When He Was Bad... (15 page)

She wanted to be near her grandmother, wanted to accept her offer to live there, and
damn it
, she
deserved
that. So how was it going to work because Matt would visit Belle and Ellie might be there and how was she ever going to get over him if that possibility was always lurking in the back of her mind?

‘…need to speak with her.'

‘…can't let you on without a ticket, sir.'

The familiar and impatient tone and commotion at the front of the bus had her pulse kicking up. Craning her head sideways she peered around the seat in front of her.

‘I just need a minute.' Matt's voice rumbled over the sound of the engine.

His tall broad form blocked the entrance. His flattened hair stuck to his brow and he gripped the neck straps of a couple of bike helmets in one fist, brandished a bunch of dark windblown irises in the other.

Her heart swelled, then squeezed so tight she wondered that it didn't stop. Did he know irises meant faith and hope? How could he know they were her most favourite flowers in the whole world?

‘Someone's about to get lucky,' murmured the woman beside her.

Then those dark eyes locked on Ellie's. Eyes that reminded her of storms and wild rides on motorbikes and all manner of risks. And pain. ‘Don't be so sure,' Ellie murmured back. Just because she loved him didn't mean she was going to fall
into those swirling depths because he willed it so. Definitely not. No way.

In two long quick strides he was towering over her and looking as confused—and determined—as she. ‘Ellie. Please get off the bus. I want to talk to you.'

‘No. And nor will I tolerate your stand-over tactics. Anything you have to say you can say here.'

If it were possible, his brow lowered further, and while passengers held a collective breath, she swore she heard the distant rumble of thunder.

He dropped the flowers onto her lap, then raked his free hand through his hair and lowered his voice. ‘Come with me and let's sort this out.'

‘There's nothing to sort out. You said it all this morning.'

His lips flattened, his white-knuckled hand gripped the seat in front of her. ‘Is this you running off and being irresponsible again? Because I—'

‘Excuse me?'
She felt her vocal chords strain and stretch skyward. ‘You were the one “running off” as I recall. To Sydney. As fast as you could.'

He acknowledged that with a barely-there shift in his posture, as if he had an itch between his shoulderblades he couldn't reach. Then, as if he was grasping at the last vine of summer, ‘You can't leave—you haven't finished Belle's garden.'

‘As of this morning that's no longer your concern.'

He leaned closer, his eyes dark windows to the roiling turmoil within. ‘Another chance, Ellie.'

While her heart leapt at his words, a frown pulled at her brow. ‘I'm confused. Are you giving me that next chance or asking for one?'

Hesitation. ‘Both. Either. Whatever it takes.'

‘And if I refuse…are you going to drag me off against my will like you did last time?'

A restless murmur of voices behind them. ‘Not while I'm here.' The woman beside Ellie seemed to morph to monstrous proportions and placed a protective hand on Ellie's.

‘Sir, buy a ticket or get off the bus.' She heard the driver's voice in the background.

‘Damn it, Ellie… I…want you.'

The plea in his eyes almost undid her. But he'd brought this to a head this morning. Simple
want
was no longer anywhere near what she needed from Matt. She needed everything— total commitment, a lifetime, or nothing.

Either prospect terrified her.

She'd sworn never to surrender herself to another man again, yet trying to imagine a life without this particular man was a long, lonely road without end.

She looked away, down. At her hands twisting around the flower stems. Unless he offered her what she needed she had an appointment and she didn't intend to break it. ‘Mate…
now
, or I'll have the transit police escort you off.' The driver's voice boomed down the aisle.

For two breathless seconds Matt stood his ground, then said, ‘I'll be back.' His jacket creaked as he turned and made his way to the front of the bus, leaving the scent of leather wafting down the aisle behind him.

Ellie let her head loll back against the headrest and stared sightlessly at the seat in front of her. The sensation of numerous eyes boring into her transmitted a prickly heat up her neck.

‘I'm Flo,' said her erstwhile protector, pulling a slim romance novel and cellophane packet from her bag. ‘Persistent young man, isn't he?' She offered the packet. ‘Butterscotch?'

Ellie shook her head. ‘No, thanks. Not unless it comes without the butter.'

Flo chuckled. ‘Men. Still, that one's got the looks. And
the potential, I suspect. I'd give it some thought if I was you.' She unwrapped a sweet and popped it into her mouth before opening her book.

 

One glance at the line-up snaking from the ticket office and Matt knew he'd never make it. He turned back to see the bus already reversing out of its bay.
Damn it all to hell.
Frustration tied his belly up in knots as he jogged to the parking station adjacent.

He was on his bike and into Melbourne's lunchtime traffic and dodging trams along Spencer Street in less than three minutes.

An hour later he cooled his boots while he waited for the bus to pull in at Lilydale, the last stop before Healesville. He had no idea whether Ellie was leaving town for good; Belle hadn't exactly been forthcoming with information. Except he'd noticed Ellie was dressed in smart black trousers and her jacket—not what he'd have expected her to be wearing.

Either way, he wasn't going home without her.

He paced one way, then the other. It might be easier to walk away from the best thing that had ever happened to him, easier to deny what he felt than to lay his heart on the line.
To love
. But Ellie… He gritted his teeth. Ellie made the whole risky attempt worthwhile.

He was sweating up a lather inside his jacket as the bus pulled up. His stomach took a dive as a few passengers disembarked, giving him sideways or lingering looks as they passed.

When the last passenger had cleared the steps, he hauled himself up and straight into the disbelieving gaze of the bus driver. ‘I know,' Matt muttered. ‘Give a guy a chance.'

The driver shook his head, a half-grin on his lips. ‘Okay, mate. Thirty seconds.'

His heart jumped into his mouth when he saw Ellie's head poking into the aisle. Big dark eyes, the exact same shade as the irises on her lap. Porcelain cheeks. She was torturing her lower lip.

Ignoring the gaggle of onlookers, he fisted his hands at his sides to stop himself from going to her and dragging her off the bus and into his arms. Where she belonged.

Where she'd always belonged. His heart seemed to open up and swallow him whole. She'd belonged with him from the first time he'd seen her, he'd just been too blind to see it. Too damn stubborn to admit it, even to himself.

And now…was she leaving him? ‘Ellie.'

She shook her head and implored, ‘Get off the bus, Matt.
Please
.'

He wanted to tell her what was in his heart, right now, right here, in front of this busload of strangers, but he'd wait. There was something he had to explain first and it had to be done in private. ‘I'll be waiting when the bus pulls in again, Ellie, and you
will
listen to what I have to say.' He meshed his gaze with hers, brief, blazing, intense. ‘Think about that for the next twenty-five minutes.'

He nodded to the driver, his boots clattering on the metal step as he stepped off into the chilly wind.

From her position in the bus, Ellie couldn't see Matt as the vehicle pulled away, but a moment later she heard the roar of a motorbike and got a glimpse as he overtook them.

Her heart was jumping hurdles at a million miles an hour. Little chills were racing up and down her arms.

‘I think he's serious,' Flo said around a mouthful of butterscotch, then sighed. ‘Like Richard Gere in
Pretty Woman
.'

Oh, no, she'd had her share of
Pretty Woman
.

Flo resumed reading when Ellie didn't answer, too preoccupied with the way her world was spinning out of its orbit. For half her life she'd been afraid to open her heart for fear of
the inevitable consequences, afraid to get close for fear of what
might
happen. But she wasn't the only one afraid today—for the first time she'd seen that same fear in Matt's eyes.

Belle had known her own share of fears and heartache but she'd worked through them. She thought of Belle's wise words of advice. Her grandmother loved them both. It was a starting point for new beginnings for the three of them.

She caressed the velvet petals on her lap with one finger and studied the rich purple shade and delicate yellow tongues. Hope and faith. Whether Matt knew the meaning of the iris or not, there was a message in there somewhere.

A
S THE
bus rolled down Healesville's leafy main street and pulled into the depot, Ellie saw Matt's bike parked in front of the little shops next door and her heart picked up speed again.

The door opened with a hiss of compressed air. Passengers began disembarking. Ellie waited till most had left, then rose and let Flo pass by first.

It was a bit of a squeeze while the woman manoeuvred her wide girth out of the tight space. She gave Ellie a quick smile. ‘Give that nice man a chance, now, won't you?'

Ellie replied with a vague, ‘Uh-huh.' Finally, armed with her flowers, bag and business satchel hitched on her shoulder, Ellie made her way to the door. A few passengers lingered, waiting to be picked up. Or waiting for a final showdown? Ellie wondered, noticing a couple of discreet sidelong glances at her as she alighted onto the bitumen.

The wind whipped at her legs, her hair and the flowers she clutched. It also brought the aroma of onions and hamburgers from the shop nearby, reminding her she hadn't eaten lunch. Not that she could eat a thing what with her stomach twisting with all these nerves.

She saw Matt at the side of the bus, shoulders hunched, hands inside his jacket pockets. When he saw her, he picked up the helmets beside his booted feet and started towards her.
She watched him while her love wept from her heart. The emotion in his eyes was so naked, so raw, that she wanted to run to him and wrap her arms around him and never let go, but she stayed where she was.

A few hours ago he'd hurt her to the marrow in her bones.

When he was within arm's reach, he said, ‘What are you doing here, Ellie?'

‘Checking out a landscaping job.'

‘A job.' His shoulders visibly relaxed, then he frowned. ‘Way out here? You'll spend half the day travelling. I'll help you find you something in town.' Spoken as if the matter was already resolved. As if
everything
was resolved. ‘No, Matt,
I
find me something, and right now I'm here to see if I like the look of this job and they like the look of me. It's only a four week contract.'

Matt judged the determined jut of Ellie's chin and decided that this was not the time to argue the point. ‘Okay. Where is this job?'

‘I have a map,' she said, hunting in her bag. ‘I was informed it's only a ten-minute walk. This way.' She pointed down the Maroondah Highway. ‘It's a bed and breakfast.'

‘Maybe we can come here sometime and try it out, what do you say?'

‘You're going back to Sydney,' she said, not looking at him. Not acknowledging the meaning he'd infused into those words
in any way
. She hugged her satchel and flowers as they turned off the main road and onto a quiet street bordered by winter grass.

‘Only for a couple more weeks,' he said into the silence broken only by the wind. ‘I'm not into long-distance relationships.'

She flicked him a brief sideways look, as if to say he wasn't into relationships of any kind.

And she'd be right. Barring the occasional fleeting acquaintance that lasted less than a few weeks, he hadn't had any meaningful kind of relationship with a woman in a long, long time.

But with Ellie it was different. It was right. With Ellie he wouldn't want it any other way. Yet looking at her now, every inch the professional in her business attire, hair tamed and sleek today, would she still be interested in what he had to say if she won this contract?

Or would she want to put all her time and effort into building a career? The way he had—until he'd discovered a career was no longer enough. The first night they'd met she'd told him she didn't want a family, that she loved being single.
Untrue
. Ellie craved love. But would she still insist she felt that way? After this morning, he couldn't blame her if she wanted nothing more between them. He had to convince her otherwise.

She checked her map, stopping in front of a little cottage. Primrose walls with china-blue trim. A large black pottery cat guarded the front door. Lichen-crusted stones overrun with ground cover flanked either side of the little path. No doubt about it, the garden needed attention, but Matt could see the potential. And the hours of work involved.

‘Wait here,' she said at the gate and passed him the flowers. It squeaked on rusty hinges as she pushed it open. She walked up the path and he heard her speak to someone, then the door opened, closed.

A few moments later she reappeared with a middle-aged couple. They wandered the garden while Ellie made notes. Then he saw them shake hands. The couple went back inside and Ellie hurried up the path to meet him.

‘I can't believe it.' She was breathless as he opened the gate for her. ‘I start in two days. This is the biggest project I've worked on and they thought it would need two people
but they're letting me do it on my own and if it takes longer they don't mind because—'

He put a finger on her lips. ‘Ellie.'

‘I'm rambling, aren't I? I can't help it. Today has been…' She trailed off and looked into the distance.

Matt saw his opportunity and took it. He pointed to an old wrought-iron seat by a clump of straggling bushes and headed for it. ‘Let's sit down.'

Ellie's nerves did a double jolt. She knew she had to listen to whatever he wanted to say. But would what he said be enough? And what would her response be?

She walked with him, set her bags on the seat. ‘I don't want to sit. Too nervous.' She rubbed her hands together in front of her face. ‘I want to run….'

‘Later. Ellie…' He stood too, with his heart in his eyes, the scent of warm leather and man wafting towards her. ‘I don't know what's between you and Belle,' he said slowly. ‘She wouldn't tell me. But it doesn't matter. You're what matters. You and me.'

His hands were cold as he reached out and cradled her face between his palms. His eyes searched hers, so deep it was as if he were looking into her soul. ‘Is there a you and me, Ellie?'

There could be. If she was brave enough. Could she risk it? Could she take that chance? For however long it lasted— because last week he'd put a time frame on their relationship. Even here, now, he'd not mentioned anything permanent. And if he left, she'd never get over it. She'd never be whole, ever again.

And yet she had a grandmother who'd been through more than her share of heartache and loss. A woman of strength and courage and determination. And love. Love enough for both of them. For all of them.

What could Ellie be with those same genes flowing through her own veins?

Today Belle had shown her that she had a choice. Ellie could let love's hurts and disappointments twist her up inside and turn her into a bitter and lonely old woman. Or she could refuse that option and live in the light.

Matt saw the conflicting emotions behind her gaze and bent his head, brushed his lips over hers. A touch. A promise. Knowing, knowing deep in his bones, that it was a promise of for ever.

‘I think I'll sit down now,' she said and collapsed onto the seat.

But rather than following her down, he remained standing and shrugged out of his jacket. The stiff breeze cut across his T-shirt, his nipples pebbled against the chill.

‘What on earth are you doing? It's freezing.'

‘Giving you the shirt off my back?' His half-grin faded and he gestured to the front of his T-shirt. ‘Read it.'

His heart thundered beneath his ribs as she leaned forward. ‘I didn't have paper with me,' he explained. ‘It's a promissory note signing over half the house in Lorne to you.'

‘I can read,' she said slowly, the colour dropping from her face. ‘What I want to know is why?'

Squatting in front of her, he tugged her restless hands to his chest. ‘Isn't it obvious?' He lifted her arms, kissed her wrists. ‘Because I love you.' The words spilled from his lips as easy as water. Not so difficult, was it? Not when you meant it with all your heart.

He saw her jaw drop open. He saw that same love reflected back. But he saw pain there too, in those violet eyes, and he squeezed her hands. ‘I shouldn't have left you the way I did last night, nor acted like a dumb-ass idiot this morning. But when Belle told me you'd gone, I knew I couldn't let you go.

‘And before you say anything more, I've got something
else to say. I've not been honest with you and it's time I was. I want to tell you about Zena.'

‘It's okay, you don't need to—'

‘She was my mother, and I do need. She was the only family I had. The one person any kid should be able to count on. She was also Belle's housekeeper. She gave Belle one of the sob stories she was so good at and Belle, being the kind and trusting soul she is, gave us a room. One night she disappeared. Walked out on her own kid.'

He could remember it like it was yesterday. The bewilderment, the fear, the feeling that he wasn't good enough to love. The moody, unsociable kid it had turned him into.

‘When she left, it was like a part of me shrivelled up and died. The part that trusted and let others in.' He closed his eyes briefly. ‘Died, Ellie. I cut it out of me because I never wanted to risk feeling that kind of pain again.'

He felt Ellie's hands tighten in his but he didn't look at her. He looked at the tall thistle waving in the air beside his left boot. ‘Luckily Belle took me in, but it took her countless hours of perseverance and dedication and unconditional love to break through to me. Eventually the courts granted her custody. We're not related but I love her and we're family.'

‘That's what matters,' she said quietly. ‘And that's what makes a family. The love.'

‘I was in a long-term relationship only once. Her name was Angela and she wanted everything I couldn't give her. In the end it was she who left. And in many ways I was relieved to let her go.' He turned to look at Ellie then, searched her moist eyes and let his heart say the words. ‘She wasn't the one I needed, the one I want. The one I love. You are.'

She gently tugged her hands from his grasp. ‘Matt…I—'

‘I know you said you didn't want a home and family. Neither did I. Until I met you. I want you to have a home you feel you belong in and I want to share it with you.' He kissed
her chin, her brow. ‘Because I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you.'

She was silent for so long, he didn't think she was going to answer and his heart dived to his boots.

Then she sighed. ‘Ah, Matt…I want that too. I've been living scared. Every time I get close to someone I lose them, or they lose me.' Hugging her shoulders, she rocked back and forth on the seat, staring at the garden. ‘Everyone I love always leaves. But you know what?' She turned her gaze to him, and light and determination shone in their depths, turning her beautiful face radiant. ‘I'm through with living that way. I'm through being afraid of the past repeating itself, afraid to reach out and find happiness.'

‘I promise you, Ellie, I'll never leave as long as there's breath in my body. And I want to put that promise in writing on a marriage certificate.' Grabbing her shoulders, he turned her to face him. His fingers tightened on her arms. ‘I'll even let you eat the whole damn cheesecake whenever you want.'

The smile on her lips was the sweetest one he'd ever seen. ‘The whole cheesecake, huh?'

‘Every last crumb. Oh, Ellie, sweetheart, I love you so much.'

‘I love you too, Matt McGregor. I love that you're loyal and kind and generous. You're honest and hardworking and care about people, and—'

He put a finger against her mouth. ‘Right back at you, Ellie. And one day I want you to have my babies.'

‘Babies?' Her eyes widened, darkened. ‘You want babies?'

‘Only with you. And when the time's right.' Then he kissed her. A long, lingering kiss that filled the empty spaces inside him with light and life and hope.

‘I still want to work,' she said when he let her come up for air. ‘It's important to me. At least, until those babies come.'

‘You can work for as long as you want. I'll help you any way I can—study, business, whatever you decide. As a matter of fact, I need a landscaper to do something with my front yard.'

‘A landscaper.' She grinned, her apple cheeks pink with the chill of winter and the warmth of happiness. ‘I might be able to help you out there.'

He rose, tugging her up with him, hauling her close, and whispered, ‘Let's go home and tell Belle.'

‘Belle… Yes.' Ellie wound her arms around Matt's neck and kissed him again. ‘And then she and I have some other news to share with you….'