When Smiles Fade (26 page)

“Good. Then I’ll see you here again?” Emma asked, eagerly thinking of the hundred-dollar bill she had tucked away in her palm.

“You can bet on it!” he told her.

At two in the morning, she put her street clothes back on to go outside, where Ethan was waiting for her. She put her tips into her purse, except for the hundred-dollar bill, which she tucked inside her shoe. She was wary of Ethan prying into her purse again and taking her money. As she got into the car, she could tell by his bad-tempered greeting that he was in a foul mood.

“I’ve been watching these assholes come out of the bar,” he said sullenly. “It bothers me that they are all getting to look at you while you’re practically naked. I want you to promise me that you’ll never cheat on me.”

“Oh, Ethan, of course I won’t cheat on you!” Emma reassured him. “I love you. By the way, these ‘assholes’ you’re talking about are completely harmless. It’s just business.” She leaned over to kiss him.

At first he responded to her kiss, but then he bit into her lower lip.

“Ouch!” Emma yelled, reacting to the pain. “What the fuck!? Ethan, that hurt!” she could taste the blood from the split in her lip.

“Fuck, Emma!” he yelled. “It just makes me crazy to think about you dancing for these guys. I feel like I’m sharing you with other men and I don’t like it one fucking bit.”

“Well, you’re
not
sharing me with other men,” Emma said firmly. “And by thinking this way, you’re making everything difficult. You knew I was a stripper before you moved in with us. Now all of a sudden it’s an issue. I’m beginning to think that maybe our decision to move in together wasn’t such a good idea after all!”

Ethan was shocked into silence. He didn’t want to lose his golden goose. For the first time in his adult life, he had found a way of doing what he wanted without having to work for it. He liked hanging out during the day. He enjoyed his new lifestyle and was sure that he would eventually transform Emma into the woman he wanted her to be.

“I know, I know,” he soothed, trying to pacify her. “You’re right, Em. I’m acting like an asshole. I want us to make a life together. Maybe even get married someday and have kids. Please don’t give up on me so easily. It’s just that you are so beautiful and I worry that you’ll find someone else.”

Emma almost felt sorry for him again, but then thought better of it. If Ethan wanted to live with her and Gracie, he would have to accept things the way they were. She wasn’t going to change for him or for anyone else.

She finally said, “Okay, Ethan, but you need to pull yourself together. If we’re going to make this work, I can’t have you acting like a jealous boyfriend. I’m not going to cheat on you. So stop worrying. Deal?”

“Deal,” he agreed, without meaning it.

His jealousy would always get the better of him. It probably had a lot to do with the insecurity that had been a part of his nature since his father had left them after catching his whore mother cheating on him. Because of what his mother had done to his father, Ethan put very little value on women.

For the rest of the ride home, Ethan talked about how much he wanted his own landscaping business. While he yammered, Emma daydreamed about the new guy, Salvatore. He was so handsome and obviously rich too. He had been very nice to her and she liked the way he had told her how beautiful she was, because she knew he truly meant it. Ethan often complimented her on her looks too, but his words of praise were invariably twisted with jealous, out-of-context references about how desirable her customers at Doubles must find her.

When they got home, they made love and Emma fell asleep in Ethan’s arms. He held her and stayed awake for hours, consumed by his twisted imaginary thoughts, which turned into a jealous rage of her cheating on him. As he watched her sleeping peacefully, he had the overwhelming urge to beat her silly, but he knew that stupid sister of hers would come rushing in.

In the morning, Gracie crept into their room quietly and woke Emma.

“What is it?” Emma whispered, concerned to see her sister looking so terrified, and slipped out from under the covers.

“I’m bleeding,” Gracie told her.

“What? Where?” Emma asked, frantically looking her over.

“No, Em, I got my period,” Gracie explained, a bit embarrassed.

Emma smiled. “I guess we need to have that talk about the birds and the bees now,” she teased her.

“Knock it off, Em. I need you to show me how to use those things,” Gracie whispered, not wanting the evildoer to wake up and butt into her personal business.

Explaining to her sister how to use a tampon wasn’t a moment Emma had prepared herself for. When she was done, she left Gracie in the bathroom to take care of her business in private.

Gracie reappeared in the kitchen ten minutes later and the two sisters sat down to breakfast. Ethan came into the kitchen while they were eating. He was showered and dressed.

“Where are you off to?” Emma asked, surprised that he was going out.

“I have some errands to run,” he replied, then reached into her purse and took her car keys and a handful of the money she’d earned the previous night. “Ethan!” Emma yelled, outraged, when she saw him take her money. But thinking better of it, she fell silent. She didn’t want to start another big fight in front of Gracie. She knew her sister had heard them arguing over the last several weeks and wanted to spare her the ordeal of watching them bicker again.

“Never mind,” she told Ethan when he turned to her inquiringly.

After Gracie had left for school, Emma went into the bedroom closet where she kept a couple pairs of new shoes in their boxes. She pulled a pair of boots out of a box, slid the hundred-dollar bill, along with some of her other earnings, into the toe of one boot, and placed it back in the box. She felt better knowing it would be there if she needed it. She planned to talk to Ethan when he returned home about him taking her money again. She didn’t like this habit of his. She worked hard for her money and it was meant exclusively for her use and Gracie’s. No one was going to take it from her.

When Ethan walked into the apartment a couple of hours later, Emma practically pounced on him. He was carrying two bags. One contained a pair of expensive sneakers he had bought for himself. The other held a sexy corset and thong for her.

Ethan seemed irritated by her onslaught of questions about the money he’d taken out of her purse.

“Em, really,” he said, unfazed, “you need to stop it. We’re living together now, making a life together. The money you earn is for both of us. Besides, I bought you a present.”

His dismissive way of handling her and the money issue infuriated Emma, but once again she felt her anger ebb when he mentioned the present he’d bought for her. When he pulled out the corset and thong, she stared at them in surprise.

“Are these for Doubles?” she asked.

“No, they’re not for fucking Doubles!” Ethan snapped. “What the fuck, Emma! These are for you to wear for me. I’m so sick of this shit!”

In an attempt to calm him, she said, “I made a mistake. I just didn’t know, that’s all.”

Suddenly he lunged forward, grasped her around the waist, and kissed her. Then he lifted her shirt and put his mouth over her breast. He led her into the bedroom and handed her the gift he’d bought her. Emma began to undress, but before she could put on the corset and thong, Ethan told her to go to the bathroom to change so that she could surprise him. She thought it was a weird request, but didn’t refuse him, touched as she was that he had thought to buy her a present, even if it was with her own money, and it wasn’t lost on her that it was a gift for him rather than for her. All the time she was gone, Ethan sat stewing on her question about the lingerie being for her use at Doubles.

When Emma came back into the bedroom and Ethan saw how hot she looked, lust surged through him. Silently he motioned her onto the bed. She inched closer and bent down to kiss him. He yanked her down on the bed and began touching her intrusively. Taken off guard by his aggression, she took a moment to respond. In those few seconds of hesitation on her part, his arousal was fueled further by anger. He reached down without warning and ripped her thong off. Before she could react, he had jammed his fingers inside of her with unexpected force. She arched back from the pain and tried to push him away. In retaliation, he pinned her arms down on the bed, pushed himself inside of her, and slammed into her over and over again until he came.

He looked at her afterward. “What the fuck is your problem?” he demanded. “Why were you lying there like a dead fish? You got a problem? I buy you nice things and then you treat me like shit!”

Emma was angry. “I wasn’t lying there like a dead fish, Ethan!” she retorted. “I was surprised at how aggressive you were. What the hell is going on with you?”

“What’s going on with me? What’s going on with
ME
? I’m
sick
of your fucking bullshit!
That’s
what’s going on with me!” he howled.

“Look, Ethan, I’m not going to put up with this,” she told him firmly. “You’re acting like a crazy person!”

Ethan got up and left the bedroom. Emma sat on the edge of the bed, bewildered by what was happening between them. She loved him and didn’t want to hurt him. Her thoughts wandered back to the moment when they had first met and she felt wistful recalling his kindness toward Gracie and her. Maybe he was just going through a rough time, she tried to reason. She wasn’t afraid of change. She knew she could live without him. The only glimmer of doubt Emma had was the thought of losing the only man she’d ever loved.

As the Fourth of July approached, Ethan told Emma that he wanted to throw a party at the apartment. Not wanting to have another scene on her hands, Emma declared it was a great idea. Having consented to it, she intended to enjoy it. Planning everything for the party together with her sister, she and Gracie set out to make it a great holiday. They even bought new dresses for the occasion: a short red sun dress for Gracie, a long white cotton dress for Emma.

On the day of the party, the girls were brimming with excitement because they were getting to spend some time with Brianna, who they hadn’t seen much since Ethan had moved in with them. Emma was the perfect hostess, eager to make everything just right for their guests. They had spent most of the day in the small backyard, eating hotdogs and hamburgers. Ethan had bought a keg of beer, and the tenants from the other two apartments in the building had joined the festivities as well.

In the late afternoon, most of the guests had moved inside, along with the keg of beer. Emma was standing in the kitchen, catching up on girl talk with Katie and Brianna. Her childhood friend had just finished a funny story about a creepy guy she had gone on a date with a couple of weeks earlier and, being Brianna, had made fun of the guy’s appearance, making all of them laugh hard.

Their hearty laughter reached Ethan who was in the living room with his friend, Pete Somers. The two young men automatically glanced through the kitchen doorway and Pete’s gaze was drawn to Emma. It was clear to Ethan that his friend couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. He followed Pete’s gaze as it took in the silhouette of Emma’s long legs through the flowing material of her white dress, which had turned transparent in the waning sunlight streaming through the kitchen window.

Turning to Ethan, Pete couldn’t help exclaiming, “God, man! Emma is fucking gorgeous! How did an ugly fuck like you land something like that?”

His tone was playful and Ethan smiled mechanically in response, but fury surged through him. As Emma looked over at him, the two of them locked eyes. His hateful stare pierced through her. She knew at once that something had pissed him off and she wondered nervously what could have gone wrong. She did her best to bury her anxiety and played the perfect hostess until everyone left.

Finally, after Gracie had left to sleep over at a friend’s house, Emma sought out Ethan. He was sitting alone in their bedroom, perched on the edge of the bed.

“Ethan? Is everything okay? It was a great party, wasn’t it?” she asked, testing to see if he was still angry while wishing the prick would move the fuck out of her apartment.

He stood and walked up to her. “I bet it was a great party for you, Em!” he snapped.

“Why?” she asked, irritated. “What’s wrong?”

“I saw how you and Pete were looking at each other,” Ethan snarled. “What the fuck is going on here? Are you fucking him? Don’t make me lose my head!”

Before he had even finished uttering those ominous words, he shoved Emma into the closet door. She struggled to keep her footing, but he was on top of her in an instant, his left hand grasping her throat in a vise-like grip. She fought him hard, kicking and wiggling to get out from under him, until he brought his free hand up and pinched her nostrils shut. Realizing she couldn’t breathe, Emma fought harder to free herself. Just as she passed out, he released his hold on her.

When she came to, she realized she was lying in the same spot where he’d left her. Confused at first, she began to replay what had happened right before she blacked out. Emma rose gingerly to her feet and made her way into the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror and was horrified by what she saw: the bruises on her neck and a glimpse of the abused child she had once been. She sat on the edge of the tub and cried. Then, exhausted, she crawled into bed and fell into a deep sleep.