When I Find Her (19 page)

“What’s your name?” he says. Of course he wouldn’t remember me from pumping gas. That was technically two years ago.

“Luke Eric. I’m from Holden. Jennifer and I were good friends at school.”

“If she wants to contact you, she’ll do it on her own.”

“Maybe she lost my–”

“Goodbye,” he says.

“I thought you moved to Alaska–”

He ignores me. The door is closing again.

“Please, could you tell her I’m trying to–”

The door shuts. The deadbolt clicks.

I swear under my breath. What’s a private matter? What are they concealing?

What am I supposed to do? I can’t very well kick in the door, as much as I’d like to.

My heart’s tripping now.

With a final glance at the closed shutters, I turn away and go back to the car. The sun’s brilliant, now orange rays, slice through the air like a blade.

Vlad’s got his seat rolled all the way down and the tunes are blaring as I get in.

He sits up and turns down the music. “Any luck?”

“I met her father. He won’t talk to me.”

“Her father? That’s great. He’s not in Alaska? He’s here?”

“He might only be visiting. I don’t know. But his plates are from Ontario.”

“He didn’t move away?”

I’m trying to understand it. “They sold their house. I saw the For Sale sign go up. I saw the new people move in. I even knocked on their door once, trying to get a forwarding address. The lady said they didn’t know.”

Two female joggers, profiles in the sunset, race past our car and stare into the windshield, but it’s too dark to see us and too dark for us to see them. But I get their point. We’re sitting here like creeps, spying on the house. “Pull ahead. Drive a bit while I think.”

Vlad rolls forward. We turn at the next intersection and then again until we’re on the main road along the lake.

“You need to speak to her dad again.”

“He won’t talk to me. He’s protecting her in some way. Something’s up. I don’t know what. Some private matter that involves her.”

“You could write her uncle a letter. Give him your contact information and ask him to give it to her. That you’re trying to reach her.”

How long would that take? Weeks? Months?

“What’s her father doing here? Why’d they push me away so fast?”

“Listen, Luke, hate to change the subject, but I can’t have the car overnight. My mom expects me back tonight. She’ll kill me if I don’t go to school tomorrow.”

“Okay, hang on a minute. Let’s drive and think.”

We continue down the road.

“They were pushing me away so fast I didn’t even have time to say what I needed.”

“Why were they pushing?”

I shrug. “That’s the odd thing.” My stomach clenches with a new thought. “God, you don’t think…”

“What?
What?
”

“You don’t think she might be
here
…right
here
…”

“And they wanted to rush you away before you met?” Vlad’s eyes grow incredulous.

“Turn around and go back! Go back!”

Vlad slams on the brakes and the car lurches to a stop. He does a three point turn in the road, and I spot the jogger who ran past our car. She’s running alone on the sand dunes. Her friend’s gone.

I watch her slender profile as she runs against the fading sun. Something about her is familiar. My breath stills in my lungs.

My heart crashes and seems to spill into my chest. “
Jennifer
…”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Jennifer crests a grassy hill covered in trees, and disappears toward the beach.

“Jennifer!” I yell. My throat tightens with anguish, with the thrill of seeing her, with the fear of losing her. “Jennifer!”

She’s gone.

Vlad hasn’t completely stopped the car when I push the door and bolt after her. With my blood thundering, I race through the tall grasses to the top of the slope. The shoreline of the blue lake stretches as far as I can see. The sun, an orange-red ball, has almost disappeared behind the rolling coastline to the west.

Where is she?

There! A small figure jogging along the beach. I forget about my taped ribs and run, knowing my life will never be the same if I don’t catch her. The wind snags at my clothes. The pain around my broken rib flares. I ignore it and stretch every muscle I have beyond what’s comfortable, and race through the air.

“Jennifer!” I holler into the wind, but the words seem to escape her ears. Gulls call and drown my voice.

I keep running, holding my side. Finally, after a long haul on the firm, wet sand, I’m gaining on her.

“Jennifer,” I holler again.

She slows down, stops, and turns.

She sees me
. My heart stops mid-beat. She looks straight at me.

The red sun has nearly disappeared behind her and illuminates the side of her face.

The curve of her cheek, the dark eyes, the tender lips.

She’s beautiful.

Frightened though. Her posture’s rigid. Maybe she doesn’t recognize me in the setting sun, but she bolts.

I react and pursue her. I huff and pant and push every muscle. Sand kicks up between us. There…I’m almost there…just another inch...I reach out and topple her. We crash onto the sand and I land on top of her legs.

“Stop!” She wiggles free of my contact and turns to face me. Her big, brown eyes settle on mine. Recognition melts her harsh gaze. “Luke?”

I gasp and breathe the same air she does. I tremble at our nearness. How long? How long for this?

I don’t want to scare her. Her nostrils flare, her dark hair comes loose of its tie, her expression wavers between shock and confusion.

“Luke?” she repeats.

“Jennifer. It’s good to see you.” How can any words be enough to say what’s in my heart and soul?

“What are you doing here? You shaved your head.”

I forgot how different I look than the last time she saw me. The last time she would remember would be Saturday afternoon after the Harvest Parade when I left with my friends to play basketball. Or does she remember more? Does she recall any of the times we met while I was tripping through time? Pumping gas for her father’s car at fourteen. Sharing a pack of salty peanuts. Hanging out at the carnival with me and my brother.

Those two fantastic kisses.

And her poem…she wrote that poem about me in
real
time.

Awkwardly, I move away from her to give her mental space. She repositions herself into a sitting position.

I rub my hand over my head, reminded about my chemo. “Yeah…I…lots has happened.”

“Are you all right?” Her lips tighten in concern. “You lost some weight, too.”

She’s worried about me?

I don’t want to scare her about the leukemia. “I was sick for a while, but I’m better.” My strength is beginning to return. Despite everything, I feel myself awakening. I know I’m going to survive this. I know as sure as I know that I was in Heaven. “I’m going to be fine. Healthy as a horse.”

The sun’s long rays catch the side of her face, lighting it up in brilliant red. Her cheeks and her lips capture the highlights. The crimson is an unusual and striking color and I can’t help but stare at her dark beauty.

“You seem a bit thinner, too, Jenn.”

She turns away like she doesn’t want to talk about it. I’d like to reach out and touch her but it’s awkward between us and I don’t think she’d welcome me. It aches to imagine that.

“What are you doing in Wasaga?” she asks.

“Looking for you.”

“Why?” The loneliness in her voice pings through the air.

This is it. This is my chance to tell Jennifer Marks how I really feel. “To tell you how much you mean to me. To tell you that the day you left school was the worst day of my life.”

She doesn’t say anything. She looks over the water and the final, slipping rays of the sun. They’re no longer brilliant red, but orangey-yellow and purple. They play over the curve of her lips and nose.

“How did you find me in Wasaga?”

“I remembered that your uncle lives here.” The words are out before I can retract them. I’m not supposed to know this. This is something she told me when we were both fourteen and had bumped into each other at the candy machine on my way to see my grandpa.

She frowns, like she’s sorting through her mind for any recollection. “We shared some peanuts.”

My breath freezes. My eyes widen. It’s part of her memory. She knows we met!

“We never talked about that before. Your pumping gas into my dad’s car…funny how I’m remembering it now.”

My limbs rush with adrenaline. My pulse rushes. I wonder what else she might recall. Does she remember that I didn’t go with my friends to play basketball at the Harvest Parade, but that we hung out? That we kissed?

How far along are we in our relationship? I’m on shaky ground, but remind myself that I found the poem she wrote about me in the school yearbook, so I know no matter how this goes, she did have strong feelings for me at one time.

She seems to be struggling with it. “It feels like déjà vu, Luke. Right now, this moment.”

“What feels like déjà vu?”

“I-I remember that day, the weekend before I left. Remember?” She rubs her forehead. “I remember saying to you that that night at the dessert place–”

“
Schultz’s
.” God, she remembers
Schultz’s
.

“Yeah,
Schultz’s Desserts
. I said that it felt like déjà vu…and…I got this feeling of being on a beach with you…”

She did say that. When I asked what she saw happening in our future, she said with a laugh that we’d meet on a beach somewhere. I thought she was joking, that it was an off-the-cuff remark.

But this is the moment! This is the beach!

I’m speechless.

My mind races to piece things together. Our time at
Schultz’s Desserts
happened
after
our first kiss. If she remembers the dessert place, then she must certainly remember the kiss, right?

Right?

Her eyes flicker softly over my face, giving me the answer I crave.
Yes
.

The memories have gone round and round and are coming together….

Elated, I laugh softly.

She smiles shyly, as though we’re meeting for the first time.

I reach out and touch her hand. It’s warm. To my relief, she doesn’t pull back. She stares down at our hands and squeezes her fingers beneath mine. Her touch carries the most amazing feeling. It’s vibrant and sexy and caring.

“What happened to you, Jennifer? No one knew where you went. Allison said she got a few texts, then everything went blank.”

She inhales sharply and runs a finger absently along the sand. I slide in beside her on the sand, holding onto her hand. We turn to watch the shadowy gulls fly over the darkening water. “My parents divorced. I moved to Hawaii with my mom.”

“I’m sorry, Jennifer. That’s rough.” We pause for a moment. “How’s your arm?”

She looks over, startled. “How’d you know about that?”

“I did a lot of searching on the internet. I found a newspaper article about your accident. I was so worried.”

She rubs her right wrist. “It’s fine now.”

“And your mom?”

She nods slowly. “Not physically hurt.”

“Good.”

She’s grappling with something else, though. I see it in her frown, and her eyes.

“Then what happened, Jennifer? Why didn’t you keep texting Allison? Why didn’t you text
me
?”

“Because I couldn’t.”

“Why?”

“It was awful, Luke.”

“Tell me.”

“I lost my cell phone.”

I’m confused. “You couldn’t use your new one?”

“I didn’t get a new one. The cell phone was cut off because my mom couldn’t pay the bills. She lost her cell phone, too. In fact, we lost everything after the accident. We hit another car and knocked it into the ravine. The other driver sued, and between that and our lawyer’s fees…she lost the case…she lost the house.”

How could that happen?
I’m trying to comprehend…then it dawns on me. My gut twists into a thousand pieces. “You were homeless?”

Blinking away tears, she nods to confirm it.

My heart plummets. All this time I thought she was comfortable and safe. All this time I was searching for her while I was comfortable and well-fed and well-looked after, yet her situation was life-and-death desperate. “God, Jenn. Where did you live?”

“In our car.”

“What about school?”

“I’d go to school from the car. We found a community center where my mom bought us a gym pass. We’d go there to use the showers and bathroom. I was so ashamed. I didn’t want anyone to know.”

That’s why she didn’t contact Allison again, or me.

“No one knew?”

She shook her head.

“What about your dad?”

“We kept it from him, too. At least my mom did. They weren’t speaking to each other after they divorced. It was awful. She said he had no right to know anything about her or her situation. Anyway, he was freaking out that he could never reach me to talk to me, and then finally, on a pay phone one day, I told him what was happening. That’s when he flew over to get me. Last week.”

I exhale. Now I understand. That’s what her father and uncle were alluding to, in her situation being a private matter.

“My dad’s helping my mom get back on her feet.”

“Your mom’s still in Hawaii?”

“She got a new job. She doesn’t want to come back.”

“And you?”

“I got here three days ago. I’m going to stay here with my dad.”

“Wait a sec. Your dad lives here?”

“Yeah.”

“In Wasaga Beach?”

She nods, her dark hair brushing against her back. “He’s got his brother here.”

“So he didn’t move to Alaska?”

She shakes her head. “No. Why did you think that?”

“It was one of the rumors.” Wow, she’s going to be living a little more than two hours away from me.
So amazingly close
.

She turns to me and presses her hand tighter into mine. She leans her gentle shoulder against me. I can’t get enough.

“Okay, your turn, Luke. You shaved your head. You lost weight. How sick are you?” She swallows real hard when she asks.

“I was very sick, but I’m better. Lots better. I’m in remission.”