When Sorry Is Not Enough (17 page)

The loud banging open of the ranch-style door of the kitchen was followed by Rita calling out, ‘Right, Luke, here’s your lunch,’ and a plate was flung down in front of him.

Looking down at the contents of the plate Luke became amused. ‘Rita,’ he chuckled, ‘this is egg and chips and I ordered steak pie and two veg.’

‘Ah well,’ retorted Rita, ‘if that was what you wanted you should have come in here yesterday – Friday. Today is Saturday and all the office and business workers either don’t work on a Saturday or they skedaddle hame at lunchtime so there’s nae use in doing lunches on a Saturday and that menu you ordered from was Friday’s.’

Luke looked at Sally for confirmation. She just nodded.

Rita, of course, was not finished and flicking a tea towel over the bar she continued, ‘And seeing you’re the wee brother of the boss I especially made you some egg and chips. But if you dinnae want them pass them back.’

Lifting the salt cellar Luke sprinkled some salt on the chips before starting to devour them. Between mouthfuls he gabbled, ‘Now, about Josie …’

‘Luke, I’ve had enough of bampots for one day so if you don’t mind, could the sorting out of our Josie wait?’

‘But I was just thinking it would be best for both of you if Josie …’

‘Look,’ Sally interrupted, ‘if you don’t mind I’d like to go quietly insane on my own.’

Ignoring Sally’s remark Luke went on, ‘It would just mean Josie coming back in here which would leave you to stay out of it all in your guest house.’

‘That right? Well if you or anybody else thinks I’ll not be in residence here all of next week then think again. One thing I intend is for everyone to think I am not bothered and that I am getting on with my life. And who knows, in time I could probably end up having bigger fish to fry than David Stock.’

When Sally arrived home at Seaview Terrace, Maggie was still on duty.

‘Had a good day?’ was Maggie’s oily greeting.

‘Aye,’ replied Sally to gloating Maggie.

‘Any shocks?’

‘Aye, my brother Luke thinks we should do Saturday lunches in the Four Marys.’

‘Oh. Well there have been three surprises in here.’

‘Like what?’

‘For a start your mother-in-law wants you to put her and her sister up next week. And that’s probably why Harry’s coming to see you tomorrow.’

‘No way does he put a foot in that door.’

‘Well you tell him that because I’m still not talking to him after what he did to me. Gutted I was when he left me for a warbling bimbo.’

Sally was about to remind Maggie that both she and Harry had subjected her to worse but she was too tired and considered it wasn’t worth the effort. So, stifling a yawn she mumbled, ‘And the third problem?’

‘No exactly a problem, Sally. It was a telephone call from a Mrs Kelly in Donegal and she says that her son has told her you will put her up when she comes to visit him next week.’

A long sigh escaped Sally before she uttered, ‘That will be just fine. I’m really looking forward to meeting Irish’s mum and I’m even happier to put her up.’

Leith Links is like Portobello’s promenade. No matter what time of day or night it is you will be sure to meet someone who will wish to pass the time of day with you.

Sitting on one of the benches that faced the bandstand, Nancy had been approached by two people. The first was a lady walking her dog: to be truthful she wasn’t walking it but carrying it. ‘Would you believe them up at the Dick Vet say I should just have him put doon,’ the woman croaked as she massaged the dog’s right ear.

Nancy smiled. To be truthful, from her first glance at the dog she had come to the same conclusion as the vets. The broken-hearted woman had then just wandered away. Two minutes later a small urchin-like boy approached, but before he sat down beside her he looked furtively about. Licking his lips he then started to beguile her. ‘See that bus,’ he began with a backward jerk of his thumb, ‘it’s going back up to Lochend where I bide and the snotty conductor won’t let me on unless I have the whole fare.’ Winking and looking into Nancy eyes he went on, ‘So missus, could you lend me a bob?’

‘A bob?’ shrieked Nancy. ‘But a bus fare doesn’t cost anything like a whole shilling.’

‘Aye, but I’m hungry tae and I’ll need to get a bag of chips before I go hame,’ the waif argued convincingly.

Nancy was about to refuse the boy when she noticed Benny racing over the links towards her. Fishing in her purse she took out a florin and thrust it into the astonished urchin’s hand.

Benny arrived at her side in time to hear the laddie exclaim, ‘Thanks a million, missus. I’ll try and see you again next week. And dinnae bother gieing ony o’ yer money to ony scrounging chancers until you’ve seen me all right?’

‘What was all that about?’ Benny enquired before sitting down on the bench beside her.

‘Just a wee streetwise bairn that thinks my head buttons up the back. But never mind him, I’m so pleased to see you.’ Nancy started wringing her hands together as she looked away into the distance. ‘You see, I thought you wouldn’t want to know me or ever speak to me again after I told you the truth about myself.’

Rocking uneasily on the bench, Benny allowed his fingers to drum over the wooden surface until he had taken Nancy’s hand into his. ‘No speak to you? But me saying nothing wasnae that I thought badly of you, oh no.’ Benny paused. Nancy tried to look into his eyes but he kept his gaze averted. ‘No. I was ashamed of myself. There was you who had suffered more than me being honest enough to tell me the truth about yourself and there was me …’

‘You have a secret too?’

Benny nodded before releasing Nancy’s hand so he could vigorously wipe his hands over his suit jacket. ‘Nancy, when I was wee my mammy died. My daddy took tae the booze, got married again and I ended up in care.’

‘Whereabouts?’

The stroking of his suit jacket gained momentum. He was also gasping and shaking but he managed to blurt, ‘It doesnae matter where it was. But if you have to ken it was oot Lasswade way and that’s aw I’m saying.’

‘Oh, Benny,’ Nancy sobbed. ‘You don’t have to tell me what happened to you. See these bastards that masquerade as disciples of God and then they go on to prey on wee laddies put into their care. Know what I would do? Castrate the lot with a blunt knife and no anaesthetic.’

‘But how do ye ken about what happened there?’

‘You’re no first and unfortunately you won’t be the last either, to have a need to tell what happened. And you don’t need to tell me either that when you were being raped and you cried out in agony the blasted Fathers enjoyed it all the more. And not one Christian soul in that godforsaken place came to your rescue.’

Benny was now crying profusely and Nancy put her arm around him. ‘Cry all you want, love. I’m here and I’ll help to heal you. You see, when I was on the streets there would be men, who because of what had happened to them, were unable to have a proper relationship with a woman. So the poor sods would pick up a …’ she hesitated, ‘… seasoned whore like me to practise on. They would confess to me how they couldn’t quite face having natural sex with a woman after years of being …’ She stopped. She appeared to have run out of steam. But it wasn’t that, it was the knowledge that the abuse that Benny had suffered was still being carried out on other vulnerable young boys that was causing her grief. Sensing her distress, Benny tentatively put a strong, protective arm about her. ‘But Benny, at least at times like that,’ she whimpered, ‘I felt I had done something to help some helpless human being and had not just been used as an expendable commodity.’

‘Know something, Nancy?’

Snuffling, Nancy replied, ‘Well as I’m not a mind reader … not until you tell me.’

‘I’m always amazed at the big words you use. You’re no a dope and you seemed to have helped these poor men that were probably schooled with me so why could you no have helped yourself?’

Raising her head Nancy gazed up into the sky. ‘When my sister committed suicide I lost all heart,’ she mumbled. ‘That was until Sally Mack came into my life … and now you. So now, don’t you know, it’ll be easy for me to live a decent life.’

‘Are you saying you still think we should get married even though you now know I might never be able to … that I’m full of disgust and loathing about that side of life.’

‘Sssh,’ Nancy replied, squeezing his hand hard to draw his attention to the fact that some people had stopped to watch and listen to them. ‘Don’t say anther word.’ She moved closer into him before whispering, ‘Pull yourself together love, and in a minute or two we’ll just get up and walk away quietly.’

He nodded before fishing in his pocket for a handkerchief to wipe his streaming nose and eyes.

The audience didn’t appear to wish to leave so Nancy said, ‘You know, Benny, when I was a wee lassie I used to come here with my mammy on a Sunday afternoon just to listen to the Leith band. They had some wonderful trumpeters. Trained they were either in the Boys Brigade or the Industrial School. Oh, look at the time. Elio’s will be open in ten minutes. Honestly Benny,’ she chorused, patting his hand, ‘you just will never ever have tasted such fish and chips as darling Elio dishes up.’

Nancy and Benny rose together and Nancy smiled at the crowd and said, ‘Hope you enjoyed the peep show. We’re away to eat now but if you like you could always come and watch us through Elio’s window.’

Linking arms the two made their way over the links, up Morton Street and then into Duke Street. ‘Did you mean it when you said we were going to get our tea in Elio’s?’ Benny enquired like a little boy asking for a treat.

‘Of course. Mind you, you’ll be paying. But if you’re good I’ll supply you with a nice cup of tea and some chocolate biscuits when we get home to my place.’

Looking about furtively Benny then whispered, ‘Oh, Nancy, you’ll never need to worry about money again. Sure I’ve been a long-distance lorry driver all of my working life and I always put a wee bit by.’ He cocked his head and winked at her. ‘Would you believe it’s all safely stored in the co-op savings bank?’

Nancy laughed. ‘Did you never go out and enjoy yourself with the boys or go on holiday?’

He shook his head. ‘No. Never trusted anybody enough. Frightened I was that they would find out about me and be … och well.’ He shrugged, sniffed, and sighed before his demeanour lightened. ‘But,’ he began, a wide grin now on his face, ‘all that’s going to change. I’ve now got you and, God willing, I’ll never need anybody else.’ Squeezing her arm tighter he added huskily, ‘I just can’t believe I’ll never be lonely again.’

‘Hmmmm,’ was all she replied, but inwardly she thought,
And amen to that
.

It had been her intention to do some work on her books. She had sat down on the comfy settee with the cash book on her knee. She noted that the sun was shining brightly through the downstairs lounge window and it seemed only natural to turn her face towards its welcoming glow. Yesterday had been such an awful day – raining relentlessly both outside and in her heart. Closing her eyes she allowed the warmth of the rays to relax her.

The shrill ringing of the doorbell suddenly awakened her and as she jumped up the cash book dropped at her feet. Not waiting to pick up the ledger she ran into the hallway and pulled open the outside door.

Sally had been tutored by Flora, a highland lady, who never resorted to swearing no matter how sorely she was tried. Nonetheless, the gentleman standing on the doorstep had Sally forget herself. ‘What the hell do you want?’ she hissed through clenched teeth. ‘If it’s accommodation, as you can see I have no vacancies and furthermore you are no longer welcome in my home.’

‘I know you’re angry and disappointed in me,’ David Stock burst out. ‘But hear me out and not here on the doorstep where we may be overheard.’

Sally stood back to allow him to enter.

Once they were in her private lounge Sally seated herself down on an armchair. No way was she going to sit on the settee where David and she usually sat intimately together.

Pacing the room David began. ‘I know I should have told you that I had become involved with Barbara. I want you to know that I’m sorry.’

Spluttering, Sally crowed, ‘Involved! Sorry! Have you lost your senses? Your wife was dying. You took advantage of an impressionable lassie who is younger than your daughters. You were her Commanding Officer. You’re supposed to set an example of decency.’

David stopped to look out of the window which meant he had his back to Sally. ‘Look, I didn’t need to come here today to explain myself. But,’ he emphasised, half turning towards her, ‘what I wished to say was that yes – I will do the decent thing and marry Barbara. I will be truthful with her and tell her about our arrangements. She will also require to be accepting that our relationship, which has always been platonic, will continue in that vein.’

Sinking back in her chair Sally looked dumbfounded. ‘David,’ she gasped, incredulity ringing in her voice, ‘if the police force has a head shrinker on hand could I suggest you make an appointment? You’ve lost the place – that is if you ever had it. Surely you are aware of the hurt and humiliation you have caused.’

Before responding he took a few steps towards her but halted when she put up a restraining hand. ‘And who exactly, other than yourself, have I hurt and humiliated?’

Her mouth gaped and her head rocked from side to side as his audacity shocked her. ‘Didn’t you see the effect your actions are having on Elspeth’s parents?’ she spat. ‘How do you think your lassies feel? Their mother wasn’t even dead and you were bedding someone younger than they are.’ Her final taunt was to jeer, ‘David, the humiliation is yours and yours alone. You were the most respected of police officers and now you are the laughing stock – an object of ridicule.’

He advanced towards the door, but before exiting he turned. ‘I take it from what you have said that our relationship is at an end.’

Sally scrambled to her feet. ‘David, why don’t you grow up? Do you think that Barbara won’t put the screws on you once the ring is on her finger?’ She paused to reflect. ‘She has already. After all, why did you come here to warn my brother off trying to get justice for Irish?’ Sally gave a derisive titter before adding, ‘And please note Irish is going to be the death of Phil Watson, your brother-in-law to be.’