed her in years. And, as before, she was totally unprepared for it and the effect it had on her.

“Thank you for showing me the hospital and my very own office,” she finally said, needing to fill the silence that hung between them. “I guess this is official now. I am the new volunteer coordinator for the hospital. Even if I'm not getting paid, the title sounds impressive.”

“You are my first choice.”

“I am your only choice.”

“True, but that doesn't change that I feel you will be great at the job.”

She blushed, the heat spreading rapidly through her. She never could handle compliments well. “I hardly slept last night because I was thinking about what I could do as the volunteer coordinator.”

“I knew I liked you for a good reason. You're quite the dynamo.”

“Just doing my job.”

Jared glanced at his watch. “I have some time before my first appointment today. Would you like something to eat or maybe a cup of coffee?”

“From the vending machine off the lobby?”

“I have to be pretty desperate to drink that—stuff. I can't even call it coffee. No, I was thinking of Bill's Diner across the street.”

“Oh, good. There for a second I thought you had gone over the edge.” She shoved away from the window, glad that her legs could support her.

Outside, Kathleen lifted her face to the sun and relished the warmth on her skin after the coldness of the air-conditioned building. “Before long, autumn will be here.”

“My favorite time of year.”

“When everything is vibrant,” she said as they crossed the street. “This little corner of Arkansas is gorgeous in the fall.”

Inside the café Jared wove his way toward a back booth and sat. He waved toward some customers several tables over.

The waitress filled Jared's cup with coffee and asked, “The usual, Doc?”

“Yes,” he answered, then said to Kathleen, “The doughnuts are wonderful. They melt in your mouth.”

“No, just a cup of hot tea please.” After the waitress left, Kathleen added, “When we visited here, this is one of the first places we would come. Mark loves the doughnuts, too.” She frowned. “I should have realized something was terribly wrong when we moved here, and Mark didn't say a word about coming to Bill's Diner for doughnuts. You know, when you look back on the situation, there were clues all over the place.”

“When we're living through a difficult situation, things aren't that clear. Looking back is always much clearer.”

The waitress brought Kathleen her tea and Jared his doughnuts, then refreshed his coffee.

Jared bit into his glazed doughnut. “Sure you don't want one? They're delicious.”

“If I took a bite, I'd gain ten pounds. Just watching you, I'm sure I've put on a pound or two.”

The gleam in his blue eyes dimmed with concern. “I can have the waitress take these away if it bothers you I'm eating them.”

Laughing, Kathleen shook her head. “Better you than me. I don't begrudge anyone who can manage to eat two glazed doughnuts and not show it.” Involuntarily her gaze traveled over the portion of his body showing above the table. There wasn't an ounce of fat on the man. “Do you make a regular habit of eating these?”

“Once a week I indulge. I figure I owe myself a treat.”

“You believe in pampering yourself?”

He grinned. “I wouldn't put it quite that way.”

“Guys should pamper themselves, too.”

His grin broadened, his two dimples readily appearing. “Getting a treat sounds more—” He searched for a word.

“Manly?”

“I was going to say appropriate.”

“Sure you were.” Kathleen lifted her mug and sipped, watching him as he took another bite of the first doughnut. Her mouth watered. She licked her lips as though that action would satisfy her craving for sugar. She worked hard to keep her weight where it should be. Desperate to take her mind off what Jared was eating, she said, “While I was tossing and turning last night, I came up with an idea for recruiting volunteers. I'd like to approach the youth group at church and see if they would be interested in working at the hospital.”

“Like candy stripers?”

“Sort of, but I want boys and girls to be involved. If I can get your group interested, then I will go to other youth groups in Crystal Springs. There is a wealth of talent in teenagers that I could tap into. I would like to put it to good use.”

Jared finished up his first doughnut, washing it down with a swallow of coffee. “I like it. The kids in the youth group have done things at the hospital before at Christmas. They enjoyed themselves.”

“I'd like them to be particularly involved with the children and older patients, especially the ones who don't have a lot of family.” Kathleen poured some
more hot water into her cup and dunked another tea bag in it, trying not to watch Jared eat his second doughnut. Her stomach rumbled and she ignored it. “I hope I can get Mark interested in playing for the patients. He still has his old guitar that he first learned to play on. I want to get him involved in his music again. I think that will help him.”

“Why not come to the meeting next Sunday night and put your idea before the group?”

“I'll come as long as you don't rope me into playing any sports.”

“Good. I'll pick you and Mark up. After the meeting, I'll get Hannah and Terry and we can go out to dinner.”

Like a family, Kathleen thought instantly. She dumped a packet of sugar into her tea and stirred it. But how could she ever ask someone else to share the burden of Mark's illness? Especially someone who had already dealt with a chronic problem?

“Maybe you can get Hannah to tell you about this new boy who's been calling every night since school started.”

“Do I hear desperation in your voice?” she asked, pushing the nagging questions to the back of her mind. She and Jared had only had one official date. Blending their two families was a long way off.

“I knew the last boy who called, but this kid is new to Crystal Springs. All Hannah's told me is he moved here last month and all the girls are flipping over him. She has been floating around the house with a silly grin on her face for the past week.” Jared
took the last bite of his doughnut, then wiped his mouth with his napkin.

His action drew her attention to his lips curved in a half smile. Her gaze slowly rose until it captured his in a visual snare. A long moment passed with nothing said until someone behind Kathleen dropped a plate, its shattering sound reverberating through the diner. She blinked and looked away.

“This summer my daughter has changed from a tomboy into a young lady, and some of that is because of you.”

“I'm glad you're saying that with a smile.”

“Hannah is happier so I'm happier. You are a good influence on her, Kathleen Somers.”

His daughter fulfilled a need in her that was hard to deny. Lately she had been doing a lot of thinking. Always before, with John, her life had revolved around him and Mark. Now she was being forced to define who she really was. One thing she knew was, despite what happened to Mark, she loved being a mother and wished she had more children. Were Hannah and Terry what drew her to Jared? Or was it something much deeper than that?

“I
need some more oregano, Hannah. Can you get it for me?” Kathleen asked as she stirred the pot of spaghetti sauce on her stove. When the phone rang, Kathleen finished with, “Measure out half a teaspoon and add it to the sauce,” then hurried to answer the call.

“We're leaving the church. I'll pick up Terry and we'll be over. What are you two fixing for dinner?”

Jared's deep voice quickened her pulse. “Spaghetti.” She stared out the window at the darkness that descended so much earlier now that it was the end of September.

“One of my favorites.”

“You've said that about everything I've fixed.” The compliment sent a warm glow through her.

“I'm finding I have a lot of favorites. See you in a little while.”

“Was that Dad?” Hannah carefully filled the mea
suring spoon with the spice, then dumped it into the large pot.

“He and Mark are going to pick up Terry. They'll be here soon.”

A loud rumble of thunder shook the house. Hannah gasped and flinched, dropping the wooden spoon. “I wish it would stop raining.”

“Surely these storms won't last much longer.”

A flash of lightning followed immediately by a crash of thunder caused the lights to flicker. The frightened look on Hannah's face prompted Kathleen to say, “I have lots of candles if we lose our electricity. Why don't you get some out just in case? They're in that cabinet over there.” She gestured toward the last one.

“What about dinner?”

“It's almost done. It might be nice to eat our meal by candlelight. Then after dinner we could tell stories.”

“Scary ones?”

“I was thinking more along the line of funny things that have happened to us.”

The tension in Hannah's face smoothed away. She withdrew several big, fat candles from the cabinet as well as a box of matches. “I like that idea. I'm not big on scary stories.”

“Tell you a secret. Neither am I.”

“The guys will probably want to tell scary ones.”

Kathleen put the loaf of French bread into the oven, hoping the electricity stayed on long enough to bake it. “We won't give them a choice.”

Thunder sounded again. Kathleen saw the fear take
hold of Hannah, her eyes wide, her body stiff. “Tell me about what's happening at school. It won't be long before the first nine weeks is over. This year is flying by.”

Hannah returned to setting the table. “Jeremy asked me to the fall dance next month.”

“Did you say yes?”

Hannah nodded, folding the napkins and placing them by the plates. “I haven't said anything to Dad yet. I'm waiting for the right time.”

“Don't wait too long.”

“Will you talk to him for me?”

“I could say something to him, but I think you should ask him. He likes Jeremy.”

“He told you that?”

“Yes, last week at church when you were talking to Jeremy after the service, he mentioned what a nice boy he was. What happened to the new kid at school?”

A frown darkened Hannah's features. “I found out he was calling a lot of girls. He asked Mary Lou to the dance.”

“Does that bother you?”

Hannah shrugged. “At first. Not now. I like Jeremy. He's nicer.”

Kathleen heard the front door opening as lightning struck close by. Hannah's face went white. She moved closer to Kathleen. Thunder boomed, rattling the house. The young girl stepped even closer to Kathleen.

“I think we arrived just in time,” Jared said, com
ing into the kitchen with Mark and Terry following close behind him.

Water dripped off all three of them, their hair wet. Kathleen went into the laundry room and retrieved some towels. She handed one to each of the guys. “Have you all heard of rain gear or umbrellas?”

“I don't know if it would have helped. The wind is really picking up out there.” Jared took one look at Hannah and added, “But we'll be fine in here.” He inhaled a deep breath. “It sure smells wonderful. I'm starved.” He headed to the stove to peep into the pot.

“Me, too,” Terry said, drying his hair with a towel.

Mark didn't say anything, but he shrugged out of his windbreaker and hung it up on the hook by the back door.

“Go wash up. Dinner should be about ready when you get back.” Kathleen filled three glasses with milk and two with iced tea.

While Hannah set the glasses on the table, Kathleen checked the bread, a blast of heat hitting her face when she opened the oven door. The wonderful aroma of food intensified with the scent of baking bread permeating the room. As the guys filed back into the kitchen, Kathleen drained the spaghetti into the colander in the sink.

“Get your plates and dish up what you want,” Kathleen selected a ladle from the drawer for the sauce. “You know the drill. Dinner at my house is informal.”

After everyone had served themselves and taken
their seats, they joined hands at the kitchen table and Jared said, “Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for all You've given us. Guide us to do what is right and be there for us in our time of need. Amen.”

Kathleen murmured, “Amen,” thinking about Jared's prayer which was very similar to the one she said each morning before starting her day. Each time she said it she felt stronger, more able to face the problems thrown at her during the course of her day. She had Jared to thank for leading her back to the Lord. Even with Mark's troubles, she felt at peace for the first time since John's death. Her life was falling into place.

“Dad, I was telling Kathleen about the school dance coming up in October. Jeremy asked me to go with him.” Hannah took a bite of her spaghetti, her gaze glued to her father.

His eyes round, Jared gulped down a large swallow of iced tea. “A date? At twelve?”

“I'll be thirteen in two months and it isn't really a date. His mom will be driving us to the dance and you can come pick us up.”

Jared opened his mouth to say something, but closed it immediately, his eyes still round with disbelief.

“Dad, it's the big fall get-together.”

Kathleen, sitting next to Jared, heard him mumble, “That's what I'm afraid of,” but she didn't think anyone else heard.

“All the seventh-and eighth-graders are going,” Hannah continued.

“All?” Jared tore off a piece of his French bread with more force than was needed.

“Well, everyone who counts. Jeremy is just a good friend. Like you and Kathleen.”

Jared's eyes widened even more. His mouth curved down in a frown while his brow was creased with deep lines. He ripped another piece off his bread even though he hadn't eaten the first one. “When is this dance?”

“Two weeks.”

“Fine. I'll call Jeremy's mother and arrange the transportation.”

Kathleen knew that it had been hard for Jared to accept because she saw the death grip he had on the arm of the chair next to her. She hid her grin by dropping her head and staring down at her plate.

Silence fell over the diners at the table. Kathleen allowed it to continue for five minutes while everyone ate before she asked, “Terry, how's school going for you?”

“Okay. I have Mr. Morrow for a teacher. He's pretty cool. He's the only man teaching at my school.”

“I wish there were more men teachers in the elementary schools.” Kathleen ate a forkful of spaghetti. “One of Mark's best teachers was a man. Remember your third-grade teacher?”

“Yeah, he was okay.”

A clap of thunder rocked the house. Hannah shifted in her chair, staring out the window at the darkness beyond. Branches of a Bradford pear tree scratched the panes as though they were fingernails
raking across the glass. Another bright flash of light, then a boom of thunder sounded. The lull in the rain was over, Kathleen thought as she noted the panic-stricken look on the young girl's face.

Wanting to reassuring the child, Kathleen touched Hannah's arm. “When Mark had Mr. Horn, he used to come home every day with a new story to tell about something neat they had done at school that day. Did you ever have a man teacher, Hannah?”

Jared's daughter tore her gaze from the window and stared wide-eyed at Kathleen. “Huh?”

Kathleen repeated the question, hoping to take the child's mind off the storm beginning to rage outside.

Hannah shook her head and returned her gaze to the window. Sounds of hail struck the glass with more lightning and thunder vibrating the air. “Daddy, we need to turn on the radio.”

Jared glanced at Kathleen who rose and switched on the radio on the kitchen counter. A song finished playing then the announcer came on.

“This just in from the national weather bureau. There has been a tornado sighted near Henderson, Arkansas, heading southeast.”

Lightning hit close by. The house shook as the thunder rumbled immediately afterward. The lights flickered several times, then went out. Pitch dark cloaked Kathleen.

Hannah screamed, then began crying. “Dad.”

“I'm here, Hannah.”

Kathleen heard Jared scrape his chair back. She hurriedly rose and went to the counter where the candles were. She fumbled for the matches and struck
one, then lit a large, thick candle. It gave off a soft glow that allowed Kathleen to ignite the others more easily. She took two to the table, leaving the other two spaced out on the counter.

“What about the tornado?” Hannah asked, hugging Jared and burying her face against his forest-green shirt.

“Does the radio have batteries?” he asked, finding Kathleen in the dimness.

She shook her head, wishing she had remembered to buy some at the store a few days ago.

Jared stroked Hannah's back. “We'll be all right. It's only a thunderstorm with hail.”

“But the man said something about a tornado,” Terry interrupted, his voice high-pitched as the glasses in the cabinet rattled with another round of thunder.

“Daddy,” Hannah sobbed.

“Terry, Hannah, we will be fine.”

“Come on, everyone. Let's finish our dinner. I've got dessert.” Kathleen filled her fork with some spaghetti and put it into her mouth.

No one else did. All eyes watched her while she took a sip of her tea and another bite. Jared started to move back to his chair, but Hannah wouldn't let go.

“What if we skip right to dessert?” Jared asked, settling into Hannah's chair while holding her.

“That's a good idea. I made a double fudge chocolate cake this morning, and I don't want any left. I'll end up eating it and I don't need it.”

“No one needs chocolate.”

Kathleen exaggerated a shocked expression. “No one needs chocolate! Speak for yourself. Chocolate is what takes people's worries away. Right, Hannah?”

The young girl twisted about so she could look at Kathleen. “Yes,” she squeaked out.

“Can you help me with the dessert?”

“I don't—” Hannah swallowed hard. “I guess so.” She slid off her father's lap and followed Kathleen to the counter where a cake server sat.

Kathleen reached into the cabinet for the dessert plates. A tornado siren blared, cutting through the sounds of the storm raging outside. In spite of the need to remain calm, Kathleen couldn't keep her heart from racing.

Hannah whirled and dashed back to her father who stood, his face pale in the dim light. She flung herself at him while Terry and Mark came to their feet.

“We have a place under the staircase that probably is the best place to go in case of a tornado.” Kathleen started for the door with a flashlight from the drawer lighting the way.

Mark took a candle and grabbed the matches. Jared brought up the rear as they hurried out of the kitchen. Hail spattered the windowpanes. Wind roared. Lightning illuminated the room.

Kathleen opened the door, motioning everyone to go into the small storage room below the staircase. She closed them into the cramped space as another streak of lightning flashed. She scanned the faces staring at her, fear on the children's while Jared's
held a fierce determination. His calm composure reinforced hers.

“Sorry about the boxes.” Kathleen settled herself on the hardwood floor, leaning against the door. “Mark, push those to the back so you and Terry can sit on the floor. Hannah, there are some blankets in that box. Pull some out and let's make ourselves comfortable.”

Trembling, Hannah wrapped herself in a plaid blanket. “How long do we stay in here?”

Over the sounds of the siren and storm, Jared said, “When the siren goes off, we'll stay in here for a while. Then I'll go out and check to make sure it's safe.”

Hannah gripped his arm. “Daddy, you can't go out there. What if the tornado hits while you're out there?” Panic laced each word, her eyes as round as saucers.

He pulled her against his side. “Honey, I won't go until I think it's safe. I promise.”

“You know I think there's a deck of cards in that game box back there, Mark. Why don't you get it and we can play a game of Go Fish to pass the time while we wait.” Kathleen pointed to a container near her son.

Mark rummaged in the box and produced a deck with a flourish. Kathleen positioned the powerful flashlight so there was enough light to see the cards while Jared shuffled then dealt.

“Daddy, can we say a prayer?” Hannah asked as she scooped up her cards and tried to fan them out.
Her hands shook so badly that several fell to the floor.

“That's a great idea. Let's join hands.” Jared reached for Hannah's then Kathleen's.

The strong feel of his fingers about hers strengthened Kathleen's ragged nerves. “May I?”

His gaze captured hers and held it. “Please do.”

“Lord, we need Your strength now and Your protection. Let no harm come to the town or its people. We offer our thanks in the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior. Amen.”

Hannah took several deep breaths, her watery gaze on Kathleen. “Do you think He heard us?”