Whatever He Wants (18 page)

 
     
For the first time in weeks, her face
wasn’t caked with makeup. Her hair was piled on her head in a messy bun and she
wore a simple black t-shirt and a pair of jeans. She reminded him of when he’d
first met her. James couldn’t tear his gaze from the sight of the innocent
sensuality she presented, from the way she nibbled on her bottom lip to the way
she’d periodically poke her tongue out to rest at the corner of her mouth. More
than anything he wanted her attention to be on him so he could capture that
tongue and suck it into his mouth as he fucked her senseless.

 
     
It was almost a shame to break her from
the deep concentration she was obviously in, but seeing her this way did things
to his libido that was probably outlawed in several states. His gaze drifted to
the image on the sketchpad which looked to be a landscape. What really
surprised him most was how good it was. He knew she was an art school dropout
but he had no idea she was this talented. Taking a step forward to get a closer
look, he brushed up against the island. The movement must have caught her
attention because Noelle raised her head with a startled gasp.

 
     
She flipped the pad over in an obvious
attempt to hide her work from him and popped out her ear buds. “Sorry I didn’t
hear you come in. Let me turn off the oven and I’ll head upstairs.”

 
     
Just like that he could actually feel that
invisible wall she erected between them. Though James would never mention it,
he didn’t like it one bit. Noelle removed a muffin pan from the oven and placed
them on top of the stove without a glance in his direction.

 
     
“It smells great, Noelle.”

 
     
She stiffened momentarily. “Thanks,” she
replied matter-of-factly.

 
     
After plucking off her oven mitts and
tossing them on the counter, she brushed past him. James reached out and caught
her by the arm. “You don’t have to hurry off.”

 
     
Noelle looked pointedly at the hand
restraining her,
then
raised her head to lock gazes
with him. Her expression was closed and it drove him crazy; he couldn’t read
her mood like he usually could. “I’m kind of sticky from being in the hot
kitchen for most of the afternoon. I need to go freshen up.”

 
     
“You seem fine just the way you are. Have
a drink with me.”

 
     
She crinkled her nose, her bemusement
obvious. “Why?”

 
     
“Do I need a reason?”

 
     
She opened her mouth and then closed it as
if she thought better of it. “I guess not. Should I fix it for you?”

 
     
James wished he knew what she was about to
say. “If there’s something on your mind, you can tell me, Noelle.”

 
     
She gave him a slight smile that didn’t
quite reach her eyes. “Um, thanks. So, what would you like to drink?”

 
     
He stifled a frustrated grunt. “I’ll get
it myself,” he muttered leaving the kitchen.

 
     
She didn’t follow him out to the living
room immediately. As he waited for her he poured himself a glass of scotch and
leaned against the bar, trying to figure out why the hell this change in Noelle
bothered him so damn much. She was still accommodating which was all he really
required. But her sudden personality change didn’t sit well with him.

 
     
She finally came out of the kitchen with
what looked like a glass of fruit juice. “I hope you don’t mind but I don’t
think I can stomach any heavy alcohol right now, but I didn’t want you to drink
alone.”

 
     
For the first time since he arrived, he
noticed the strain on her face. Something was obviously bothering her and he
needed to know what was going on with her. “Noelle. Something is bothering you.
Tell me what it is.”

 
     
“Nothing’s wrong.”

 
     
She answered too quickly. “Noelle…”

 
     
“I’m just not feeling one hundred percent
is all. No biggie.”

 
     
“Funny. You seemed fine when I came here,”
he noted before taking another sip from his tumbler.

 
     
She took a considerable pause before
replying. “I’m sure you’re not interested in discussing the state of my health,
James. And for the life of me, I don’t understand why we’re even talking
instead of heading to the bedroom.” There was a slight edge to her tone one
he’d never heard her use.

 
     
“You’re here to fulfill any need I
require. And right now it would satisfy me to have a conversation with you.”

 
     
Noelle squeezed her eyes shut and pinched
the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. She let out an
exaggerated sigh. “What do you want to talk about James?” Noelle sounded as if
she couldn’t be bothered.

 
     
He placed his drink on the bar and stalked
in her direction, closing the short distance between them. James placed his
hands on her shoulders. “Look at me, Noelle.”

 
     
Slowly, she dropped her hand and raised
her head. Her dark brown eyes glimmered with the sheen of unshed tears, her
expression pained. “Noelle, what’s going on? I realize I can be demanding but
I’m not a complete bastard.”

 
     
“In the grand scheme of things, I don’t
think it matters. When you’ve gotten what you want from me and walk out that
door, I seriously doubt my concerns will be on your mind. Now if you’ll please
excuse me. I need to take something for my headache before it turns into a full
blown migraine and heaven forbid if I’m unable to perform for you.” She
practically slammed her juice on the bar and tried to move past him, but he
grabbed her wrist.

 
     
“Whoa. What the hell is that supposed to
mean?”

 
     
“You’ve never been interested in having a
stimulating conversation with me when you come by. Why now? You just want sex
and I accept that. So you don’t get to treat me like some mindless bimbo and
then pretend you give a shit about whether something is bothering me. That’s
not part of the deal.” She yanked her wrist from his grasp and maneuvered
around him. This time he didn’t stop her.

 
     
What the hell was that about? It had been
six months since he’d set Noelle up as his lover and he’d come to depend on
these visits as a sanctuary from his hectic work and social schedule. With
Noelle, James wasn’t quite as guarded. She never made demands on him as some of
his previous lovers, and her presence always put him at ease. Sometimes he felt
so comfortable around
Noelle,
he wanted to share
things with her that he wouldn’t with anyone else. He never did, but the fact
that he even wanted to frightened him a bit.

 
     
He was playing a dangerous game keeping
her as his mistress, because she posed a threat to all he’d worked for since he
was a teenager. He wouldn’t cast those ambitions aside for anyone, not even
her.

 
     
Part of him wanted to go upstairs and
smooth things over with Noelle but the other half said “screw that.” The second
he caved to her whims meant he no longer held the upper hand. She accused him
of treating her like “a mindless bimbo”, which wasn’t his intention, but he
couldn’t help the way she felt. As Noelle had pointed out she was there because
she wanted to be. James told himself he had no reason to be guilty.

 
     
The more James thought about it, his anger
grew. She was no better than his other mistresses. Noelle was good at
pretending she was the embodiment of sweet innocence but today proved
otherwise. Her tirade had made him feel two inches tall. Long ago he’d made a
promise to himself no one would ever make him feel that way again. He’d be
damned if he allowed Noelle to call the shots because of his lapse of judgment
where she was concerned.  Who the fuck did she think she was to rail at
him as if she had a say-so? There were hundreds of women who would love to be
in her position. Perhaps she’d gotten it in her head that she was
irreplaceable. She probably expected him to follow her.

 
     
He finished the rest of his scotch and
pounded the tumbler against the bar. James had actually looked forward to
spending time with Noelle but the day was ruined. Glancing at his watch he
figured he could head to the gym and he’d call Eleanor to see if she wanted to
have dinner.  With that decided he headed out the door trying, to push
down that nagging kernel of guilt that kept trying to resurface.

 
     
Noelle slowly opened her eyes, feeling a
bit groggy and realized she must have fallen asleep. Glancing over on the nightstand
she noticed it was six o’ clock. Instinctively, she knew James had left. A
sickening sensation formed in the pit of her stomach. Was this the beginning of
the end? Had she ruined any chances of penetrating that barrier James
constantly wore like a shield? It was a rare occurrence when James showed any
interest in her beyond the bedroom and today had seemed to be one of them. But
she couldn’t smile in his face and be sweet. She wasn’t a good at faking her
emotions nor could she pretend she wasn’t slowly dying inside to know she
wasn’t enough. After seeing that picture of James in the newspaper with that
beautiful socialite, something within Noelle had withered. That was why she’d
lashed out at James. How could he do such wonderful things to her body and it
not mean anything to him? It hurt so much, but he was an addiction she couldn’t
quit.

 
     
She’d tried harder to be more compliant,
changed her look to the point she barely recognized herself. From the hair
extensions to the ridiculous range of colored contacts, Noelle tried to give
James what she believed he wanted but it never seemed to be enough. She cursed
herself for trying to recapture those fleeting moments of happiness they’d
shared on their dates.

 
     
Noelle wasn’t sure how long she lay on the
bed in a fetal position feeling sorry for herself, but she eventually got up to
stretch her tense muscles. As she headed downstairs the insistent ringing of
her cell phone brought Noelle out of her miserable musings. She secretly hoped
it was James and was slightly disappointed when she spied the caller ID and saw
it wasn’t.

 
     
“Hi, Simone!”
Noelle attempted to inject as much cheer in her voice as possible but only
managed to emit the pain she was in.

 
     
Her cousin picked up on it right away. “
Cuz
, what’s the matter?”

 
     
“I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

 
     
“Noelle, don’t lie. You sound like shit.”

 
     
“Gee, thanks, Simone,” Noelle replied
dryly.

 
     
“I didn’t say it to be mean but I can tell
by from the sound of your voice you’re not fine. Did James do something to
you?” When Noelle didn’t answer right away, Simone persisted. “He did, didn’t
he?”

 
     
Noelle knew better than to say anything
negative about James around her cousin. She wasn’t in the mood for a lecture.
“Do you mind if we don’t talk about James please?”

 
     
“But--”

 
     
“Please,” Noelle begged.

 
     
“Fine.
But if I
find out he did something to you, I’m cutting off his balls.”

 
     
Noelle rolled her eyes heavenward,
thankful her cousin couldn’t see her expression.
“Duly noted.
So, are you calling to find out the status of my relationship or just to
chit-chat?”

 
     
“Actually, I wanted to invite you come out
with me and some friends tonight. That’s if you’re allowed out of the ivory
tower.”

 
     
Noelle groaned. “Simone, please don’t
start.”

 
     
“Sorry, but it’s kind of annoying how you
keep turning down my invitations to hang out because you have to wait around
for James. It’s almost like he’s holding you prisoner.”