Whatever the Price (4 page)

Once she could speak and not risk hyperventilating, Charlotte called her doctor, who assured her they did walk-in blood tests and to come on in.

Three hours later she was back home, waiting for the doctor’s office to call with those results, but she knew what they would say. The same thing both drugstore pregnancy tests had said—because she’d bought the box of two just to be sure.

And now she swayed back and forth with a fussy Lily, wondering how she would tell Anthony when he returned from his trip. Which should be anytime now if he kept his word and came straight home.

Good Lord. She sounded like his mother, not his wife. Make that soon-to-be ex. What did it matter what he did with his time now? It was all the time before she’d left him that had mattered. All those years before she’d visited her attorney that Anthony couldn’t give back to her.

Tears pricked her eyes and there was nothing she could do to prevent them from falling. Might as well join in with Lily.

“Shh,” she whispered. “It’ll be okay. Everything will work itself out.”

Charlotte didn’t know if she was consoling the baby or herself, but everything would be okay…she hoped.

Now she had a marriage not just on the rocks, but on the verge of falling off the cliff. In addition, she would become Lily’s legal guardian in ninety days, she still had the Children’s Hospital wing dedication and charity dinner to finish planning, and if all of that weren’t enough to make her run straight out of the Hollywood Hills, now she was having a baby of her own with a man she loved but couldn’t stay with.

Would Anthony even want another child? How would he handle two when for years he hadn’t wanted any at all?

“Charlotte?”

Anthony’s questioning tone came from downstairs and pulled her from all the thoughts bouncing around in her head.

“I’ll be down in a minute,” she called back.

Charlotte stared at herself in the mirror. She may be the same woman she had been this morning, but she certainly didn’t feel the same. Her life had just taken another major come-out-of-nowhere blow and now she had to figure out how to deal with not one, but two babies and a possible divorce.

Or an even worse possibility—what if she miscarried again? How could she cope with another stab to the heart and loss like the last time? How much could one person truly handle before breaking?

Could her life be more of a mess?

She couldn’t tell Anthony about the baby yet. Fear of losing the baby and fear of their future held her back.

She’d obviously conceived when Anthony had come to “talk” last month, so that would make her four weeks along. Her miscarriage had occurred at seven weeks.

To keep Lily’s life as stable as possible and to see how seriously Anthony took his paternal responsibilities, she wouldn’t say anything yet. There were so many reasons to keep this baby a secret, but most of all to keep her own sanity. She just couldn’t pile another emotional issue on and give Anthony more leverage to make her stay. She wanted, needed him to stay for the right reasons.

Lily gave up fussing and moved straight into a full-throated cry with actual tears. Charlotte had the overwhelming urge to sit on the bed and join in, but that would solve nothing. And because Charlotte had never been one to sit around and cry when action needed to be taken, she straightened her shoulders and gave Lily an extra hug.

“Let’s go get you a bottle, sweetheart.”

Shifting the baby onto her hip, Charlotte padded out of her room and ran right into Anthony, who was standing outside her door.

“Oh.” She stepped back. “I didn’t know you were out here waiting for us.”

He hadn’t slept, or if he had, it was only for a few hours on his flight from New York to L.A. His eyes were red-rimmed, his hair a bit mussed and he still had on the dress pants and shirt he’d worn for the awards. He’d lost the tie and jacket and unbuttoned the top two buttons, the sleeves folded taut over his muscular forearms. Why he didn’t change on his plane was beyond her.

Charlotte couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sympathy for the man who was going to try to do it all in an attempt to prove to her that he could do it all.

Lily let out a loud wail.

“I need to feed her,” Charlotte explained, moving past Anthony.

“I’ll do it.” He slid the baby from her grasp and started toward the stairs. “I haven’t been spit up on for a couple days. I almost missed the smell.”

No matter what life threw at him, Anthony always kept his sense of humor. As she followed him down the wide staircase, she recalled that his humor had been one of the traits that had led her to fall in love with him in the first place.

A lump of guilt rose in her throat over keeping news of their baby from him, but the man had never even entertained the idea of kids before. Work had always been his fallback excuse.

So now wasn’t the time to reveal the truth. She needed to come to grips with this and figure out just how she was going to deal with this unexpected development. And he needed to get used to Lily before she hit him with the news of another baby.

Unexpected or not, Charlotte already loved this baby she carried. Children had always been her passion. In her volunteer work at the Children’s Hospital, she fell in love on a daily basis with some remarkable kids.

Walking toward the kitchen, Charlotte trailed behind Anthony as he tried to shift a very red-faced Lily. The jostling really wasn’t working—she was screaming louder—but he’d figure it out. All Charlotte could see was Lily’s little head bobbing up and down to the rhythm of Anthony’s awkward bounce. He needed to do this, to work on being a dad, so he could see exactly what he was getting into.

He filled a bottle with filtered water and went to get the lid off the formula. “It’s okay, Lily. I’m getting it.”

Charlotte resisted the urge to take the baby, mix the bottle and put an end to everyone’s misery. He was going to need all the practice he could get for when their own baby arrived—God willing. Still, her take-charge nature made it hard to do nothing. And since he was so set on proving to her that he could and would indeed be Superdad, she crossed her arms and leaned against the tiled center island.

Just as he balanced Lily in one arm and jerked the lid off the formula, the powder shot across the counter and down onto the gleaming hardwood floor. Unable to handle poor Lily’s hunger cries another minute, Charlotte stepped up. Silence and self-control be damned.

“Let me do it.” She scooped out the remaining formula from the canister and mixed the bottle. “Let me have her.”

“I was getting it,” he told her, relinquishing hold of his niece. “No need to take over.”

Lily’s pudgy hands reached for the bottle and the instant she started sucking, her cries ceased. Silence enveloped them and Charlotte found herself staring back into Anthony’s rich gray eyes.

“There was no need to have her so upset when we both know I can make the bottle faster.”

Charlotte started to move from the kitchen when he grabbed her shoulder to turn her back around.

“Is this how it’s going to be?” he demanded. “For the next few months are you going to undercut every attempt I make at trying to help, to show you that I can do this? Are you so determined to leave me that you won’t even give me the chance to prove myself as a husband or a father?”

Charlotte kept her gaze on the blissfully happy baby. No way could she look into his eyes right now. Not when he sounded so broken, yet so determined. She didn’t want his words to get to her. She couldn’t afford to lay her heart on the line again as far as Anthony was concerned. There were only so many times she could push her hurt aside and forgive him.

“I’m not undercutting anything,” she told him. “I just wanted her fed.”

He stepped closer, so close the arm she’d wrapped around Lily brushed against the hard plains of his abdomen. Beneath that cotton dress shirt lay rippled muscles that she’d explored with both her hands and her mouth. There wasn’t a part of his body she hadn’t seen or touched, but just that slight bit of contact sent a shiver rippling through her. He could always turn her on.

“I want to help. I need to.” He laid a hand over hers on Lily’s little belly. “Let me.”

Charlotte’s chest constricted at the warmth of his touch, his tone. He was holding out the olive branch…all she had to do was take it. All she had to do was look up into those smoky eyes and work with him, meet him in the middle. But pride, stubbornness and all those years of extending her own branch only to have it knocked aside had her shaking her head.

“I’ve got it.”

And with that she walked out.

Some might say she was being difficult, some might accuse her of being hardheaded, and she would absolutely, 100 percent agree. She was all of that and much more. But time after time of being torn down, ignored and neglected would do that to a woman.

Not only could Anthony make her burn hotter than anyone, he also brought out the spiteful, surly side of her. And while she may be physically attracted to him still, she had serious questions about her love. The idea that she fell out of love made her sick to her stomach, but she just couldn’t love a man who didn’t love her enough to make her the top priority in his life.

If Charlotte thought that his sincerity would last for more than a week, a month, she’d jump at the chance to meet him in the middle. But she knew how he was. She knew that nothing and no one would come between him and his precious work schedule—all the parties and awards ceremonies and the next big blockbuster film. And even if he decided he wanted to put her first, agents, managers, A-list actors and countless other people would eat up so much of his time, how would the man have any left for her or these children?

Yes, she’d definitely made the right decision in not telling him about the baby. He needed to seriously reshuffle his priority list before she would smack him with more life-altering news.

Even though this circumstance was different, she still needed to wait to tell him about the baby. The first time she’d gotten pregnant she hadn’t told him because he’d been away filming. She’d planned a surprise for his return with a dinner and a little present. She’d bought a tacky T-shirt that said #1 Dad.

But she’d miscarried before she could make her announcement and before he returned from location. She’d tossed the T-shirt—gift bag and all—into the fire pit on their patio and cried as the ashes blew around and floated away, much like her dreams. Symbolic, really, that her dreams had literally gone up in smoke.

She’d faced that monumental, heartbreaking time alone. But this time he was here and he deserved to know, just not yet. They had a lot on their plate and they needed to deal with all the upcoming decisions together as a family, broken or not. And she would include him in the decision making as soon as she felt comfortable with the man he claimed he could be.

As Charlotte moved back through the marble foyer and up the stairs to lay Lily down for her afternoon nap, she heard Anthony’s footsteps behind her.

“We need to talk,” he told her as they reached the landing.

She couldn’t agree more, so she nodded. “Let me get Lily settled and I’ll come find you.”

His eyes roamed over her face, landing on her lips. “I’ll wait in our room.”

He strode past her before she could correct him. It wasn’t
their
room anymore. That beautiful master suite with a walk-out balcony, shower big enough for ten people and a sunken Jacuzzi would never be hers again. The day she’d walked out, she’d left behind any and all luxuries she’d grown accustomed to.

Of course, she would’ve given all of it up in a heartbeat if she could have had the man she’d married back in her life. To have that attentive, loving, funny guy back, she’d gladly turn her back on this “glamorous” lifestyle.

Not so glamorous once the cameras stopped filming and the doors to the mansion closed. Everyday problems still occurred for the rich and famous. She’d always heard the expression “More money, more problems.” How true. Except their problems were out there for the public to see. Nothing was sacred in Hollywood, which made heartache that much harder to deal with.

Why had she once thought that they’d live happily ever after? Had she been that naive to think love would carry them over any obstacle?

Charlotte sat in the cushioned wooden rocker and eased back and forth while Lily finished her bottle. Sweet little lips pulled at the last drop of formula, then her mouth lost suction as she drifted off to sleep. Charlotte smiled, pulled the empty bottle away and eased the baby up onto her shoulder.

Keeping with the rocking motion, Charlotte closed her eyes and relished the peaceful bliss of holding a sleeping, innocent baby. No matter what happened with the marriage or the baby she carried, Charlotte knew she had a responsibility to Lily. Even though they weren’t blood-related, that didn’t matter. Charlotte would love and care for Lily as if she were her own.

Rachel had been an amazing woman. Charlotte hadn’t been super-close with her sister-in-law because of the miles between them, but they had communicated a great deal over the phone.

Rachel had been so excited when she’d become pregnant. Charlotte had been both thrilled and a little jealous, and once she’d seen how happy the news made Anthony, she couldn’t help but wonder if he’d changed his mind about having kids of his own.

But when she’d brought it up, he’d blown her off again, claiming it wasn’t good timing. Good timing or not, he soon would have to get used to the idea of baby number two.

Giving in to the inevitable and relinquishing the peacefulness of rocking Lily, Charlotte came to her feet, laid Lily in her sleigh crib and went down the hall to her old master bedroom.

She prayed for the strength and courage to have a calm, adult conversation with Anthony. Prayed they wouldn’t start yelling and hurling accusations.

She was getting stronger in standing up for herself and he needed to understand that unless and until he made a drastic change in his work ethic, she couldn’t consider them a family.

Four

C
harlotte entered her room—no, Anthony’s room—but didn’t see him. She moved farther in, beyond the sitting area and out on the balcony, where he’d left the French doors open. Everything about this room screamed
sexy
—from the delicate white sheers flowing from the patio doors and windows to the draped fabric encasing the canopy bed, the soft hues covering the wall, and the sunsets that would cast a romantic glow every evening.

Reality check. She wasn’t here for romance. There was nothing romantic about being in a predicament where you were forced to work with someone you needed distance from, or loving someone with your whole heart only to have that love taken for granted and ignored.

Anthony stood against the short, fat pillars and marble rail, his back to her, his eyes on the lush grounds below that were manicured to perfection. There wasn’t one aspect of this home that she hadn’t had a hand in deciding when they’d built. She wondered if he even noticed that, before she left, she’d had a whole new flower garden and waterfall put in. If he had, he never mentioned it. Neglect had come on so many levels.

“I won’t live these next three months like this,” he said without turning. “I won’t worry about making you angry or doing something wrong with Lily.”

Charlotte wanted to go to the rail, but she remained in the doorway. If he was ready to open up and discuss his feelings without her begging him, she certainly wasn’t going to interrupt.

“I love Lily,” he went on, turning to face her. “I’m going to screw things up—I’m only human. But I’m trying my hardest here, so let me.”

Unable to remain at a distance, Charlotte stepped forward and rested her hands next to his on the rail. “I know you love her—it would be impossible not to. But you can’t just expect me to believe that this baby has turned your entire mind-set around. Our problems can’t be fixed overnight because we instantly have a family. If anything, we have more than we expected.”

She resisted the urge to run a hand over her flat stomach.

“I didn’t say anything was fixed overnight.” He pushed off the rail, his face mere inches from hers. “But you’re here. I’m here. And I want to work through this, Charlie. Tell me you’ll work with me and not against me.”

Tears pricked her eyes, burned her throat. “I have no choice but to work with you now. But I can’t promise that after this ninety-day period I’ll still be living here.”

He prayed for a miracle to take place in these next few months. “Let’s take this one day at a time, okay? That’s all I’m asking.” All he was begging. “I just want us to be happy.”

“It’s hard to be happy right now, Anthony. We were separated, heading for divorce, then thrown into parenthood with Lily, and are reluctantly living together again. Kind of hard to celebrate anything.”

Which reminded him of the surprise he had for her. He needed to make her see that she and Lily
did
come first. Why couldn’t he have both career and family? He’d damn well make this work. This was the only chance in life he had to get this right. He’d prove to himself—and Charlotte—that he could, in fact, have it all and excel at being a parent and a husband. Maybe he hadn’t wanted children before, but fate had handed him a gift. Yes, he was worried, but he also knew he could do this…with Charlotte by his side.

“We’re getting away,” he blurted out. “Before I left for the awards, I had my assistant clear my schedule for the next two weeks. We’re going to our house in Tahoe.”

Charlotte’s face brightened, then she tilted her head and raised one perfectly arched brow. “Really? Why now?”

He shrugged, hating that something so simple could have her so happy and skeptical at the same time. “I know we need time away from this lifestyle if I ever want a chance at a family and happiness with you. I know how much you love Tahoe, so we’re going. Originally, I was only going to go for a few days, but I think we’ll stay longer.”

Charlotte closed her eyes, the breeze blowing her long blond hair back over her shoulder. The sun kissed her face, and Anthony knew how lucky he was. He’d taken her for granted, but he was also very aware of everything she loved about life. Now he just had to present all that love to her. She deserved everything he could give…and he had finally realized that didn’t mean material things, which he’d always lavished on her in the past, instead of sharing his time and feelings with her.

“Can you be ready to leave by tomorrow morning?” he asked.

Her face turned back to his, unshed tears on the verge of spilling over. “I can. Thank you for doing this.”

As she turned to go, Anthony grabbed for her arm. “Stay. Don’t always be the first to walk from a room because you’re afraid I will.”

A sad smile formed on her full lips. “Won’t you? You’ve always walked away, Anthony. It’s hard seeing your back so much as the distance grows between us.”

Guilt crept up and squeezed his chest, but he deserved the hurt. He needed to use it to make himself and their marriage stronger.

“I could say I’m sorry, and I’d mean it,” he told her. “But I know words will do very little at this point. I plan on showing you that I’m worthy of being a good father to Lily, and the husband you need.”

Her eyes darted down to his hand on her bare arm. “This is harder than I thought,” she whispered. “Being here, with you. I want so much, but I can’t hope, can’t dream for things that may never be.”

“You used to confide all your dreams in me.” He closed the space between them, keeping his hand on her arm. “Don’t shut me out, Charlie. I’m trying. I’ve never stopped loving you. The film sets, movie premieres, awards shows—none of that can fill my heart the way you do.”

“Then why haven’t you shown me?” she asked, her voice cracking from emotion. “Why do you always put work first?”

He brought his other hand up to cup her cheek. He’d missed that silky skin, that hitch in her breath when he barely caressed his fingertips over her jawline. He missed making love to her and holding her in his arms while she slept. And the one frenzied night they’d shared a month ago didn’t help. Once she’d asked him to leave, he realized just how much he wanted her back…how much he missed holding her in his arms.

He’d taken her and their marriage for granted. There was no sugarcoating it. Until she left, he hadn’t realized how much she filled his life.

“I never thought I was,” he confessed. “I was just doing my job and knew you’d be home when I came back. I can’t apologize for my work, because it’s who I am. All I can do is show you I can put you and Lily first. But, at the same time, I can’t turn my back on who I am.”

“I don’t want you to forget who you are,” she told him, looking into his eyes. “I never meant for you to give up what you love, Anthony. I guess I should’ve been more vocal about that. But your priorities…”

“Right now I have only one priority.”

He captured her lips, keeping his touch light because he knew that made her weak. She’d always loved the tender moments. So many times they’d made love in a frantic hurry, but he knew her better than she knew herself. And wasn’t that the message he’d been missing? She loved when he took his time with her, showed her real love.

With a stroke of his fingertips up her arm and over the gooseflesh he’d caused, he laid his palm on the small of her back and eased her against his body.

Yeah, he knew her so well. Just one feather-soft kiss had her sighing, leaning into him.

He missed the feel of her flush against him while he slept. Missed the way he would wake her in the night when he needed to feel that connection he could only get from her.

Unable to keep the kiss light, Anthony tilted his head and took more. Charlotte’s fingers dug into his shoulders, her breasts flattened against his chest.

How could she walk away from him, from this? They had so much heat between them. And now they had Lily to keep them together for a minimum of ninety days. He intended to take advantage of every moment.

Fatherhood may have been something he’d always feared he’d fail at. Maybe because he’d been so successful with his career, he was afraid of not being able to do the same in his personal life. He had no idea why it scared him so much. No doubt the shrink Charlotte wanted him to see would be able to pin down a reason after the first session. But now that Lily was in their lives, he knew he’d do anything to keep his family together. Fear or no fear, he had an obligation and he wasn’t backing down.

So if he had to give in and go to therapy, then so be it. He couldn’t,
wouldn’t
live without his family.

Charlotte pushed away, dropping her hands. “You don’t play fair.”

He stared at her swollen lips, more than ready to taste them again. “I don’t plan to. I want you back, Charlie. In every sense of the word.”

Stepping back farther, she licked her lips. “I’m going to start packing.”

Selfishly he took comfort in knowing she was running scared. That kiss hadn’t left her unaffected. But he’d let her think she was in control…for now.

“You may want to avoid this,” he said, motioning between them. “But you can’t avoid me when we’re in Tahoe. It’ll just be me, you and Lily. I’ve given the staff paid vacations.”

Charlotte winced as if that were a bad thing. “Not a good idea.”

He couldn’t help but smile. “And why is that?” Leaning back against the marble rail, he crossed his arms over his chest. “Afraid we won’t be able to keep our hands off each other?”

That defiant chin tilted. “That’s not it at all.... I just…”

His smile grew as she stammered for an excuse to cover the lie. He knew she feared being alone with him. Knew he’d break her down, win her back. She worried that her heart would get broken once more. But he refused to let that happen. He’d never willingly hurt her again.

“I’m not going to explain myself,” she finally said. “I’ll be in my room.”

As she spun on her heel, he called out, “Don’t forget to pack that red nightie I bought you last Christmas.”

She marched through the French doors, across the master suite, and slammed the door. A second later Lily sent up a wail.

Ah, yes. This was going to be an interesting vacation.

* * *

Packed and ready to go, Charlotte couldn’t help but feel a spurt of hope for this trip. She knew it was a lot to lay so much pressure on one getaway, but Anthony had never suggested they go away so they could work on things. If he was willing to try, then how could she not?

At the same time, she also had to be realistic. Years of poor communication, when there even
was
any communication, could not be repaired in a few weeks. But it was a start and that counted for something.

The doctor’s appointment came first, though. This was one of those times she was thankful her name and status moved things along. They were able to squeeze her in for a prenatal appointment. She had told Anthony she had an appointment at the hospital and he’d just assumed she meant the Children’s Hospital. She hadn’t corrected him. She’d simply said she shouldn’t be too long and when she came back they could leave.

God, she loathed lying, but, at this stage, how could she open up? Fear of a miscarriage and fear of Anthony not changing drove her to keep the truth to herself…at least for now.

In retrospect, he’d deserved to know about the last baby, but she’d never uttered a word. Selfishly she’d kept that to herself because she’d been so hurt and angry that he hadn’t been there when she needed him most. But her doctor’s appointment had gone well, and now she was heading home to get ready to go away with her family.

But right now she was going to concentrate on Lily and this time with Anthony in Tahoe.

She so loved their Tahoe getaway home—this one more so than the others. The Tahoe home was away from all the hustle and bustle of a big city and provided a nice relaxing escape. Just what they needed.

Countless times she would go away on her own to enjoy the serenity, the beauty. Several occasions when planning a charity event, this tranquil home had provided a nice place to think. Unlike when she worked in Hollywood and their version of beauty was skewed and molded by plastic surgeons and trophy wives.

Charlotte opened the door to her Hollywood Hills home and saw her two pieces of matching luggage sitting by the door. Anthony must’ve brought them down from her room. She reached to pick them up when his voice stopped her.

“If you’re ready I can take your bags.” Charlotte turned to see Anthony descending the grand staircase. “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t have any last-minute items you wanted to pack.”

“No, I’m good to go.” She smiled. “I packed light, since I still have some stuff up there from my last visit.”

He tilted his head. “When was that?”

“Right after I moved out. I knew you were going out of town and I wanted to be alone and surrounded by nothing but nature, instead of glitz and glamour. I was only there for a few days because I had to get back to the hospital.”

The way he studied her face, the muscle ticking in his jaw, had her wondering what he was thinking. But with the way she’d stipulated things between them during this ninety-day period, she didn’t feel as if it was her place to ask.

Wasn’t she the one who wanted this separation to move forward? She couldn’t probe his private thoughts and still expect some distance.

Once upon a time, in the beginning, she wouldn’t have had to ask. But communication had slowly become an issue. Little by little their lives became routine, resulting in bottled-up feelings and hurts that led them here…on the verge of divorce with two babies…one of which was still a secret.

But isn’t that how all marriages ended? Slowly? They never came to an abrupt halt. Bad decisions, no matter how small, piled on top of each other, would break down even the strongest of marriages.

“Lily is playing in her crib if you want to grab her. I’ll meet you in the car,” he told her, reaching for her suitcase. “Her things are already loaded. When I asked my assistant to cancel my appointments, I also asked her to have the staff set up a room with a crib and anything else we’ll need.”

A little piece of her melted as she realized how much thought he’d put into this trip. “Thank you.”