What We Learned Along the Way (35 page)

“Yes. I didn’t believe it at first either,
but it’s true. She’s a strong woman. She’s dedicated to Rashad and
thought that seeing the kids would be good for everyone, facing it
straight on instead of running from the situation. What are you
looking at?” she asked Malikah, who was leaning in and staring at
her neck.

“I’m looking for the handprints around your
neck, because I can’t believe she came all the way from Chicago and
didn’t try to finish what she started.” Malikah and Aliya laughed.
Jaime reluctantly joined in. She didn’t like it when they made
jokes about her, but didn’t feel like she deserved to ask them to
stop. Their jokes were a part of the punishment for her unspeakable
act.

“Could we get some more chips?” Aliya asked a
waiter who happened to walk by.

“Sure,” he said as he turned around with a
quick smile.

“Michael, is that you?” Aliya asked.

“Yes, my name is Michael. Have we met?” He
was polite, but obviously confused.

“It’s me, Aliya.” Michael leaned in and tried
to recognize the face.

“Aliya? I didn’t even recognize you. How’ve
you been?” Without asking, he made himself comfortable and sat in
the empty seat next to Malikah. “So, what’s going on? You never
come by to visit anymore. We haven’t seen you around here in
ages.”

“I’ve been busy. You know I got married,
right?”

“You did? He must be a special guy to get you
to settle down. I know how you used to do.”

Aliya was embarrassed. “I’ve changed,” she
said.

“I see. Well, I’ve got to get back to work.
Stop by the back before you go. Everyone would love to see you.
Good to see you all, again,” he said to Jaime and Malikah before he
went back to work.

“And don’t forget the chips,” Aliya yelled as
he walked away. He nodded his head "okay" before disappearing into
the back.

“How’s married life?” Malikah asked. She got
comfortable in her seat and prepared herself for what she knew
would be a long conversation. Jaime and Aliya looked at each other,
silently negotiating who would speak first.

“It’s different,” Aliya said. “Sometime I
look in the mirror and can’t believe the person I see.”

“Is that a good or bad thing?” Malikah
asked.

“It’s good. I’ve changed for the better. It’s
just taken some time to get used to, but I’ve definitely grown.”
The smile on her face wasn’t convincing, but Malikah didn’t push
the issue.

“Well, you know what they say. If you grow
from it, that’s all that matters. What about you?” Malikah turned
her attention to Jaime.

“I agree. It is different, but I love it. I
don’t know what I’d do without Joseph. He’s been so supportive
through everything. You guys, too. You could have easily decided
never to talk to me again.” She fanned her eyes to ward off the
tears that she felt forming.

“None of that,” Malikah warned. “This makeup
is not waterproof.”

“I know, I know. I’m not trying to,” Jaime
said. “It’s just been so tough. I don’t know how Joseph does it.
He’s never complained once about the children or the situation, but
it has to be hard on him to look at the kid’s everyday and not see
a bit of himself in them.”

“It is hard being a step parent, because as
much as you love them, you know you’re not the real parent. Harlem
is my heart. I’d do anything for that girl, but I’ll never be her
real mother.” Now Aliya was the one getting teary eyed.

“Okay, so you two are determined to make me
cry.” Malikah couldn’t stand to see her friends crying without
joining in.

The three spent the rest of the afternoon
talking, laughing, reminiscing and eating a never-ending bowl of
chips and dip. It was just like old times, almost.

“What is this?” Jaime asked her mother later
that evening, holding up the journal she found in her pillow.

“My journal. Where’d you find it?” Her mother
said as she grabbed the book from her daughter’s hand.

“It was in my pillow.”

“That’s right. I was in there the last time I
wrote,” Jamilah said, flipping through her book.

“Why was it there?”

“Sometimes I like to sleep in your bed when I
miss you.”

“Aww, mommy.” Jaime gave her mother a huge
hug. “I miss you, too.”

A few seconds later, Jaime thought the hug
was over, but her mother didn’t let go. “I didn’t realize how
lonely I’d be in this house by myself.” The two were silent for a
moment. “Would you like to hear something I wrote?”

Jaime didn’t have the heart to tell her
mother she had already read most of what was written in the book.
“I’d love to,” she said. Jamilah read aloud:

My womb was once full of love and life,
and I released it.

My heart was once full of compassion and
desire, and I released that too.

My hands, body and mind were brimming
with joy, until you.

There’s an echo where these things once
were. No wonder I’m so lonely.

We weren’t meant to feel this way, so I
refuse to any longer.

I thank you for what you gave me and
forgive you for what you took.

I’m rebuilding the me that once was,
locking tight my joy,

crystallizing my personal truths, never
to be released again.

She closed the book and wiped the one lone
tear that managed to escape.

Malikah had never been inside the Millennium
Ballroom before, but she had heard stories of its beauty. Now that
she was standing inside, she could vouch for its reputation. It
looked like a castle. She read the huge sign on the wall as she
accepted a glass of water from the waiter:
The 50th Annual
Dedication Awards Banquet. Congratulations, Marcus Swatts.

“I’m so glad you could make it,” Kalimah said
as she came up from behind. Malikah jumped and nearly dropped her
glass.

“You scared me.” Malikah turned around and
gave Kalimah a big hug with the water glass still in her hand.
Kalimah twirled her sister so she could inspect her dress.

“I’ve taught you well. You look gorgeous.”
For once, Malikah agreed with her sister. She loved her purple
cocktail dress. The cream, patent leather, peep-toe stilettos added
a sophisticated touch.

“Thank you,” Malikah said with a playful
curtsey. “Who’s Marcus Swatts? I thought Adam won the award.”

“We did, too,” Kalimah sighed. “When he got
the nomination, we figured he had it in the bag. Turns out he was
first runner up to this Marcus guy,” she said with a disappointed
look. “But just to be nominated is an honor. He’s young. He still
has time.” They took their seats at the table with the rest of the
family.

“Malikah!” Ms. Ibrahim greeted her with open
arms. Malikah couldn’t understand how someone like Adam could have
such a sweet and loving mother. “I haven’t seen you in ages. I
swear, you’re looking more and more like your mother.” Malikah
forced a smile.

“This is Adam Ibrahim Sr., Adam’s father,”
Kalimah said. Malikah was shocked. She had never seen Adam’s father
before. He didn’t even come to the wedding. All she knew about him
was that he and Adam’s mother had been divorced for over 10 years,
and that he and Adam didn’t have the best relationship.

“As salaam Alaikum, Mr. Ibrahim.” Though he
looked intimidating, Malikah gave him a big, welcoming smile.

“Wa alaikum salaam, Kareemah,” he said, not
bothering to return the smile.

“Actually, it’s Malikah,” she corrected him
in her nicest voice.

She assumed he didn’t hear her because he was
busy reading the program and didn’t respond to her correction.

“Don’t mind him,” Kalimah whispered in her
ear.

“Well, I got in!” Malikah said excitedly
after she took her seat.

“Oh my god, you did? That’s great!” Kalimah
cheered.

“Daddy’s getting old. You’re going to have to
refresh my memory,” Malikah’s father said.

“Law school, I got into law school! I got the
acceptance letter today! I start in the fall.”

“Well, alright! That’s great news. Get that
education,” her father said. “Isn’t that good news, Viv?” He turned
his attention to his wife.

“Oh, that’s wonderful, Malikah. Law school
should be full of good men,” Vivian added. Malikah’s mother could
find a way to make any conversation about finding a man. For the
first time in her life, Malikah wasn’t thinking about finding a
man. She figured she had a long list of other things to do before
she tried to bring someone else into her life. She wouldn’t dare
tell her mother that, but it felt good to know it for herself.

“Hey, everybody,” Adam said cheerfully as he
walked up from behind.

“The man of the hour. Congratulations,” David
said as he stood up and gave his son-in-law a hug.

“My baby!” Adam’s mother cheered as she
pulled out his seat. “Mama’s so proud of you.” Adam hated when she
referred to herself in third person. It made him feel like a little
kid, but he didn’t bother saying anything. He knew she meant no
harm. Adam’s eyes lit up when he saw his father, but he hid his
excitement well.

“Son,” his father said in a business-like
voice, much less enthusiastic than the others’.

“Dad,” Adam replied in a similar voice. They
shook hands firmly like two business men that had come to an
agreement. Kalimah’s voice broke the tension.

“You look great, baby,” she said as she
straightened his tie and wiped invisible lent from his lapel.”

“Thanks, Lima. Thank you all for coming.” The
lights lowered and the host took his place behind the podium.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and
welcome to the 50th Annual Dedications Award Banquet. We had a
tough time choosing a winner this year. There were a lot of
candidates that really went that extra mile and showed real
dedication to this hospital and the patients. Before we go any
further, I’d like to recognize our runner up for this evening. This
young gentleman is an amazing doctor. I’ve been working with him
for only two years, but I’ve already seen the type of dedication
and compassion in him that I haven’t seen in some twice his age.
He’s already doing big things and I know it’s only going to get
better from here. I like to call him the Million Dollar Man, but
you all know him as Adam Ibrahim Jr.”

The crowd gave a standing ovation as the
spotlight marked Adam for the crowd to see.

“Would it kill you to stand up for your son,
Adam?” Adam’s mother leaned over and said to her ex-husband, the
only one not standing.

“I’ll stand when he’s a winner,” Adam said in
a low, controlled voice.

“Why’d you come if you’re going to act like
this?”

“You want me to leave?” he asked as he
started to push back from the table to stand.

“Sit down, Adam. This isn’t about what I
want. It’s about our son. Could you at least pretend to be happy
for him?”

“This food is pretty good. I thought they
were going to have that nasty banquet food they usually have,”
David said waving the half eaten biscuit in his hand. Kalimah and
Malikah looked at each other with embarrassment, but they were
happy his comment ended Adam’s parents’ hushed argument.

Adam waved at the crowd and shook the hands
of the many people that wanted to congratulate him, but he wasn’t
as happy as he looked. “I can’t believe they gave it to Marcus,”
Adam said in disbelief. “I could see Rima, or even Chan, but
Marcus? Oh well, I’ve always got next year, right, dad?” He needed
his father’s validation.

“Tomorrow isn’t promised. You should have won
this year,” his father responded between bites.” The clank of the
forks and glasses became awkwardly noticeable.

“I really tried, but you heard the man.
Competition was tough,” Adam defended himself.

“Competition is always tough. You have to be
tougher. You think it wasn’t tough the year I won?” his father
asked.

“You’ve got some nerve telling him he should
have won. You weren’t even nominated until you were 45,” Adam’s
mother said in her son’s defense.

“That’s not the point. The point is that I
won. It doesn’t matter how old I was. Second place is no different
than last.”

“How can you say that with him sitting right
here? I can’t believe I was ever married to you!”

“I feel the same way,” he fired back. Malikah
had never felt any sort of sympathy for Adam until now. She knew
all too well what it was like to watch your parents in a heated
argument, but she couldn’t imagine having to watch it in front of a
crowd. The two bickered back and forth for the next few minutes.
What started as an argument about their son quickly grew into a
debate over whose fault the divorce was.

“Mom, it’s okay. Dad’s right. I should have
won,” Adam interrupted. He cleared the napkin from his lap and
stood up from the table.

“Where are you going?” Kalimah and his mother
asked in unison. Adam held up one hand to ward off any further
questions. They watched him walk out of the ballroom and exit the
building.

“Look what you did!” Ms. Ibrahim yelled. The
argument resumed.

“This is why you’ve never met his father,”
Kalimah whispered to Malikah. “I’ve got to go check on him.” She
began to stand up, but her father stopped her.

“A man needs time. Just leave him be for a
little.” They continued to pick at the food, but no one was hungry
anymore. The clank of the forks was drowned out by the arguing.

Adam’s abuse-free streak ended that
night.

Malikah had never studied so much in her
life. She had always been a mediocre student who did just enough to
get by, but she didn’t want to carry those habits into law school.
She had wasted enough of her life being average.

“How many eligible men would you say are in
your program?” her mother asked while she was studying.

“I don’t know. I haven’t really been looking.
I have my first test coming up, so I have a lot of studying to do,”
Malikah said, hoping her mother would get the hint. She didn’t.