When Our Worlds Collide (17 page)

Chapter Twenty-Six

-Graham-

Kennedy pushes on my chest as she sits up to straddle my
lap. I can feel myself getting hard just from the quick almost non-existent
friction. It’s just enough to wake my lap up. Luckily she stops us before it
gets to the point of no return. Just having her close turns me on. I need to
find a way to rein this in if we are going to keep doing this. I place my hands
on her thighs to stop her from moving another inch. I don’t think I can handle
much more.

“You never told me what happens next,” Kennedy squeaks out
in between placing soft kisses along my neck and jawline. She’s usually so in control,
but seeing her like this only makes me want her more.

“What do you want to know exactly?” I ask praying that she
won’t stop her assault.

“This is going to sound so dumb coming out of my mouth and
with most guys I suppose it would be easier because they aren’t the high school
man whore that you so happen to be,” she begins to explain looking down at me
for sympathy for what she has said and what she’s planning to say. “No
offense.”

“None taken,” I smile at her reassuringly.

“I guess what I’m wondering is if we are going to do this
then does that mean that we aren’t going to sleep with anyone else?”

Boy, she just put it right out there, didn’t she?

“Do you plan on sleeping with anyone else?” I challenge her
running my hands from her knees to just above her slim hips.

“That was more for you, not me.”

I know what Kennedy’s getting at. I’m just not sure what I
can say to her to be as truthful as possible. What do I want from this? What do
I want from her? I know that if anyone found out about Kennedy and me that
everything that could ruin it would weasel its way in. Even if we don’t want it
to and we fight hard for it to stay at bay, something will come along and mess
it up. Somehow someone or something will prove Kennedy to be wrong about me.
I’d prove myself to be the dick that I’ve always been.

“I’m not planning on sleeping with anyone else. I like you,”
I admit running my hands up and down Kennedy’s thighs watching as her
expression changed from anticipation to satisfaction.
This doesn’t even
sound like you. How does this girl have this much of an effect on you?

“I like you too, but…” she pauses before continuing
distracted by my hands that are tickling her thighs with the ends of my
fingertips. Her skin is soft, practically porcelain. “But I don’t think it’s a
good idea if anyone knows.”

“What?” I sit up holding her to me allowing her to stay
perfectly on my lap. She brushes her hand over my hair looking at me with
concern.

“It’s just that I know that if we try this…” she points
between the two of us. “That something will try to break it down and make it
impossible and I don’t want that to happen. I’m not under the impression that
I’m a hot commodity at school, so why would anyone believe that you of all
people are spending time with me?”

It’s like Kennedy’s reading my mind. The plan still seems
flawed. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to keep her a secret. She’s better than
that. Somehow along the way of life she has created this world that she doesn’t
feel privy to, that somehow she doesn’t belong because she’s not as pretty as
the other girls or as outgoing. If you would have asked months ago, I might
have agreed. That’s only due to the fact that I didn’t bother to see her. I
would have been wrong months ago.

“So you want to see where this goes before we tell anyone?
How’s this going to work?” I ask.

“Well for one you can’t sleep with anyone else, let’s just
make that clear,” Kennedy winks at me. I know she’s being serious. “And I guess
we go on like we have been. Friendly, but when were alone a little bit more
friendly.” A smile appears on her lips. I had to stifle back my laughter. She’s
being forthcoming about the whole situation. Who knew one orgasm could turn her
into a sex crazed flirt. I can see it in her eyes, the way they shine when she
looks at me.

“I promise I won’t sleep with anyone else, but is this
really going to work? I don’t know if you’ll be able to keep your hands off of
me after what just happened in your bathroom. You know what these hands can do
now, so…” I poke at her ribs teasingly. She never seemed too flirtatious, but
she’s showing me a whole different side of her tonight. I like this playful,
carefree side.

“You’re probably right, Graham. What if I can’t control
myself when we are around other people?” She throws her arms out to the side in
playful frustration.

I roll over pinning Kennedy’s small frame beneath me. She
laughs a perfect laugh that I wouldn’t mind hearing every damn day. “I like
this side of you.”

“What side’s that?” she asks sweetly in between catching her
breath.

“The playful carefree side, I’ve never seen you like this.”
I explain.

“You’ve never seen me any way before,” Kennedy kisses along
my jaw holding back a giggle only a girl is capable of.

“I’ve seen you, Ken. You might not have caught my attention
at first, but I definitely see you,” I say truthfully earning the sweetest,
unfortunately the quickest, kiss imaginable.

We continue talking about almost everything that you can
imagine the remainder of the night. Kennedy graciously avoids bringing up my
family and I avoid talking about our accident. Everything else seems to be fair
game. She told me everything she loves about dancing and what kind of books she
likes to read. I explain everything about baseball and how I love to go
snowboarding. I promise to teach her since she’s never been. I can’t wait to
drag her ass up a snowcap mountain.

Mostly, I just look at her. I admire every inch of her face
trying to memorize the small details. Like the way her eyes sparkle when she
laughs at something I say, and how her right eyebrow lifts up just a bit
whenever she has to really think about something. I always noticed how pretty
Kennedy was and no one could deny it by looking at her, but she radiates the
type of beauty when she laughs that most girls strive for. She’s contagious and
I’m realizing that I don’t think I can ever get my fill of her. 

As I lay next to her I wonder how I got here. Somewhere
along the way things in my life shifted falling into order. Kennedy was never
in my plan. In fact she wasn’t even in my eye line. Somehow all the shit in my
life got pushed aside to make room for her. I need to make room for her. She’s
the type of girl that you regret by letting her slip through your fingertips.

It must be getting late. Kennedy starts yawning one after
another. I glance over at the alarm clock to see that it’s already four in the
morning.

“Babe, we better go to bed. Mornings going to come quick,” I
reach over her to flick off the bedside lamp. Kennedy inches her body closer to
mine. I wrap my arm around her wanting her to be as close as possible, being
this close to her holding her felt more natural than I could imagine. I’ve
never held anyone like this. It feels right.

“Goodnight Graham,” Kennedy whispered into my hand that
she’s holding. The hairs on my arm stand tall with her affection.

“Goodnight,” I kiss the back of her head.

God, I hope I don’t hurt this girl. She’s too close to
perfect to dent.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

-Kennedy-

Today sucks.

It’s his fault. I’m blaming this all on him.

 I can’t concentrate when he’s this close to me and god
dammit, he is distracting.

Something happened last night, something that I can’t tell
anyone about, even my best friend. Now I’m being forced to pretend as if
everything is perfectly normal. As if this said thing didn’t occur when it’s
all I can think about as Graham sits across from me at the lunch table watching
every move I make. My eyes keep grazing across his firm chest, the same chest
that was slammed up against me this morning as I got ready for school.

Quit grinning at me like you know what you do to me.

This is a freaking disaster.

This whole anonymous thing is my idea. I suggested it
knowing that it would be the best thing for “us”. Secretly I was hoping that
Graham would eventually protest---demanded that we announce to the world that
he adores me and all that other sort of romantic crap that only happens in
movies and books. Things like that don’t happen to girls like me. It’s not my
reality.

He knew just as well as I did that if word got out that we were…getting
to know each other seems to be the only appropriate way to explain our
situation, that we would get ripped to shreds. Someone will find a way to ruin
it before it even got started making it more complicated than is necessary. The
thing is that I’m not under any illusion that I fit in with Graham’s group of
friends. When I was spending time with Craig I felt the same way. It didn’t
matter who my best friend is or what guy is beside me I will still be out of
place, lost in between the crowds.

Lying to Violet is the hardest part. She knows most of the
gory details of him staying at my house. She’s not an idiot. She knows
something is going on. She just thinks that Graham is keeping his distance. I
reiterated this exact thing to her this morning when she came and picked me up
from school. I had to forcefully remove Graham from my living room in order not
to get caught in the act. He begged for me to ride to school with him today.
After explaining how that will look he reluctantly understood, but not before
pinning me against the kitchen counter. I could get used to kissing him.

“Kennedy? Kennedy? Did you not hear what I just said?”
Violet’s voice rings through my ears drawing me out of my little daydream of
Graham.

I’m completely enamored with that boy. I can at least admit
to that. It has everything to do with his smile and the way his eyes light up
when he truly thinks something is funny. When he’s frustrated, he runs his hand
over the top of his head and down his face. He’s gorgeous to the point that at
times it hurts to look at him. He is the God damn sun for crying out loud.

“Oops, zoning out. Sorry, what’s going on?” I look across to
Violet who’s giving me her ‘what the hell is wrong with you’ look. I just shrug
trying to brush it off as nothing. I don’t think a lunch table full of Graham’s
friends is the most appropriate spot to announce that Graham stayed the night
for the second time and this time there was a lot more than good conversation.

“Do you want to ride with me to the game tonight?”

“Actually, I can’t. I told Mr. Cook that I’d take some extra
photos for the newspaper. I’m going to head to the field early,” I explain.
Graham’s head jerks up catching my attention. He smiles at me. I know what he’s
thinking because I was thinking the same thing when I agreed to go. We can’t
spend much time together while we are around all of his friends. This will
allow us to be a smidge closer to each other than what we are willing to allow
right now.

“Have fun with that,” Violet rolls her eyes at me jokingly.
She doesn’t understand my need to participate in school groups like newspaper
or debate. She’s a social butterfly to her core. She can’t find time for
anything that didn’t involve the opposite sex.

I feel Craig’s arm reach around my shoulders. “Trust me, she
will,” he says suggestively to everyone who is willing to listen gaining a few
snickers. It’s irritating to have some horny teenage boy assume that he’s going
to be the reason behind your supposed fun. It’s worth it to see Graham tense up
across the table from me as Craig fawns all over me. I can tell that his
shoulders are tight through his shirt and he is clearly gritting his teeth
against each other sending death glares straight at Craig. No one notices this
odd behavior. No one is watching as closely as I am.

I wiggle Craig’s arm off of me sliding down the bench to try
to prove a silent point to Graham. Craig isn’t thrilled with my distance, but
he quickly recovers. I don’t want the lines to get crossed for Craig. I notice
the way Graham’s shoulders slump down in a relaxed manner as he is back to
talking to Dan about their game tonight.

Tonight’s game is all anyone is talking about. They are
going up against one of our rivals. Our school has a lot of them according to
what Graham told me last night. The way Graham talks about baseball is
infectious. It’s hard to rip my eyes away from him as he gets more excited
about pitching tonight.

I’m forced back to the worst kind of reality when Amanda
waltzes in the cafeteria wearing one of Graham’s baseball t-shirts that has his
name and number on the back in bold lettering. It’s clearly two or more sizes
too big making it apparent who it originally belonged to. She made do by tying
it up in the back causing it to ride up exposing a considerate amount of her
tanned stomach. Several guys at the table hoot and holler in her direction
making rather disgusting remarks to Graham about “his girl” as they so clearly
put it.

My stomach feels as if it’s up in my throat. This should
have been expected. Through everything I forget that Graham has a regular
arrangement with Amanda. I try not to think about it suppressing the thoughts
that are now haunting my mind. Graham’s the most popular sought after guy in
our school and I’m me. I can’t hold a torch to someone like Amanda who puts it
all out there for the taking. It’s well known that Graham has taken his fair
share of her.

“Looks like Amanda’s coming to make good on your deal,”
Craig smirks at Graham reaching out to give him a fist bump. Graham looks
instantly uncomfortable, but slowly puts his fist against Craig’s. He glances
down the table sympathetically but discreetly watching me. Silently I know he’s
apologizing for what is about to happen. I don’t think I’m ready for this.

I lean across the table towards Violet to make sure no one
hears me. “What’s Craig talking about?” I ask her. I can hear the panic in my
voice.

“Apparently, at the beginning of the season Amanda made an
agreement with Graham that they would hook up before each of his games. I guess
it’s sort of became a twisted good luck charm for him. Kind of disgusting if
you ask me,” Violet looks at me sympathetically knowing very well that I have
admitted liking Graham just the night before. “Sorry.” She mouths.

It’s like a car accident making it impossible to look away.
Amanda struts over to Graham, then like real whore sits down on his lap
. Oh
God! Seriously? I can’t compete with that.
I can tell he’s tense as she
runs her hand over his head messing with the ends of his hair where it curls up
just a tad in the back. Technically Graham and I aren’t anything. I’m not under
the impression that one night fooling around would turn into an everlasting
thing. I’m not that naive. He’s Graham Black for crying out loud.

Amanda’s lips move down to Graham’s ear. She’s whispering
something to him, something to do with laying down on any piece of the earth
that he chose more than likely. Not being able to stand watching the scene, I
get up from the table and throw my tray of food into the garbage before
slamming it down.

This is my entire fault. Getting involved with someone like
Graham is only going to lead to disappointment. Guys like him don’t bat
eyelashes at girls like me. It seems that ever since he showed a hint of
interest that the whole lot of them started noticing me. Its unwanted attention
and I’d prefer for it to go back to the way it was before knowing what I know
now. Before I danced on that stage, before the accident, and before that stupid
party everything was normal. No one noticed me and I’m beginning to realize
that I prefer that life better than this one.

This one is full of jealousy and heartache. That’s how I
feel when Amanda is near Graham. Pure jealousy is evident, perhaps a hint of
rage. I want nothing more than to reach across the table and yank her off of
his lap by her perfect straight blonde hair. I can’t because of some dumbass
idea that I put out into the universe. Graham agreed to it though. Why would he
agree with me? He’s clearly just as agitated by the way Craig paws all over me,
so why put himself through the torture? Unless he’s enjoying being able to have
all the girls fall at his feet knowing that I’m still going to be there.
Jackass.

“Asshole,” I utter under my breath slamming the rubber
bottom on my crutch against a locker.

“Who are you yelling at?” the voice behind me makes me jump.
I can recognize his voice in a crowded room. It’s the familiar masculine and
roughness to it that gives him away.

“Just leave me alone, Graham,” I beg him purposefully
avoiding looking in his eyes. I know once he sees the hurt on my face then he
will know exactly what I have been thinking.

“What just happened didn’t mean…” he trails off lost in the
thought before I cut him off.

“You don’t need to explain it to me. I should have expected
it. I should have seen it coming.” I slowly make my way back to my locker with
him close on my heels.

“Excuse me?” Graham grabs my arm gently to force me to slow
down. I continue to avoid eye contact with him until he gently grabs my chin
giving me no other choice. “What do you mean you should have expected this from
me?”

“Amanda and you are made for each other. Go have fun and do
what you’ve always done, Graham. You don’t owe me anything.” The words come out
before I have a chance to filter them. I’ve been telling him that since the
accident. It’s became my defense mechanism to fending off letting Graham fully
in.

Graham looks down at me running his hands down onto my
shoulders and the length of my arms before speaking. He looks frustrated as he
grits his teeth and moves his hands off of my arms. “Wow! It’s nice to know
that it only took one day. Hell, not even one day for you to jump to a
conclusion about me,” Graham rubs his hand over his face. “It wasn’t the
outside that would have destroyed us Kennedy. Our only obstacle was you and
your doubt about me as a person. That’s all and nothing else. Let’s not confuse
the truth.”

We stood in the middle of the hallway staring at each other.
Everything he’s saying is true. I know it now by the way he’s looking at me. I
can see the hurt in his eyes and I don’t know how to make it better. I’m not
even sure if I meant what I said. It seemed like I needed to protect my heart
before he dug further in.

Setting him up for failure is what I had done. Everything in
my body and heart tells me to believe in him and trust that he is the guy who I
want him to be. My head tells me to run in the opposite direction of wherever
he is. I don’t want to be vulnerable to someone who could easily ruin me.
Graham’s that guy, the kind that doesn’t even understand the effect he has over
people.

“You’re right,” I respond shaking my head looking down at my
shoes.

“That’s the thing though, Kennedy. I don’t want to be right
about this. I want you to look me in my eyes and see that guy that you keep
talking about. I know that guys in here,” Graham points at his chest. “Don’t
turn your back on me before you even give me a chance to prove it.”

The hallway slowly fills with students who are oblivious to
what is conspiring between Graham and me rushing to make it to their next
class. Several people brush up against us. Neither of us shifts from where our
feet are planted.  

“I don’t know what to tell you, Graham. I’m not sure that I
can do this,” I begin to explain. “I just…I’m me and you’re you. There’s a
reason why we haven’t crossed paths until now. How can we expect this to work?”

Graham and I watch each other both contemplating what I have
said. His eyes are down casted while mine stay locked on his face trying to see
some glimpse if there is any hope left. When he looks up at me, his eyes give
me my answer.

“I don’t know, Kennedy. I really don’t,” Graham forces the
words out and turns his back leaving me standing alone in the crowded hallway.
I feel more alone than I have in a long time. He doesn’t bother looking back
before he walks away to blend in with the rest of the students.

The rest of the school day goes by in a blur. During
Government, Graham stays busy chit chatting with a few of the baseball players
at the back of the room while I spend most of the hour and a half trying to
force myself to keep my head facing forward. I break down twice and casually
turn my head to peer back to where he’s sitting. He catches me both times, but
I can’t read what his eyes are trying to tell me.

I want to run back to him and jump in his lap and apologize
for what I said and for doubting him for one single second. I think we both
understood that it’s too late. I went too far and now Graham’s sitting just a
few rows away but it feels as if there could be oceans between us.