When Hari Met His Saali (2 page)

Later that day — Los Angeles Airport

Los Angeles International Airport is the major air traffic hub of the west coast of America. It is huge and sprawling. To accommodate thousands of vehicles, there are separate parking lots that are as big and sprawling as the terminals themselves.

‘I am going to go home and crash,’ said Hari. ‘You?’ He was already walking to his car still somewhat pissed. Since they had arrived separately their cars were in different car parks.

‘I am meeting with Jenny tonight, so I’ll see you at my place later.’ Tia stopped him. It was less of a question and more of a careful, cleverly worded instruction.

‘Yeah, but, can we watch a Hollywood movie tonight instead of a Bollywood film?’ Hari said confidently, but he sounded like he was pleading to her.

Tia did that face — you know the one when somebody wants to show pity but they don’t because the other person may feel bad? Yeah, that face.

‘No can do, Hari. Wednesday nights are Bollywood movie nights, you
know
that!’ He hated it when she acted so domineering.

As far as Tia was concerned the matter was settled, so she kissed him smack on the lips. She could have just enjoyed the kiss. But she didn’t.

Oh gosh, why do I have to do everything?

She knew Hari would have just walked away without a proper farewell. She would have been right. Thankfully, an elderly American couple noticed their public kiss and the gentleman even smiled at Tia. She glowed. She loved to indulge in PDA (Public Displays of Affection).

Gosh, I love America! You couldn’t do this in India without getting arrested or some shit!

As she started to walk away, Hari had to ask: ‘Should I be getting flowers or wine or something for tonight?’

‘If I gotta tell you everything, Hari, then we are going to need to have a long talk!’ Tia shouted back before she got in her car.

Oh God, not another long talk!

Hari shuddered just thinking about it. The aforementioned long talk usually meant Tia pointing out all that was lacking in him.

What am I doing with this woman?
, he asked himself.

Is this the man I am marrying?
, Tia asked herself, looking at Hari from her car. She took a deep breath and tilted the rearview mirror to check her face. Tia Galhotra was going to be engaged to Hari Malhotra in a matter of days.

Oh dear, Tia, stop being so negative. It’s up to you to make him your Mr. Right. And you are going to do it!

Tia suddenly remembered that her phone had been on silent all day. As she had flipped it open to check if there were any messages, she gasped. There were missed calls and frantic SMSs from her office all over the screen. In her excitement to check-off the whole MHC thing from her bucket list, Tia just missed the most important business call of her career. Her orgasm was forgotten. She put her car in gear and rushed to the office.

Still earlier that morning — Los Angeles

It’s not perfect and it bothers me.

Tia’s left breast was marginally larger than her right. Or so she thought. She adjusted it.

Standing naked, looking at her reflection in the full-length oval mirror in her bathroom was how Tia started every morning, almost always fearing that overnight something unattractive may have happened to her. She turned sideways to survey her well-shaped buttocks. She was happy that her lustrous hair was now cascading down her back, and if she brought it to the front it covered her ample breasts. She looked “just like Eve from Adam & Eve”— but with bigger boobs of course — she told herself recalling the famous picture of Adam & Eve that had been circulating on the Net. She had saved it to her journal.

She had also noticed that Hari looked like the Adam in the picture. He was hairy, unkempt and grooming wise generally … ugh. That is a man in much need of evolving. She was convinced that she’d have to help him evolve quickly into a more complete man. She wanted to control his evolving. She recalled a line from a recent Halle Berry movie,
Perfect Stranger.

“Show me the most beautiful woman and I’ll show you a man who’s tired of boning her.”

Tia was feeling insecure. It was Wednesday, and she felt like she needed to spice up their love life. After six years of dating Hari, their love life seemed to have hit a plateau, which is why she had booked a trip from Los Angeles to Catalina Island and planned a little encounter with Hari on the plane. Plus, it was on her things-to-do’ list. It was an irrational decision, which was so unlike her, but it was going to be worth it as Catalina was just an hour’s flight,
and they would be back and forth in an afternoon. The sex itself was not the point. Scratch that, actually, sex at 35,000 feet in the air
was
the point. Still, she wanted to make up to Hari. She had bigger plans for later that night with him. And it involved some advice from Jenny and an exciting shopping spree.

Back in the office bathroom

A smile crossed Tia’s face as she relived the MHC encounter. Ah, sometimes life’s most pleasurable moments bring on the most miseries. But should that dilute the pleasure? Should that be a source of guilt and shamefulness? Even if it screws up work? As she looked intensely into her own eyes in the mirror, she decided no. No, it need not.

Not if you undo the screw up by going over and above expectations.

That is how Tia was going to make it up to Stephan. Suddenly she sprung into action. She opened her bag — a rather large bag that could qualify as luggage — and looked for the fresh underwear she had packed that morning. In her bag was an iPhone, a small notepad and pen, a pack of sticky notes, a small digital voice recorder and other essentials like lipstick, a compact, chewing gum, mints, a small deodorant spray, a pepper spray for safety and a fresh bra and panty set. They say that a woman’s purse tells a lot about its owner. And such was the case with Tia. Her life was split between things-to-do’ lists and looking pretty and
“hawt”
(as Jenny called her) for Hari.

Tia had rarely missed or carried over her to-do’ list beyond its scheduled dates. She was organized. Confident. At the same time she was often unsure how she should present herself when she was with Hari. Not just in her look, but how she should position herself during sex. For example she had no clue if she should be the carriage to his horse, or whether she should be the horse. Hari was no help. He didn’t care as long as they were together. Hari was rather uncomplicated that way. She was thankful and knew there could only be one diva in their relationship. Yes, she was definitely the horse. But she was petrified of making all the decisions. Then again, she was glad that if the decisions were to be made, she was the one making them.

Hmmm.

Tia seesawed a lot. Especially when it came to understanding what type of woman she should be in her relationships. She wavered, but where her work was concerned she was effortlessly focused. Stephan used to joke that she was like a ballerina.

‘At such a young age you handle things so effortlessly and make it look easy — like a ballerina.’

Tia had worked hard to be like a ballerina at the firm and she was certain that she was close to being made a junior partner. And that was exactly why she felt that she let herself down by missing the most important meeting of her career. She wished someone could just draw a chart or something to help her balance her work and her love life. This kind of misshap could not happen again.

This will not happen again.

Tia resolved to land the New York contract — but not just for two million dollars. She was going to go for a much bigger amount. Tia quickly changed into her fresh underwear and left the bathroom. She had a plan and she was going to rock it. Everthing was going to be OK. She was going to set it all right.

Later that evening

‘You slut!’ Jenny said it so loudly that everyone else in the restaurant heard it and stared at Tia. What Jenny had actually said — with great excitement — was: ‘You slut! You had sex on the plane? Gosh, Tia, I don’t know if I should be proud of you or be jealous of you!’

By now Tia had concluded that in spite of the major SNAFU at work, the MHC encounter was worth it. SNAFU stands for the sarcastic expression Situation Normal: All Fucked Up! It means that the situation is bad, but that this is a normal state of affairs.

Further encouraged by Jenny’s reaction, Tia was even feeling proud. Jenny’s exclamation attracted some attention from other patrons in the restaurant. Tia liked attention.

What was the point of joining the MHC if it doesn’t turn some heads?

Earlier, when Tia walked into The Buffalo Club on Olympic Boulevard — more famously known as the street with Nakatomi Plazain the film
Die Hard
—Jenny was already there. Tia had picked the place, of course. Jenny wanted to go to an Indian restaurant for a change, but Tia liked American restaurants. And this one had an open-air patio. They had hugged and sat down. Wine was ordered and the hors d’oeuvres menu was asked for. Tia tried to pronounce “hors d’oeuvres” in her head but she could never get it right. ‘I am gonna skip the appetizers,’ she said.

After Jenny placed her order, Tia came straight out with it. ‘So? You pregnant?’

Tia had always wanted an American as her best friend; she definitely did not want an Indian best friend like most Indians in America did. Jenny and
Tia were like sisters. If Tia were a man, she would be in love with Jenny. They knew each other since sharing a dorm room during their student days at UCLA when Jenny was studying law and Tia was doing her architecture degree.

Jenny and her husband, Phil, were trying for a baby and Tia was eager to hear about their progress. They got married two years earlier after dating for four and, according to Tia, now was the perfect time for them to have a baby. Jenny was a reference to her own ideal life, at least in some areas.

Four years dating + two years of marriage = Time for baby.

Two years after marriage is the globally accepted and ideal time to have a baby.

‘I don’t know, Tia, we’ve been going at it like rabbits. You know — in the kitchen, in the hallway, bathroom, in the morning, afternoon and at night. It’s just not happening,’ Jenny said, as she gulped her white wine.

Tia was disappointed. ‘Did you not try those positions I sent you in that link?’ referring a web page she had found.

‘Those and then some. I think we are just too serious about it. We are sick of having sex now; it’s no fun you know!’ Jenny poured more wine.

‘Meanwhile, you are living the high life. I still can’t believe you talked Hari into it!’ Jenny sounded jealous now.

‘Well, you know, he loves me. And anyway, he didn’t know till the last minute,’ Tia chuckled.

‘Tia if you ever become as famous as the woman from that film
Iron Lady
I will stand next to you and be proud of you!’ Jenny was buzzing now.

‘Jenny, that lady was Margaret Thatcher — she was the Prime Minister of England! It was a biopic!’ Tia squinted her eyes to see just how drunk Jenny was.

‘Hmm. They make it seem so real.’ Jenny was drunk.

Anyhow don’t feel bad Jenny — you are trying to conceive. It’s such a beautiful thing!’ Tia said dreamily as if she was looking forward to doing it herself.

Jenny gulped down some more wine. ‘In fact, I am going to see Phil after lunch for another try. It’s almost becoming a chore now, like doing the laundry!’

‘Oh, stop it!’ said Tia. ‘How difficult can it be? Just keep it interesting, you know?’ Tia said trying to sound experienced.

‘You are lucky Phil is so into you. I just don’t know how I am going to get Hari to … you know, try for a baby … when the time comes,’ Tia said nervously.

‘Woman, you aren’t even married to the guy yet!’ Jenny blurted out.

There was an awkward pause. Jenny knew Tia very well and could sense that she wanted to vent. She just needed a little push.

‘OK, what’s going on with Hari now?’ Jenny asked, setting her wine glass aside to match the seriousness in her tone.

‘Man, that guy needs a serious reboot. He shows zero interest in our engagement ceremony. It’s like a one-sided celebration. I have to drag everything out of him! He is just so … blah, there’s no sense of adventure in him. I have to do everything. I am going crazy just thinking about how I am going to plan everything for the engagement ceremony!’ Tia finally blurted it all out.

‘They’re all like that. It’s best to keep them out of the planning phase. They’re just not into events and arrangements. Trust me, Phil was the same. It’s a genetic thing, I think.’ Jenny signaled the waitress for another bottle of wine.

‘It’s not a genetic thing, Jenny. They just need someone to show them the path. They know it all, they’re just too stuck up to act upon it,’ Tia said, looking past Jenny.

‘You make it sound like it’s a conspiracy!’

‘No, not a conspiracy,’ stated Tia, ‘but you know guys need some pushing. Hari will do everything I want him to do, but only after much hue and cry, hints and tantrums and drama and sulking … from me. You know, like his proposal thing? You remember how he proposed to me? What a disaster!’ Tia took a sip of wine, then continued.

‘Ideally, he should be running around, taking the lead, being the initiator and getting things done for the ceremony.’ Her voice had a tone of wistfulness.

‘Relax, Tia,’ Jenny said soothingly. ‘You want things which are very … uh … fictional, you know. Real life doesn’t work like that. Don’t expect him to do things naturally just because you’ve dreamt of them.’

Tia looked at Jenny as if she was speaking in another language.

‘I am talking lifetime partnership, Jenny! Are we going to have to live with a man forever, just like that? I mean, Hari doesn’t have a romantic bone, a romantic cell, even a single romantic neuron in his entire being. Are you suggesting I should just accept him as he is?’ Tia was looking straight at Jenny.

‘Yes.’ That was all Jenny could say.

‘That’s it? Yes? Yes, I should accept him as he is?’ Tia asked her again, astonished, just to be sure.