When Smiles Fade (24 page)

Emma was moved by his sweetness. Even the fact that he referred to himself as her boyfriend was exciting to her. In the end, she agreed. As she left for work, she reminded Gracie once more about going to bed as soon as her show was over.

Emma made a shit load of money at Doubles that night. Now that she was earning more money, she was able to buy some pretty dazzling costumes. The men liked costumes, and each time she went on stage, she took on a different persona, to match the costume she was wearing. She had even started working with one of the other dancers to learn how to do some tricks on the pole.

When Emma got home at two in the morning, she found Ethan sleeping on the sofa and Gracie in her bed. The apartment was quiet and everything seemed fine. She told herself she had been worrying needlessly. If she intended to be with Ethan in the future, and, she felt strongly she would be, it was time to begin trusting him.

As time marched on Ethan continued to shower Emma with attention. Convinced that she was the woman who would give him everything he wanted, he was prepared to do anything in his power to make her fall in love with him. He knew her type: unloved as a child, bitter, beautiful, and naïve about relationships.

He brought her flowers all the time that he stole from people’s houses where he did the landscaping and took her out to dinner at least one night a week. Ethan had even bought the two of them tickets for a live concert by Kid Rock, one of Emma’s favorite singers. She had been pleasantly surprised by his gesture, which, he said, had been prompted by his desire to make her happy. But Ethan’s only real motivation was to control her.

Emma felt safe with Ethan, as if with him around nothing horrible could ever happen again to either Gracie or her. He provided all that she had yearned for as a child: love, companionship, and a sense of security. Up until the time she’d met him, she had believed that she wasn’t capable of loving a man. Emma had always felt insignificant, inferior, as though she were damaged goods from the way the boys in high school had treated her. It was stirring to finally have someone to rely on, someone who wanted to share her life.

In the beginning, she’d often wonder why she had been so lucky to have met Ethan. As the months passed, Ethan began spending even more time at the apartment. He was sleeping over four to five nights a week by now. He always slept on the sofa, while Emma and Gracie shared the only bed.

One morning, after Gracie had left for school, Ethan went into the bedroom and lay down next to Emma. He put his arms around her and she snuggled up to him.

“You know,” he started in a calm voice, “the apartment on the second floor is for rent. It’s a two-bedroom. I was thinking, maybe we could rent it and I could move in with you guys. You and I could share a bedroom and Gracie could have the other one to herself. What do ya think?”

Emma was taken aback, since they had never discussed moving in together. It had only been six months since she and Ethan began dating, although he spent so much time at their apartment, it almost felt as if he already lived with them.

“Wow! Well, good morning,” she said jovially. Then her expression became serious. “I don’t know, Ethan,” she said. “I mean, I haven’t thought about us actually living together.”

Ethan kissed the tip of her nose, then her face, following up with soft kisses on her neck. Emma loved it when he kissed her neck.

“Well, Em, I’ve been thinking about it a lot, actually,” he told her. “I love being with you guys and you like being with me, right?”

“Of course we like being with you! But we haven’t even had sex yet,” Emma reminded him.

“Yeah, about that,” he said and moved on top of her. “We can just do it right now!” His tone was affectionate and teasing at the same time.

Emma gave him an incredulous look. “I don’t think so, Ethan,” she told him. “You’re going to have to swoon all over me if you want to make love to me.”

“I will swoon all you want! That’s not a problem for a rugged man like me,” he kidded. “Seriously, Em, what do ya think about it?”

The thought of him moving in with them excited Emma. Impulse urged her to say yes right away, but she wanted to talk to Gracie first. However, she didn’t want Ethan to know her sister’s opinion might influence her decision. She didn’t want him turning against Gracie, in case she hated the idea.

“Give me a day to think about it, Ethan,” she finally said. “I swear I’ll give you an answer tomorrow.”

Ethan was clearly disappointed and secretly frustrated that she hesitated. But he agreed to wait and began kissing her again. Later that morning, when Katie arrived for their daily coffee and neighborhood gossip session, Emma told her about Ethan’s proposal.

“I like Ethan, Emma, I really do,” Katie said gently. “But he still lives with his mother. Also, he only works in the summer, when he can do landscaping. Then he collects unemployment all winter. He’s not what you would call super-motivated, if you know what I mean. He’s nice enough, though. I just think you should take things a little slower. That’s all.”

Emma felt herself getting defensive about him. “I know, Katie,” she agreed. “I get it. But I love him. I’m earning great money right now and he’s been here for Gracie when I’m working. As far as I’m concerned, that kind of support can’t be measured by how much money he makes. Besides, he treats us great and makes me laugh a lot. So maybe he isn’t a millionaire, but let’s face it: I don’t think I’m going to be attracting any of those soon.”

Katie reached across the table and clasped Emma’s hand. “You can have any man you want, Emma,” she told her earnestly. “You’re an incredible person. You’re smart and funny and great to be around. On top of all that, you’re fucking gorgeous, with a kickass body. Don’t settle for less just because someone is nice to you. That’s all I’m saying. Have you slept with him yet?”

“No, I haven’t slept with him,” Emma admitted, a little embarrassed by the question.

“Oh great! So you’re going to buy the fucking dress before you even try it on?” Katie said speculatively.

Emma laughed at her friend’s analogy. “I know! I told him the same thing this morning. But ya know, it’s only sex, Katie. How bad can it be?”

“Well, speaking from experience, it can suck pretty fucking bad or it can be great. Just depends on how they handle themselves,” Katie responded, touting her wisdom.

Emma was naïve about love and consensual sex. Ethan was her first boyfriend and it would be the first time she had sex with someone she cared about. She was caught up in the excitement of adolescent emotions, and the sheer pleasure of being admired and flattered was hard to resist. She found herself longing to see Ethan every time they were apart. She wanted to be held in his arms. She wanted their passionate kisses to go on forever. Emma wanted to cling to the relationship they had built and believed Ethan’s moving in with them would be the right thing for Gracie and her.

When her sister got home from school that afternoon, Emma sat with her at the kitchen table while she ate potato chips.

“This morning after you left for school,” she began, “Ethan told me the apartment above ours is vacant. It’s a two-bedroom apparently.” Emma paused, waiting for Gracie to look at her. “He asked if we should rent it and move in together,” she went on tentatively. “It’s bigger than the one we live in right now and you wouldn’t have to share. You would have your own bedroom.”

“Did you say yes?” Gracie asked, feeling left out of Emma’s life and ill at ease at the idea of Ethan living with them permanently.

“I told him I needed a day to think about it. I didn’t want to agree to anything without talking to you first. So what do you think?” It was clear from her hopeful expression that Emma wanted Gracie to agree to the proposal.

Since he had appeared in their lives, Gracie had seen her older sister happier than she had ever been. She knew that Emma really liked Ethan. She, on the other hand, wasn’t entirely sure that she did. There was something about him that made Gracie uneasy, but it wasn’t anything specific that she could put her finger on. Now that the decision lay in her hands, she felt it would be selfish of her to stand in the way of Emma’s happiness. She was the one person in Gracie’s life who had always been consistent in her support and loyalty, always there for her. Besides, she knew that if things didn’t work out, they could always throw him out.

“Well, I think Ethan is an okay guy and you get along good,” she said. “If you want him to move in, that would be fine with me. You’re sure I’ll get my own room?”

“Yes, of course you’d get your own room! Always thinking of yourself—brat!” Emma teased, excited to tell Ethan that they could live together.

That evening, when Ethan arrived at the apartment to have dinner before Emma left for work, she practically ran to him as he walked through the door and flung her arms around him. He responded by pulling her body against his own and running his hand over her ass as he kissed her.

“I think that renting the apartment upstairs would be a good idea,” she told him, feeling like the teenager she still was. “I think we should do this.”

“Oh, baby, you have no idea how happy you’ve made me,” he gushed. “This is going to be so fucking good for all of us!”

As Emma clung to him, he contemplated how great it would be living with someone like her. She was steaming hot and made a lot of money too. His dreams were all starting to come true.

When Gracie walked in on them, he went over to her and gave her a hug. “I think this is going to be great, Gracie. I think we’re going to make a great family.”

“Me too,” she agreed listlessly, forced to utter the words as she noticed Emma watching them. “It’ll be great.”

But Gracie’s instincts told her that something wasn’t right.

Two weeks later, the three of them moved to the apartment on the second floor. The rent was an affordable $850 a month, given the money Emma was now earning. Now that move-in day had arrived, Emma felt much better about the decision they had made to include Ethan permanently in their lives. She had taken Saturday and Sunday night off from Doubles for the move and worried about losing two whole nights of income, but Ethan assured her that everything would be fine.

On Monday night, when Emma was leaving for work, he asked her what time he could expect her home. A bit startled by the question, she gave him an odd look.

“Why?” she asked. “I’ll be home when I get home.”

Ethan’s jaw tensed. “I just worry about you out so late at night, all alone.”

Emma laughed. “I’ve been doing it for a long time, you know. I’ll be fine. I’ll catch you in the morning, before you go to work,” she said, planting a kiss on his cheek and leaving him standing in the living room, watching her put on her coat and leave.

The next day, when Emma woke up and wandered into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee and call Katie so she could come over, she was surprised to see Ethan sitting at the table.

“What are you doing home?” she asked. “Why aren’t you at work?”

Ethan looked ragged. “I’m not feeling so good,” he said. “I called out today. How about making me something to eat?”

“Sure, you want scrambled eggs?” Emma offered.

“Yeah, that’s fine, but don’t make them runny. I like my eggs cooked real good. So how much money did you make last night?” Ethan asked.

Emma cracked two eggs into a bowl and began to scramble them. “Around three hundred and fifty. Why?”

“I was just curious,” was all he said.

They had been living together for two full days and Emma already disliked many of the things she’d observed about him: that he had called out sick from work, questioned when she’d come home, and wanted to know how much money she had made. She felt he was invading her privacy, but suppressed her annoyance, because she wanted it to work out between them. She told herself that these were the things couples discussed with each other when they lived together. The doubts that had surfaced in her mind were quickly forgotten, and by the time Ethan had finished eating his eggs and gone back into the bedroom to sleep, Emma had calmed down.
See, you knucklehead
, she told herself,
he’s just sick. That’s all. He’ll be back to normal when he feels better
.

Over the next three weeks, Ethan called out of work eight more times. It was getting colder, and soon he would be laid off for the winter. Emma was worried that his inability to show up for work would get him fired and, come spring, he wouldn’t have a job to go back to. She earned a good living, but they had made a deal to split the expenses. Emma expected him to keep his part of the bargain. She had already paid part of his share of the expenses because of the days he’d missed work.

They still hadn’t made love. However, they’d engaged in oral sex, but Emma was holding him off for a special moment.

Katie pressured Emma to get on with it. “Have sex with him already, Em,” she urged. “I mean, for fuck’s sake, you’ve been living together for over
three
weeks! It’s fucking weird!”

Emma knew her friend was right. She made it a point to plan something special for Ethan and her. She was off from work the following Wednesday night and arranged for Gracie to sleep over at Katie’s so that she and Ethan could be alone. When he came home from work that night, she had a bath waiting for him. She met him at the door and kissed him softly. She peeled off his clothes slowly, one piece at a time. By the time they reached the bathroom, he was only wearing his socks.