What to Expect the Toddler Years (158 page)

Their creativity and imagination are often dampened. With early emphasis on structured learning rather than free play, these important qualities may go unnurtured.

Their curiosity may be stifled. In play, young children have the chance to explore the world, repeatedly test it out, and draw their own conclusions—opportunities virtually stolen from those who are given answers before they even have a chance to inquire. As child development authority Jean Piaget said, “Every time we teach a child something, we keep him from inventing it himself.”

Their resourcefulness may be diminished. With activities so thoroughly planned for them, they may not learn how to plan for themselves. When left to their own devices, they may not know how to occupy themselves.

When they reach formal schooling, they are often less enthusiastic about learning than less-pressured children, probably because the joy and spontaneity have gone out of their learning, and because they are accustomed to achieving
to please their parents rather than themselves.

As a direct result of the constant pressure to perform well, they are afraid of failure and of being wrong, often timid about taking chances.

With the emphasis on achievement and little time for normal childhood socializing, development is lopsided and social skills often lag behind.

They may have trouble finding their own identity. Children who have always been pushed toward achieving goals their parents have set for them instead of goals they’ve set for themselves are deprived of the chance to discover what their interests are, what makes them happy—in essence, who they are.

Their self-esteem can suffer. Self-esteem grows when children are successful, and children are most successful when the challenges set before them are within their reach. If frequent failures come early—as when children are pushed to achieve tasks that are beyond their ability—self-esteem usually takes a beating. It also suffers when parents run the show, putting their children in the role of followers: “The things my parents want me to do are important, the things I want to do aren’t. So I can’t be very important.”

In extreme cases, they miss out on childhood pleasures entirely. Because their parents see play time as a waste of time, some “superchildren” never experience what every child needs: a carefree and fun-loving childhood. This deprivation may stunt their growth as adults.

Clearly the case against pushing your child to become a superchild is a strong one. Children grow and develop to be the happiest, healthiest, all-around brightest they can be by being loved and appreciated for the way they are, and by being allowed to develop at a rate that’s appropriate for them.

Nevertheless, all children can benefit from being raised in a stimulating and challenging environment, where their innate love of learning is nurtured early on. To encourage without pushing, let your child take the lead. Follow as your child shows you what interests and what doesn’t, what satisfies his or her thirst for knowledge and what oversaturates it.