What You Really Really Want (40 page)
Read What You Really Really Want Online
Authors: Jaclyn Friedman
CHAPTER 11
TO INFINITY AND BEYOND
W
ELCOME TO CHAPTER 11! IN U.S. BANKRUPTCY LAW, “chapter 11” refers to the part of the bankruptcy process in which the business or individual can begin to reorganize and rebuild. While we've been reorganizing in every chapter, it seems particularly appropriate in this last one. As you leave behind old and bankrupt ideas about sexuality in favor of what you really really want, it can feel unstable and chaotic. In this chapter we'll try to firm up the ground beneath you so that you can jump off from here to wherever you want to go next.
ELCOME TO CHAPTER 11! IN U.S. BANKRUPTCY LAW, “chapter 11” refers to the part of the bankruptcy process in which the business or individual can begin to reorganize and rebuild. While we've been reorganizing in every chapter, it seems particularly appropriate in this last one. As you leave behind old and bankrupt ideas about sexuality in favor of what you really really want, it can feel unstable and chaotic. In this chapter we'll try to firm up the ground beneath you so that you can jump off from here to wherever you want to go next.
Let's start by revisiting where you were in chapter 1 and seeing what's changed and what hasn't. Remember this quiz? Without peeking at your answers from when you took it the first time, take it again now:
1. I know how to stay safe while expressing my sexuality.
2. I'm afraid of what others would think/say/do if they knew how I feel about sex.
3. I can tell when sexual activity is making me uncomfortable.
4. I can tell when sexual activity is giving me pleasure.
5. I feel comfortable telling a potential sexual partner that something they're doing is making me uncomfortable.
6. I feel comfortable telling a potential sexual partner what to do in order to give me pleasure.
7. My sexual values make sense to me.
8. I often do sexual things or have sexual feelings that make me feel confused or bad.
9. My sexual partner(s), if I have them, share my values about sex.
10. My friends share my values about sex.
11. My family shares my values about sex.
12. I have people in my life I feel comfortable talking to about sex.
How'd you do? Specifically, ask yourself if those answers are what you'd like them to be. If some of them aren't, go back and circle them. We'll talk about them in a minute. But first, find your answers now from when you took this quiz in chapter 1. Put a star next to every answer that's changed. Then go back and take out the commitment you made to yourself at the beginning of the book. Reread it, and think about it. Did you live up to it? Did you accomplish what you set out to do? Or at least some of it? Whatever the answer, take a moment now to appreciate all the hard work you've put into this process, and where it's led you.
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