When Dreams are Calling (8 page)

“What do I think? It won’t happen what I think
or what your family
or even your foes want. It will happen only what you believe it will
happen.
Same as till now.”

“How can you say that? I never wanted any of
these. I never wanted
this job. I just need this job. I need to support myself.”

“Ever since you landed you needed the money.
This did not turn you
into a stripper, when you were offered to become one. Why should you
now turn
yourself into a ghost? Quit and move on, like you always did. The
future will
take care of itself. You just be careful with your thoughts.”

Said and done. After six months of mental and
physical torture,
despite having no savings, I mustered all my courage and quit. The
first thing
I planned to do was to sleep all day and all night for as long as I
could.

Dora’s
Journal Notes

• Don’t envy anyone.
  There will always be
  parts of their lives, known or unknown, you could not put up with.
  
• No job is worth
  your health.
  
• Any decision that
  brings you relief is
  good.
  

13
Friendship and its Perks

Friendships
are in times of need,

What
love is in times of breed.

When
it’s long lasting and true,

It’s
the best thing that can happen to you!

Robert, the man
I met a few hours after my landing in Canada, who helped me to find my
first
apartment and watched over me ever since, was neither rich nor handsome.

He was a common Canuck working his way through
life, with no
tertiary education, a bit frumpy and short, always tardy, and all over
the
place. But his heart was beautiful, helping everyone from the last
beggar met
at the subway to the closest friend met in kindergarten. That’s not to
say he
was naïve. He had a knack for people, could tell the bad ones from the
good
ones, the sincere from the crooks, after just a few minutes of
conversation.
And he was rarely wrong.

He judged people not by their clothes, their
cars, or their bank
accounts. What he was looking for in a person was far beyond what money
can buy
or what one might have today and lose tomorrow. He was looking for
genuine
kindness.

Looking back, in Romania I wouldn’t have had
the curiosity to know
him better. Well hidden in my own upper social class, guarded all
around by
preconceptions, I used to judge people by their formal education or
their lack
of it.

But my life in Canada taught me more than that.
Here, the richest
man could choose to drive a Honda while the poor one might have saved
his whole
life to proudly now drive a Mercedes, or the cleaning guy at the mall
could
have been a doctor with a PhD from a country ravaged by war, whose
studies were
not recognized.

None of those aspects changed who those people
really were, what
they knew, or what they had.

Robert was a true man and not knowing him would
have been entirely
my loss.

For all the confidence he had in me when no one
else had, he was and
remained my hero, my guardian angel. Thanks to him, I survived all the
storms,
I found the strength to follow my dreams and to never kneel. He was my
armor,
my torch, my refuge.

And to make it all complete, he was the
funniest man I’ve ever met,
living day by day by the motto, “Seven
days without
laughter makes one weak.”

It was Sunday afternoon when, after crying
about my fate all day
long, he came over, accompanied by his unmistakable, unflagging good
cheer.

“I know the best way to see that perfect smile
on you again,” he
proclaimed.

“Why do I feel scared of asking what that is?”

“I don’t know. Why do you, eh?”

“Because I know you?”

“Do you, missy?” he said, cracking a
mischievous smile. “Get
dressed; we’re goin’ to the Human Body Exhibition.”

“Where?”

“To the Human Body Exhibition. Haven’t you ever
wondered what’s
inside this little head of yours? I always do,” he said, amused. “I
wanna know
you inside out and then I can die happy.” He paused for a few seconds.
“Although
I might prefer the ‘live happily ever after’ version.”

“You’re joking. You’re always joking. Can you
ever be serious?”

“Can I or do I want to?”

“I’ve got a hunch the answer to both is no. At
least stop laughing
all the time. People will think I’m tickling you.”

“You do, you tickle my fancy. All the time.
Plus if I want to have a
laugh, I’ll have to be the first one to make others laugh,” he said on
a
serious tone. “Now, you have five minutes to get dressed. After that,
whatever
you don’t have on you, stays home. And the five minutes start…NOW!”

“All right already. We’ll go.”

And so we went to see this famous exhibition,
which
showcased
preserved human
bodies that had been
dissected to
display
bodily systems. At first,
the idea seemed crazy: I wasn’t a
fan of horror movies and I wasn’t planning on being a surgeon. However,
after
an all-day session with skulls, skeletons, open veins, and pubic bones,
I came
home and looked in the mirror and thought I looked gorgeous and on top
of that,
guess what, I was alive too. What better reasons to celebrate and start
a new
week smiling?

Robert also remained famous in my personal
Guinness
book of
records as the fastest guy, running not away from me, but after me. I
was
flying to Romania without telling anyone. He was resourceful enough to
find out
the day, but not enough to find out the time. After a long honking
battle with
the traffic, one hour before the plane took off, he arrived at the airport
without
a clue where he could find me. He shared my picture around, asking
desperately
if anyone had seen me. Right before entering the security gates, I
heard my name
called:

“Dora is asked to come at check-in counter
number two.”

Once, twice, three times.  I was a
missing and wanted person!

Suddenly I could see him, rolling like a
snowball, kneeling in front
of me, trying to catch his breath.

“Have a safe flight, sweetie. Canada will miss
you. But I’ll miss
you even more.” Then he handed me a bunch of five dollars calling
cards. “A
call to know you’re good will be nice! Any day, at any time!”

After the expected sobbing episode, I entered
the security gates.
Then, I turned around and said, while tears came pouring down my face:

“You’re one of a kind, my precious!”

“If I am, then stop making me run like a yo-yo,
missy.”

“There comes a time when we all show our true
colors.”

“What? I’ll get you for that one.”

“Be my guest, precious,” I responded giving him
a big smile, just
before turning around and disappearing behind the gates.

His only fault in my eyes was that he was a bit
of a night owl, but
like always, he had an amusing explanation for it.

“You’ll get wrinkles from not sleeping
properly,” I scolded him.

“Wrinkles are a sign of wisdom, people let you
sit down on the bus,
listen to you more carefully, are understanding when you’re forgetful,
they...”

“Stop making fun of everything! Promise me you
will go to sleep
early tonight.”

“And who will protect my family when the
monsters come at night to
eat us all, eh?” he said with a whining voice.

“All in the name of love, poor you!”

“Poor me? What are you talkin’ about? I’m not
poor, I have you! This
makes me the richest man alive.”

“Or the dumbest!” I laughed.

We have spent one of the most beautiful
Christmases together. In
Quebec,
surrounded by snow, ski slopes,
outdoor hot
tubs, going
dog
sledding and discovering snowmobiling, Christmas was the way it is
supposed to
be: white, cold, with Santa arriving
on
his famous
sleigh
with
reindeers, with his red nose
sticking out predicting
temperatures well below zero. We waited for him
next
to the fireplace, looking out the window at the snowfall, in warm cozy
pajamas,
drinking hot chocolate, and listening to carols in a beautiful small
chalet up
in the mountains.

That Christmas day was magical. At almost minus
forty degrees Celsius,
there was no one around. The snow was up our waist, the rivers were
frozen, and
the sky was clear. Everything was still and all I could hear were our
own
footsteps cutting pathways through the untouched snow. The forest was
all ours
and with each step, I could feel myself falling under its spell.

Such a blissful, needed fall…

“I love you!” he suddenly said to me.

“I know,” I replied looking away, unable to
meet his eyes. I cared
about him more than anyone; he was my best friend, my only one, there
was
nothing I would not have done for him. He was part of me. But, I did
not love
him, at least not the way I knew he wanted me to, not the way he
deserved to
be. The spark was never there and it was nothing I could do to change
that. And
I treasured our friendship too much to lie to him.

Like he could read my mind, he
continued:

“No reason to feel guilty. Love is rarely, if
ever, a conscious
choice. I did not plan on lovin’ you, same as I cannot plan to stop
lovin’ you.”

“Can we still be friends?”

“For sure. You owe me at least that, missy.”

“I owe you more than that. I just wish I could
give it to you. It’s
just that…”

“Stop here! Justifying your decision is not
your style. And
justifying your feelings sounds even less like you. The moment when you
chose
to confide in me, to share your dreams and fears with me, in that
moment you
already gave me the best of you. Loving you made me happy, being next
to you
made me happy and seeing you grow made me ever happier. Seeing all the
other
guys roaming around you, hmmm, not very happy,” he laughed. “In my
wildest
dreams, I imagine myself making love to you.”

“Someone has got the dreaming part right.”

“Yep! However, the reality seems to be a bit of
an issue.”

“Think of it like that: they may all want me,
some might even have
me, but sooner or later they might be gone. But you, my friend, will
always
remain.”

“Tortured for life! That sounds promising.”

“Stop it! You make me sound like an awful
person.”

“Not awful. Just tantalizing, freakin’
beautiful. Outside and
inside. Not your fault, I know. Let’s walk back. We’ll freeze if we’ll
stay
here longer.”

“Love you.”

“I love you too, sweetie,” he said giving me a
kiss on the forehead.
“More than you’ll ever know.”

Although he never became my lover, he was and
remained my lifetime
best friend, the most amazing, loyal, wise, and funniest guy, with a
heart made
of pure gold.

Dora’s
Journal Notes

• While some might
  be good at talking
  about love, others might just show you what it means.
  
• True friendship is
  built in time of
  need and celebrated each day. 
  
• If you are
  extraordinary today it’s
  only because someone extraordinary believed in you. It’s your turn to
  do the
  same.
  
• Without lovers we
  might survive, but
  without friends we will crumble.
  
• Never let a true
  friend go. You might
  never find another.
  
• For women, being
  close means telling
  you everything you don’t really want to know.
  

14
When Kindness Does the Trick

When
working hard is all you do,

But
no one seems to care for you;

When
things keep piling up ahead,

Despite
working till you drop dead,

Just
take a step, a wide step back

And
try to be less of a maniac,

Open
your arms and heart and mind,

Believe
in you and just be kind!

“Today marks three
years since I left my homeland,” I said to myself on a beautiful day of
spring
while coming out of the subway. “Three years since I came to Toronto
hoping to
find a job, to go back to school, and slowly build a whole new life
from
scratch.”

And what did you do?
my inner voice
replied,
move at least five times, hold at least ten
different jobs, and cry
at least twice every day.

“I know. It seems the harder I work, the fewer
rewards I get out of
it. I’m tired of climbing a mountain that keeps hiding its peak from me
like
Fata Morgana keeps hiding her face from tired travelers. Robert is
right.
Better to be a lawyer in my own country than a cleaner in someone
else’s.”

You mean it's better to give up than stay and
fight.

“It’s a lot of wisdom in giving up too.”

And a lot of fear that some call wisdom as well.

I probably would have continued to beat myself
up if not for the old
homeless street musician playing a violin. It was gypsy music, and it
reminded
me of home. I loved that music. Every day as I walked by, it put a
smile on my
face, took a wrinkle off my forehead, and gave me a glitter in my eyes.

“People like him, artists, make the world a
better place to be,” I
said to myself, feeling a strong impulse to give him my twenty dollars.

At first it seemed silly, but more I thought
about it, more it felt
like the right thing to do. No struggle, no disappointment, no
humiliation should stop us be humble, compassionate, and goodhearted.

I reached my pockets and handed him the bill.
He smiled and thanked
me. It was the most genuine smile I saw in months.

I did not want to know how he ended up on the
streets. It was not my
place to judge him. The last three years taught me that no matter how
high up
you are, no matter how secure you think your life is, one day
everything can
change. Sometimes it might be your fault, sometimes not. It does not
matter.
All that matters is you still have a heart, you are still a human
being, and
you need compassion, understanding, and support more than ever before.

I was not doing it for him to praise me and I
expected nothing in
return.

My pockets were empty and my mind troubled, but
my heart was still
generous and pure. And as long as it remained as such, I knew, sooner
or later,
everything else would fall into place.

The music kept playing in tone with the wind
howling through the
subway tunnel.

That day, I promised myself to give something
away each day:
sometimes an hour of my time or a piece of advice, other times money or
food,
and each day a smile for someone less lucky than me. I promised to be
kind.

The following week, I found a
well-paying nine-to-five job in a
real estate office, and my employers became my close friends. With a
secure
job, I could finally move into a nice apartment, all alone, and buy the
furniture I dreamed of.

You might say it was a coincidence and you
might be right. However,
I chose to believe that it was the universe’s response to my kindness:
give and
you shall receive.

Dora’s
Journal Notes

• True kindness does
  not wait to be
  asked, does not have a particular recipient, does not ask for reasons
  nor
  expects anything in return.
  
• Keep your goals
  constant, but always be
  willing to change your approach.
  
• It is your mind
  that turns obstacles
  into dead ends.