When Our Worlds Collide (35 page)

I rub my hand over my face trying to buy myself a few
moments to get my thoughts together. I don’t know what I plan on saying to her.
I look up to see her face and I instantly know what I need to do. I know what I
need to say to make this all better.

“This is my fault and before you interrupt me and argue with
me, let me finish. This is my fault because I couldn’t see past my own problems
to realize that what you did for me was for my own good. You did something that
I didn’t have enough courage to do. You stood up for me when I couldn’t. That
speaks volume about you. You have such a big heart, Ken. Sometimes it’s
unbearable at the immensity of it. You don’t deserve the things that have
happened to you this year. I think we both can agree that those things would
have never happened if I wasn’t in your life,” I explain calmly wiping a tear
from my cheek.

I’m too busy looking at my hands, too worried that I will
talk myself out of this if I dare to look in her eyes. She has tears rolling
down her face when I make the mistake of looking up. I think she knows what’s
coming.

I continue with a sigh. “It all started with the accident,
an accident that should have never happened and only did because I was being
reckless. I thought I was invincible because I’m Graham Black. All-star
baseball player. That night I learned that I wasn’t. The things and the people
that I love aren’t either and it seems that all of my choices and my actions
have only caused you pain. I can’t live with myself knowing that I did this to
you. I know that you’d be better off without me. That’s what I’m going to give
you.”

Kennedy rubs her eyes of the loose tears sniffling. I know
I’m breaking her heart. I’m breaking mine. She has a lot going on and the last
thing she needs is me coming in and turning her world upside down again. I need
to do it now. If I don’t I know that being near her any longer will make it
impossible. I’ll change my mind and I can’t afford to have that happen. Ruining
Kennedy’s life isn’t something that I’m willing to do. I’ve already done
enough.

“Graham…” Kennedy’s voice is stern and full of confusion.

“I love you, Kennedy. I always have ever since I saw you
dance. I should have known that I wasn’t going to be good for you then, but my
feelings won out. I couldn’t stand to not be around you. I was selfish to take
you. You saw the real me, the one that’s worthy of a girl like you. I don’t
want to be the type of guy that repeatedly hurts the person he loves, so I’m
not going to be that guy.” I stand from the chair leaning over to kiss her. Her
lips cut and there’s a few stitches that rub against mine.

When I turn to leave the room, I hear Kennedy whisper my
name like a prayer. Not knowing whether I should leave without looking back or
turn to face her one more time before leaving. The latter wins and she’s
thankful. Her frown turns into a smile. It’s a faint one, but it’s there.

“Graham, I know why you are saying the things you are and
you’re going to do the things you do. You need to know something. Nothing in my
life has been your fault. All the good times outweigh the bad and all of the
good times are consumed by you,” Kennedy brushes away another tear as I stand
motionless staring into her bottomless blue eyes. “You changed me in the best
way possible. You may not believe that and I’m not expecting you to, but I will
never take back the things that happened. They brought you to me. You are
exactly who I believe you are. One day you will realize that.”

“I don’t think so,” I brush off my tears that are falling
rapidly now.

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am. I’ve been right before when
it comes to you. I hope to God you find him in there and that I’ll be able to
meet him again. He’s in there, Graham. You just have to look for him,” Kennedy
turns her head looking away from me as if it’s too painful to watch me walk
away from her.

Walking out of the room, I leave the door open. I slam
against the tiled wall outside her room. As I fall to the floor I cry. I cry
because I’m not going to be that guy that she believes me to be. I can’t be him
anymore, not when I know what that guy did to the girl sitting in that room. I
ruined the one person I have ever loved, the one person who ever took a chance to
see the real me, the girl who found redeeming qualities when she dug deep
enough.

I don’t know how long I sit outside her room listening to
her cry. Nurses come and go. Her parents walk by, each of them padding me on
the back in comfort. That’s when I get up from the ground, brush off my jeans
and walk out into the waiting room.

Dan’s still sitting with Violet rubbing comforting circles
on her back. They both stand when they see me. I force a smile at them. I can
tell Violet wants to say something. Just as soon as she opens her mouth she
closes it. A realization crosses her eyes and I know that she knows. She knows
what I did in that hospital room. She knows that I just walked out on her best
friend when she probably needs me the most. She slowly shakes her head then
buries her head in Dan’s chest.

It’s the only way I know how to make this all okay. Kennedy
is going to heal. Those bruises will heal with time just like mine have. I
think we both know deep down it’s never going to be the same. I can’t look at
her knowing that every painful thing in her life is a result of me.

I’m not strong enough to love her the way she deserves. I
believe that you’re allowed to love someone, but still know in your heart that
you can’t be with that person. That’s how I feel about Kennedy. I’m young. I’m
naïve, some would say, but I can see the special inside of her. She’s a rare
one who somehow is timid and sarcastic and overwhelmingly beautiful to the
point that it hurts to just be in her presence.

I know I love her more than anyone else will ever be capable
of. I’m also smart enough to know that I’m not good enough for the level of
grace that she holds in her heart.

Our relationship will be bruised with all of our misfortune.
Some wounds just don’t heal.

-ACKNOWLEDGMENT-

A giant thank you to my husband, Bryan, who has stood by my
side and been my biggest supporter. Thank you for always making me laugh even
when I want to cry. With you by my side, I know that anything is possible.
Also, one day I will buy you that Velcro wall that you’ve been talking about. I
promise.

Even though they won’t be reading this for hopefully many
many many years, I need to say thank you to my children for dealing with the
scatterbrained version of myself that I tend to turn into while I’m being pulled
into a different world. I hope one day that you know the importance of
sacrifice like Graham and Kennedy, but more importantly please allow yourself
to fall in love even with the knowledge that you may end up hurt in the end.
You never know where life may take you.

Thank you to my family for dealing with my nonsense,
believing me when I say “It’s almost done” even though we all knew I was going
to read it one more time. A big thank you to my sister, Katie, who was the
first person to ever read When Our Worlds Collide and for always knowing when I
need a little bit of encouragement. Thank you to my Mom and Dad for instilling
the importance of passion in me. You are the reason why I finished When Our
Worlds Collide by showing me that hard work always pays off in the end. I love
you all more than you can know and appreciate everything you do for me and our
family.

A GIANT thank you to Christa Holland from Paper and Sage
Design for making my first cover design such a blessing. Your work is amazing
and what you came up with for Graham’s and Kennedy’s story is beyond my wildest
dreams. A big virtual hug to you. I can’t wait to work with you again in the
near future.

Thank you to my beta readers, the ones who read the first
drafts and the last drafts and everything in between. Holly, Krystina, Bethany,
and Katie thank you so much for all of your words of encouragement and
excitement for Graham’s and Kennedy’s story. Every time you said “I need to
know what happens next” meant the world to me. I promise that there will be
more to come from them. Their story is far from being over.

Thank you to anyone who takes a chance on a debut writer.
I’m in love with my characters and I hope you find something to love in them
too.

-About the author-

Lindsey Iler lives in Michigan where she spends all of her
time with her husband and children. Being a stay-at-home mom is the biggest
blessing she has ever been awarded, but writing is what her dreams are made of.
When she isn’t writing, she can be found with her nose in a book falling in
love with characters that seem all too real to her.

-Connect with Lindsey-

E-mail:
[email protected]

Facebook:
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Goodreads:
www.goodreads.com/lindseyilerbooks

Twitter:
@Lindseyiler