When Our Worlds Collide (28 page)

“What did you guys do to that poor girl, Graham?” Kennedy
asks almost fearful of what my response will be. She knows the stories not
over. She can sense it’s only going to get worse.

“We ruined her.” I answer honestly before I continue.

“Graham?” Shelly nearly begs out my name from her swollen
lips.

“What do you need, Shelly?” I barked out knowing that
what I was about to do was irreversible. Shelly’s eyes grew big under my
scrutiny. “We’re done here.” I gestured between the two of us.

The group around us laughed at the clear dismissal of
Shelly.

“Oh my god! I’m such an idiot. I thought you actually
liked me. You said all those sweet things to me and all the time I was just a
big joke for you and your buddies. Something to laugh at when I turned my
back,” Shelly yells gaining the attention of the remainder of my friends.

Craig walks over to stand directly beside me. He can be
intimidating when he turns his cold eyes on you. Shelly’s eyes said it all.
There was a fear that crossed over her face then it turned into acceptance.
Acceptance that she knew she didn’t belong with people like Craig and me or any
of us. She’s too smart. In a moment of weakness that was man made by my hands
and my hands alone she forgot how smart she was, she forgot that she was better
than us.

“Well sweetheart, you’re right about one thing. You’re an
idiot for thinking Graham Black was ever into you for more than just a quick
fuck,” Craig criticized getting in Shelly’s face mocking her with malice.
“That’s what you did, right? You spread those chubby little legs of yours for
him just now? I didn’t know such a slut was under all those baggy clothes.”

Shelly ran off with tears and embarrassment in her eyes.
I turned to face everyone I knew putting on a face that said that I didn’t give
a damn about what I just did, that my actions didn’t matter because I was
Graham Black. I never told anyone but I tried calling and texting Shelly after
that night and never heard from her again. It was too late to take it back, too
late for apologizing.

“I was too fucking late, Kennedy. There wasn’t anything I
could do. It was just too damn late,” I screamed out slamming my fists down on
the hood of my car. I could feel the heat from the pain radiating through my
knuckles.

“It’s never too late to fix your wrongs. There is always
time. What you did to that girl was coldhearted and nothing like the guy that I
know, Graham,” Kennedy responds shaking her head.

“That’s the thing, I can’t fix it Kennedy. She killed
herself a week later, inside that school. You never heard anything about it
because my father convinced my grandfather to cover it up. She left a note,
Kennedy. Explaining why and I was at the top of that list. You see what I mean?
My bad choices ruined that girl and my choices will continue to ruin you,” I
fight trying to step away from a determined Kennedy. My hands are over my face
as I hunch over in shame. For the first time in my life, I can admit that I’m
ashamed of who I am.

Kennedy’s arms wrap around my neck just as I go to stand.
She jumps up throwing her legs around me holding onto me with a death grip. I
can feel her nails digging into my back. She’s holding on for dear life, trying
to keep the version of me that she sees close to her.

“Graham, your choices don’t have full control over others
actions. You did something horrible, but that doesn’t mean that Shelly didn’t
already have issues before you. Sometimes it’s the smallest things that tip
people over the edge without any rhyme or reason,” Kennedy argues laying her
head down on my shoulder.

I force her to look up at me and when she does I see the
anguish in her eyes. “It doesn’t matter now. I just wanted you to know it all.
You deserve to know the type of guy you’re with.”

“I know who I’m with now. I’ve never been with the guy you
just talked about. That’s not you anymore.” She rubs her thumbs along my
jawline in a comforting motion. “Everyone has a past, some are harder than
others, but everyone has one. You need to learn to let things go. You’re making
the present harder on yourself by holding onto all of that.”

Everything Kennedy is saying is true. I know that. My
choices have managed to burrow deep down into my heart snuggled close to the
darkest corner afraid to come out. There’s a fear of letting my mistakes go.
When I do I know the type of guy I will be. I’d be the guy that Kennedy dreams
me up to be and that’s scary. It’s not who I’ve been all these years.

“I love you, Graham Black, and nothing you tell me is going
to change that,” Kennedy offers with honesty in her eyes as she jumps down from
my arms. She leans up to kiss me. I pull back with our lips a near whisper away
from the much needed connection.

“I never thought I’d love anyone. I never thought I deserved
the love of someone like you, but God Kennedy---I love you so damn much it
hurts sometimes,” I say honestly wiping the single tear that managed to escape
form Kennedy’s eye.

When we pulled into this parking lot, my biggest fear was
that Kennedy would see me how I see myself. I want to be that person that puts
others before himself, who finds it easy to make the right choices. I want to
be able to see my own worth without having to look into Kennedy’s eyes for the
reassurance. She believes in me more than I deserve and she deserves to have
anything she’s ever wanted.

When I look into her eyes I feel as if everything’s going to
be okay. There’s a lightness to her that’s hard to find it others anymore.
She’s the type of person you root for and protect. Kennedy’s the good in this
world.

Chapter Forty-Three

-Kennedy-

The weeks that followed Graham’s confession flew by. We
spent our time talking about the person Graham used to be and the person that
he wants to be. His honesty is noble and a true strength of his character. His
father’s abuse hasn’t managed to put out his flame and neither has his
mistakes. He’s beginning to realize that he’s only human, a young human at
that, and mistakes are going to happen but he can’t allow them to define him.

Graham has this fire in his eyes that’s bordering on
contagious. You can’t stop your heart from wanting to beat in one with his.
He’s the type of person that you fight for. He’s the brightness in this world. 

Thankfully, the guys don’t bat an eyelash at us when we walk
down the hallway together hand in hand anymore. They all stopped bothering us
when we hide away on the dock at the lake, when everyone is busying themselves
with getting drunk and hooking up. It became our spot to connect. Secretly I
think Graham’s relieved he doesn’t have to play the part of Mr. Popular. I’m
relieved that with Graham’s absence, Craig’s house is no longer the place to
spend Saturday nights. You can still see his house from the other side of the small
lake, but luckily he’s been smart enough to keep his distance.

The rumors have finally stopped after a few rounds of rather
ridiculous accusations about the nature of mine and Graham’s relationship. Some
girls have even gone as far as to say I am paying Graham to be my boyfriend to
gain access to the “in crowd”. That one made Graham laugh. I on the other hand
didn’t find the humor in it.

When it’s just him and I out to dinner or hanging out at my
house I sometimes forget that he is who he is. Graham doesn’t understand what
it has been like for me. The girls still turn their noses up to me glaring
whenever I walk by. They make sure that he isn’t around to see it or at least
have his back turned. After it was known that we aren’t just a fling, all of the
girl’s advances got stronger. It seems that they all are having a hard time
accepting us as a couple, so they think it’s their responsibility to tempt
Graham.  

I make a decision through everything. I think I made the
decision in the parking lot that night as I held onto Graham in fear that he
would disappear. It should have never been up for debate. It only was because
I’m a coward. At least I was a coward. Not anymore. Doubting Graham is no
longer an option. I may get hurt, or I may live happily ever after. I know it’s
a long shot since we are still in high school. I know how unlikely our love is
to last. I do know that whatever happens between us will be worth it no matter
the outcome. Graham is and will always be the first person I ever loved and loving
him patiently is the only way I know how to make this work.

We spend most of our time together when Graham isn’t busy
with practice. He even introduced me to his mom. I don’t think he had any
intentions of doing so, but when we ran into her at the grocery store one night
I suppose he didn’t have any other option. She’s just as beautiful as I
expected with dark brown hair cut into a stylish bob. I now know where Graham
gets his breathtaking eyes. She was polite and polished which I know is only an
act. I know what happens when no one’s looking. It’s hard to stand in front of
her acting like everything I know about their family is to be perfection.

When we get into Graham’s car he stays silent as we make our
way back to my house. His radio’s turned down to the lowest of whispers. I hum
along to the songs looking out the window. I’ve learned Graham’s silence isn’t
necessarily a good thing. Sometimes it’s the worst kind of thing.

“Are you going to say something?” I ask reaching over
grabbing ahold of his hand. If he pulls away then I will know that my fears are
true.

“About what?” Graham questions as if nothing is bothering
him. His fingers latch onto mine. I let out the breath that I’m holding.

“I know that you didn’t want to introduce me to your mother
and I understand why.”

Graham pulls his car over on the side of the road throwing
it into park. I turn to face him, but he keeps his eyes on the front window. 
He doesn’t even bother to look at me when he speaks.

“Is that what you think, that I didn’t want you to meet my
mother?” Graham keeps his hand linked with mine. Still a good sign.

“Isn’t that why you’re upset?” I ask trying to act like I’m
not completely devastated at his dismissal. Is he ashamed of me? Am I not good
enough for him to introduce me to his mom?

He finally turns to look me in the eyes. “Kennedy, I’ve been
wanting you to meet her, it’s just hard. I’ve been afraid of bringing you over
to the house because of my dad. I’m sorry if I gave you the impression that I
didn’t want you to meet her,” Graham explains patiently. He runs his free hand
through my hair stopping at the nape of my neck.

Naturally I lean into his touch as he pulls me closer to him
connecting his lips with mine. “I don’t want to know your father, Graham. I’m
not sure that I could be around him knowing what he is doing to you.”

“He hasn’t done anything since the night I showed up at your
house,” Graham lies. I know he’s lying. I think before saying anything because
I don’t want to argue with him. Going with my first instinct, it’s better to
argue with him than to not say anything at all.

“Graham, don’t lie to me. I think I know you better than
anyone else. I’ve noticed the way you wince when I hug you too tightly or the
unexplainable bruises and the cut lip last week. I’m not stupid so don’t act as
if I am,” I argue beginning to get angry. I just want him to trust me enough to
be honest. There would be no judgment from me. None of this is his fault.

“It’s really none of your business. You don’t understand why
I let it happen. You don’t understand anything about it. Let’s not pretend that
you do. You have parents that would do anything for you, so please don’t
pretend that you can possibly imagine what it’s like for me.” Graham pops the
car into drive finishing the drive back to my house. I stay silent not knowing
what to say or what to do. It isn’t lost on me the way he releases his grip on
my hand turning the radio up in defiance.

“Graham…” I reach for his arm before he can get out of the
car. He turns to face me with sadness in his eyes. “It’s just that I worry
about you. I know that you can handle it on your own. I just…I worry about
you.”

Graham watches me for a few seconds before saying anything.
He brushes the loose hair from my face tucking it behind my ear. Cupping my
face in his palms he leans in giving me the sweetest kiss imaginable.

“I know you do and I love you for it, but I’m fine. It’s
been this way for long enough.”

I let the topic go once again. Arguing with Graham isn’t
something I want to do for the rest of my night. He likes to close people out
when he’s angry. I don’t want him to do that with me. When we get inside my
parents are sitting at the kitchen table getting ready for dinner. Apparently
they changed their mind about going out tonight. 

“Oh Graham, I didn’t know you were going to be here. Are you
staying for dinner?” My mother asks getting up to grab an extra plate. Graham
looks to me for the answer. I nod at him. A little disagreement isn’t going to
screw up the rest of the evening.

“Yes ma’am, if that’s okay with you,” Graham answers
politely just like he always does with my parents.

“You’re always welcome here. You know that.” She smiles over
at him.

My mother is becoming rather fond of Graham. She had her
speculations after asking around about him. Somehow he managed to prove himself
to her and my father even after everything they had heard. It wasn’t pretty
when they demanded answers from me. I had to admit to his undesirable
reputation.

Dinner is easy with simple conversations, nothing too heavy.
This is what Graham and I need after our disagreement in the car today. As I
watch him from across the table at how energetic he is talking to my father
about baseball and other “manly” things I can’t stop my mind from wandering to
what dinner is like at his house. Did his father bother to ask him how his day
was before he smacks him across the head? Can they even make it through dinner
without arguing?

I’m a million miles away and Graham notices. He smiles at me
reassuringly.

Graham has the world at his fingertips. He has a future
that’s full of promise. He’s being hindered by his own father, the one who is
supposed to support him and love him unconditionally. His father is putting
such doubt inside his head without Graham even noticing the hold he has over him.

After we help wash and dry the dishes from dinner I drag
Graham to my bedroom to watch a movie. He sits down on the middle of my bed as
I climb to straddle his lap. I want to say something to him and I hope maybe he
won’t try moving away from me if I have him in a distracting position. He skims
his fingertips along my bare thighs as my mesh running shorts ride up my legs.
I just look down at him in awe. 

“What are you thinking about, baby?” Graham breaks the
silence. God, I love it when he calls me baby. I lean down to kiss him, like
really kiss him. Once I say what’s on my chest, I know that I probably won’t
get another chance tonight. He returns the gesture in just as much urgency. I
love how he reacts to the smallest of things.

“I’m going to say something and you can’t get mad at me. I
just need to say it, okay? I know you aren’t going to like it,” I explain. “I
really don’t care though.”

Graham pushes up sitting his back against my headboard. I
stay still in his lap afraid to move. “Okay,” he smiles reassuringly.

“What if at some point your dad kills you or your mother? I
know that it’s not my spot to say anything to you, but I kind of feel like I’ve
earned a right to be worried about you. It kind of is my problem because I love
you and I’m afraid. I’m pretty sure that I’ve only seen the lighter side of all
of this. At some point I’m afraid that I’m going to be around to see the worst
part,” I brush my hand up his arms onto his neck as I continue.

Tears are welling up in my eyes attempting to deceive me.
It’s the last thing I want. I don’t want Graham to think that he isn’t capable
of taking care of himself. Graham cuts me off before I can say anything else.

“You’re right. You have only been around to see the easy
stuff. I can take a punch here or a slap in the head there. It’s been worse,
but I don’t think that it will ever get bad enough for him to get that out of
control,” Graham explains brushing a tear from my cheek. “I don’t want you to
have to worry about me.”

“It’s your secret to tell and I get why you don’t want the
whole town knowing, but haven’t you ever thought about telling someone?
Anyone?”

“I’ve thought about it, but I’m going to be going off to
college soon. It won’t matter then.”

“Where does that leave your mom then? I know the reason why
you don’t fight back is because of her. You take everything on your shoulders.
It’s admirable, but she’ll be left alone soon.”

“You don’t think I haven’t thought about that. I have, but…”
he lets the thought trail off.

“Just know that if you ever need anything or need to tell
someone else besides me that I’m more than happy to stand by your side. That’s
all I need you to know.” I smile at him hoping that this will be the end of the
conversation.

He should let someone else in about the abuse. It sounds bad
and selfish, but it’s a lot for me to carry around too. When Violet asks me
about the split lip or any other wound he may show up to school with I don’t
know what to tell her, so I don’t say anything. It’s becoming a burden, a
burden I’m willing to take on because I love him. I think we both know that at
some point it will become too much.