When Love Calls (37 page)

“Whatever Ange! I believe Rhianna says it best!” I cranked up the radio as Rhianna belted out
Shut Up and Drive.
Angie flipped me the bird and I fell out laughing.

******

We approached the desk at Skydive Miami and I told them we were scheduled to tandem skydive. The receptionist instructed us to follow her down a short hallway into a room where we rummaged through a rack and found jumpsuits in our sizes. We pulled them on over our clothes before returning to the lobby to wait to watch an instructional video and demonstration.

I couldn’t stop my leg from shaking as I sat there waiting. “I can’t believe we’re really doing this!”

 “You’re not getting cold feet are you,” Angela asked glancing down at my shimmying limb in partial annoyance.

“Nope! I’m actually getting excited! I want them to hurry up and show us what to do so we can get on that plane!”

“Oh. In that case, stop shaking your damned leg! That shit is making
me
nervous!” Angie reached over and gripped my trembling knee. I slowly halted its movement and politely placed her hand back in her own lap.

Angie and I were still eying one another with testy gazes when our attention was snapped in the direction of eight insanely gorgeous jumpers who immerged from the back of the facility. They beckoned for us and another group of three to follow them toward the back of the building.

“Why does this feel like the beginning of a really cheesy porn?” I muttered to Feliz as we walked down the hall.

She nodded her head in agreement. “Well, if I have to have a strange man pressed up against my ass I’m glad it’s going to be one of them.” She’d said it loud enough for everyone to hear and everyone—including the instructors and the other three customers—erupted in laughter.

We watched a safety video, signed a waiver and were shown a few symbols the guides would use in the air. After everyone asked all their questions, the instructors checked each of our parachutes and harnesses before assisting us with putting them on, checking our straps and rigs. Strapped and secure we all headed out to the landing strip and boarded the plane. No sooner than we clicked our seatbelts, the plane ascended. Just as they’d told us, once the plane reached 13,000 feet, the instructors began to move about and began strapping themselves to their designated passengers. The first three people, their pro-jumpers and their cameramen lined up at the plane door.

I turned to Amber, Feliz and Angie. “Well, this is it! No turning back now! I love the shit out of you guys for doing this with me! I’ll see you on the ground!!” I hugged them one at a time and took my place in line behind the last remaining jumper from the previous group. I raised my arms as my jumper clamped a strap around my chest and gave one final look over in the girls’ direction.

“We are so proud of you,” Angie yelled over the plane’s engine. “See you on the ground!!”

With that, I crossed my arms over my chest and focused on the jumper’s fingers as they counted down. Three… Two… One…  I closed my eyes and felt my stomach drop as we began to freefall. Tucking my legs behind me, I spread my arms out at my sides into a Y-shape. It seemed like minutes passed before he pulled the first chute and I felt our bodies jerk a bit as our momentum slowed and the small chute filled with air.
Open your eyes! You’re missing it!
I willed myself to part my lids and found my pro-jumper pointed in the direction of the camera man. I mustered up the courage to give him a wave and he snapped a picture. Again we jerked as the second chute was released. The speed of the drop slowed again and I closed my eyes briefly and felt myself freefall.
This is what love is like. It’s exciting and scary. It makes you vulnerable, but you take the risk and you leap anyway!
When I opened my eyes, I saw the target mark approaching. I pressed my knees and legs together and bent them inward toward my stomach as I tucked my head deep into my chest. The jump instructor guided our bodies through the tuck and roll as we landed and the chutes collapsed around us.

I undid my straps and looked skyward as my friends descended toward me. When it was all said and done the four of us were windblown, screaming and laughing as we made our way to the van that would take us back to the skydive site.

 “That was the most exhilarating moment of my entire life! While I was up there, I had an epiphany! Isn’t that weird?” my choice of words caused me to pause mid-statement.
Epiphany.
Suddenly my thoughts were on everything that I had waiting at home. There was no doubt in my mind that everything that happened this weekend had forever changed me and for the first time I was completely clear on what it was that I wanted. I had made my decision and was ready to make it known when I got back home to Chicago.

Chapter Twenty-One

I was still trying to recover from my trip to Miami. A week had gone by and I hadn’t done a thing. I hadn’t been running, I’d cancelled my therapy session for the week and had barely touched my paintings.
Today is the day I overcome this exhaustion.
I willed myself to get out of bed. I’d been thinking about the Tree of Life I saw at Disney World since I left there and though my mind had been dying to paint it, my body was uncooperative. Sluggishly I stepped into the guestroom and flopped down on the stool. I stared at the blank canvas for a minute before searching the nightstand drawer for my brown, white and black paints. I unscrewed the lid from the jar of brown paint and instantly the smell caused my stomach to roil.

I ran into the guest bathroom and heaved in the toilet. My body jerked violently as my stomach pushed up bile and acid.
What the hell?
On shaky legs I ambled over to the sink, cupped my hands beneath the faucet and leaned down to swirl the cool water in my mouth and splashed some on my face. As I walked from the bathroom, I grabbed my phone to call the hospital to see if I could swing by for a quick check up, when I noticed the date on the screen. I ran into my bedroom and looked at my wall calendar and counted back the days.
This CANNOT be possible!!
I pulled up the app on my phone that told me monthly when to expect my period. Since I was thirteen it had been as regular as rain and now I was standing there stunned as I stared at the date.
How did I not notice I missed a cycle? Wait, I missed a cycle. Oh my God! This can’t be happening. I cannot be pregnant!!
Immediately I thought back to October. I’d had encounters with both Mike and Josh just days apart and—thought it was highly irregular for me—I’d neglected to use protection.
I can’t believe this!!!
Bright white spots began to cover my field of vision and my face tingled as the blood rushed from my cheeks. I grabbed ahold of the corner of the bed and sat down gingerly. Once I was sure I wouldn’t pass out, I snatched up my coat and keys and went flying down the stairs, out the door and to the car. I peeled rubber out of the driveway and plowed toward the nearest drug store.
Oh my God! I’m actually going to buy a pregnancy test. OH! MY! GOD!! 
It had been more that fifteen years since I’d had to do this and the urge to panic was quickly returning the more I thought about it. I grabbed the two tests that promised the earliest, most accurate results and texted Angie to meet me at my house. I had never wanted a drink so bad in my life, but I couldn’t bring myself to have one, not until I knew for sure.

I paced the floor and chewed off my nails one by one while I waited for Angie to arrive. Ten minutes and hundreds of steps later, the doorbell rang. “What’s going on,” a look of trepidation was engrained in Angie’s face. I didn’t have the words to tell her so I just thrust the plastic drug store bag into her chest. Angie glared at me with confusion then slowly peeked down into the bag. I didn’t breathe. I couldn’t. I just waited for her to say something that would crack the wall of panic around me.

Angie looked up from the bag with a stunned expression. “Erin, are these yours? Do you think you might be… pregnant?!” I watched her expression change as though she was putting things together in her mind. “That would explain your sudden
illness
in Miami.” She raised her brows at the possibility.

 “I don’t know Ange. I guess it’s possible.” I wasn’t ready to tell her about the other part, but I needed a friend at the moment and that meant spilling the beans. I could barely meet her gaze as I said, “Not only do I not know if I’m pregnant. If I am, I’m not sure whose it is!” I waited for Angie to speak, but her look said she was waiting for my explanation. “See, the thing is, as you know, I was in a committed relationship with Josh when things just kind of
happened
with Mike. It was all in a short period of time so this test is the least of my worries!!”

“Holy shit Erin!! Wait, you slept with both of them during the same timeframe? Hon, I don’t even know what to say. I’m not judging, though.” She assured. “I guess we should start at the test first and figure out the rest later.” Angela slowly handed me back the plastic bag with a look that was both skeptical and hopeful. I wasn’t sure what she was hoping for. Hell, I wasn’t sure what
I
was hoping for either. I listened to the echo of my feet against the wooden floor in the short hallway. My steps were slow, but my heart was racing as I walked into the powder room and closed the door behind me.

Five Minutes later I took tentative steps out into the hall. Angie had moved right outside the door and was leaning against the wall opposite the doorway. I didn’t say a word, I just handed Angie the tests and went and sat on the couch to wait for her reaction. I had hoped after all of this I would finally be able to have a drink but that wouldn’t be happening now. I attempted to bite my nails, but there weren’t any left, so I waited until I heard Angie’s steps coming down the hall. I waited for her mom-styled tongue lashing. I waited to hear that I’d been stupid and irresponsible, but when she rounded the corner, Angie’s face was spread into a broad smile. “Congratulations Mommy! We’re having a baby!!!” I inhaled deeply and held it for a moment while I let the truth sink in.
I’m going to have a baby.

Initially, I thought I was obligated to be upset. As an adult, I had been irresponsible. I hadn’t protected myself and now this was all a result of my negligence. I knew that was the response that was expected and I had genuinely expected to have it, but in my heart none of that was there. All I felt was happiness.
I’m more than capable of taking care of a child and this is what I’ve wanted, but been too afraid to really pursue.
The old Erin had the expectation of being a wife first, but after all I had been through, right then, at that moment, I accepted that life was anything but perfect. I embraced the idea that not knowing what would come next or how it would happen was what brought authenticity to my days. For as long as I could remember, I’d wanted to be perfect. I’d tried to be the perfect daughter, sister and surgeon, but today I was sure that I wanted every perfect imperfection. I wanted every crack, chip and blemish of my days because they gave my life character. Because of the calamity I’d faced over the years, I was a designer original and that fact alone made me a masterpiece.

I’d sat there in my thoughts so long I nearly forgot Angie was still standing there. “You okay?” She asked tenderly as she came and sat beside me on the sofa.

 “I’m great Ange. I’m
so
great!!” Tears brimmed against my lids and I let them flow as Angie wrapped her arms around me. I let out a sigh that felt like the release of years of hurt, fear and frustration as I pulled away from Angie and wiped my dampened cheeks. “Honestly I really am ok. At first I went straight into panic mode, but the more I think about it and let it sink in, I’m ready for this phase of my life.”

“Ok, so when and how are you going to tell Josh? What do you think he’ll say? What could this mean for the two of you going forward?” Angela’s wheels were already turning.

“Yeaaaah, about that,” I started. “I’m not one hundred percent sure he’s the one I need to be talking to first.” I flashed Angie a look of uncertainty.

“Wait, I know you’re not saying you think it could be Mike’s baby! You guys only slept together in Vegas right?”

“That would be the most recent of our encounters. We slept together months ago. It was before Josh and I officially got together. What happened in Vegas was more of a rekindling, but that’s not important. Josh and I were sleeping together regularly for months. On more than one occasion we didn’t use protection and I haven’t been late until now. But I slept with Mike for two days and now I’m pregnant? I know it could belong to either one of them, but I honestly think it may be Mike’s baby, not Josh’s.”

Angela looked at Erin with raised brows. “You do make a valid point. So what are you going to do? Will you tell them both now or will you wait until you’re further along? Erin, I swear you get yourself into the craziest predicaments!”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do about the guys at the moment. Mike is out of town and won’t be back for a couple of weeks. Josh and I were just getting on the path toward becoming friends. I don’t know how this news would affect that.
Especially
when he finds out that it could potentially be Mike’s baby. I know both of them deserve and need to know sooner rather than later, but I’m not ready to cross that bridge yet. I’m still trying to wrap
my
mind around it!”

Angie placed her hand on my shoulder. “Just know I’m here if you need me and Amber and Feliz have your back too! I’m gonna be an auntie! I’m excited! I can’t wait to go shopping!” She beamed.  “Now I don’t have to worry about getting Empty Nest Syndrome! I can just come and get your lil’ peanut whenever I get the urge!”

“Ok, first of all, we will
not
be calling my baby ‘lil’ peanut’ and second… Thanks!” I reached up and gave Angie’s hand a squeeze as a warm smile spread across my face. “I’m sure I’ll need all the aunties onboard. At least now I know why I’ve been so exhausted and sick the past week and a half!”