When Our Worlds Collide (14 page)

“You seemed upset earlier and then in the cafeteria you
seemed…” she grabs my hand in hers. “You just seemed…”

I jerk my hand away. “Seemed like what? Hurt? Embarrassed?
Jealous because all of those would fit perfectly in this whole situation,” I
snap at her while pointing between the two of us. It’s hard to admit that
Kennedy’s making me feel the way she is. “I’m sorry. It’s just…”

She cut me off. “Why are you being like this? I’m trying to
understand you, but you’re impossible. You say you want us to be friends, but
then last night happened then this morning happened too,” Kennedy’s voice
begins to rise. “You were the one that said it was a mistake. Not the other way
around, Graham. I’m tired of justifying this side of you that you are so
desperate to show me.”

“It’s who I am, Kennedy. It’s just that simple.”

“I don’t want to believe that, so how about when you find
the guy who showed up at my house last night vulnerable, the one who held me as
if his life depended on it, then kissed me this morning, come and find me,” she
turns on me. I reach for her to turn her back around. She snaps around with
fire behind her eyes. “I don’t like this person, the one who keeps pulling me
in then pushing me away. I can’t be this guy’s friend.” Kennedy’s eyes begin to
water and I know she’s fighting everything to keep it together.

“Is that what we are…friends? You can honestly look at me
and say that we are friends because I don’t think that’s all that is here.” I
take a step closer to her. Her expression looks shocked. I can’t believe I just
said that out loud. I had barely admitted to myself let alone anyone else.

Kennedy plays with a strand of hair that had fallen in her
eyes. “I think that all depends on you. If you can find that guy that I seem to
like so damn much then come and find me but until then I’m not going to sit
back and endure this on/off shit that you’ve been throwing at me at every turn.
You either do or you don’t, Graham. It’s just that easy. You either do. Or.
You. Don’t.”

My feet won’t move. I just stand cemented to the tile in the
hallway. What I’m doing to her isn’t fair. I tried fighting the way I felt when
she was around then fought back the horrible feeling I had when she wasn’t. I
make excuses for my behavior saying that she deserves something better than me.
I can’t be a good friend to her because of who I am, but still she stands there
looking at me as if there is something special about me, something worthwhile.

Chapter Twenty-Three

-Kennedy-

It’s Thursday and I can’t be more relieved that there’s only
one more day until the weekend. It’s a lot easier to avoid Graham when I don’t have
to dodge him in the hallways. When I’m in the seclusion of my bedroom I can
make believe that I don’t see his eyes on me every day and convince myself that
the things he said to me in the hallway didn’t totally ruin me.

It’s been exhausting all week to stop myself from looking
back at him in Government. Keeping my eyes off of him in the hallway and the
cafeteria when he’s surrounded by his band of followers seems to be a full time
job these days. We haven’t talked since the day he stormed out of the cafeteria.
Every day the bruise seems to be healing a little more than the day before
though. It keeps me wondering if that is the worst it’s ever been. Worrying
about Graham isn’t my responsibility. In spite of myself, I keep wishing that
it was.

Graham never bothered to explain what happened that night
before he came knocking on my door. I have my own theories. My mind can fill in
a few blanks that he left behind. It wasn’t something I could ever begin to
understand. To be honest, I don’t want to. What happened to him was far too
dark for me to comprehend. Any punishment I’ve known is child’s play compared
to the fear I saw on his face as he stood on my porch helpless that night.

Craig and I started hanging out more even though I know he
has a reputation. I never have been the type of person who judged someone
before the opportunity to get to know them. Secretly, I enjoyed having the
attention from someone like Craig. I saw the way girls looked at him. As
shallow as it may be, it made me feel like I belonged when I was near him.

Craig drove me to school every day, always willing to carry
my bag. Every morning we were met in the parking lot by his group of friends.
Violet usually dragged me away, while Graham glared holes into the side of
Craig’s head and forced back a smile towards me. It is as if the two of us are
torturing ourselves. I caught Graham on more than one occasion stealing glances
when he thought no one was paying attention and I know I was doing the same
thing. We kept our distance though. I think we both understand why. It was just
easier that way. It made more sense, made things less complicated. We didn’t
know how to navigate through all the newness of things. Leaving a giant gap
between us makes the decision easy for us.

After spending the past few days with Craig, Violet’s
getting antsy and demands that we have a girl’s night spending too much money
at the mall then going to dinner. I let her drag me into practically every
store in the mall looking for the perfect dress for prom. It was just around
the corner. The whole ritual makes me nervous. I’ve never been to a dance. No
one’s ever bothered to ask me.

“What about this one?” Violet springs from the fitting room
modeling an extremely short sequin dress. It truly looks amazing on her and the
green brings out her eyes perfectly.

“I really like it,” I state feeling distracted.

“Are you shitting me? Kennedy, you like it? That’s not
exactly the lack luster impression I want with my prom dress.” Her hands are on
her hips glaring down at me in the chair that I’m sitting in.

“So far it’s my favorite. You’re going with Dan, right?” I
know bringing him up in conversation will distract her from my less than
enthusiastic response to her dress.

“Of course,” Violet’s obnoxious grin gave her away.

“What’s going on with you two anyways?” I stand looking over
a table that’s sitting outside of the fitting room. I pull a light blue
infinity scarf over my head looking in the mirror to grimace at the color
before placing it back into the table. I look back at her waiting for a
response. Even though I already know the answer she’s going to give me, I asked
hoping she’d be honest for once.

I know that they hook up in a regular basis. That little
fact is common knowledge. Their situation goes much further than that though.
She just isn’t willing to admit it. I don’t think either of them wants to admit
it. Everyone around them who’s not blind can tell they are into each other.
They steal playful glances in front of whoever’s around and he is constantly
finding a reason to brush up against her. They are cute with each other.

“We have sex and that’s all it is,” Violet tries to convince
me or perhaps she’s trying to convince herself as well in the process.

“Whatever you say,” I laugh at her obvious denial.

Violet walks into the fitting room to change out of what
would hopefully be “
the
” dress. She continues to talk to me the entire
time. “What about you and Craig? I’ve seen you guys at lunch.” She steps out in
her own clothes looking me up and down with question. “The boy practically
walks behind you like a love sick puppy falling at your every word. It’s sort
of adorable. I’ve never seen him like that with anyone.”

I suppose something is going on between us. Being sure I
wanted anything to go any further was where I was having the trouble. We’ve
kissed a few times since his party, but I never let it go further than that. I
kind of get the idea that Craig wants it to go faster than I’m ready for. He
tends to get agitated when I stop his journey a little too far south. He never
says anything out loud in the moment. It’s a feeling I get. Something about him
makes me nervous. I just can’t seem to put my finger on whatever is causing my
discomfort with him.  

I must have been in deep thought when Violet interrupted me.
“Earth to Kennedy. Did you even hear what I said?” she waved her hand in front
of my face.

“I’m sorry. My mind was just wandering. What did you ask?” I
walked around the table of scarves again picking up a pink floral print one.

“What’s going on with you and Craig? I heard he was planning
on asking you to prom.”

“Ugh…I don’t know. I like hanging out with him, but if I’m
being honest I don’t understand him. I’m obviously not his type. On top of
that, something happened the other day that made me sort of… uneasy.” The
thought trailed off as I remember the look in his eye the other day in his
bedroom.

“What happened?” Violet saddles up next to me eager to hear
the gossip.

“It’s just we were hanging out at his house the other night.
He started to kiss me and when it was getting too intense for me I pushed him
off. He got this predatory look in his eyes. They were just off somehow, you
know what I mean?”

“It’s probably because he’s used to girls dropping their
panties at his every word. He seems into you. I mean, I have never personally
seen him actively pursue a girl. That’s gotta be worth something.”

“I don’t see it going anywhere. Not now that…” I stop myself
before I say too much. The look on Violet’s face proves that she caught on.
Maybe I wanted her to.

“Now that what?” she asks with a raised eyebrow. Her
curiosity is peeked.

And I can’t be more thrilled. I can’t keep it a secret
anymore. It’s been killing me to not tell Violet what has been going on with
me. We never keep anything from each other.

“If I tell you, do you promise not to tell anyone? Like this
cannot be repeated, even to Dan. You have to swear, Violet,” I stick out my
pinky for her to swear on it and she quickly comes to my side to make the
childish pact.

“I swear on all my shoes, even the Jimmy Choos mom bought me
for my birthday.” This is the best kind of promise she can make to insure me
she is being serious.

I tell her everything. Well almost everything, I left out
the whole Graham running me over when he was drunk and him showing up to my
house with the black eye. I allow her to think that I accidently elbowed him
still. Those secrets will go to my grave with me.

Now thinking about it, the whole story doesn’t add up
without those bits of information. Violet doesn’t seem to question it either
way. I tell her about how jealous he seemed to get at the pizza parlor when
Craig touched me and how he came up with a lie to be able to drive me home. I
told her how he held me all night and then the way he kissed me the next
morning. Then even though it’s completely embarrassing I explained what
happened in the bathroom, but instead of taking advantage of the situation he
gave me a brotherly kiss on the forehead. That was a hard part to relive. Being
kissed on the forehead is a sweet gesture if it comes from your boyfriend, not
the boy that was making out with you a few minutes before.

Violet stares at me with a shocked expression snapping me
out of my day dream. “Are we talking about the same Graham? Graham Black,
right?” Violet looks back at me with confusion. She’s trying to understand with
her eyes wide with wonder as if I just told her unicorns actually exist.

“Trust me, I know how this sounds,” I say as we make our way
through the mall. I’m carrying most of Violet’s bags. The girl has a serious
shopping problem. 65% of this will be donated with tags still on it by the end
of the season.

Neither of us say anything else until we are sitting in our
booth at the restaurant. The silence only makes my mind wander to Graham. I
wonder what he’s doing right now. I kick myself for even allowing him to take
up space in my head.

Violet stares at her menu. Every few minutes she looks up at
me as if she’s contemplating what I told her then quickly scans her eyes over
the menu that she knows by heart. All Graham is known to be is arrogant and
manipulative. The guy I just described is sweet, gentle, and understanding.

“Are you going to say anything? You know what you are
getting. You get the same damn thing every time,” I demand an answer from her,
anxious as to what she’s going to say. Her opinion means a lot to me. I need
her to be on board. On board for what? I’m not sure.

Violet bites her lip trying to hold back what she wants to
say. “Okay…umm…” she stutters out.

“Just spit it out please. You’re making me nervous.” I sit
patiently tapping my foot on the floor. It’s a nervous tick that I think I
inherited from my mother. She always does it when she has to tell my Dad bad
news.

“Just give me a minute to think about it,” she says with a
knowing look on her face. I could see the truth tidal wave through her eyes.
“Holy shit, Kennedy. You totally like him.”

BINGO, there’s my best friend.

“It’s more complicated than that,” I begin to explain.
“Something happened that sort of pushed us together and I’m not going to tell
you about it, so please respect that. We just kept saying that we would try to
be friends and it was okay for a little while, for like a day actually. It
really worked, but I kept finding myself wanting to be near him more. It’s like
something’s pulling us together and it’s out of my control. I know how stupid
that sounds to you, but it’s how I feel. I almost thought he felt it too.”

“Dude, he stayed the night at your house? Where were your
parents?” Violet shrieks making her eyes widen in excitement. She’s bouncing
around on her side of the booth like a child.

“Out of everything I just said you are focusing on him
staying the night, really? You can’t be serious.”

“Okay, what’s going on now?” Violet’s curious nature takes
hold making it impossible for her to stay focused on one question.

“Absolutely nothing. He hasn’t even talked to me since
Monday. I told him to quit playing games with me and we haven’t spoken a word
since.”

“Are you nuts? That’s Graham Black like future major league
baseball player and you just told him to kick rocks,” Violet yells. The couple
behind us turns to glare at us. “Girls would give their right tit to have a few
minutes and you got to spend the whole night sleeping next to him. That’s
unheard of, Ken. Like seriously legendary. I think I should ask for your
autograph.”

“Quit being ridiculous and will you please quiet down? I
know who he is, but that doesn’t give him a free pass to be a dick.”

“Fair enough and what’s with the cursing by the way? I mean
I like the fire, but it’s not like you at all.” Violet laughs. “Now, are you
going to go to the baseball game tomorrow?”

“I don’t think I should. Craig asked me to go. I’m just
thinking that I should keep my distance from him for now.”

“You’ll say you’ll go for Craig, but in reality you will
have your eyes on the pitcher’s mound the entire time. This should be
interesting.” Violet rolls her eyes in the over the top way she can only do.
“How is it possible that two of the hottest guys in school are trying to get in
your pants?”

“I told you already. Someone must have drugged the water
supply because it doesn’t make any sense.” We both laugh. We knew it was the
truth.

Our waitress comes by the table to take our orders shortly
after. Violet being the friend that she is drops the subject immediately. The
rest of the meal is filled with conversations about Dan. She still claims that
they are just “friends”. It’s cute how her face lights up when she talks about
him. I know that there’s more to them, she just isn’t willing to admit it yet.
Violet simply hooking up with someone looked different than this. If she’s
intrigued by someone she will fall at their feet for a week solid, but it never
lasts longer than that. Apparently she and Dan have been at it for almost two
months which is impressive for her normal standards for a healthy relationship.

 After dinner, Violet drops me off at home and opts out of
coming inside to watch a movie. By the way she diligently keeps checking the
screen on her phone every five seconds, it’s obvious that she has other plans
for the night. I don’t mind. She deserves to go out and have fun. Plus I only
want to crawl into my bed, turn out my lights, and read a book until I fall
asleep without thinking about a certain baseball player.